By Shoshannah Roberts, four-time surrogate, mom to four, and Director of Surrogate Community at Hatch Egg Donation & Surrogacy in Los Angeles.
I didn’t always know I would become a surrogate. Like a lot of people, my first exposure to it came from pop culture. I remember watching Phoebe on Friends carry a baby for her brother and thinking, wait, that’s a real thing someone can do? Even then, something about it stuck with me.
Years later, after having my own children and loving pregnancy, I kept coming back to that idea. I realized I could help someone else experience parenthood in a way they couldn’t on their own. Since then, I’ve completed four surrogacy journeys, each one with different kinds of intended parents, each one completely unique and each one deeply meaningful.
Now, as I prepare to grow my own family one last time through IVF, I find myself reflecting not just as a surrogate, but as someone who understands both sides of this journey.
For families considering surrogacy, here’s what I want you to know.
Surrogacy is Built on Trust and Real Relationships
At its core, surrogacy is about people. It’s about relationships that start as strangers with a shared mission and grow into something much deeper.
I’ve carried for different types of families, each with their own stories, hopes and fears. What made those journeys successful wasn’t just the medical process, it was the trust we built together. I realized very early in my surrogacy journey that I was being entrusted by the intended parents with the most important nine months of their child’s life and, in turn, I was trusting them with their child for a lifetime. Honest conversations, shared expectations and mutual respect made all the difference.
When people say, “It takes a village,” they’re right. But it’s not just doctors and lawyers, it’s the connection between the surrogate and the intended parents that carries the journey forward.
Ethical Surrogacy Isn’t Optional – It’s Essential
Because I’ve been through this multiple times, I’ve seen firsthand how important it is to do surrogacy the right way. That means everyone enters the process willingly, fully informed and supported. I had my own legal representation. I went through psychological screening, not as a test, but as a way to make sure I was prepared and that this was truly my choice.
Those safeguards matter. They protect the surrogate, they protect the intended parents and they create a foundation of trust that carries through the entire pregnancy.
Surrogacy should never feel transactional. When it’s done ethically, it feels collaborative, respectful, empowering and human.
The Medical Side Matters, But it’s Only Part of the Story
Yes, surrogacy relies on science. IVF made all four of my journeys possible, and it’s what I’m now using to grow my own family.
There’s a lot of care that goes into preparing a surrogate, including medical screenings, evaluations and ongoing monitoring throughout the pregnancy. That structure is there to keep everyone safe.
But behind every appointment and procedure is something much bigger – the shared goal of bringing a healthy baby into the world.
Transparency, Especially Around Finances, Builds Peace of Mind
One of the biggest concerns I hear from intended parents is cost, and it’s a valid one.
What I can say from experience is that transparency changes everything. Clear agreements, structured compensation and independent licensed and bonded escrow systems help remove uncertainty and build trust.
It also ensures that surrogates and their families are protected. Things like life insurance and medical coverage aren’t just details, they’re part of making sure everyone is cared for throughout the journey.
When those pieces are in place, it allows everyone to focus on what really matters.
Matching is About Connection, Not Just Logistics
Every journey I’ve been on started with a match, and no two have been the same. It’s not just about timelines or preferences. It’s about values, communication and how you envision the relationship. Some intended parents want frequent updates, others prefer more space. Some relationships become very close, others are more structured. What matters is that both sides feel comfortable and are aligned from the start. That sense of choice and mutual respect is what makes the partnership work.
Surrogacy Creates a Lasting Impact on Everyone Involved
People often ask me what it feels like to be a surrogate. The truth is, it’s hard to put into words.
There’s something incredibly powerful about helping someone become a parent. I’ve seen the moment when intended parents meet their baby for the first time and their faces are etched in my mind. I feel a deep sense of gratitude that I was able to become a parent myself, and being trusted to give that gift to someone else was an honor. As a surrogate, I felt both cherished and empowered.
But it’s not just their lives that change. Each journey has shaped me too. It’s given me a deeper sense of purpose, connection and appreciation for what it means to build a family, and those relationships don’t just disappear. Many of them stay with you.
If You’re Considering Surrogacy, Ask Questions and Trust the Process
If you’re at the beginning of this journey, it’s OK to feel overwhelmed. There’s a lot to learn.
Ask questions. Look for programs that prioritize ethics, strong medical care, legal protections and emotional support. Make sure you understand the process, the expectations and the safeguards in place.
Most importantly, remember this: Surrogacy, when done responsibly, is a powerful expression of generosity, partnership and hope, and it’s a beautiful and necessary path to parenthood for many.
Every journey begins with a simple, profound dream: The desire to build a family. With the right support, that dream can become a reality in a way that honors everyone involved.
Hatch Egg Donation & Surrogacy has 35 years of experience and is the gold standard in its field. Its team works with some of the most renowned reproductive doctors in the world and invites you to learn more through its website or a visit to its office on Wilshire Boulevard.
