We got to talk to dad, mindset coach, podcast host and author Joseph Ari’el Towne about raising a family in L.A., how fatherhood has changed how he approaches life and how coaching can help other parents.
Congratulations on your new book, “The Better Mindset,” and season two of your podcast. Tell us a little bit about your podcast, what we can expect from season two and what inspired you to write the book?
Thank you! Sure.
The podcast was launched as we were coming out of Covid, and I was seeking to learn from the world’s top creatives, athletes, coaches and experts across multiple fields how we could apply their wisdom to our own lives to make us better in the process.
Season two kicks things up a notch. I’m doubling the number of episodes, from 12 to 24, including six live podcasts in six different cities as we kick off the Better Mindset book tour. I am blown away by the yeses from this season so far and cannot wait to share those conversations.
This season is dedicated to my father.
I have been asked about this book for eight years. When he died last year, I realized I was now the upper generation in my family. I had already lost my mom when I was 21. It made me think more intentionally about how I show up as a dad.
For me, there is a renewed sense of urgency as an entrepreneur but also as a parent to do the things I keep thinking about but have not gotten to.
Inside the book is a roadmap for getting better at what matters most: our relationships with the people we love, the daily practices that shape how we show up, and the work we do, whatever that work may be.
My question now is: how can we relentlessly pursue a well-lived life while we are still here to enjoy it?
What is a mindset coach and who is coaching best for?
A mindset coach is someone who helps us become aware of our thoughts so that we can decide if we like the stories we are telling ourselves or if they need a rewrite. A mindset coach also provides training and tools so that we can access more of our fullest selves in those moments where pressure seems to kick in and there is a lot of noise outside of us. Whether that is a moment in sports, a moment of disagreement with friends, our kids, or our significant others.
As parents, we’re called to be “on” so much of the time, especially for unknown moments and things we haven’t exactly “prepared for.”
I heard a sports psychologist say it most clearly: we call it mindset because we have to set our mind. If we don’t, an old story (or someone else’s voice) will set it for us. Elite athletes have long had access to mental-performance support. But the idea of these tools being accessible only for a few is the exact reason for this book. They belong to all of us, whether we’re using them in our careers, with our children or for ourselves.
Did you have a mentor growing up? Did you ever have a mindset coach?
I had several mentors. A few of them were in the theatre. They gave me opportunities to do things I had never done before and allowed me to grow into them. They listened to me, sometimes for a long time, while I was still figuring out what I believed. And they offered me borrowed belief: they saw something in me before I could own it for myself.
I wish I had a mindset coach then to help me not just address things when things felt wrong, but to set me in a direction where more often things would go right. Someone to help me fulfill my potential, develop nervous system regulation skills and more mindfulness woven into my daily practices.
When I was nine, my stepdad took me to a Tony Robbins firewalk intensive. I was nervous at the edge of the coals, and Tony noticed. He came over, held my hand for the first few steps, then let go so I could finish on my own. I came away with a new sense of what I could do, and of how much our minds shape what we believe is possible.
We don’t need to go to a Tony Robbins seminar to start to learn these practices and apply them immediately. There are resources everywhere. It’s my intention to help make these principles accessible to all of us.
You’re outspoken about how fatherhood keeps you grounded in what matters the most. How else has parenthood changed you, and how has it influenced your work?
My kiddo is my north star. When I am working out with a trainer, it is to remain strong for him. So that I can lift him up longer, and also model something that wasn’t always modeled for me: the importance of taking care of our physical selves. I had to learn this a little bit later.
Being a parent is where I notice how hard I am on myself and how I remember the things I wish I could have done differently a lot more readily than the things I am doing well. I learn something every day from my son. And I am so grateful for the time we get together.
Last year, I volunteered to start coaching on his baseball team. I didn’t have a parent coach my team growing up, so it’s been very reparative for me and bonding for us.
How it influences my work is that it helps remind me of the most important thing: to love the person and the challenge right in front of me, better today than I was able to yesterday.
What is the best parenting advice you’ve received?
The best parenting advice I received was that when a moment isn’t perfect, we have an opportunity to repair the relationship.
A few years ago, we were going to be late for something, and I started rushing us. It became overwhelming for my son, and he got upset. So, we stopped everything. I hugged him and asked what was upsetting him. He told me we were going too fast.
I told him I heard him, and that I was sorry for rushing. Then we made a plan together. I would tell him more about what was coming before we reached the point of needing to leave. We also came up with a way to talk about our pace: “We’re moving at a three or a four.” If we’re getting close to leaving, I might say, “We need to move a little faster now, maybe a six or a seven.” We still use that language. I so appreciated him telling me what he needed.
Being the best parent is a trap. I’d rather be a better listener, own my mistakes, and find a way forward with him. That’s a practice I carry into every relationship.
What’s it like raising your family in L.A.?
I am grateful to have found people with similar sensibilities to me when it comes to bringing more consciousness to parenting. People who love the outdoors and sports, as well as arts and creativity. I love that people are intentional about the foods they take in and the way they speak to each other.
One of my favorite moments is being at the park as the sky turns pink and the baseball lights come on. They call it magic hour for a reason. There is no feeling quite like it. For a moment, the whole world feels filled with magic.
Favorite places and things to do in and around L.A.?
Our family spends a lot of time at the parks and fields nearby, because we play a lot of sports. It’s always a gift to be able to go out to the beach to smell the sea air, splash in some waves, and watch the sunset. You can often find us at an escape room. We have a couple of great farmers’ markets near us. We love memorabilia shops for sports cards and Pokémon. We love the movies. We love a good museum: the Getty, the Broad, and we cannot wait for the Lucas Museum!
