08/21/2012

Robert Moskowitz

Even if your children attend traditional school, you can - and should - boost their learning potential by letting them follow their passions at home.

Everybody wants the best possible education for their children, which is why parents often jockey to live in great school districts or pony up big bucks so their child can attend a top-notch private school.

But the sad truth is that even the best school in the land has an essential weakness that simply can’t be overcome by lavish facilities, great teachers, outstanding philosophies, or anything else: Along with your precocious genius, the school is teaching other kids. And that means there’s a need – perhaps a little, perhaps a lot – to stretch and shrink your child’s unbounded intellect to fit a curriculum designed to meet the needs of many students. Your child must follow a plan created by someone who doesn’t know them, and can’t possibly individualize the learning materials for every kid in class.

What’s more, in a classroom of any size greater than one, your child can never command 100% of the teacher’s attention.

That’s why more than 2 million U.S. families take the time and trouble to provide at least some homeschooling for their children.

Lisa Cottrell-Bentley is a “Radical Unschooling” mom whose family has been featured on TV, in magazines, on the Internet, and at homeschooling conferences. She is also the author of “Wright On Time” (www.wrightontimebooks.com), a series about a homeschooling family living in an RV who travel the country, with each book set in a different state.

She tells her audiences that, for a variety of reasons, more than 90% of parents will never be able to homeschool their children full time. Nevertheless, she advises, there are many things they can do to improve their child’s education.

Here’s one simple pathway to begin adding homeschooling elements to your child’s educational opportunities:

Step One:  Start talking with your kids. You may think you already do this, but in most cases parental  discussions turn into mini-lectures that bore the kids. Be smarter, and just ask lots of questions about their lives. Open the conversation with something like: “I’m curious about you. What’s exciting for you? What do you like to do with your friends? How do you feel when you (do math, or whatever)?” Communicate deeply with your kids, but not about you. Focus on your child’s interests, dreams, and passions.

When kids clam up, forcing the issue will only make it worse.

Instead, try asking for help with one of your chores, like washing the car – or any activity that doesn’t require eye contact. Then, while you’re busy together, begin to chat about your own life: your gripes, your passions, and so forth. When that’s going well, you can gently ask what they think about what you’ve said. And suddenly the barriers come down!

Note: If your child suspects you’re probing, this won’t work.

Step Two:  Practice “deschooling.” Help your child free up large blocks of time. Depending on their age, aim for them to have a full day and four full evenings each week with no commitments. This gives them time to relax, explore, and start discovering their deepest interests.

The process can be scary for parents, because your child might start out watching TV or playing video games. But that’s OK. It’s only a short-term decompression device, a test to see whether you really mean they are completely free.

Step Three:  After awhile, start using the material from those deep conversations with your child to offer new opportunities: “Would you like to go see real live race cars (or whatever they’ve mentioned)?” Brainstorm with your child about activities they might like that you will permit and support. Keep your offers realistic.

Step Four:  Support your child’s emerging interests for as long as they last, and continually watch for new ones. As years go by, the self-discovery process helps your child know herself, explore the full breadth of her talents, and blossom.

“With time, love, and attention,” says Cottrell-Bentley, “your children can accomplish anything.”

Robert Moskowitz is an L.A.-based father and grandfather, and frequent contributor to L.A. Parent.