Pamela Warner knows first hand about managing showbiz kids. Her son is the award-winning actor Malcolm-Jamal Warner, best known for his role as Theodore Huxtable on “The Cosby Show.” Warner’s book, “A Parent’s Guide to Managing Showbiz Kids,” was released in February. The mission of the book is to assist parents in navigating the multifaceted world of working in the world of entertainment.
Please tell us a little about why you wrote “A Parent’s Guide to Managing Showbiz Kids.”
I wrote “A Parents Guide to Managing Showbiz Kids” to empower parents who desired to have their children in show business. I wanted to provide basic information to help them get started. Knowledge is power. When I started, I had no information and there was no one to ask. Particularly when “The Cosby Show” came along. Prior to “The Cosby Show,” acting was only an extra-curricular activity. I was not pursuing this as a career for my son. It was merely an activity for him. I had tried other things, but nothing held his attention. When “The Cosby Show” came along, I was very aware that I did not know what to do. And there was no one to ask, no where to get the information. This was pre-internet. I had to do serious on-the-job training.
Your son is a successful and beloved working actor. What were some of the challenges you faced as a mom and a manager as he was embarking on his career? What are you most proud of?
Initially, there were no challenges in the early days of Malcolm’s career. Perhaps making sure he got to auditions on time. I was in my last year of undergraduate school and I was also running a small catering business, so I was very busy at the time. The major challenges came after we were thrust onto the national stage of “The Cosby Show“. For me it was now very serious. I was hyper aware that my decisions could either be career-breaking or career-enhancing. While I was not afraid to make decisions, I was always afraid that I may be making a poor decision that would negatively impact Malcolm’s career. In making any decision, I always kept in the forefront of my mind, what was best for my child, not the actor, but my child.
What I am most proud of is how Malcolm has managed to come out of being a child star into an accomplished actor and solid human being. Yes, he is an actor, but he is also a wonderful person. He is a great father and husband. It is the whole child that is important to me. Not just the next job, which is what I want to impart to parents. Is your child thriving and growing into a well-rounded human being? This is what is important to me.
What do you think are the best ways parents can help their kids pursue their passion, but also protect their childhood and sense of normalcy?
Once the child determines their passion and lets the parent know what that passion is, I would say that it is up to the parent to do their research into whatever it is their child maybe passionate about. The parent needs to arm themselves so that they will know how to guide the child in whatever it is the child has determined is their passion. Children will have many passions and some at the same time. The parent needs to determine how deep is that passion. I definitely tested Malcolm’s passion. Before “The Cosby Show,” Malcolm was a member of Inglewood Playhouse. Before he could go to the theater, it was mandatory that all of his homework was completed along with his chores. And at times I would increase his chores just to check his desire and commitment. He consistently rose to the occasion. Getting to the theater was his total focus. So no matter what I put in front of him, he accomplished. Now, I don’t necessarily recommend this. The parent must find their own way to determine how important the “passion” is. At that point in my life, I had very little time and very little money, so I needed to know right away if he was serious.
During “The Cosby Show,” my way of establishing normalcy was not to stray too far away from what was normal before the show. Chores and homework remained mandatory. Yes, he had to make up his own bed and yes he had to take the garbage out and any other chore that I deemed necessary to help run the household. Things did not change much at all. He still had to participate in the household. He was not exempt because he was on one of the biggest TV hits in history. Yes, he had a very big job, but it was still, in my mind, a job. There was a moment where Malcolm became overwhelmed and he wanted to go back to L.A. I told him that was fine, we could definitely go back to L.A., but either way he was going to have to get a job even if it was bagging groceries at the local supermarket. So, he could either stay and have the job he was on, or go back to L.A. and bag groceries. I let him make that decision. He chose to stay on the job he was on! I am just not the parent who got swayed by the big city, big people/stars and bright lights.
Best life advice you received growing up?
Unfortunately, my parents did not live long enough to give me advice. I had to learn about life as I lived it. And I’m still learning, still a student. But I would have to say simply, the Golden Rule: “Do unto others as you would have others do unto you.” I strongly believe in karma.
Best parenting advice?
The best parenting advice comes from “The Prophet” by Kahlil Gibran:
“Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.”
How has parenthood changed you?
This is a hard one. I feel as though I have been a parent all of my life. I was twenty years old when my son was born. So, I really do not know life without being a parent.
When not working, where will we find you?
This is a good question. I’m always working. My work is my pleasure. Now, with the release of my passion project, my book, my workload has definitely increased. Also, this is the first time that I am “talent” and not servicing the talent. This is a whole new arena for me. So, I am once again on a learning curve.
What are some of your favorite spots and activities in and around L.A.?
I don’t have a favorite spot or activity. On occasion I love fine dining. But I also love to cook and I cook just about every day and I love my own cooking. If there is anything artistic or creative about me it would be my cooking. Not good at following recipes, but I create masterpieces armed only with my imagination.