We had the chance to chat with clinical psychologist Carissa Gustafson on maternal mental health, what issues moms are facing and tools they can use to deal with mom guilt and overwhelm.
You work with many moms through your Calabasas-based practice. Please tell us some of the common issues moms are facing?
A lot of the major issues I see moms struggling with, in addition to depression and anxiety, are things like “mom guilt” which can make it difficult for mothers to engage in the kinds of self-care they need and lead to “mom rage.” The work of parenting can be so depleting; it is important for mothers to take care of themselves, but this often involves stepping away from children who want and need you, leaving mothers in a difficult position. I try to encourage mothers to recognize and respect their own needs and limits such that they can be the best version of themselves, both for themselves and for their children. When we push our limits too much, we are not able to be the mothers we want and this can lead to guilt and shame. In addition to recognizing and respecting our limits, it is important to be able to practice self-compassion when we mess up. Parenting is such an important role, we are bound to feel like we are falling short. Acknowledge the proud parenting moments you have while letting go of perfection. After all, you are human too. And in fact, allowing yourself to be imperfect while demonstrating how you work through things can set a positive example for your children too.
You specialize in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). Tell us more about this approach.
ACT focuses on allowing or accepting our thoughts and feeling with mindfulness and compassion while committing to aligning our behaviors with our values or the things we care most about. I love ACT because of the way it embraces the complexity of the human experience while allowing us to focus on what is ACTionable—doing what we can to show up in the world in the ways that matter most to us.
You also have your certification in perinatal mental health. Tell us how women are affected emotionally by the different stages of pregnancy.
I became interested in perinatal mental health after my own difficulties with pregnancy and the postpartum period as is true for most perinatal mental health professionals. In working with clients, so many challenges can arise during the perinatal period including difficulties preconception as related to fertility in addition to pregnancy loss or miscarriage and mood disorder during and/or after pregnancy. Even in the absence of these kinds of challenges, the transition to motherhood, sometimes referred to as matrescence, is so profound. I think all mothers benefit from having emotional support, in addition to other kinds of more practical support, during this time.
You’re a working mom, what are your go-to tools for dealing with mom guilt and overwhelm?
With both a newborn and a toddler, I find myself overwhelmed on a daily basis. I try to remind myself that this is a “season” of life and normalize the difficulties I am experiencing without judging myself too harshly. I try to savor or take in the precious moments like baby cuddles and smiles or toddler giggles. I also try to do what I can, even if it is limited, to replenish myself, and seek support.
When not working, where will we find you?
When I’m not working, you’ll find me and my husband at ballet class, the pool or the park, with our two daugthers, Ella, age 2, and Emma, 6 months.
What are some of your favorite spots and activities in and around L.A.?
We love going to Disneyland and the beach as well as the L.A. Zoo, Aquarium of the Pacific, the butterfly pavilion at The Natural History Museum, Discovery Cube, and Kidspace Children’s Museum.
For more information on Carissa visit drcarissagustafson.com
