From starting kindergarten and middle school to entering high school and college, educators share how parents can support kids through each major school transition.
Nothing captures the heart of the axiom “the only constant is change” quite as much as watching children grow up. Before you know it, that baby you held in your arms for the first time is entering kindergarten. Blink a few more times, and she’s heading off to college.
As children grow, they face several major school transitions — from the leap into kindergarten to the move to middle school, high school and eventually college.
As my own daughter settles into her high school senior year this fall, I’ve been reflecting on each major school transition. Every year, the biggest hurdle isn’t getting the kids back to school — it’s navigating new academic, developmental and emotional challenges that emerge with each milestone.
I interviewed a handful of teachers, counselors and parents — from kindergarten to early college — to glean insights into how we can help our children successfully move through major educational transitions.
Preschool–kindergarten: Creating a safe launch
John Purcell is a veteran educator who has taught first grade at 32nd Street USC Magnet School for 20 years. He enjoys helping students become better readers and find their footing as learners during the early elementary years. “I always ask my new parents,” Purcell says, “to dedicate 20 to 30 minutes a day with their child — reading with or to them, talking with them, asking questions.”
Purcell conveys that parents who do this daily will see big improvements in school readiness because such home routines with their parents help children feel more comfortable and eager to learn. Starting school “can be confusing and scary to children,” he says. Building trust and engagement around learning can help ease their anxieties about leaving home to spend the bulk of their days with teachers.
My mom taught kindergarten for most of the 35 years she worked in the Long Beach Unified School District, and her perspective aligns with Purcell’s. “One of my biggest goals was to simply welcome students into school and teach them how to enjoy learning and to like school,” my mom often says.
The middle school leap
Middle school often gets a bad rap, but there’s a reason countless books and movies have been written about this awkward stage. For most students, it is one of the most unnerving and abrupt transitions.
Much of the hurdle of surviving the start of middle school boils down to logistics, says Dana Warden, an educator and counselor who has spent most of her career teaching middle school. “The greatest struggle for kids moving from elementary school to middle school is adjusting to switching classes,” she says. “The kids have been so settled in one classroom in elementary school that simply moving from one place to another with their belongings is the greatest challenge.”
Once they do finally settle in, she notes, they’re bombarded with navigating the social dynamics of middle school — all those adolescent woes. Warden says parents should talk to their kids at dinnertime about how to handle difficult peer situations with humor. Additionally, she says to encourage them to intentionally be friends with as many people as possible.
This advice might sound a bit surprising, but Warden says that trying to get along with as many people as possible makes middle school life a lot easier, helping prepare students for high school and beyond, where they will be dealing with even more personalities.
Stepping into high school — and beyond
Just when handling multiple classes becomes second nature, 8th grade is over. In high school, our teens find themselves navigating not only multiple classes, but ones with more complex coursework and homework that can swallow their evenings whole.
During my daughter’s freshman year, I often sat down with her in the evenings while she did her homework. I did not micromanage her too much, but just sitting next to her helped her complete her tasks with confidence — and accountability.
Kevin Garcia is a high school counselor working primarily with first-generation Hispanic students and young Black men. “I see many obstacles, both visible and invisible, that can make the transition to college challenging,” he shares. “From navigating the admissions and financial aid process to learning how to access campus resources and, for many, leaving home for the first time, these experiences can feel overwhelming.”
Garcia teaches a class for high school seniors that helps them write personal statements, apply for scholarships and develop the communication skills they need to transition to college. He shares with his students his own story of being a first-generation college student who eventually earned a 4.0 in graduate school. He stresses how the process of meeting deadlines, finishing personal statements and filling college applications builds grit and confidence.
Garcia believes in having honest conversations with his students before they leave high school so they know the whole story of college, not just academic expectations. “We talk about what college will really be like — the challenges they may face, how to advocate for themselves and where to find support,” he says. “Many young men believe they have to figure everything out on their own, but one of the greatest lessons they can learn is that asking for help is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign of maturity, resilience and strength.”
Finding their footing on campus
Antioch University lecturer Kate Maruyama, who has a lot of experience teaching college writing, especially first-year students, encourages students to seek out the help them need once they do land on campus.
“New college students do better when they take advantage of their instructors, go to office hours, ask questions,” she says. “When they get a paper or work back and they don’t understand why their grade is so low, the instructor can help them untangle what it is they are looking for. For the most part, instructors want to help. And, if you are having trouble with a particularly demanding professor, go to one you feel more comfortable around to ask for advice. Professors don’t want you to fail; they want you to succeed!”
Maruyama encourages first-year students to find the writing center in their first weeks of school and take advantage of the help offered there. This will help them “find their legs faster in the academic world,” she says.
Staying close, letting go
Like all major changes, each school transition can feel overwhelming, but with love, compassion and deep communication, we can help our children navigate the academic, developmental and emotional challenges that come with each milestone.
In their early years, we advocate for them, teaching them how to be proactive in advocating for themselves. And even as our teens and early college students pull away to steer their own ships, there are still ways for us to be there for them while allowing them their autonomy. This year, for instance, I have stepped back a bit as I watch my daughter prepare for AP tests and college applications. I check in with her and offer help, but I also let her know I have confidence in her abilities. This balancing act will help her get to the other side of yet another big transition.
Help your child practice practical skills such as changing classes, managing belongings and keeping track of assignments. Talk about friendships and difficult social situations, and encourage your child to build relationships with a variety of peers.
Parents can help teens develop independence by encouraging them to manage deadlines, applications and schoolwork while remaining available for support. Conversations about asking for help, accessing campus resources and advocating for themselves can also ease the transition to college.
A native Angeleno, Mike Sonksen is an educator, father of two and author of “Letters to My City.”
