Thank you for sharing your knowledge with our readers.
We have been hearing a lot about the effects of loneliness on children. Are you seeing an increase in loneliness amongst young people as well?
The short answer is yes. The longer answer is more complex since I work with a large variety of age groups within the K-12 population. I have noticed more children expressing feelings of loneliness and engaging in behaviors that highlight their loneliness. For example, children and teens who can’t identify a support system within their peer groups or family report having trouble socializing, which results in spending most of their time, at school and at home, alone. While I can only speak on my own observations in the clinical setting, I’ve heard similar reports from my colleagues.
What do you think is contributing to this increase?
That’s an excellent question and probably one without a clear-cut answer. Speaking from a clinical perspective, there are many external stressors including bullying, social media usage, decreased participation in extracurricular activities, challenges with social skills and stressors at home that affect children. What I notice that stands out the most in youth that experience loneliness include issues stemming from bullying and feeling alienated at home.
How are kids (school aged/K-12) being affected?
The most common issues I notice include low self-esteem, increased anxiety and changes in their mood (including increased irritability, tearfulness, excessive sadness, and in worst cases, self-harm and suicidal ideation). Kids and teens who experience loneliness have a difficult time recognizing the value they bring to the world and often see themselves as unworthy of love, appreciation and respect. All of which increase the risks of negative coping mechanisms such as self-harm and substance use.
How can parents and other caregivers spot the signs of loneliness?
I recommend parents and caregivers to widen the lens they see their children through. Ask yourself what you notice – does your child spend more time alone than what is developmentally appropriate? Does your child have a friend or friends with whom they identify? Do they engage with others in social settings? Have you noticed drastic changes in their mood outside of what is developmentally normal? Lastly, do you know what is considered developmentally appropriate? If not, there’s no shame in that and I would recommend consulting with your pediatrician or a mental health professional.
What steps can parents and caregivers take to help kids (school aged/K-12) feel less alone?
Often, just asking a simple question such as, “How was your day?” can open the door to deeper discussions. Or, at the very least, it can help your child or teen realize that you care about them.
Also, encourage your child to participate in activities that interest them. As adults, we may not always understand why your child has specific interests but what’s more important than understanding is that you are supporting them.
Celida Vasquez, LCSW is a Senior Therapist at Children’s Institute.
