10002573, Author at L.A. Parent

How Your Kids Can Mindfully Succeed At School

Published August 25, 2016

By Heidi Gunderson, LMFT

A few minutes of mindfulness can help your child feel more peaceful, and ready to face school or homework. PHOTO BY RENATA ZAJA/FREEIMAGES.COM

Mindfulness and focusing have the potential to help children achieve school success with peace. I am talking about not just your peace of mind as a parent, but peace and ease for your children if they are experiencing aversion towards school or homework.

Mindfully focusing at school can help students get through their day with greater ease and success. The effect of mindfulness on the brain supports increased memory, positive emotions and physical state, increased confidence and a greater sense of overall control, even when getting through something like homework, which may seem at some level out of their control.

The following is a short, helpful exercise I have practiced with many children to gain such ease and well-being. Your child can practice it at home first, before doing homework, and then practice it when needed at school.

Ask your child to sit as if at they are at their school desk. Have them notice things around the room that may be a distraction.
Next, ask them to find something in the room or at the desk to use as a focusing tool. This could be any simple object within easy view, such as a spot on the wall in front of them, a light switch or a pencil. This tool will help your child ease their focus back to their mindful self, sitting upright but not rigid, with feet on the ground, hands in lap or on the desk, and the breath as their anchor.
Invite your child to stay focused on the focusing tool or briefly close their eyes, then bring their awareness to their breath for at least three inhalations and exhalations.
When your child begins to feel a sense of ease, invite them to open their eyes and begin their work or to listen to the teacher (if at school).

Have your child practice shifting their attention and focus back and forth between their focusing tool and their breath, to encourage the ability to be flexible in their mindfulness exercise. Our breath is always there, while a familiar tool or object may not be present.

When people practice meditation even three to five minutes a day for a period of six weeks, they often notice an increase in concentration, emotional regulation, ease and well-being. Mindfulness is a way of being that is useful in active or sedentary times. Whether you are a surgeon, an athlete, a mechanic or a student, mindfulness can increase success. I invite you to give it a try. It can’t hurt, requires little effort (in fact you are already doing most of it if you are breathing), and can bring joy and ease to get your kids through their school day and their homework.

Heidi Gunderson is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and a Certified Mindfulness Facilitator based in Pasadena. She specializes in working with children, adolescents and young adults, and has extensive experience providing treatment for clients diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder, ADHD, Disruptive Behavioral Disorders, Adjustment Disorders, and mood disorders such as depression and anxiety. Learn more at www.insightcollective.net.

The Art of Autism: Growing Up

Published August 24, 2016

By Tom Iland, with Keri Bowers

Autism advocate and presenter Tom Iland, pictured here with his younger sister, Lisa, was supported in a career change by his family. PHOTO COURTESY TOM ILAND

From Tom Iland: Growing up with autism is not easy. Social challenges, family dynamics, academics, employment opportunities and many other issues need to be addressed over the course of one’s life. In my experience, in having the right mindset and an effective, loving support system made these obstacles more manageable.

Shortly after my diagnosis at 13 years old, I was taught that using autism as an excuse or as a crutch to justify inappropriate behavior was not all right. My parents told me I had the power to think happy thoughts and do good things just as much as I had the power to think and act self-destructively. Realizing I had at least some control over my life (rather than being a victim) and that my parents would always fight for me (rather than with me) to live the best life possible gave me much-needed hope for a brighter future for myself.

My siblings also played a major role in my development and evolution. Since before my diagnosis, I’d wanted a girlfriend, but my hygiene, behavior, etc. hurt my chances rather than helped. My younger sister offered me a young woman’s perspective, showing me that girls like a guy that brushes his teeth, showers, knows how to cook, can dance, treats the women in his family well, etc. Having a better idea of what girls wanted and needed, I subsequently bettered myself.

My family supported me in my decisions all the way up to a recent major change in my life’s direction. I had been working as a certified public accountant for five years, but was not happy crunching numbers all day. I wanted something more. I wanted to touch people on a more personal level and make a greater difference in their lives, particularly those affected by autism. When I told my parents I was leaving accounting for good, they thought I was nuts. So much went into college and the struggle to find secure, permanent, gainful employment only to say, “No, thank you.” Really?

By being aware of my diagnosis, not letting it hold me back and with family and friends’ support, I now embrace life more fully. I continue to struggle to make a name for myself in my new career, but remind myself: I have the power to think happy thoughts and do good things. I now help myself and others come to life rather than waiting for life to happen to us. I am the creator of my own reality. Happily, my parents have come around to support my decisions, made as the adult son they raised. http://thomasiland.com/

Commentary by Keri Bowers: I met Tom 10 years ago on the set of our film, “Normal People Scare Me; a film about autism.” Recently, I saw him again when he took center stage at the premier of our new sequel, “Normal People Scare Me Too.” I was floored. Commanding everyone’s attention, he made an indelible impression when he shared, “Be the person you want to be – it won’t be easy – but it’s worth the hard work.”

So what makes one person boldly confident, while another is unsure? There are many factors, yet one in particular stands out. As parents of kids with disabilities, our job is to teach them how to make good choices. Regardless of their ability, with love, we must raise the bar of expectations. In doing so, we will watch our kids fall many times. Yet, with focus and repeated efforts, we will also see many successes as they learn to get back up.

With guilt and/or misguided instincts, some parents do too much to coddle their kids. Fearful of real and sometimes imagined harm, our instinct is to save our kids from the world. This also holds them back from learning how to make good choices, and from learning from outcomes – good or bad. It was painful to watch my son, Taylor, “fall down” while growing up under this, my rule of parenting. Yet, mother-to-mother, it was worth it to see him become a man, living semi-independently with limited supports.

All kids need to grow – in their own special, unique ways – beyond the appearances and realities of autism’s limitations. No matter where your child is at within disabilities’ paradigm, raising the bar of expectations – with love – is your gift to your child’s future.

 Tom Iland is a graduate of Cal State Northridge, a Certified Public Accountant, and an autism advocate, presenter and consultant. He has worked with student groups, Regional Center staffs and police departments and can address a range of autism-related topics. Learn more at www.thomasiland.com.

Keri Bowers, an advocate, filmmaker, writer and artist, is always a mother first. She works with children and adults to uncover, grow and share their voices through art, poetry, music and writing. Co-founder of The Art of Autism, an international collaborative of autistic artists, her mission is to show how the arts positively impact life, social skills, language, academics and more. www.the-art-of-autism.com www.normalfilms.com keri@normalfilms.com 

Parenting After Divorce: Grandparents’ Visitation Rights

Published August 17, 2016

By Don Schweitzer, Certified Family Law Attorney

While on a lunch break this summer, I noticed a small group of children all wearing summer camp T-shirts that read “Grandma’s Summer Camp, 2016.” Printed on the shirts were destinations the children had been during previous “summer camps” with their grandparents – the Los Angeles Zoo, Knott’s Berry Farm, the Hollywood Bowl, etc. Watching the kids’ excitement to be together as a family took my mind off my workload and made me think of how lucky those kids were to have this annual tradition with their grandparents.

There’s no doubt that the strength of a grandparent’s bond with their grandchild can make all the difference in the world to a child’s development

Grandparents can play a significant role within the family structure, especially when their adult children rely on them for childcare. Unfortunately, during a divorce, grandparents, much like children of a divorce, can get caught up in the middle of a custody battle. Sometimes grandparents find themselves having to beg to see their grandchild, and often face legal hurdles to obtain visitation rights.

What’s more, if both parents agree that it is not in the best interest of the child for the grandparents to visit, California family law supports that presumption. In other words, during a divorce, the grandparents’ wish to continue to be involved with their grandchild is overshadowed by the parents’ wish. However, there is hope for highly involved grandparents who petition the family court for visitation rights. If they are able to provide proof of their significant role in the child’s life, their appeal could prevail.

Recently, there was a family law case involving grandparents who were extremely involved in their granddaughter’s life. The grandparents were present during her birth, played an active role dropping off and picking up their granddaughter at preschool and watching her after school while her father and mother were at work. While her mother and father were still married and living together, the grandparents spent about 25 days per month looking after their granddaughter.

When the mother and father separated, the grandparents spent even more time with their granddaughter, especially after the father and child moved into their home.

Eventually, the grandparents’ relationship with their son soured. When the father moved out of their home, the grandparents were cut off from seeing their granddaughter. In an effort to obtain visitation rights, the grandparents filed a petition. At the hearing, the court took into consideration evidence of the strong bond between the grandparents and their granddaughter, and the grandparents were granted overnight visits with her every week, a full weekend once a month, a full week during the summer and overnight visits around Thanksgiving and Christmas.

Based on this ruling, we can see that grandparents who have strong bonds with their grandchild should not throw in the towel when one or both of the parents attempt to cut them off from seeing their grandchild. Here are some suggested types of evidence grandparents can gather to prove their close relationship with their grandchild:

Keep emails and text messages from the parents requesting and agreeing to childcare arrangements, sleepovers and school pick-up/drop-off.
Keep a calendar indicating the days and times spent caring for the grandchild.
Collect copies of school sign-in/sign-out sheets.
Collect photographs of you and your grandchild from holiday and birthday celebrations, vacations and school or sports events.
Take photos of a designated play area or room for your grandchild in your home.

Grandparents who wish to fight for child visitation rights should not delay petitioning. The court will weigh a decision based on the existing relationship and bond with the child, so a lapse in spending time with your grandchild could work against you.

Don Schweitzer is Founder and Partner of the Law Offices of Donald P. Schweitzer, a Pasadena family law firm. As a Certified Family Law Specialist and former District Attorney, he has extensive background in domestic violence, divorce and child custody issues. He is an active member of the Pasadena Bar Association, the Los Angeles County Bar Association, American Bar Association and the California State Bar. For more information, visit www.pasadenalawoffice.com.

Free Resources Start Students’ Year with Inspiring Math Messages

Published August 16, 2016

Submitted by Stanford University

To help students in grades K-12 approach math with creativity and enjoyment, YouCubed, a Stanford University center that provides research-based resources for teaching and learning mathematics, has released a series of free lessons in time for back to school. The Week of Inspirational Math (WiM) lesson series for teachers, parents and students includes five lessons that offer students open, rich mathematics experiences that inspire creative thinking and a growth mindset. The lessons are accompanied by five motivational videos created by Stanford University mathematics education professor Jo Boaler and her undergraduate students.

Last year, a similar set of lessons for the WiM was downloaded approximately one-third of a million times and used in every state across the U.S. When surveyed, 98 percent of the teachers said their students were engaged when working on the lessons and 96 percent of the students surveyed said they now believe they should keep going even when work is hard and they make mistakes.

The lessons were developed by Boaler and the team at youcubed. They encourage creative mathematical thinking, as well as visual mathematics incorporating fingers, manipulatives and motion in teaching and learning various concepts, as suggested by the latest brain science. The lessons provide opportunities for students to draw, visualize, discuss ideas and work with models in mathematics – teaching mathematical ideas visually through pattern study and generalization. The lessons ask students, at regular intervals, how they see mathematical ideas and ask students to represent mathematical ideas in a multitude of ways, such as through pictures, models and graphs.

“The Week of Inspirational Math resources engage students as creative problem solvers and help them develop a growth mindset about mathematics, which is known to aid students in their mathematical development,” says Boaler. “The free, research-based lessons and accompanying motivational videos help teachers, as well as parents, increase students’ mathematics achievement and give them a mindset and approach to mathematics that will help them throughout the year.”

To learn more about Week of Inspirational Math and to access the lessons, visit www.youcubed.org/week-of-inspirational-math-2.

Girls’ Yoga Line ivivva Celebrates Summer

Published August 15, 2016

By Kaumudi Marathé

Girls attend the Ivivva Coast-to-Coast Summer Festival on Santa Monica Pier. PHOTO CREDIT KAUMUDI MARATHE

It’s not even 9 a.m. on a recent cloudy Saturday, but scores of wide-awake teen and pre-teen girls make their way onto the Santa Monica pier for the ivivva Coast-to-Coast Summer Festival 2016. Enthusiastic fans of the company’s athletic gear, designed especially for girls like them, they are dressed in lavender festival tanks and yoga pants or shorts. They’re here to move, dance, celebrate the summer and check out ivivva’s latest offerings.

The line, started by lululemon athletica, the Canadian active gear company, is “inspired by active girls, athletic wear made to move,” and includes sports bras, tanks, shorts, leggings, skirts, dresses and accessories for ages 6-15. In keeping with ivivva’s mission of getting girls moving, stores offer complimentary athletic classes and a “Dreams & Goals program that inspires girls to dream big.”

My dancer daughter, who swears by the comfort and movability of their tanks and leggings, is away, so I’ve brought my friend’s 10-year-old to the festival. Some girls are having their hair braided, but Manon opts for tribal art. Then we try our hands – and legs – at acro-yoga. I lie on my back and learn how to balance her weight, lifting her up the way you give toddlers an airplane ride. The mom-daughter duo ahead of us is more advanced. The girl does a frog pose while balancing on her mother’s outstretched legs.

Aquamarine, pink and blue yoga mats brighten the grey day and pop music has the girls swaying. The atmosphere explodes when a flash mob – girls from So Cal dance studios – dances to a medley of pop songs: Meghan Trainor, JT, Taylor Swift, Bieber. They’re charged up after a special rehearsal with the Lakers cheerleaders!

As the sun emerges, everyone gathers for yoga with Christi Christensen, elite gymnast and platform diver turned yoga teacher. She leads the group through exercises to stretch their bodies and work their muscles. She talks about inner confidence, dreams and goals. Then Katie Wilcox, the founder of Healthy is the New Skinny, and Megan Park, a senior from Diamond Bar High School, share some inspiration. “Goal are stepping stones toward bigger dreams,” Park says. “Don’t just be a girl, be a girl who wants more and gets more. Don’t just be a dreamer, be a dreamer who makes her dreams come true.” To learn more about ivivva visit their website.

Other major festival stops this summer were Boston, Chicago and San Francisco.

UCLA Doc Offers Tips on Preventing School Sports Injuries

Published August 15, 2016

Submitted by UCLA

Cheerleading is often overlooked in terms of risk for injury. PHOTO BY KELSEY JOHNSON/FREEIMAGES.COM

Back to school means back to sports – and the risk of injury that comes with them.

“Being aware of the injury potential of your sport and proactively seeking ways to prevent such injuries is critical,” says Dr. Jennifer Beck, a pediatric sports medicine physician at UCLA Medical Center, Santa Monica.

Every sport has its own inherent risks, but one competitive sport – cheerleading – often is overlooked.

“There’s increasing recognition of cheerleading as a sport,” says Beck, who notes that starting with the 2017-18 school year, it will be designated as a California Interscholastic Federation sport, and therefore overseen by CIF guidelines and standards.

“Cheerleaders have often trained in poorly equipped facilities – or even outside on the grass – with little if any protective gear,” said Beck, who is also a pediatric orthopedic surgeon. “When you consider that they are training to perform towering pyramids and dramatic tumbling sequences, it’s not surprising that the sport has a very high injury rate – particularly head and neck injuries.”

Beck urges all athletes to:

Prioritize good nutrition and proper hydration. Heat illness and dehydration are concerns at any time but are especially common during intensive summer training camps.
Stretch, warm up and cool down for practices and games or competitions.
Practice and use proper techniques, such as tackling in football; tumbling in gymnastics; or running, jumping and landing in basketball and track events.
Jennifer Beck, MD

In addition, football and soccer players should wear all the recommended safety equipment – especially helmets and pads – and be sure it fits correctly. Cheerleaders and gymnasts are advised to

train only in properly equipped facilities featuring recommended safety equipment, including quality tumbling mats. For basketball players and track-and-field competitors, Beck warns of pushing too hard because overuse leads to injury. She also recommends taking time off because rest is an important part of the training cycle. Overtraining can lead to stress fractures and other injuries.

Even with the best precautions, injuries can happen. If pain or swelling lasts more than a few days or gets worse, it is time to seek medical care, Beck says.

“And parents, if your athlete suddenly starts taking himself or herself out of the sport, they may have an injury or concern that needs to be checked,” she adds.

Beck will give a free community health talk on sport safety for youth athletes, offering tips for parents, coaches and school administrators, at 7 p.m. Aug. 24. She also will review ways to prevent common musculoskeletal injuries.

The presentation will be at the Santa Monica Family YMCA, 1332 6th St. in Santa Monica. The YMCA will provide free supervised child activities during this seminar for adults. For more information, call (800) 516-5323 or email contactuclahealth@mednet.ucla.edu.

Back-to-school Readiness For Music Students

Published August 14, 2016

By Olesya MacNeil

Lexi Vaughan practices piano. PHOTO COURTESY MUSIC TEACHER LA

As a piano teacher and the founder of Music Teacher LA, I am often asked how to help young music students get ready for back-to-school time.

For families whose children are taking private music lessons, such readiness is essential to ensure that children have a smooth transition from a summer of laid-back music study or vacation to motivational weekly music lessons.

Additionally, feeling confident and prepared helps kids to begin the school year well organized and focused.

Your back-to-school shopping list should include the following items:

A metronome: This little device helps students keep the beat, play music pieces smoothly and perform at an exact tempo in recitals.

A tuning service or instrument-care kit: If your child is learning to play the piano, scheduling a piano tuning before the school year starts will ensure that your child is hearing the right tones when learning new songs. If your child is learning to play a violin or a guitar, then cleaning the instrument, replacing the strings, re-positioning pegs and inspecting the bridge (for violin) is essential.

Method books, plus supplementary material: In a new school year, your child is likely to begin learning from the new method books. Your music teacher might also ask your child to pick two or three favorite genres such as Classical, Jazz or Rock-N-Roll, and purchase supplementary books in the chosen genres.

A music stand: Every violinist and guitarist – from beginner to advanced – needs a music stand. Not having one will lead to all kinds of health issues, from carpal tunnel syndrome due to improper hand position to more serious neck and back problems due to incorrect posture. The music stand will enable your child to practice at home in a sitting or standing position, as well as to perform in recitals. Choose the standard solid stand if your child is using bigger and heavier music books in lessons and does not need to move the stand around. If you are looking for a music stand that can be easily moved, yet sturdy, consider purchasing a folding stand with a folding base and a single-piece top. If your child is practicing using sheet music or light-weight method books for beginners, then choose lightweight folding music stands that have both folding base and folding top.

: Music student Monica Garakani joyfully shows off her sheet music. PHOTO COURTESY MUSIC TEACHER LA

: Brothers Adityan and Raghavan Swaminathan are joyful violin students. PHOTO COURTESY MUSIC TEACHER LA

Olesya MacNeil is the founder and CEO of Music Teacher LA, provider of quality piano, voice, violin, guitar and drum lessons for ages 4 and up, and piano tuning services.

Positive Parenting: Experts Answer Your Questions For Early Childhood

Published August 12, 2016

By Christina Elston

We hear it all the time, and yet we can’t hear it often enough: Children’s early years matter. Your child’s first interactions with you and with others, the environment you create for your family, and your child’s earliest educational experiences influence how your child’s brain is built, and set the tone for her or his relationships with others and future learning.

The idea can feel overwhelming, but by asking yourself a few simple questions about your child, your parenting style and your educational plans, you can start to find direction.

I spoke with three experts in the fields of early brain development, mindful parenting and early-childhood education for pointers on where to focus during those early years.

: Roma Khetarpal is the author of the award-winning book “The Perfect Parent,” and a parent coach and speaker on the topic of mindful parenting. She will discuss how important it is for parents to act as an anchor of safety and comfort for their children, and how providing a secure base for exploration allows children to take the lead in learning.

: Dawn A. Kurtz, Ph.D., has worked in the child development and early-childhood education fields for more than 15 years. As the Chief Program Officer for Los Angeles Universal Preschool (LAUP), she will discuss how to find the best preschool for your child.

: Pat Levitt, Ph.D., is Simms/Mann Chair in Developmental Neurogenetics at Children’s Hospital Los Angeles and the University of Southern California. His research focuses on brain development and social-emotional behavior, and the importance of early parent-child communication such as reading, singing and playing.

Learning Foundations

Often, parents want to know things like “How much time should I spend interacting with my kids?” says Pat Levitt, Ph.D., Simms/Mann Chair in Developmental Neurogenetics at Children’s Hospital Los Angeles and USC.

But Levitt, whose research focuses on brain development, social-emotional behavior and the importance of early parent-child communication and interaction, explains that there isn’t one right answer. “It’s not an exact science,” he says.

Because all children are different, parents should guide their interactions by asking themselves:

How does my child respond to changes? Is she shy? Nervous? Outgoing? A risk taker?

Each child has her or his own tendencies and temperament. “If every infant responded the same way, it would be a pretty boring world,” Levitt says. Based on your answers to these first questions, you can consider:

What environment is best suited to my child?

Some kids like lots of activity and lots of people. Others are upset by that, and focus better in a calm, quiet space. One constant, though, is that close interaction is essential for every child’s brain development. When you are talking, reading or playing with your child, ask yourself:

Is my child getting my full attention?

If you are reading, watching television, surfing the Internet or looking at your phone, your child doesn’t have a good view of your face – or your focus. “Infants become face experts right away, because that’s how we learn to read emotions,” says Levitt. They focus on the eyes and the mouth, and also learn the foundation of vocalization that way.

Back-and-forth interaction with your child, known as “serve and return,” provides the basis for the earliest brain development. “Those interactions turn out to be the substrate upon which cognitive development occurs,” Levitt says.

“Play and other forms of creative interaction are also important,” continues Levitt. So ask yourself:

Am I giving my child opportunities to explore music and rhythm, art and movement?
Am I giving them time for undirected play?

“The brain is built by first putting together simple circuits and then putting together the more complicated circuits,” Levitt says. Your child might not become a musician, artist or dancer, or play sports professionally, but these activities lay a foundation for future development.

Building the Relationship

Asking questions about our children and our parenting is important for many reasons. “Through questions comes perspective,” says Roma Khetarpal, author of “The Perfect Parent” and a parenting coach focused on “mindful parenting.” One of the most important we can ask ourselves is:

What is my goal for myself as a parent?

It wasn’t until her two children went off to college that Khetarpal realized that the true goal for parents is building a relationship with our kids. “If we don’t have a relationship with them, then we are going to feel like a failure,” she says. “You want to keep in mind that the connection is your goal.”

Connection comes through communication, so another important question for parents to ask is:

Am I communicating with and really listening to my kids?

There is a difference between merely hearing and really listening; letting children complete their sentences and their stories is an important part of communication, because communication is not a one-way thing. “Communication is about communing, about coming together,” says Khetarpal. Listening without interruption can turn communication breakdowns to breakthroughs. Communication is also driven by emotions, and learning to manage emotions is essential for maintaining your relationship with your children.

Another important path to effective communication is using times when children make mistakes. Ask yourself:

How do I handle my children’s mistakes? When I’m right, am I kind?
How do I handle my own mistakes as a parent?

Most disagreements come from not being able to manage our emotions. But asking your kids to squash their emotions will only create problems. “That emotion is a frequency,” Khetarpal says. “It’s going to find a home somewhere.” Ask yourself:

Am I giving my kids a safe place to express their emotions and figure out what is behind them?

“There’s no safer place for children to go than to their parents,” says Khetarpal. “It’s a parent’s job to give children a safe place to identify, express, discuss and release emotions that are burdening them.”

As you and your kids learn to become emotionally intelligent by identifying emotions and building an emotional vocabulary together, you can start to manage those emotions. And that will help create an environment where your relationship can thrive. “Character,” says Khetarpal, “is built by the environment that we create for our kids.”

Moving On to Preschool

That environment is also an important way you can instill a lifelong love of learning in your child, and help to ensure that your child will be comfortable once it is time for school, according to Dawn A. Kurtz, Ph.D., chief program officer for Los Angeles Universal Preschool. Kurtz has worked in early-childhood education for more than 15 years and believes parents should be asking themselves:

Am I asking my child open-ended questions that offer a chance to think, wonder and build vocabulary?
What opportunities does my child have to develop her or his social skills?
What opportunities does my child have to interact with adults?

Questions that encourage kids to wonder “what if” or “what will happen next” or to examine what they think and feel, and chances to interact with other children and adults, are important for all children and are key elements of a quality preschool program.

With so many options available, parents should choose a program with care. “Some families feel really strongly about the type of experience they want their child to have,” says Kurtz. One important choice is between home-based or center-based programs. To help you decide, Kurtz suggests asking:

What is my child’s personality and temperament? Does it match with the program environment?
What organized activities has my child had the chance to participate in?

“A child who hasn’t had a lot of organized activities or social experience outside of the immediate family might be better of starting in a smaller environment,” Kurtz says. She adds, though, that among the preschools her organization works with, there will be quality learning opportunities at both home-based and center-based programs. “You’re not going to get a lesser experience in one versus the other.” Programs will, however, follow different educational philosophies, so it is important to consider:

Are you familiar with the different preschool educational philosophies?
What do you know about kindergarten readiness?

Even if you already have decided which educational philosophy you prefer, Kurtz encourages visiting several different programs to check them out. “Understanding the philosophy on paper and seeing it in action are two different things,” she says. Also, each preschool program has ways in which it is unique. Even if the philosophy is the same, the setting, teachers and students will be different.

There is so much to consider during your child’s early years, and these three experts have so much more to share. Parents interested in meeting Levitt, Khetarpal and Kurtz in person and hearing more about their areas of expertise can attend “Connections: Conversations With Parenting Experts.”

The event, brought to you by L.A. Parent, will take place from 7-8 p.m. Aug. 31 at the Beverly Hills Public Library, 444 N. Rexford Dr., Beverly Hills. Admission is free, but seating is limited. To reserve space, visit www.laparent.com/speaker-series.

Christina Elston is Editor of L.A. Parent.

Non-Traditional Learning: School’s Out and About!

Published August 5, 2016

By Mike Rothschild

Aquarium of the Pacific doesn’t book school groups on Homeschool Days, to give kids who are learning at home a chance to enjoy interactive exhibits. PHOTO COURTESY AQUARIUM OF THE PACIFIC

As the pace of change in the world around us has accelerated in recent years, so have changes in the way children learn about that world. More and more alternatives to the “traditional” classroom are emerging, and more kids are taking advantage of them.

As many as 3.4 percent of U.S. children are now homeschooled, according to the most recent data from the Department of Education. And the National Center for Educational Statistics reports that, as of 2013, more than 27 percent of college students had taken at least one online course.

There is a program out there that will benefit almost every child – from the homeschooled student who wants to take the same museum field trip that other kids do, to advanced students looking to graduate early, to someone concentrating on daytime work in the entertainment industry or sports.

A Homeschool Environment

It was that final category of learners that spurred educator Linda Neilson to start her own licensed home school – Neilson Academy. “We started the school about 25 years ago because I had some friends whose children were in the entertainment business,” Neilson says. “They needed a homeschool environment so the kids could follow their artistic goals.”

While the Academy serves only around a dozen students, each has a uniquely challenging aspect to their schooling. “Younger and middle school students may come here because they were unhappy, either with teachers or students,” Neilson says. “They may be behind and need to get individual help. High school students may want to finish school early – and here they can graduate as early as 16.”

Neilson Academy’s small student body includes several students who are professional actors, and several others who have struggled with learning disabilities. Two of Neilson’s students have gone up three reading levels in just two years – a process that would be all but impossible without individual attention. Nielson also de-emphasizes homework, a policy opposite those of many public schools.

During Homeschool Days in November, Kidspace Children’s Museum waives the 15-student minimum on its Discovery Programs so that homeschooled kids can sign up. PHOTO COURTESY KIDSPACE

“The amount of work and homework needed in the public schools makes it challenging to have even outside activities,” she says. “There are projects in every grade, and the parents end up doing them all.”

Online Academics

Students with nontraditional needs can also further their education online. While online college courses continue to grow in popularity, younger students are also taking advantage of the flexibility, freedom and self-determination that comes with taking classes entirely on your own schedule.

One such student is Sonari Chidi, who just graduated from California Connections Academy, a virtual public school serving students from kindergarten through high school. Beyond his coursework at California Connections, Chidi is an actor, with credits including “Modern Family,” several Nickelodeon shows and numerous commercials. In addition, he volunteers with a number of organizations. Chidi’s unpredictable acting and volunteering schedule sent his family looking for a school that fit into his life.

While it’s easy to assume that online school can leave a student isolated, unmotivated and unaccountable, Chidi has found it’s just the opposite. “When I first started in online school and saw the freedom and flexibility it offered, I came to understand the importance of taking ownership of my educational goals,” he says. “I began to realize that the point of online school is to make each student the CEO of their own quest for knowledge, and that the teachers and counselors are partners in that enterprise.”

When Sonari Chidi began his college search, he found that attending school online gave him an advantage. PHOTO COURTESY SONARI CHIDI

Teachers are available for help through both phone and e-mail, and teach their classes through live-streamed sessions, complete with interaction via microphones and cameras. Students can chime in with questions and even attend virtual office hours with teachers located around the country. Every class has weekly or bi-weekly interactive live meetings with the course’s teacher and students, meaning the student isn’t on an island – far from it.

And online school isn’t an unorganized cacophony of tests and lessons. California Connections lays out challenging lesson plans just like a public school. “My coursework definitely compares favorably with public high schools. I typically take three AP classes, and then honors courses for the rest of my schedule,” Chidi says. “We have intensive writing assignments, presentations, labs, the usual quizzes and tests and regular discussions.”

Tinkering With Play

Even students at brick-and-mortar schools can enjoy the benefits of nontraditional learning. Many local museums offer homeschool days or special admission rates – and you don’t even have to be a homeschool student to take advantage of interactive play programs. One such program is Tinkergarten, an educational startup founded by Meghan Fitzgerald and her husband, Brian.

Brian has a background in the tech industry, while Meghan is a former teacher. They combined their expertise to start a company that offers a technology-based platform for outdoor classes for kids from 18 months to 8 years old. All their classes supplement a typical education, and take place in parks and outdoor spaces across the U.S. – including in L.A., the South Bay and Woodland Hills.

“Most traditional centers and home-based daycare have less emphasis on nature,” Meghan says. “Tinkergarten classes are based on a curriculum developed to not only connect children to the natural world, but to develop physical, social, emotional and cognitive skills.” While the lessons are led by children, they’re all are guided by trained leaders who have been vetted by the company. Problem-solving, creativity, imagination and teamwork are all emphasized, laying the groundwork for a love of learning.

“When we give children structured tasks, they learn to perform when prompted,” says Meghan. “But when we give children space and time to direct their own inquiry or exploration, children not only make sense of the world around them, but they also learn how to learn.”

The unique Tinkergarten program offered at several Southern California parks offers play-based classes that supplement children’s traditional schooling.
PHOTO COURTESY TINKERGARTEN

At Tinkergarten, parents are more than welcome to join in the fun their kids are having. “If parents are able to join the class,” Meghan says, “they get the chance to slow down and play alongside their child, benefitting from the chance to connect with their child – and they often benefit from the chance to play themselves.”

A Growing Advantage

So how can families tell if a program that interests them will be a good fit? Whether they can shoulder the time commitment and expense, and adapt to the flexibility? Whether their online learner can be self-motivated and find other ways to connect with peers? Whether they’ll find the extracurricular activities they’re looking for through local schools or camps?

Chidi says the best place to start is by just gathering information from the school you or your child might be interested in. “Ask a lot of questions, talk to families with online-schooled children about their experiences, and don’t be afraid to switch if your current school is not meeting your needs,” he says.

Neilson echoes this, particularly with regard to the ever-increasing burden of keeping up with homework. “I feel it is important when investigating that the parents see what kind of child they have, and look around to find an environment that will be the best for them,” she says. “The schools I am familiar with have a warm environment, and not an overload of academics.”

Whatever the formula, the surest sign that nontraditional schooling is growing in popularity is how readily colleges have now come to embrace it. “Many years ago, we had to submit our curriculum so the college could see the courses and books we used,” Neilson says. But today, credits from homeschooled and online students are accepted around the country.

“During my college search, I discovered that attending an online school was viewed as a distinct advantage,” Chidi says. “Many college admissions officers said that the skills and drive that online school fosters are attributes they value highly in the students they choose to admit.” Chidi was accepted to 16 different colleges and will be attending the University of Pennsylvania this fall.

Give It a Try

The Natural History Museum and La Brea Tar Pits each have four designated days per year when kids who are homeschooled (and their educators) enjoy free admission. PHOTO COURTESY NATURAL HISTORY MUSEUM

Lots of local learning spaces have special days just for kids who are homeschooled or taking classes online.

Aquarium of the Pacific sets aside homeschool days when no traditional school field trips are booked – meaning the education staff is free to guide homeschool families through the aquarium’s engaging learning stations. The next sessions are Sept. 14 and 15. Advance registration is not required, and admission is $6 per person. The aquarium also will host a “Homeschool Holiday” event Dec. 16.
The California Science Center offers homeschool days throughout the school year for ages 5-6, 7-8, 9-10, 11-12 and 13-16. Students can choose either the morning or the afternoon session, and 2016-17 dates and topics will be announced in August at www.californiasciencecenter.org/programs/onsite-programs/homeschool-days. Space is limited, advance registration is required, and classes cost $25 each for members and $30 for nonmembers.
Kidspace Children’s Museum in Pasadena hosts two “Homeschool Days” in November, giving homeschooling parents an opportunity to sign kids up for the museum’s 45-minute Discovery Programs, which are typically only booked for school groups of 15 or more. On Homeschool Days, the museum waives the minimum for these staff-led programs. The $15 fee includes admission to the museum. When this year’s dates are set, they will be posted online at kidspacemuseum.org/groups/homeschoolers.
The Natural History Museum and the La Brea Tar Pits & Museum each have four designated homeschool days per year. On these days, any homeschooled student from age 3 through 12^th grade and his or her educator receive free admission to the museums. Preregistration is not required. Dates for 2015-16 were in November, January, April and June at the NHM and October, January, March and June at the Tar Pits. The 2016-17 dates will be released in August. Subscribe to the NHM mailing list at nhm.org/site/for-teachers/homeschool-days for an overview.

Mike Rothschild is a Pasadena father of two and frequent contributor to L.A. Parent.

Chat Room with Rosalie Tucker: Creating Cultural Empathy Through the Arts

Published August 4, 2016

By Elena Epstein

Rosalie Tucker with daughter, Adelaide. PHOTO COURTESY ROSALIE TUCKER

Rosalie Tucker grew up loving the spotlight. Her passion for dance and performing began at age 5 and continued through college. While pursuing her bachelor’s degree in World Arts and Cultures and Choreography at UCLA, she discovered another passion – arts education. For Tucker, dance and theater were always the gatewayS to explore the larger issues of social justice and cultural understanding. As the Head of School and Teacher Programs for the Skirball Cultural Center, she is on a mission to further examine these big issues with thousands of children and educators. Tucker manages a robust education program at the Skirball, connecting students and teachers to inspiring artists and programs to foster creativity, empathy and civic engagement.

Tucker oversees the planning, delivery and evaluation of the Skirball’s gallery- and performance-based programs for students in pre-K through 12^th grade, as well as professional development for K-12 teachers. She also manages ongoing coaching and assessment for all school-tour facilitators. Prior to joining the Skirball, Tucker taught arts integration in public schools and worked professionally as a dancer, choreographer and actor.

What is the main focus of the Skirball’s arts education program?

Cultural connection and – at the core level – a human connection. L.A. is such a diverse city with a huge population. Our goal is to bring people closer to share their stories. Through immersive tours that use storytelling and art-making, performance programs, and workshops, we are able to explore individual histories while also exploring universal values that connect us to one another.

Give us an example of some programs that have resonated strongly with students.

The immigrant stories in our tours connect with many students. In particular, the second-grade tour, “Journey Through Time: Stories of the Jewish People,” the fifth-grade tour, “Americans and Their Family Stories,” and a recent exhibition we did on Manzanar sparked a lot of conversation. By using storytelling, we give people a chance to connect with one another and build empathy. For me, and I know for the Education team, those moments of empathy are so powerful. Suddenly, you feel seen and not so alone and you begin to open up about your own personal stories.

You have a 4-year-old daughter. How has motherhood affected your views as an educator?

Being a mom has made every single issue in the world even more profound. My first reaction is always, “How will this affect my daughter?” Social justice and empowering children from a young age to make a difference is even more crucial now. Teaching kids about the value of community, taking care of the Earth, helping others, respecting one another – these are the themes we keep coming back to when creating our programs at the Skirball.

What do you hope visitors take away from the Skirball?

That this beautiful public space is part of their L.A., their community. What I love is that we have families coming from all different parts of the city and we can create an opportunity to share a moment together. I want everyone who comes here to be able to enjoy the exhibits and have fun and at the same time leave with a feeling that we are all working together to do something really good, that we’re having a positive impact on our community.

For more information about the Skirball Cultural Center, visit their website at www.skirball.org.

6 Tips for Setting Realistic Back-to-school Goals

Published August 2, 2016

By Kaumudi Marathe

parenting My daughter Keya and I have a tradition for the last day of school. We go to Trails Cafe in Griffith Park, where she orders a snake dog and an old-fashioned root beer. We recall the year’s high and low points, and I listen as she tells me which teachers she liked, what subjects she found interesting and what her classmates’ summer plans are.

Over the break, we don’t think about school at all. Then, the week before it re-opens, we focus and prepare – buying school supplies and clothes, marking our calendar with important dates. These occasions are opportunities for natural conversations about what she hopes the new academic year will bring and the goals she wants to achieve: better math grades, more time for ballet, community service and, of course, her vain hope that she’ll have less homework.

That time is here again. How can students and their families prepare for what’s ahead? Teachers, therapists and counselors believe setting goals helps, and agree that the exercise should balance a child’s needs, parents’ expectations and everyone’s peace of mind.

Where are you now?

Learning strategist Quynh Nguyen tutors middle and high schoolers and helps parents and kids prepare for college. She warns that the word “goal” is loaded with pressure and expectations and is really intended for parents, not the child. “Unless young children are already goal oriented, which many are not, they don’t respond easily to a conversation about ‘goal setting.’ A very small number really know what they want or understand the concept,” Nguyen says.

So, the process should start with parents taking a good look in the mirror to identify and address their own expectations and agendas. They should ask, “What is it that I want my child to achieve?” then consider what the child really wants and be ready to ask their child about her or his desires.

“Tap into the part of you that is the supportive listener, not the commander or nagger,” says Nguyen. “Ease into a conversation with your kids about the previous school year and hear what they have to say, framing the discussion in terms of their wishes, not your hopes. That’s when you’ll hear what they need versus what they are trying to do to meet your expectations.”

Provide concrete examples to help your child understand the purpose of setting goals. “Recall what they did last year and ask questions like ‘What did you enjoy?’” says Nguyen. This will help you both be clear about your child’s interests, strengths and weaknesses.

Where do you want to be?

Next, ask what areas your child would like to focus on during the new school year. This will let you budget and schedule those soccer, music, dance or art classes – or the tutoring that will help your child catch up or get ahead.

Brenda Lapchinski-Matthews’ daughter is starting seventh grade at a private school in Santa Monica this fall. “I spoke with the school and asked a bit about the upcoming year,” she says. “I found out they are doing a particular play and [my daughter] Semara is interested in joining the drama department. So we ordered the soundtrack at the library and we’re going to try to find the film to watch. We also found out she will be using computers for the first time, something we have never done, so I’ve got her doing a home typing course to become comfortable with the keyboard. Our overall goal is to familiarize ourselves with as much as possible for the next year.”

Let your child take the lead in goal setting. “Students should have ownership over their goals,” says Jackie O’Sullivan, director of elementary education and part of the Las Virgenes Unified School District’s educational services team. “They should be able to clearly articulate them to their teachers. These goals can be reviewed by the parent to the teacher at the beginning of the year, but students should be empowered to communicate [them].”

The district’s educational services team suggests that families brainstorm possible goals, then choose just one or two to really focus on. “Parents can help students develop an action plan that is broken into smaller steps,” says Ryan Gleason, director of secondary education at Los Virgenes Unified. They can then post their children’s goals, and have their children self-evaluate their progress every week or two.

Goal-Setting Tips

Ask your child what he or she wants to accomplish.
Formulate a plan that makes sense to everyone.
Post a list in a convenient place, if helpful.
Talk to your child’s teacher about important goals.
Continue the conversation all year.
Support, applaud and reassess regularly.

Making it work

Being specific is important. “It’s actually best if parents support their students in setting a small number of meaningful, manageable goals,” says Dr. Clara Finneran, assistant superintendent of education at Las Virgenes Unified. Goals are most successfully met, she says, when they focus on effort, hard work and tenacity, not solely general achievement. For example, students and parents can work together to set goals such as “I will read 30 minutes each night,” or “I will be prepared to leave the house by 7:30 a.m. each day.”

For Dana Farrar, a special-education teacher in the Los Angeles Unified School District who works with children with extreme behaviors, the goal is twofold: create balance and foster your child’s independence. Her suggestion is to build routines so days run smoothly and you have to remind your child of tasks as little as possible. Her tip? Let kids help with planning. “After-school routines would include washing hands, having a quick snack and then doing a half hour of homework or whatever is suggested for the grade level,” Farrar says. “Generally, this is 10 minutes per day per grade. Even if students do not have specific assignments, they can read a book, organize notes, read over materials and practice spelling words.”

Farrar, whose daughters have balanced academic achievement with dance, music and other extracurricular activities thanks to these tools, admits that it all boils down to hard work. “What is most important is establishing homework as a non-negotiable daily habit,” she says. “Teach the concept of first work, then play. If the child needs reminders, write a list and let him or her check it off himself.”

Farrar recommends teaching kids to use a timer, and reminds parents that as kids get older, they will build independence. They will eventually be able to write their own lists of tasks and estimate the time they’ll need for various assignments. “Students also need to realize as they progress, the grades they earn will require more and more independent effort on their part,” she says. “It is not about kids being inherently smart, but about good routines and study habits.”

Following through

Regular follow-ups are also critical. “Parents should encourage honest reflection and celebrate growth in addition to mastery,” says Gleason.

Nguyen recommends being positive and inquisitive. Be curious about what your kids are learning, feeling, succeeding at or failing. “Keep conversations going with them and their teachers,” she says. “Following up is about taking inventory of information they are giving you and guiding them to be flexible and make adjustments to their goals as needed. If you are too firm, you might steer them in directions they do not wish to go. Having flexibility is important.”

On the flip side, letting your child learn to deal with setbacks is also vital. “Are you planning to attend college with your child?” asks Farrar. “If not, let him or her struggle once in a while. Kids learn about who they are and develop genuine grit by trying things they don’t think they can do and accomplishing them anyway. Self-esteem is like a muscle that needs working out, and this is not something parents can do for them.”

Don’t be afraid to back up if your child doesn’t have solid academic skills such as mastery of multiplication tables and fluency in reading. “It’s much more important in the long run [to have those skills] than just get through the current assignment,” Farrar says. “Let the teacher know you suspect problems, but be willing to help your child master the necessary skills. The important thing is that [your child] learns how to learn.”

Here’s to a new school year and to your child’s happiness in and out of the classroom.

Kaumudi Marathé is a journalist and chef, but her favorite job is being the mom of her 14-year-old. When she isn’t driving to and from ballet class, volunteering at school events or walking her puppy, Kaumudi teaches cooking, writes freelance and runs long distances in Glendale. 

LA’s Great 8: Exceptional Outdoor Playgrounds

Published July 30, 2016

Erin Mahoney Harris

The concrete slides at South Park playground in Hermosa Beach are super long, exceptionally fast, and can be reached by wheelchair-accessible paths.

If you have grown tired of your usual haunts of fun ideas for kids and are looking to try more creative, unusual and adventurous playground options, you still have some summer vacation left to go exploring! Here are a few parks that stand out, including a couple of newly opened options to keep things fresh.

Slip-Sliding Away

While the recently opened South Park playground in Hermosa Beach (425 Valley Dr.) has a lot to offer, the number-one draw here has got to be the slides. Built into the side of a hill on the northwest side of the park, the side-by-side concrete slides are super-long and exceptionally fast – so much so that younger kids (they’re meant for ages 5 and up) might get a little freaked out as they pick up speed on their first foray down. But once they make that initial safe landing, they’ll be running back up the stairs repeatedly in search of more thrills. Next stop will no doubt be the mini ropes course, which poses a nice little challenge.

Fun as it is, South Park wasn’t created exclusively for adrenaline junkies in the making. It was also designed for universal accessibility. Those awesome slides and all other play areas can be reached via wide wheelchair-accessible pathways, and the four-person teeter-totter, merry-go-round, and some of the swings have high backs for extra support.

Designed as it was in the midst of our endless drought, South Park features low-water landscaping and dry creek beds that offer fun rock-hopping opportunities. What it doesn’t offer is much in the way of shade, at least in the main playground area. But leafy trees can be found around the perimeter of the park, and sun worshippers will enjoy the expansive center lawn, perfect for picnicking, parent-and-me yoga, or just kicking a ball around.

Slide-Seeker’s Bonus Spot: Tucked away in a shady corner of Santa Ana’s Santiago Park (510 E. Memory Lane) are two extra-long aluminum slides – one 50 feet long, the other 30 feet. That’s pretty much all you’ll find in the way of playground features in this section of the park (a more fully appointed playground is located in the western end of the park, close to the Discovery Cube museum), but the sheer length and speed of the ride makes this overlooked section well worth a visit. The slides are located at the east end of the park, just north of the Santiago Creek Wildlife and Watershed Center.

A whimsically designed metallic structure in Culver City Park offers kids an age-appropriate aerial challenge.

Whimsical Climbing

Featuring distinctive structures by the design firm Kompan – instantly recognizable because they look as much like art as play equipment – the playground at Culver City Park (9700 Jefferson Blvd.) is one of those tucked-away gems that never seems to get too crowded. The features of the whimsically designed main metallic structure are distinctly challenging, in essence inviting kids to tackle an aerial challenge course (albeit one that isn’t high enough to require ropes and harnesses). Another geometric structure serves as a mini bouldering gym, and reaching the top poses a serious challenge for kids and adults alike. Meanwhile, multiple spinning features are easily accessible for those who’d rather take a ride than conquer an obstacle.

The park also has a more traditionally designed play structure aimed at ages 5 and under, as well as a sand-and-water play area that attracts all ages on a hot day. It’s also home to a skate park that requires helmets, elbow and knee pads for participants, so you’ll need to come prepared with more than just a longboard.

Culver City Park is big and encompasses several different sections. To get to the playground, follow Duquesne Avenue past Jefferson and into the park, then park on the right-hand side of the street (do not continue driving up the hill). You’ll see the playground down a pathway to your right.

Climber’s Bonus Spot: Just a half-mile to the east on Jefferson Boulevard – at Hetzler Road – is the trailhead leading to the legendary (or infamous, depending on your attitude) Baldwin Hills Stairs. This imposing set of 282 incredibly steep steps is best suited to older kids (unless you’re keen on the idea of carrying an additional 30 pounds or so on your journey upward), but offers a thrilling sense of accomplishment and unbeatable 360-degree views of the L.A. Basin from the viewing platform at the top. You’ll also find public restrooms and a beautifully designed state park visitor center, which is usually open on weekends and well worth a visit.

Clever Equipment

Central Park, hidden away near Facebook’s new L.A. outpost, features a clever, minimalist playscape and the nicest restrooms you’ll find in a public park.

As the Playa Vista development has steadily expanded to the east along Jefferson Boulevard, its public spaces have expanded as well. Hidden away behind the Playa Jefferson business campus (home to Facebook’s sleek new L.A. outpost) is Central Park (12405 E. Waterfront Dr., L.A.), an outdoor recreation area with playing fields, fountains, a gorgeous modern band shell for outdoor concerts and probably the nicest bathrooms you’ve ever encountered at a public park (located downstairs below the bandshell). The eight-acre park was designed by Michael Maltzan Architecture and also features a small but notable enclosed play area.

At first glance, the minimalist playscape with its green rubber mounds and shiny metallic climbing features appears to represent a classic example of form over function, without a whole lot for kids to actually do. But don’t underestimate its potential. Kids will enjoy the big see-saw, cool underground tunnel and rows of shiny metal pipes that double as a makeshift slide. And there’s no denying the park’s beautiful and unique design. The main drawback is the lack of shade or places for parents to sit within the playground itself, although you will find pleasant shaded benches outside the enclosed area. Check out the schedule of upcoming free concerts at http://playavista.com/events/ to make the most of your visit.

Aesthetic Bonus Spot: La Laguna de San Gabriel, an historic play area located within Vincent Lugo Park (South Ramona and Wells streets, San Gabriel), will prove captivating to imaginative and artistic kids with its beautiful and colorful dragon and sea monster play sculptures, designed by artist Benjamin Dominguez in 1965. If the look and feel of a playscape is as important to your kids as the swings and climbing structures, this is a spot you should visit.

Mud is a big draw at Irvine’s Adventure Playground, which fortunately has hoses for washing off and nice restrooms for changing clothes.

Playground Adventure

Adventure-seeking SoCal kids have reason to celebrate. Irvine’s Adventure Playground (1 Beech Tree Lane) finally reopened this spring after a five-year closure! It’s a beautiful place to spend the day, with native landscaping and shady pine trees around the perimeter. The play features are all still fairly shiny and new, including a whimsical castle-themed play structure with rope bridges and tunnels and giant building bricks kids can use to create their own forts and obstacle courses.

The biggest draw this summer will no doubt be the water pumps, which send water into a long ditch perfect for splashing around in and getting muddy. The park even provides toy trucks kids can send careening down the hill and into the water. Fortunately, the park also has hoses for washing off and nice restrooms for changing clothes.

Note that while the park is large and lovely and has a lot to offer, its promise of adventure is most likely to be fulfilled for kids under age 9.

Adventure Bonus Spot: Two of California’s three adventure playgrounds are located in Orange County – Irvine Adventure Playground and Huntington Beach Adventure Playground (7111 Talbert Ave.). Parents of older kids might find they prefer Huntington Beach’s playground to the one in Irvine, as it offers more thrills and hands-on opportunities, including paddle boarding across a pond, riding down a giant waterslide into a muddy pool of water and using real grown-up tools to put the finishing touches on treehouses. Choose the spot that fits your kids. Well worth the drive.

Erin Mahoney Harris is a mother of two living in Santa Monica. She’s the author of “Walking LA” and “Visit California Farms,” an agritourism guidebook. You can follow Erin on Twitter at @VisitCaliFarms.

Parenting & Eating Disorders in Kids: When Healthy Goes Too Far

Published July 29, 2016

By Heather Russo, LMFT

parenting You’ve heard medical experts extol the virtues of healthy eating. You’ve been told to keep your children away from sugar, salt and processed foods, and have started to focus on healthy eating and nutrition for yourself and your child. With all this attention to healthy eating, you’ve certainly helped safeguard your child’s health.

Or have you? Is it possible you’ve put them at risk?

Unfortunately, when the focus on healthy eating goes too far, it can actually create unhealthy food beliefs and behaviors. Children may become so focused on healthy eating that they become distressed, limit their food choices and exclude too many foods. The term that researchers use for this is “orthorexia.”

While there is nothing wrong with developing healthy food habits early in life, an obsession with healthy eating can stop children from eating cake at their own birthday party or having even a slice of pizza at a sleepover. When a child refuses to eat anything on a road trip because healthy food options are not available or they feel shame and anxiety about having eaten a burger and fries, there might be cause for concern.

While technically not an eating disorder, orthorexia can be debilitating. Those who struggle with an obsession to eat only “clean” foods tend to share many of the same characteristics as those with anorexia and obsessive-compulsive disorder. Statistics aren’t readily available about orthorexia, but it appears that the longer an individual is preoccupied with healthy eating, the higher the likelihood that the child will develop a clinical eating disorder. The effects can become so severe that malnutrition becomes a risk.

Signs of Orthorexia

Significant weight loss as a result of food limitations
Self-worth or identity is dependent on making healthy food choices
Eating unhealthy foods causes distress
Judgment of others is based on their food choices
Avoidance of “unhealthy” foods

A child with orthorexia talking about food can begin to sound like a broken record. Their obsessive thoughts about nutrition and how to distinguish between healthy and unhealthy foods can become painfully repetitive.

Children struggling with orthorexia have difficulty going with the flow at mealtime. They will request meals be made without the ingredients they deem unhealthy. Requests for meals made without forbidden foods can become increasingly limiting and lead a parent to prepare one meal for the family and a separate meal for the struggling child. Mealtimes can become a battle. Eating at restaurants can become almost impossible.

Everyone in the household is affected when power struggles happen like clockwork. Parents might be lured into taking on the role of the food police, only to have the child become increasingly rigid. This increase in stress permeates the home. The over-focus on the struggling child can often mean less time for other children, spouse or responsibilities. Siblings may come to resent the attention being directed towards the struggling child. Age-appropriate dialogue that affirms the importance of balanced eating and self-acceptance can go a long way to ease this. Using mealtimes as an opportunity to connect, catch up and laugh lightens the mood for everyone at the table.

Treatment Options

Someone struggling with orthorexia will benefit from treatment similar to that offered for other eating disorders. As treatment progresses, it is important that the child is exposed to social eating, since this is something that those with orthorexia might never allow themselves to do.

Challenging your child’s food beliefs head-on might cause a power struggle in which no one wins. A better plan is to understand the child’s fears about being unhealthy, and the feelings that they experience when they eat foods considered to be unhealthy. It is helpful to remember that orthorexia is usually more about anxiety than it is about food.

Check in with your own food beliefs. Do you berate yourself in front of your child for eating less healthfully than you would like? Do you find yourself passing judgment about others’ food choices? If so, work on developing compassion for yourself and others. Remember, moderation is the key to healthy eating, not abstinence from foods you love.

As a parent or guardian, do not underestimate the importance of your role is in your child’s recovery. The more information you have, the better prepared you will be to help your loved one through the recovery process. If your child has cut out major food groups or seems to be evidencing fatigue or weight loss, consult with your with your primary care physician or a treatment facility that specializes in this type of care.

Heather Russo, LMFT, is the Site Director at The Renfrew Center of Los Angeles specializing in the treatment of adolescent girls and women struggling with anorexia, bulimia, binge eating disorder and other behavioral issues. Russo is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and has extensive experience working in all levels of care within the field of eating disorder treatment.

Doc Talk: How to Handle the Heat Like a Pro

Published July 27, 2016

By Alan L. Nager, M.D., M.H.A.

Whether your child is at the beach, on the ball field or just out playing in the park, heat-related illness is a danger this time of year. Parents often throw around the term “heat stroke,” but are usually using it incorrectly.

There are many forms of heat-related illness.

Heat Cramps/Edema/Syncope: It doesn’t have to be extraordinarily hot for children to develop cramps and muscle pain or swelling (edema) of the hands or feet, or to pass out (syncope). This is the mildest form of heat-related illness, but if these symptoms are ignored, heat exhaustion becomes a risk.

Heat Exhaustion: This occurs in cases of extreme heat, and kids with heat exhaustion truly feel exhausted. They appear flushed and hot, and might be vomiting or have a headache. These are serious symptoms and need to be treated right away, or heat stroke becomes a risk.

Heat Stroke: I like to call this “heat shock” because it is a form of shock. Symptoms include vomiting, disorientation and lethargy. Heat stroke changes the body’s physiology and causes organ dysfunction in the heart, brain and kidneys. This is a life-threatening condition. Kids with heat stroke generally end up in the hospital’s intensive care unit.

Whatever your child’s heat-related symptoms, immediately get them out of direct sunlight and into a cooler spot. If you suspect heat stroke/shock, immediately call 9-1-1 and take steps to cool your child down. Put ice on the groin, behind the neck, on the back and on the hands and feet. Put the child on their side in case they vomit, so food material is not sucked back into the lungs.

For milder forms of heat-related illness, fluid replenishment with water and electrolyte-containing sports drinks is the name of the game. These people need to drink, drink, drink until they start to feel better. Some people with heat exhaustion are so tired they don’t want to drink, so offer small sips every two minutes or so until they are feeling better and want to drink on their own. Cold compresses or ice bags under the arm or at the back of the neck can help cool your child. You can also hose your child off with cool water.

If your child’s symptoms are fairly mild, as long as they are improving, you don’t need to seek medical attention.

Alan L. Nager, M.D., MHA

When your child is going to be outdoors on a hot day, make sure she or he is dressed in light-colored clothes, short sleeves and pants and a hat. Sweating is the way kids cool down, so make sure the sweat isn’t trapped under layers of clothing. Have your child start drinking before going out (it takes 30 minutes for the fluid to move into your tissues), and take a break in the shade and drink something about every 20 minutes. This is a good time to cool off with wet towels and reapply sunblock. Keep in mind that alcohol, caffeine, certain anti-anxiety mediations and medical conditions such as diabetes, thyroid disease and cystic fibrosis impair ability to tolerate the heat.

Keep your child safe in the heat by being a coach, advocate and educator – and model the behavior you want them to follow.

Alan L. Nager, M.D., M.H.A., has been Director of Emergency and Transport Medicine at Children’s Hospital Los Angeles for the past 18 years, and is a professor of Pediatrics at the Keck School of Medicine of the University of Southern California.

On the Record: Confessions of a Helicopter Mom

Published July 26, 2016

By Daniella Guzman

Guzman with her daughter at a dance recital. Image Courtesy of Daniella Guzman

I’m a helicopter mom. I hover over my 5-year-old daughter, Sofia, watching and listening to everything she does and imposing my ideas and interests on her in hopes she’ll choose what I think is best. My friends call me “controlling,” but I thought being a helicopter mom meant you were being protective, loving, motivating and educating. I was dead wrong, and my helicopter made a hard landing.

I became conscious of my controlling ways when Sofia was preparing for a recent ballet recital. She’s been taking ballet since she was 2. At first, it was cute and fun seeing her bounce around in her tutu. As she got older, I felt she needed to take it more seriously.

One month before her recital, I watched practice from a little window in the dance studio. The dancers gracefully swayed their arms up and down like beautiful swans, but Sofia’s movements were mediocre and rather lazy. She looked as though she was just going through the motions. When we got in the car, I said to her, “If you don’t want to do ballet, tell me because I’m not going to waste time or money for you not to try your best.” She responded that she loved ballet. Maybe she was just tired from school and had a bad day.

The following week, the same thing happened. This time, I recorded the class so I could practice with Sofia at home. The next day, I cancelled my workout, skipped lunch and got a sitter to watch my youngest, Olivia, so I could learn this dance. When she got home from school, I enthusiastically said to her, “Guess what? I learned your dance for the recital! Let’s practice it after your snack.”

Sofia said, “No thanks, Mom. I just want to play.”

I tried again. “Come on, we can do it together. It’ll be fun!”

Sofia replied, “I don’t want to right now.”

I took a deep breath and, in a calm, stern voice, answered, “Sofia, if you want to be good at something, you have to practice and practice hard.”

In a whiny voice, she said, “I don’t want to practice.”

My patience was out the window. In a scowling tone, I said, “Sofia, get up. We are going to practice for 15 to 20 minutes and then you can play!” She started practicing with me, but she did not look happy.

Afterward, when she ran off to play, I felt guilty. I realized I had to let it go and resign myself to the fact that she would not be the best one on stage. For the next two weeks, I backed off and did not say anything to her about her dance. It was killing me, but at practice she looked so happy just enjoying the class and her friends.

Recital day arrived, and my helicopter crash landed. Sofia was amazing, proving that if I leave her alone and let her discover her own interests and gifts, she will be much happier and the best she can be.

It was difficult to accept, and it is still hard for me to watch her “try” and do things “just for fun.” I wasn’t raised that way, but I must remind myself that she is 5 years old!

Every now and then I’ll have a weak moment and hover a little more than I should, but I get to start over the next day and, hopefully, it will be “clear for takeoff.”

Daniella Guzman is the anchor on “Today in LA” weekday morning newscast, 4:30–7 a.m. A mother of two, Daniella’s column, On the Record, brings her views on parenting, fun family activities and her take on work-life balance. Follow her on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram @daniellanbcla.

Must-Do Self-care Tips For Special-Needs Moms

Published July 25, 2016

By Christina Elston

Attorney and advocate Areva Martin, pictured here with son Marty, says moms need to take care of themselves – especially if they are also caring for kids with special needs. PHOTO COURTESY AREVA MARTIN

Areva Martin is a busy woman. She is an attorney, legal analyst and commentator who often appears on “The Doctors,” “Dr. Phil,” “Dr. Drew” and “Good Morning America.” She founded and runs the resource and advocacy organization Special Needs Network and is a wife and mother of three, with one son on the autism spectrum.

And – believe it or not – she has learned to take good care of herself. “I think the first thing that moms neglect is their own personal health,” Martin says. She has talked with many mothers who either gained or lost 25 or 30 pounds after their child’s diagnosis, because of the stress and the scheduling demands of taking their child to appointments and therapies.

Martin understands how tough it can be to fit in healthy habits such as regular exercise. She herself struggled, joining a gym or a new class here and there but skipping workouts more often than she went. Then, around four years ago, she got serious and made it part of her daily routine.

“I used to make the mistake of thinking I needed to be motivated to work out,” Martin says. “What I needed was to be disciplined. I schedule it in and I treat it like a meeting.” She even left a recent Dodgers game in the eighth inning because it was getting late and she knew she needed to be up at 6:30 a.m. the next morning for her workout.

Me-Time is Essential

Martin enjoys running, but says each mom has to figure out what works for her. She has found regular exercise to be life changing, giving her the strength and energy to manage her busy life. She says workouts can serve as a break from the demands of parenting a child with special needs. “It’s that alone time, it’s that meditation time, it’s that de-stressing time,” she says.

Martin has also struggled with healthy eating, trying every food denial and fad diet out there before finding her simple, effective solution. “The way I would want my child to eat, I try to eat,” she says. Most moms want to feed their kids fresh and healthy food, so set a good example. Before you take a bite, think: “Would I feed my kids this?”

Here are Martin’s tips to help moms take care of themselves, so they can take care of their families:

Don’t overdo it. Begin with a brisk walk, not a five-mile run. Add two fruits a day or lunchtime salads to your diet, rather than trying to transform your eating in a day. With reasonable goals, you’re less likely to crash and burn.
Be consistent. Build these small habits into a pattern. When you’re successful at making exercise and healthy eating part of your day, you’ll start to enjoy it. If you get off track, just pick up where you left off.
Reclaim lost time. Martin sees many moms waiting for their kids to get out of therapy. “Bring some comfortable shoes and walk for 30 minutes,” she urges. “Get a little creative.”

Along with neglecting their health, many moms Martin has met dropped out of the workforce after their child’s diagnosis to devote all of their time to their child’s care. For some, this is the right choice. “There’s a spectrum of parents,” Martin says, but she wondered whether pursuing her career was best for her family. “Was I being a good mother if I was still working a really demanding profession?”

Martin finally concluded that not only was her work helping pay for therapies for her son, but that her Type A personality wouldn’t let her be happy at home, setting aside all the hard work she had put in to become an attorney. “Being fulfilled as a person helps you be a better parent,” she says. “Work was helping me do the very things that were going to benefit my son.”

Make Time to Play Your Way

It’s also OK for moms – even moms of children with special needs – to have some leisure time. So go get that manicure, see that movie or take that vacation. “Don’t let your inner guilt or the judgments of others prevent you from taking care of yourself,” says Martin. “Just because you’re the parent of a special-needs child doesn’t mean you’re not a woman. A special-needs child shouldn’t preclude you from living the rest of your life.”

Car Museums Worth the Drive

Published July 18, 2016

By Ron Epstein

The Petersen’s exhibits range from the early to the recent, including The Smith, one of the earliest vehicles, to McQueen, the focal point of its Cars exhibit. Image Courtesy of Petersen Automotive Museum

I guess it’s only appropriate that here in the traffic capital of the world we have two excellent museums dedicated to the evolution of the car.

The irony, of course, is that while the Petersen Automotive Museum is only about 11 miles from the Automobile Driving Museum, it could take you more than an hour to get from one to the other. On the bright side, you’ll have lots of nice cars to stare at as your inch your way from the mid-city area to El Segundo.

I visited both, not because I’m a car nut, but because both are unique and offer a fun and educational trip for a family.

Petersen Automotive Museum

Drive down Wilshire Boulevard in mid-city and it’s hard to miss the Petersen Automotive Museum. It takes up a city block at the intersection of Wilshire and Fairfax and the outside is marked by huge stainless steel red ribbons that surround the building. It’s unique, to say the least.

It’s the inside of the building, though, that’s really cool with its impressive collection of 100 cars, 23 motorcycles, four scooters, one bobsled and one full-size Lightning McQueen model.

If your kids are too old or too young for you to be familiar with that last item, Lightning McQueen – typically referred to by his surname, McQueen – is an anthropomorphic racecar in the animated Pixar film “Cars,” its sequel “Cars 2,” and TV shorts known as “Cars Toons.”

It’s also the centerpiece of the Cars Mechanical Institute recently introduced as part of a 13-month renovation that lets families visiting the Peterson have as much fun at hands-on activities as they do admiring the showcase cars. It’s a gallery that immerses visitors in different interactive stations where they learn about the mechanical systems that make cars work. Here’s what you kids will find:

They can paint and personalize virtual cars, and trace and color their own Cars character to take home.
There’s a small racetrack where they can “test drive” cars.
They can participate in the CARSpad Experience, an iPad game where visitors design their own virtual racecar, with the help of the “Cars “characters, as they move through the galleries on the second floor. Once they are finished, visitors can race their car to try and best Lightning McQueen’s race time. This experience allows visitors to learn about the science and technology behind designing an aerodynamic racecar.

It’s a cool experience. If you do all the activities with your children, allow 20-40 minutes.

This Packard is one of many that are in excellent condition at the Automobile Driving Museum. Image Courtesy of Ron Epstein

Upstairs from the Cars Mechanical Institute are more cool cars – everywhere you look. You’ll find a vehicle called The Smith that looks like a buggy, dates back to 1900 and is the oldest surviving gas-powered vehicle built in Los Angeles. Not far away, there’s a beautiful Ford Model T. Beyond that is a glorious VW bus, and to the left are the movie cars in the Hollywood Gallery: the 1989 Batmobile from “Batman” and “Batman Returns,” the 1982 Ferrari 308GTSi from “Magnum, P.I.,” the 2004 Pontiac Aztek from “Breaking Bad” and the 1965 Lincoln Continental Convertible from “Entourage,” to name a few.

You don’t have to be a car enthusiast to admire what the Petersen has to offer. Its vehicles are in pristine condition and there’s friendly staff at every turn to answer questions.

The museum is at 6060 Wilshire Blvd. Admission is $15 for adults, $12 for seniors and students with ID, $7 for ages 3-12. Active military with ID, personal care attendants and children under age 3 get in free. Museum hours are 10 a.m.-6 p.m., and you can see more at www.petersen.org.

Automobile Driving Museum

If you want another dose of cool cars, go west on La Cienega and, after a few turns, you’ll land at the Automobile Driving Museum at 610 Lairport Street in El Segundo. The building isn’t quite as impressive, but the car and memorabilia collection certainly is, and their programs for children make this a must-visit.

The Automobile Driving Museum started as a collection by Stanley Zimmerman, who loved Packards, which were produced in the early 1900s. Today, the building houses about 130 classic, antique and vintage vehicles, including a number of beautifully restored Packards and an impressive collection of muscle cars.

Each collection includes a sign noting the history of the vehicle, its value at the time and unique features that made it a special car when it was built. This helps the visitor appreciate the design and attention to detail, not to mention the mint condition to which many of the vehicles have been restored.

As you meander through the air-conditioned building, you’ll notice that each group is separated by double yellow lines on the floor – lane lines, if you will – with period memorabilia on the walls. It’s a wonderful for a mental trip back in time, all the way to the soda shop in back.

As for my favorites, it’s a tough call. I like the 1952 MG TD and the 1949 Buick Woody, but the Packards are such classics it’s not hard to imagine driving the 101 in one of them.

On that note, each Sunday the museum selects three cars from its collection and provides rides for visitors. It’s a great opportunity for any car buff, but a once-in-a-lifetime ride for most of us considering the scarcity of these vehicles. You can see which cars will be taking part week to week by clicking on the “This Week’s Rides” tab at www.automobiledrivingmuseum.org. Note that guests must be 11 or older to participate in the ride program.

At the AltCar Expo, drivers of all ages can test drive vehicles that are eco-friendly. Image courtesy of AltCarExpo.

The Automobile Driving Museum is a unique place. It has events going on constantly, and its website connects you to car-related programs throughout L.A., including the El Segundo Car Show in August and the Hot Wheels Garage in September.

The museum is open 10 a.m.-4 p.m. Tues.-Sun. Admission, which includes access to the main building and the car ride program on Sundays, is $10 for adults, $5 for ages 10-17 and free for ages 9 and under. Families of four enjoy a special admission rate of $25.

Another (and Free) Alternative

Sept 16-17 is the 11th annual Alternative Energy and Transportation Expo, better known as AltCar, at the Santa Monica Civic parking lot and East Wing (1855 Main St., Santa Monica). The event is free and gives families a chance to check out the latest in cars that use alternative fuel. It features speakers, exhibits and more than 35 retailers showcasing alternative fuel vehicles that consumers will have the opportunity to test drive. The expo will include an extensive array of electric, hybrid electric, natural gas, propane and hydrogen vehicles for consumers from manufacturers, including Honda, Ford, General Motors, Hyundai, Mercedes-Benz, Nissan, Smart, Toyota and Volkswagen. For more details, visit www.altcarexpo.com.

Ron Epstein is Publisher of L.A. Parent, and our occasional car guy.

Parenting: Foster Care and Finding Forever Homes

Published July 17, 2016

By Rina Baraz Nehdar

Lynne Baumhoff adopted her son when he was 2 weeks old. At 17, he towers over her and is the love of her life. PHOTO COURTESY LYNNE BAUMHOFF

Thousands of children desperately need a home, or even just a safe place to sleep tonight. And they aren’t in some developing country. They are right here in Los Angeles County.

“There are 35,000 children in the foster-care system,” says Lynne Baumhoff, director of adoptions and foster care at Vista Del Mar Child and Family Services, which provides adoption and foster care services in Southern California. “Some are in foster homes, but there are only 12,000-16,000 group home beds available for 20,000 children that need them.”

And, according to Baumhoff, the L.A. County Department of Children and Family Services receives 14,000 to 16,000 calls per month about children who are being neglected or abused in their homes. For those who must be removed, there aren’t enough safe places.

“Every year the number of homes available to these abused kids goes down,” says Marianne Guilfoyle, division director of Permanency Programming at Five Acres, a Southern California nonprofit dedicated to finding permanent, loving homes for children who have suffered abuse or neglect. “People are scared away by the horror stories they hear on the news, but the vast majority of families that open their homes to these kids have incredible, happy experiences.”

Building Happy Families

In fact, many happy families have been built through foster care and adoption. Baumhoff, who has worked to help kids find homes for 20 years, adopted her son when he was 2 weeks old. “He is almost 17 now and towers over me and is the love of my life,” she says.

Before Danielle Weir adopted her now 22-month-old daughter, Eden, she was secretly afraid the two might have a hard time bonding. She later learned, by talking to many other moms, that birth mothers frequently have these same fears. “It takes time to create a bond,” she says. “It isn’t something that happens overnight, but the first time they smile at you or when they giggle, it just melts your heart.”

Danielle Weir adopted daughter Eden and learned that even birth moms have fears about bonding with their babies. PHOTO COURTESY DANIELLE WEIR

Weir adopted Eden through Vista Del Mar’s Private Infant Program, which places infants straight from the hospital into their new homes. These are open adoptions where the birth mom – with planning help and legal support from Vista Del Mar – chooses the family in which her baby will be raised. Weir says she wishes more people would look at adoption as their Plan A instead of their Plan B. Although her Plan A also included marriage, Weir always knew she wanted to adopt. “I wanted to be a mother and I knew there was a child out there who needed a mom,” she says.

Bridging Troubled Waters

Darlynn Childress and her husband, Kevin, adopted their sons, Lincoln and Sawyer, who are now 12 and 10, from Russia. “We tried to get pregnant for 18 months before we found out why we couldn’t,” says Childress. “Instead of going through infertility treatments, we decided to adopt.” Childress says she and Kevin chose to adopt internationally because, unlike in the U.S. where we have a system that provides temporary homes to children in need, in some countries these children languish in orphanages.

After attending a 2004 seminar by a company that helped arrange European adoptions, Darlynn and Kevin applied to adopt a boy from Russia. Within a few months, they were offered the chance to adopt Lincoln, saw a photo of him and instantly fell in love. He was 12 months old, and the couple flew back and forth to finalize the adoption and bring their new son home.

With Lincoln, Childress says things were heavenly and she felt just like any other new mother. But when she and her husband decided to adopt then 11-month-old Sawyer a year and a half later, Sawyer struggled with trust issues and Lincoln developed behavior problems.

After reading every parenting book she could find and finding little support for adoptive families, Childress started attending classes at Vista Del Mar – which offers counseling, support groups and home-study services and directly handles adoptions from the Philippines, Thailand, Mexico and Brazil. If a family wishes to adopt from another country, Vista Del Mar will work with private agencies to help make that happen.

At Vista Del Mar, Childress encountered attachment parenting therapist Jeanette Yoffe, who uses a series of creative bonding exercises to rebuild the type of trust that some children born into institutions lose during their early months of life. “She was amazing,” Childress says.

Childress went on to become a parenting coach, and became involved with a crowdfunding organization called Adopt Together that helps families finance adoptions. She advises adoptive parents to talk to other adoptive families, and find a mentor for support.

Creating an L.A. Blend

Joey Porter and Ed Martin had been a couple for 20 years before Porter started to daydream about the expansion of their family. “It wasn’t an option when we were younger,” he says.

The couple decided to go through the Foster to Adopt program at Vista Del Mar because they really wanted to give a child who would otherwise experience the turmoil of being shuffled between homes or institutions a forever home. The program is free and the state helps offset some of the costs associated with raising a child and provides health insurance.

They met son Xavier, now 9, when he was 4 days old. Son Jaheim, now 4, came to them from the hospital NICU. Both boys are African American, and both had mothers who had been overwhelmed by life and had their children placed into foster care.

Porter says that even though parenting has limited their freedom to pick up and go whenever they wanted, he and Martin are incredibly grateful. “It made us more of a couple,” he says. “Before, we were able to have our own opinions but now we have to present a united front.”

Xavier, Joey Martin, Jaheim and Ed Porter have formed a happy blended family. Martin and Porter adopted the boys through the Foster to Adopt program. PHOTO BY JAMIE JOHNSON

Martin says he loves the mixed-race family he and Porter and their sons have created. “Being in L.A., they fit right into the melting pot,” he explains. Porter says he tells the boys that “the things that make you different and unique will make you better when you’re older.” Both dads say their sons act, fight and love each other just like brothers. Recently, though, Xavier began asking about his mother, and shed a few tears around Mother’s Day. Porter says that the services at Vista Del Mar might come in handy here. “This might just be the time,” he says.

Few Hurdles to Family

Baumhoff says there aren’t many reasons a loving family wouldn’t qualify to foster or adopt a child. “The only things that would disqualify a person is any history of child or domestic abuse or a recent DUI conviction,” she explains. But if a couple doesn’t agree about adopting, she advises putting off the decision until both can open their hearts to the experience.

Guilfoyle says fostering first allows parents to meet a child’s other relatives and learn a bit more about the child. “They get to learn about that child’s history. That’s not available through other forms of adoption,” she says. Becoming a foster family requires only 32 hours of training, and Five Acres and Vista Del Mar offer counseling and support.

Vista Del Mar offers free private adoption orientations the first Wednesday of every month, and orientation for foster care and the Foster to Adopt program the second Wednesday. Intercountry adoption orientations are scheduled one-on-one.

Five Acres offers guidance through the foster care and Foster to Adopt processes, and also connects adoptive parents and children with mentors who have experienced adoption. They also have a respite care program, where parents who might be interested in fostering a child can provide temporary support (one day to one week) to a child whose family is in crisis.

Visit www.5acres.org or www.vistadelmar.org to learn more, and to support the work of people like Baumhoff. “I love what I do,” she says. “I love helping people create their families.”

Rina Baraz Nehdar is a mom and frequent contributor to L.A. Parent.

4 Classic Carousels for L.A. Family Fun

Published July 14, 2016

By Thea Fiore-Bloom, PhD

The carousel in the Looff Hippodrome on the Santa Monica Pier was created by the Philadelphia Toboggan Company and spins at a delightful speed. PHOTO BY ZEKE RUELAS

Want to share an American history lesson with your kids this summer without dragging them to a state capital? Take them for a whirl on an antique carousel.

“When you take your kids on a classic carousel they’ll learn lessons about our country that go beyond mere words. You are allowing them to physically experience history,” says Barbara Williams, who was manager of operations for the Santa Monica Pier Carousel from 1981-85.

Most people don’t know that the magical collections of Arthurian stallions and elegant chariots that make up our antique merry-go-rounds from the height of the golden age of carousels (1890s-1920s) were hand carved by immigrants who had recently stepped foot onto our shores at Ellis Island and other ports. Before several of these master craftsmen carved for American carousel companies, they sculpted regal lions into the wooden arks that housed the sacred Torah scrolls in the synagogues of Eastern Europe.

Some apprentice woodworkers immigrated here at younger ages. “It took so much courage for these teenage Italian, German, Austrian and Lithuanian boys, who didn’t even speak the language, to leave their families behind – leave all that they knew – to sail away, arriving here with, at most, $10 in their pockets to start a new life,” says Williams. “Just stop and look what we received from these brave immigrants. We received masterpieces, masterpieces that our children and grandchildren get to appreciate over 100 years later, but only if we take the time to visit classic carousels.”

Here are four places in or around Los Angeles where you and your children can still touch and ride a piece of the American Dream.

The Santa Monica Pier Carousel

Step onto the pier to the sound of seagulls, the salty smell of ocean breeze and the siren song of pinball machines from the arcade, then scramble over the uneven planks of the boardwalk to the Looff Hippodrome and the PTC #62 Carousel inside. Experts say the Philadelphia Toboggan Company produced some of the finest examples of carousel art in America. Horses on PTC #62 race faster than those on many other carousels, clocking in at an exhilarating 4½ rpm, the speed at which all carousels used to travel.

: The lights above the colorfully decorated horses of King Arthur’s Carrousel glow in Fantasyland at Disneyland Park in Anaheim, Calif. (Paul Hiffmeyer/Disneyland Resort)

: The Griffith Park Merry-Go-Round is said to have inspired father Walt Disney to create a theme park where families could have fun together. PHOTO BY JUANCARLOS CHAN/LOS ANGELES DEPARTMENT OF RECREATION AND PARKS

: The Knott’s Berry Farm Merry-Go-Round boasts a menagerie of animals, including a mischievous cat. PHOTO COURTESY KNOTT’S BERRY FARM

“The carousel and the 100-year-old Looff Hippodrome in which it resides achieved world-wide recognition when featured in the Paul Newman-Robert Redford 1973 movie ‘The Sting’,” says Brian Morgan, carousel historian and past president of the National Carousel Association. Marilyn Monroe, swathed in a scarf and dark sunglasses, was said to have spent hours riding the carousel at night in the ’50s. Writer William Saroyan rented office space above the carousel, and celebrities including Joan Baez were often spotted in the upstairs apartments.

The carousel and pier had fallen on hard times in the ’60s and ’70s, and were rescued from slated destruction, restored and reopened in 1981 because of the efforts of then-Mayor Ruth Yannatta Goldway, city manager John Jalili and carousel preservation crusaders Barbara Williams and Harvey Gaylin, who both personally stepped up to run PTC #62, which is now being run and restored by Adrianna Roth and her master-carver husband, Ed.

Disneyland’s King Arthur Carrousel

The actual bench where Walt sat is now in the Grand Opera House lobby at the theme park he eventually built, as is the big, breathtaking King Arthur Carrousel. Its four grand rows of white, hand-carved, jumping stallions remain well cared for despite their place on one of the busiest carousels in the land. Lines for the carousel are usually mercifully short, since it can comfortably host 72 riders at one go.

“This carousel was assembled in 1954-55. Its frame and some of its horses were originally from a 1922 William Dentzel carousel from the time when Dentzel was producing his greatest carvings,” says Morgan. Disney added vintage horses (from a great old Coney Island carousel) by master carvers like Solomon Stein and Harry Goldstein to the mix.

As you wait in line and look up at the eyes and manes on those horses, tell your kids they were probably carved around the time their great – or even great-great – grandparents waited in line as children for a carousel ride.

Griffith Park Merry-Go-Round

Over in a quiet corner in the dry foothills of Griffith Park, another classic carousel has stood the test of time and inspired a new generation of amusements.

“In a film clip, Los Feliz resident Walt Disney related how he developed the idea of creating an amusement park for the entire family,” says Morgan. Back before World War II, as he sat on an old green park bench on Saturdays, shelling peanuts and watching his daughters Diane and Sharon go up and down on the Griffith Park Merry-Go-Round, Disney was deep in thought. “I remember riding the merry-go-round and Daddy would be sitting there just staring at us,” said Diane Disney Miller in a 2011 interview with “The Orange County Register.” Apparently her dad was dreaming up the amusement park that would one day be known as Disneyland.

This 1926 Spillman Engineering Company carousel is waiting in the same spot, ready to inspire you while it serenades you with waltzes from its huge military-band organ. You can sit on a green wooden park bench similar to the one Walt rested on and watch your own kids go round and round.

Knott’s Berry Farm Merry-Go-Round

Another Orange County theme park boasting a classic carousel is Knott’s Berry Farm in Buena Park. The horses on this carousel are nothing to sneeze at, but it’s the beasts riding beside them that deserve the attention here.

“This 1906 Gustav Dentzel carousel is the only remaining classic menagerie carousel still operating in the Los Angeles area,” says Morgan, explaining that this means it houses horses and other animals. “Knott’s Berry Farm’s carousel has a few typical Dentzel bears, ostrich, rabbits, pigs and zebra.” Individual menagerie animals thought to have been created by master carvers such as Salvatore Cernigliaro, who worked for Dentzel, are highly prized by art collectors and have garnered whopping prices at auction. It’s a treat to be able to see several of these fine animals together on a functioning carousel, even though some of the originals have been replaced with fiberglass replicas. Other merry-go-round residents include a lion, deer, giraffe and my favorite, an oversized, mischievous looking cat.

“We don’t have very many antique merry-go-rounds left,” says Williams. “They don’t make money, they’re high-maintenance and it’s really important that young people learn about them so that as time goes on and the positions of carousels become precarious, there are people who care about them who can do things to help save them.”

Bring your kids to see a classic carousel while they’re still there to be ridden – before the only ones left are kept behind velvet ropes in museums.

Thea Fiore-Bloom, Ph.D. is a freelance writer, artist and literacy volunteer.

Blackberry Crumble: A Sweet Taste of Childhood

Published July 10, 2016

By Christina Elston

Executive Pastry Chef Katie Shyne of Taste on Melrose says bakers can relax with her Spiced Blackberry Crumble recipe, which is great to make with kids. PHOTO COURTESY TASTE ON MELROSE

Katie Shyne of Taste on Melrose shares fond memories and a Spiced Blackberry Crumble recipe.

Doesn’t blackberry picking with your mom sound like a delicious way to spend a morning? Katie Shyne, executive pastry chef at Taste on Melrose, brings her childhood memory and a childhood favorite recipe to life in this Spiced Blackberry Crumble. “It’s one of the first things I learned how to make when I was a little kid,” says Shyne, whose mother was an avid gardener and grew fruit year round.

This is baking at its easiest. Measurements need not be exact, and you can adjust the recipe to your taste. Add a little less sugar if you don’t want it so sweet, or more or less topping. (This version is topping-heavy, because that was Shyne’s favorite part when she was a kid.) “Just relax and have fun,” urges Shyne. Crumbles are also great to make with kids, though Shyne’s 1-year-old son is still too young for baking. “He had a lot of fun eating the berries as I was making this,” she says.

You can use any berry you like except strawberries (which don’t cook up nicely in this), and you can change up the spices, adding fresh ginger or something else. You can even change the shape or size of the dish, as long as you have enough filling, enough topping and bake it long enough.

“I think sometimes people get stressed about baking stuff, but it’s really not that hard,” Shyne says. If you’re serving the crumble warm (with ice cream, which is Shyne’s favorite way), let it cool for 15 minutes or so after baking. Or you can serve it room temperature or chilled.

Spiced Blackberry Crumble

Topping

2 cups oats
2 cups flour
2 cups brown sugar
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon cinnamon
1 cup melted butter

Filling

6 cups ripe blackberries

2 cups sugar
2 tablespoons flour
2 tablespoons lemon juice
¼ teaspoon ground cloves
½ teaspoon nutmeg
1 teaspoon cinnamon
2 tablespoons butter

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Mix the dry ingredients for the topping together. Pour the melted butter over the dry ingredients and toss together until completely mixed. Set aside.

Put all of the filling ingredients except the butter into a bowl and toss gently. Pour this mixture into a casserole dish or a 9×9 glass baking dish. It will be very full. Drop small pieces of butter on top of the fruit mixture. Spread the topping evenly over the entire dish. Stick the crumble into the preheated oven and bake until the fruit is bubbling through the topping. Cooking time is 45 minutes to one hour, depending on the dish.

*To make sure your oven stays clean, put a sheet pan or baking sheet under the crumble to catch any drips.

Ellie Knaus: Podcasting the Joys and Challenges of Parenting

Published July 9, 2016

By Elena Epstein

Writer, actress and podcaster Ellie Knaus, pictured here with her daughter Sabrina, shares her own stories and celebrates and commiserates with parenting guests on her podcast. PHOTO BY HELLO PINECONE PHOTOGRAPHY (WWW.HELLOPINECONE.COM)

Ellie Knaus wants to get to know you. The real you, control issues, neuroses, mommy guilt and all. And that’s exactly what she does each week through her popular parenting podcast, “Atomic Moms,” where she “celebrates and commiserates” with best-selling authors, parenting experts and parents all over the world. Her goal: share the universal story of parenthood with humor and authenticity.

Knaus is a writer, actress and mom to 2-year-old Sabrina. An L.A. transplant, the Houston native came to California after earning her theater degree from Smith College. Witty and well read, Knaus describes herself as a “recovering perfectionist” with a Lucille Ball kind of sensibility. She uses humor and her own vulnerability to draw in her listeners. She loves delving into people’s lives and telling their stories. She brings her curiosity and enthusiasm for the challenges and joys of raising a child to her podcasts, and Knaus’ stories of growing and learning as a mom give them an intimate feel. Her international listeners are responding with notes of thanks for making them feel understood and sane.

Why start a weekly podcast?

Connection. I want to tell the story of motherhood from different angles and create a space and opportunity for all types of parents. I want to share our voices so moms don’t feel so alone. I don’t have rehearsed questions. I like going down rabbit holes and having a stream-of-consciousness conversation. I love having the space to dig deeper. I have an improv background, which comes in handy during the interviews. It allows me to have real discovery.

You have interviewed celebrities, best-selling authors and parenting experts. Have you found a common thread among this eclectic group?

Definitely. Parenting, for all of us, is the most important thing in our lives. When you start talking about your kids and being a parent, suddenly you cut out all the BS. It’s no longer about your credits or the next big project. It’s so much more an authentic and honest conversation.

How is hosting Atomic Moms shaping your parenting?

I have the privilege to talk to incredible moms and amazing parenting experts. Free consultation is the best perk of the podcast. I learn with every show. The one lesson that keeps coming is that our connection with our children trumps everything. I’m learning how to create a safe place for Sabrina to have her big emotions and be who she is. When we first become parents, we are so concerned about our child being OK, and I now realize that being there for our kids means letting them know that sometimes it’s OK to not be OK.

You had a health scare a couple of years before your daughter was born. Tell us about that and how it affected you.

In 2011, I was diagnosed with a rare and aggressive bone-dissolving tumor. While it was benign, it had the potential for metastasizing, so doctors had to scoop out the tumor, kill all surrounding cells and fill the gaping hole left in my bone with cement. Post surgery, there were several months when I couldn’t walk and I had to sit with myself and my thoughts. I learned to be much more aware of the little delights in my life and I learned to stay calm in chaos. It changed me for the better. I use these skills every day as a mom. It allows me to stay in the moment and meet my toddler’s needs so much better.

To listen and subscribe to Knaus’ podcast, go to: iTunes.com/AtomicMoms.

5 Steps To a Balanced Breakfast Smoothie

Published July 7, 2016

By Shani Mara Breiter

Nutritionist Shani Mara Breiter and her nephew, Eli, blend up a smoothie together. PHOTO COURTESY SHANI MARA BREITER

It’s time to create a new breakfast staple with fun ideas for kids. Although breakfast is the most important meal of the day, a typical kid’s breakfast includes foods such as cereal, pancakes, bagels or waffles, which are high in processed grains. These breakfasts are easy to make, but don’t include the ideal nutrient balance your kids need to start their day. A balanced breakfast contains a protein, a carbohydrate and healthy fat.

Here are five steps to help you create a balanced breakfast smoothie that will keep your kids satisfied until their morning snack or lunch, and provide them vitamins, minerals, protein, carbohydrate and healthy fats essential for energy and growth.

Step 1: Start with raw nuts. Nuts create a great base for your smoothie. Nuts provide protein, healthy fats and will give your smoothie a good consistency. Try almonds, cashews or walnuts. If your child is allergic to nuts, then leave this step out.

Step 2: Add a carbohydrate. For a smoothie, fruit is your ideal carbohydrate. Fruit provides quick energy, vitamins, minerals and fiber. Bananas will give your smoothie a creamy consistency. Also try fresh berries, mango or papaya. Fruits with skin, such as apples, don’t typically create a smooth consistency in a smoothie. Use fresh or frozen fruit.

Step 3: Include a protein. Protein will help keep your child’s blood sugar steady longer, helping them feel satisfied longer. Good-quality protein powders are ideal, since they are smooth and emulsify easily. Try a dairy-based organic grass-fed whey protein such as Tera’s Whey. If you prefer a non-dairy protein powder, try Warrior Food Natural Vegan Protein powder by Health Force, made from a combination of rice protein and hemp seeds. Although not as smooth as whey protein, this protein powder has a relatively smooth consistency and no aftertaste, unlike many pea-protein-based vegan protein powders. You may also use yogurt. Keep in mind that most kid-friendly yogurts are high in sugar. Choose a yogurt with little or no sugar, knowing you will have the sweetness of the fruit.

Step 4: Provide a healthy fat. Healthy fats will further help to keep your child satisfied until their next meal or snack. They are important for your brain, which is 70 percent fat. They also supply nutrients that are essential for growth, energy and the absorption and metabolism of some nutrients. Try flax or coconut oil, coconut butter or even avocado.

Step 5: Choose a liquid. Most smoothies include fruit juice as their liquid. But why add sugar in liquid form when you can get the carbohydrate from whole fruit? The key to a balanced smoothie is to not overdo the sugar component of the drink. Instead of juice, try water, milk or unsweetened almond milk.

Bonus Tip: Create new smoothie flavors by adding cacao powder, pure vanilla extract or ground cinnamon. Chocolate banana smoothies are a favorite.

These steps will yield a balanced, nourishing breakfast smoothie, perfect for a hot day or breakfast on the go.

Sample Breakfast Smoothie Recipe

Makes 1 smoothie

Put a handful of raw almonds(approximately 15-20) and put in blender. Add 3/4 cup water.
Blend the almonds for 1 minute, until the mixture becomes a pulp. Note: this step is key to creating a smooth smoothie.
Add 1banana or 1/2 banana plus 5 strawberries or ½ cup blueberries. Having frozen fruit on hand works well. Remember to peel bananas before freezing.
Add 1 scoop of dairy-based Tera’s Organic Whey Protein orWarrior Food Natural Vegan Protein powder by Health Force.
Add 1 tablespoon coconut butter,1 teaspoon flax oil or 1/4 avocado
Add ice and water for desired consistency and coldness.Blend well to create a smooth, creamy consistency.

Note: Use any extra smoothie to make a homemade frozen popsicle using a popsicle mold.

Shani Mara Breiter is a Los Angeles-based registered dietitian nutritionist who specializes in working with families, kids and teens. She offers a family-centered nutrition program along with individualized sessions both virtually and in person at her Beverly Hills and Encino offices. Learn more at shanimara.com.

When Do Children Ask ‘What If’?

Published July 6, 2016

Lily FitzGibbon, Ph.D., plays a matching game with a child in the Minds In Development lab at USC. Other games are played on the computer. PHOTO COURTESY MINDS IN DEVELOPMENT LAB

You’re on the freeway and the driver in front of you slams on the breaks. You can’t avoid rear-ending the car. Still, as you pull over, you sigh with relief that the accident wasn’t serious. And maybe you are a little more cautious on your next commute.

This is an example of counterfactual reasoning or “what if” thinking. It helps us feel regret when things could have gone better, relief when they could have been worse, and allows us to learn from our mistakes and make better decisions.

“It comes very naturally to adults, particularly after a bad decision,” says Lily FitzGibbon, Ph.D., a postdoctoral researcher in the Minds in Development Lab at USC. Fitzgibbon and her fellow researchers are studying the development of “what if” thinking in children, and – if you have a child between the ages of 3 and 6 – you can help.

Here’s what we know so far:

By age 3, most children are able to identify when something almost happened, like when a cup almost fell off the table.
Around age 5 or 6, kids begin to feel relief when things might have been better, and regret when they might have been worse.
By 8 or 9, children can begin to reason that if they weren’t running through the house, they wouldn’t have bumped the table and caused the cup to fall.

“One reason why counterfactual reasoning is difficult in particular is because [children] have to set aside what they know to be true about the world in order to think about how things could have been different,” explains FitzGibbon.

FitzGibbon and her colleagues have been studying this thinking through games they ask children to play.

In one, children play a computer game where they choose between two cards. If their card matches the computer’s card, they receive a star. Next, they see the card that they did not choose, and are given the option to move on to the next pair of cards or repeat the turn (and possibly improve the outcome).

In the newest study, children play the card-matching game but aren’t automatically shown the card they did not choose. Instead, they are shown how to use “X-ray glasses” if they want to see the card they did not choose. “We know from other research that adults are incredibly curious about how the decision they didn’t make would have turned out,” says FitzGibbon, but this hasn’t been studied in children.

The team is looking for children to participate, and families can come to the lab on the USC University Park Campus (and have free parking near the Natural History Museum and the California Science Center for the day!), or visit one of their research events at Kidspace Children’s Museum in Pasadena, or the Zimmer Children’s Museum in L.A.

Visit the lab’s Facebook page at www.facebook.com/usc.midla or email midlausc@gmail.com for more information.

Doc Talk: Treating Insect Stings 101

Published July 4, 2016

By Alan L. Nager, M.D., M.H.A.

Southern California kids are more likely to encounter bees this summer than they are mosquitoes carrying Zika virus. PHOTO BY RICK COWAN/FREEIMAGES.COM

This summer, the buzz about mosquitoes and Zika virus will no doubt continue. But Southern California kids are much more likely to encounter bees, wasps, hornets or yellowjackets. All carry venom that can cause problems ranging from a slight nuisance to anaphylaxis and death.

First-aid starts with removal of the stinger. Flick it out with a credit card or your finger. Don’t pull it, grab it or tweeze it, or you’ll squeeze more venom into the skin.

The sooner you start to treat swelling – which, along with redness and pain, is a common reaction to stings – the less there will be. These reactions can be minor to extreme, even in people who are not allergic.

Make a paste of Adolph’s Tenderizer (a meat tenderizer available at the grocery store) and over-the-counter steroid cream. Apply this to the area around the sting and cover with a bandage. The tenderizer breaks up the protein enzymes in the venom that cause the swelling.

Elevate the area, the way you would a sprained ankle, and make a cool compress with a bag of frozen vegetables (which are more comfortable than ice cubes). If your child is 6 months old or older, give Tylenol or Motrin for pain and Benadryl for swelling. Leave the tenderizer paste in place for four to six hours. If your child is younger than 6 months, consult your doctor about the medication.

Kids who are allergic to insect venom can have systemic reactions. Symptoms can include:

Nausea and vomiting,
diarrhea,
fever,
hives,
paleness,
hoarse voice,
chest congestion and difficulty breathing.

Allergic reactions to stings can be life-threatening. If your child is stung and develops these symptoms, contact your doctor, bring your child to the emergency department or, if symptoms are severe, call 9-1-1.

Allergy to insect stings tends to run in families, so if you are allergic, watch your child closely if he or she is stung. If you know your child is allergic, you should have an epinephrine auto-injector (EpiPen) available at all times, and be trained by a nurse, doctor or pharmacist in how to use it.

Alan L. Nager, M.D., M.H.A., has been Director of Emergency and Transport Medicine at Children’s Hospital Los Angeles for the past 18 years, and is a professor of Pediatrics at the Keck School of Medicine of the University of Southern California.

Community News: A Tween With An Open Heart

Published June 28, 2016

By Ronna Mendel

Noah Bella Michaelis shows off her fundraising lemonade stand with parents Keith and Cecile. PHOTO BY NIKKI DEBBAUDT

Noah Bella Michaelis may seem like your ordinary 12-year-old. She loves her pet dog, Finn, and pet tortoise, Escher; enjoys reading and collects miniature figurines. She was born with complex congenital heart disease and has had four open-heart surgeries since birth, but what is really extraordinary about Michaelis is her spirit.

This indefatigable sixth grader has raised more than $65,000 for the Hopeful Hearts Foundation – a nonprofit that provides financial support for families of children with congenital heart disease (CHD) and raises awareness and funds for research – through a fundraiser she calls Noah’s Festival of Life. This carnival-like festival in the Michaelis’ back yard celebrates life and gratitude among friends and family with games and cotton candy, a silent auction and a raffle.

Michaelis’ motivation is simple. “It is an amazing feeling to know that someone you don’t know cares about you,” she says. “When I first received a gift package from the Hopeful Hearts Foundation, I experienced an overwhelming amount of love. Pure TLC.” Knowing she wasn’t alone also helped make everything less scary. Determined to give back, Michaelis continues giving through her festival and by selling lemonade to raise money for her favorite charities. Her work has helped more than 100 families to date.

She keeps busy with her online school and her friends, and while she never forgets that she lives with CHD, she doesn’t let that stop her from enjoying life. “I can never be a regular tween, but I can participate in some fun activities that other tweens do with each other like going to the movies, a day at the beach or the zoo,” says Michaelis. She also encourages other families to share their stories, and to follow her journey at www.noahsfestivaloflife.com.

A Family Legacy Worth Leaving Behind

Published June 27, 2016

By Daniella Guzman

positive parenting It is a day I will never forget – Christmas 2013 in snowy Chicago, and my parents were visiting from Texas. Christmas carols were playing, festive food and decorated cookies were on the table, and I had buttery egg nog in hand and a big smile on my face as I sat to watch my then 2-year-old daughter, Sofia, open her first gift from under our tree.

The first package was from us, Mom and Dad. It was a “Sofia the First” karaoke machine, which was on her wish list. She looked at it for about three seconds, pushed it aside and reached for the next box. She opened one from Santa, looked at it for another three seconds and tossed it aside. I was heartbroken as I watched my overindulged daughter grab and toss gift after gift without a hint of appreciation. All I heard from her was, “What else?” My husband looked as disturbed and disappointed as I did.

Since that day, we have focused on teaching Sofia to be grateful, kind, appreciative, respectful and compassionate. I read dozens of parenting books and learned that the only way to teach our kids to be grateful and respectful is by example. I felt plenty of pressure come on – to be the good example Sofia needed to follow. I thought to myself, “How can we teach our kids the value of selflessness, hard work and generosity when we barely have time to cook a homemade meal?”

We began with small gestures – as a family – such as taking soup to a sick neighbor, serving food to homeless people on Thanksgiving and collecting books and toys for local charities. We visited adults with disabilities at a nearby home and traded hugs, stories and cookies with senior citizens at a local retirement facility. We noticed Sofia developing a heart for giving and decided to sponsor an 11-year-old girl living in an orphanage in Mexico. We wrote to her and sent her care packages, and eventually decided to make the trip to meet her.

We recently drove into Mexico and spent two days with our sponsored little girl. Though she is older than Sofia, they made a connection by coloring, playing sports and baking together, and I saw my 4-year-old’s spirit grow and shine with happiness. Watching her roll around in the dirt-filled soccer field, hang on the rusty and unpainted monkey bars, bake cookies in a not-so-ideal kitchen with less-than-adequate cooking equipment and sleep on hard and squeaky bunk beds, it was clear that no electronics or toys could come between her and her companion. She asks me every day when we will go back to see our new friend.

As volunteering and giving back became a part of our family life, we realized it is not as hard as we imagined. And the feeling of devastation and failure I felt that Christmas Day started to fade as we witnessed a seed of giving planted in Sofia’s heart. Our holidays and birthdays are very different now. We receive, but we also give so much more. I know it seems almost impossible to find time and energy to volunteer, but it is important to make it a family priority, because it is the legacy we will leave behind for our children.

Daniella Guzman is the anchor on “Today in LA” weekday morning newscast, 4:30–7 a.m. A mother of two, Daniella’s column, On the Record, brings her views on parenting, fun family activities and her take on work-life balance. Follow her on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram @daniellanbcla.

Family Fun Yoga Festivals to Bliss up this Summer

Published June 24, 2016

By Elena Sheehy

So you are a yogi mom or dad and want to go to festivals and enjoy all blissful workshops by your favorite teachers, but you don’t want to have to get a sitter for the kids?

I have the guide for you! At these family-friendly festivals, your kids will have just as much fun as you do.

Wanderlust, July 14-16, Squaw Valley

Wanderlust

Featuring MC Yoga and DJ Drez, Gurmuk, Dharma Mittra, Sean Corne, Shiva Rea, Kia Miller and other top talent, this one-of-a-kind festival brings together the world’s leading yoga teachers, musical acts, DJs, and speakers in a setting of breathtaking natural beauty.

The Wanderlust Wanderkind Kids Program is the spot where ages 4-10 can have a safe and exceptionally cool Wanderlust experience. Custom tailored to the interests of Wanderlust families, the Wanderkind kids program runs from 9:30 a.m. to 4 p.m. Friday through Sunday. All activities, including kid’s yoga, music, hula-hooping and arts and crafts, are included in the program. Kids and parents will be responsible for their own lunches, but can enjoy samples from kid-friendly snack sponsors. Tickets are $50 per day.

Enchanted Forest, July 22-24, Black Oak Ranch, Laytonville

Enchanted Forest

Tulku, founder of Enchanted Forest, has a son, Asha, who ignited his passion for creating an innovative creative space for kids. This has bloomed into Kidslandia, a space for kids to play, practice yoga and make new friends.

Enchanted Forest is a magical experience showcasing more than 70 internationally acclaimed musicians including heavy bass headliners Shpongle, The Polish Ambassador, and PANTyRAiD, and live music legends such as Hamsa Lila and Ayla Nereo. There are also three zones dedicated to yoga, flow arts, and dance/movement with more than 50 classes from internationally known teachers such as Susan Sterling, plus educational talks and forums.

Also nestled in the forest is an interactive Kids’ Village with professional day care services, and an array of playful micro-environments such as the Crystal Dome, Nectar Temple, Tea Lounge, Comedy Stage, and Visionary Art Gallery. Enchanted Forest Gathering boasts dance floors made of foam, shade and chill zones provided for every stage with Kombucha on tap, trees providing natural shade for camping, delicious and healthy food vendors – all within a safe, alcohol-free environment for a family friendly good time!

Bhakti Fest, Sept 10-14, Joshua’s Tree

Bhakti Fest

Bhakti fest celebrates the path of devotion known as Bhakti Yoga. Show casing Kirtan artists from around the world on two stages means there is always a chance to catch a set in between a massage at the healing sanctuary, yoga workshops, sounds baths or receiving some wisdom from the women’s and men’s tent. Bhakti Fest is designed for a blissful time that is ultimately a yoga party at it’s finest. Nestled in the center of the festival you will find Kid’s Land, a full program of classes where you and your kids can enjoy Crystal Yoga, Hula-Hoop, Dance, Sacred Story Telling with Sound Bath and Generation Gratitude programs such as Water Peace Yoga, affiliated with Dr, Emotos project Water Peace Project a children’s programs designed to educate children about the importance of water and how words have vibration.

By the end of the festival your kids will be begging you to return for the next year.

Six Summer Essentials for Family Harmony

Published June 21, 2016

By Stephanie Marcy, PhD

A regular sleep schedule during summer will make it easier for everyone to adjust when school starts again. FREEIMAGES.COM/SAM LEVAN

With a little advance planning, summer break with the kids at home does not have to be anxiety-filled.

As the school year winds down, so do the hectic days of getting the kids dressed, getting lunches made and rushing out the door to make it before the first bell rings. Summer vacation gives parents and kids a respite from the demanding daily schedule. Oftentimes kids associate the end of the school year with the beginning of a long, lazy summer of sleeping in, swimming and X-Box competitions. As a result, parents may dread the thought of having kids at home 24/7 and not knowing how to best occupy their time.

While it’s important for children of all ages to embrace down time away from the high expectations and heavy workloads of being in school, summer is not necessarily the time to abandon a structured schedule and learning opportunities.

Here are a few tips for families to follow to help make this summer season productive and enjoyable:

Stimulation: Fuel kids’ curiosity by going on adventures such as visiting a farm, touring a museum or exploring tide pools at the beach. Many schools from elementary to high school provide suggested reading lists for students. Visit a local library and have your kids choose three books to read over the break. Consider having them embark on a new adventure like enrolling in a kids’ cooking class or volunteering at a local nonprofit organization one day a week. Day camps and sleep-away camps offer variety of physical and creative activities that keep kids busy and reinforce time-management skills.

Touring museums such as the California Science Center can keep kids busy and engaged during the summer. PHOTO COURTESY CALIFORINA SCIENCE CENTER

Schedule: One of the worst things a parent can do is allow their kids to make up their day as they go along. It is imperative that kids continue to have structure during the summer break. Parents can make visual charts or calendars with their kids and plan out the week, including downtime days with no agenda. Plugging in play dates, family events and trips will help parents and kids feel secure in knowing what to expect and thereby avoid boredom and complaining.

Sleep: Not having to head out the door first thing in the morning generally makes kids think they can stay up later at night and sleep in as late as they want. Sporadic late nights are all right, but it is imperative to adhere as much as possible to the sleep/wake routine kids had during the school year. If the routine is abandoned, it will be much more difficult for everyone to get back on schedule when school resumes.

Socialization: It’s important that kids continue to build healthy relationships over the summer by having regular play dates. Working parents may help each other out by trading off social activities with kids. Build in family play dates and activities such as a beach outing or a backyard barbecue where parents can spend time together while the kids play.

Screen Stoppage: Let’s face it, today’s kids are part of the plugged-in generation. Activities such as texting, video gaming, watching television and social media can occupy their time for hours. It’s important to make sure kids unplug, literally, and enjoy the longer daylight hours and warm weather that summer brings by going outdoors. Limit screen time (mobile phones, tablets, computers and TV) to no more than two hours each day and encourage kids to go swimming, go on a bicycle ride or go on a hike.

Self-Sufficiency: Encourage kids to become more independent, and thus feel more in control as they learn skills during their time off. Make goals for them to master certain tasks – such as tying their shoes, riding a bike or making breakfast – by the end of summer. Parents can also set goals and ask the kids to partner with them for things such as cleaning out the garage or planting a flower garden.

Stephanie Marcy, Ph.D., is a resident child psychology expert at Children’s Hospital Los Angeles.

Party Time Together: Tips for Planning a Joint Birthday Party

Published June 20, 2016

By Carolyn Richardson

The joys of summer are here. More sun, more free time and – for reasons all too familiar – more birthday parties. More and more, parents are sharing the load of party planning and saving some days of partygoing by arranging joint birthday parties. The practice is familiar to those of us with twins, but now pals at school and kids in the same playgroups with birthdays close together on the calendar are getting into it. Here are some tips for making your joint birthday party a success.

Finding the Right Fit

You need more than just nearby birth dates for a joint party to work. If one mom wants a blowout party with magic and fireworks, while the other only requires cake and “Happy Birthday to You,” things could get messy. Consider your main requirements for a successful party and make your party expectations plain from the beginning. Talk through the following with your co-planner to make sure your objectives align:

Party date
Number of guests
Venue
Food and drinks
Entertainment
Party budget

Make sure you can agree on a theme that will work for both children. Christine McCain, who has two kids just over two years apart, chose the Nick Jr. show “Paw Patrol” as the theme for her kids’ party to keep things gender neutral and appealing to all. “I went with Paw Patrol because not only is it popular, but everyone can relate to one of the characters and the activities for dogs can be done by both boys and girls,” she says.

If the party includes kids with a big gap in age, consider separate activities part of the time so that no one gets bored. “I had a lot more friends for my older one, and my little one was always left behind,” says Kristina Kutsina, owner of Kids World LA and mom of two boys, ages 6 and 9. “At Kids World LA, we offer party hosts for each age group for joint parties. One will do an activity with the older kids, while another does an activity that fits for the younger kids.” If you’re having a party at home, consider having an indoor area for younger kids to play and interact, plus a setup outside where older kids can play games or enjoy entertainment.

Kim Owens, a Valley mom of two who has hosted two joint birthday parties for her 4-year-old daughter, says failure to coordinate the basics led to disappointment at one of those events. “We didn’t allow enough time to ensure important family members and friends for both children were able to make it,” she says.

Birthday kids enjoy their joint birthday party with friends
during a parachute game. PHOTO COURTESY ZOOGA YOGA

Becoming a birthday party team isn’t easy, so setting these basic expectations will either help you start out on the right foot or make clear that a joint birthday party is too big for your planning britches.

Working Together

Once you are on the same page, Rachel Isgar, mom of four and education and etiquette consultant at Please Pass the Manners etiquette school in El Segundo, offers this recipe for co-planning success: “Emphasize cooperation and not competition. Be flexible and realize that you may lose some control since you are not the only one running the show.”

Next, consider how you and your mom friend work best together. Owens says the important thing is to let each mom use her strengths. This leaves room for creativity and ownership for both moms, which gives each of them autonomy despite the shared work. Owens enjoys running errands, while decorating and sending invitations were better handled by her friend.

Another tip for planning logistics is to respect how the other mom functions during the planning process. Screenwriter Michelle McGee has made all of her 4-year-old’s L.A. birthdays joint affairs. “One of the moms had an Excel sheet and was tracking receipts, while the other was fine with us paying for separate things as long as everything made it to the party,” she says. “Don’t take it personally either way.”

Covering All Bases

Once you’ve figured out how to work together, focus on what to work on. This set of major party planning points will keep you organized:

Deliverables – This list of stuff required for the party might include tables and chairs, food and drinks, the cake or cakes, decorations, invitations and paper goods.

Milestones – This timeline should list important dates such as when to secure the venue and pay the deposit, when to send invites, RSVP deadlines, when you’ll pick up deliverables, set-up and breakdown times, and when certain activities happen during the party.

Technical Requirements – These are the logistical requirements that need to be met so that all goes as planned. Does your venue require a permit? Will there be a projector and screen that need power? Do the speakers fit on the stage at the venue, and are microphones needed? Where will you set up the food? How many songs are needed for Freeze Dance?

Limits and Exceptions – These are accommodations you’ll need to make for guests who might have special requirements. Does anyone attending have food allergies or disabilities? Are any of the children afraid of anything they might encounter at the venue (such as dogs at the park or a party clown)? Does an infant sibling need a meal in the middle of the party?

Divide up these areas, do your homework and share what you find out.

Keeping Things Social and Equitable

At KidsWorld LA in Moorpark, bumper balls can keep older kids occupied while the little ones enjoy a separate activity. PHOTO
COURTESY LEXI MOMENTS PHOTOGRAPHY

If you and your co-planner have different financial backgrounds, keep things equitable during the party. “If you go with two cakes, you need parity so one is not bigger or more showy than the other,” says Isgar, adding that the best case scenario is one big cake decorated half-and-half with each child’s preference, name and age. Another way to ensure one child doesn’t outshine the other is to avoid opening gifts. Isgar says she’s seen multiple joint parties request no gifts in invites to avoid situations where one child gets more gifts or more expensive gifts than the other. If you still want a gift table, keep it low key and let the birthday kids open their presents at home after the festivities.

During the party, be mindful of the birthday kids’ different personalities. If one is shy, help them shine in their own way on their special day. “I would keep the guests to a minimum, so that the birthday children are not overwhelmed,” says Antonia King, founder of Zooga Yoga in Culver City, which offers birthday party packages. Because birthday children are usually the focus of entertainers or other party hosts, designate one special activity for each of the birthday children to lead so they get some extra attention from partygoers. Likewise, you and your co-planner should each take your star turn during the festivities.

Enlist someone from each family to greet guests, so arriving isn’t awkward, and set specific beginning and ending times for activities during the party so everyone is on the same page. Make sure to introduce yourself to the other child’s guests if you’re not already familiar with them, and find out how they are connected so you can reminisce with your party partner after the fact. Introduce guests to each other so folks will mingle. Name tags may help keep everyone social.

Last but not least, make sure there are plenty of photos of both parties – including some of you and your co-planner together. “Do pre-photography for the two or more birthday kids,” Isgar suggests.

If you’ve planned well, both families – including the birthday kids – will enjoy celebrating together, and you’ll finish the day with great photos and happy memories.

Carolyn Richardson is a mom of three and Assistant Editor at L.A. Parent.

5 Tips for Healthy Summer Camp Lunches

Published June 18, 2016

By Shani Mara Breiter, RDN

Camp time is here. You want your kids to be well nourished and enjoy their lunch, but kids often get bored with the food parents pack, and parents have a challenging time coming up with new lunch ideas. Kids enjoy camp lunches that have balance, variety and include surprise treats. The treats are small, but are delicious and hit the spot.

Here are five tips to help you build a balanced lunch box.

Tip 1: Include a protein. Protein will help keep your child satisfied longer by keeping blood sugars steady longer. Consider giving 2-3 ounces of protein. Examples include sliced turkey, roast chicken, egg salad, chicken salad, hardboiled egg, cheese, hummus or leftovers from the previous night’s dinner. The protein can be in a small container, in a sandwich or wrap or served with crackers.

Tip 2: Provide a starch or grain. Think whole-grain bread or a half of a pita for a sandwich, or a tortilla or lavash bread for a wrap. Try cutting a wrap made from tortilla or lavash bread into smaller slices that look like pinwheels. A trick for helping a sandwich not wilt in the summer heat is to freeze your bread in an air-tight bag overnight. Make the sandwich in the morning using the frozen bread. By lunchtime, the sandwich will be a perfect temperature. If your child is not fond of sandwiches, provide a small container of rice, pasta or whole-grain crackers. The big take-home here is to move away from packing multiple processed grains such as sugary granola bars or other sweet snack bars marketed to kids, and instead give more fresh, whole, unprocessed foods.

Tip 3: Give fresh fruits and vegetables. Rotate your kid’s favorite fruits, whether whole or cut up in a container. Try cherries, apples, tangerines or grapes. These fruits hold up well in warmer weather. For a variety of vegetables, try including seaweed, a few olives, sugar snap peas, a few sweet baby tomatoes or a pickle. Small containers with a variety of foods are fun for kids to eat. If vegetables are not your child’s favorite, include a small amount of ranch dressing, guacamole or hummus for dipping.

Tip 4: Add a healthy fat. Do your kids like nuts, such as almonds, pistachios, sunflower seeds, walnuts or pecans? What about avocado or guacamole? If you have a teen who likes a salad, then a vinaigrette dressing with avocado or nuts will do the trick. Healthy fats help satisfy and provide essential nutrients.

Tip 5: Make lunch fun with a small treat a few times a week. Keep it a surprise. In a mini salad-dressing-size container, add a couple of chocolate-covered almonds or raisins, a couple of small cookies or a piece of chocolate. Denying fun foods makes your kids crave them more, so give a small amount as part of a balanced and realistic approach to packing lunch.

Bonus Tip: The best drink to give on a hot day is water. Since kids get enough sugar in summer popsicles and camp-provided treats, avoid giving sugary beverages such as punch, lemonade, fruit juice and squeeze yogurts.

These tips, when combined, make a balanced, nourishing and healthy camp lunch and one that has a touch of fun your kids will enjoy.

Shani Mara Breiter is a Los Angeles-based registered dietitian nutritionist who specializes in working with families, kids and teens. She offers a family-centered nutrition program along with individualized sessions both virtually and in person at her Beverly Hills and Encino offices. Learn more at shanimara.com.

Ready For Summer With Pie

Published June 17, 2016

When strawberries come into season in the spring, at my house we start out by just bingeing on them plain – or with maybe a touch of whipped cream. Eventually, we get around to some shortcake.

Valerie Gordon of Valerie Confections – with locations in L.A., Echo Park and at Grand Central Market downtown – offers a recipe for another strawberry classic, strawberry-rhubarb pie.

“Kids love pies,” says the mom of two and author of the cookbook “Sweet,” adding that they are a sweet way to offer kids a healthy helping of fruit. “I prefer giving them pie to something with a cup of frosting on it.” A pie doesn’t have to be a big project, either. Gordon says that a pre-made crust from Trader Joe’s or Whole Foods can be a true timesaver. “If you have the fruit, and you get a pre-made crust, it’s probably 15 minutes of active time,” she says.

– Christina Elston

Strawberry Rhubarb Pie Makes one 9-inch pie

1 pound rhubarb, cut into one-inch pieces

1½ pounds strawberries, stemmed and halved

1½ cups + 1 Tablespoon sugar

1 Tablespoon lemon juice

3 Tablespoons corn starch

2 Tablespoons butter

1 egg

1 double pie crust (recipe follows, or pre-made)

Combine rhubarb and 1½ cups sugar in a 6-quart saucepan and cook over medium heat for 8-10 minutes, or until it softens.

Mix strawberries, lemon juice and cornstarch in a large bowl and incorporate cooked rhubarb. Allow to cool to room temperature.

Fit bottom crust into a 9-inch pie pan. Pour filling into prepared pie shell and top with butter.

Beat the egg in a small bowl. Using a pastry brush, paint the beaten egg around the edges of the crust.

Cover the pie with top crust, trim, crimp and chill until the dough is firm to the touch.

Cut four small vents in the top crust. Paint the entire surface of the pie with beaten egg and dust with remaining tablespoon of sugar.

Bake at 350 degrees for 60 minutes or until the crust has a golden tan.

Pie Dough Makes enough for one 9-inch double-crust pie, two 9-inch single-crust pies or fifteen 4-inch hand pies

2½ cups (12.5 ounces) all-purpose flour

2 teaspoons sugar

1 teaspoon salt

2½ sticks (10 ounces) unsalted butter, cubed and chilled

¼ to ⅓ cup (2 to 2.5 ounces) cold water

To make the dough in a food processor: Put the flour, sugar, and salt in the processor bowl and pulse once or twice to combine. Drop the pieces of butter through the feed tube, continuing to pulse until the mixture resembles coarse crumbs. Slowly add ¼ cup water as you continue pulsing a few more times, then add more water if necessary. Stop when the dough just starts to come together.

To make the dough by hand: Put the flour, sugar, and salt into a medium bowl and mix together with a fork or small whisk. Cut the butter into the dough using a pastry cutter or a large fork until the mixture resembles coarse crumbs. Drizzle ¼ cup water directly over the dough, mixing with the pastry cutter or fork, then add more water if necessary, mixing until the dough just comes together.

Remove the dough from the processor or bowl and form into two equal disks. Wrap each disk in plastic wrap and refrigerate for at least two hours, or up to three days. The dough can be frozen for up to two months; thaw in the refrigerator.

Remove one disk of dough from the refrigerator and place on a floured, cool surface. Using a rolling pin, roll the dough out into a 13-inch circle. Start from the center of the dough and roll outward, rotating the dough two to three inches after each roll to help create a true circle. After every four to five rolls, run a large offset spatula under the dough to release it from the work surface. Add a little flour to the surface, rolling pin, and/or dough if the dough sticks or becomes difficult to roll. Repeat with the second disk of dough.

Doc Talk: Why You Should Learn CPR

Published June 16, 2016

By Alan Nager, M.D., M.H.A

Image Courtesy of Laerdal.com

The 2-year-old male was eating grapes when he began to choke. Choking is a common hazard for this age group, and can cause cardiac arrest (when the heart suddenly stops beating), brain damage and death.

Fortunately, by the time this boy reached the emergency department his mother had already saved his life. She cleared his airway and performed CPR until help arrived.

This is an essential skill for a parent to learn, and you are more likely to need it than you might think. When kids have a cardiac arrest, it isn’t usually a primary cardiac event, meaning it is not due to a defect in the heart or a heart condition. It is often caused by an asthma attack, car accident, poisoning, a blow to the head, choking or – especially in summer – a drowning.

If one of these things happens to your child and she or he stops breathing, the first four minutes are crucial, because leaving the brain without oxygen for that amount of time can lead to brain damage and death. Depending on where you live, if you do nothing but call 9-1-1, it could take several minutes for help to arrive. But if you understand how to perform CPR, by the time the ambulance arrives, you could already have saved your child.

At Children’s Hospital Los Angeles, we are studying a tool that makes it convenient for parents to learn CPR. The American Heart Association and Laerdal have created a kit with a small inflatable mannequin and a 20-minute instructional video that fit into a shoebox. It’s called CPR Anytime. We are taking advantage of time parents of infants spend waiting in the emergency department to teach them the most important thing, to save a life. For the next six to eight months, we will be enrolling parents and hoping to learn whether our waiting room is a good place for them to learn CPR.

You can purchase a CPR Anytime kit for $38.50 from Laerdal.com, and learn this life-saving skill on your own. There are also CPR classes available in most communities. And learning CPR isn’t just important for parents. It is important for grandparents, babysitters, nannies, relatives and anyone who will be spending time with your child.

Summer is here. Accidents are the leading cause of death in kids under 14. Let’s hope you never need to use it, but why take a chance with your child’s life?

7 Strategies for Your Child’s Bad Mood

Published June 15, 2016

By Christina Elston

Everyone has a bad mood now and again – and that includes our kids. But if your child is grumpy or blue on a regular basis, it’s no fun for the family or for your child. And it could be a sign that your child needs help.

I talked with clinical psychologist David Miklowitz, director of the UCLA Child & Adolescent Mood Clinic and author of “The Bipolar Teen” and “The Bipolar Survival Guide,” for some suggestions about how to approach a moody child.

1. Ask, don’t label.

“What are you feeling right now?” is better than, “You are so grumpy!

2. Choose your time and tone.

If you have noticed your child’s mood dipping at a particular time of day, wait for a time when your child seems calm and in a pleasant mood, and then ask in a non-threatening way, “You seem to have a harder time right after school. Anything I can help you with?” Try to keep your tone relaxed. Avoid overstating the case (“I’m really at the end of my rope” or “It’s ruining our family”).

3. Open the door to conversation.

As kids get older, they become more secretive about how they are feeling. “A lot of kids, when they’re feeling bad, just withdraw from their parents,” Miklowitz says. Wait for that calm and pleasant time, point out that you have noticed your child keeping to herself and let her know that you are there if she would like to talk about anything that’s bothering her. Be available for one-on-one time. “You open the door to having a conversation, but you don’t force them,” says Miklowitz. “Kids need time with their parents even if they don’t seem to want it.”

4. Watch for clues.

If your child isn’t talking, look for other evidence about what he is feeling. What behavior do you notice? Is your child writing poetry, creating artwork or listening to music that is particularly dark or angry? Knowing what’s going on in your child’s emotional life is important, but avoid “stalking” behavior such as checking your child’s phone or lurking on social media, as that will only alienate your child. “I think it’s important to take a caring stance, but you also have to be aware of boundaries, particularly in teens,” Miklowitz says.

5. Look for signs that it’s serious.

Your child needs help if you notice a combination of any of the following:

Sudden change in mood (depression, anxiety and irritability are most common)
Withdrawal from family and friends
Loss of interest in school or favorite activities
Sleep disturbances (sleeping too little or too much)
Loss of appetite
Suicidal or morbid talk, or expressing feelings of guilt
Being unable to concentrate or make decisions
Preoccupation with death or morbid topics

6. Offer an alternative.

If you notice more than one of these symptoms, it’s time to get your child to talk to someone. It can be hard for a parent to admit that they are not the best person for their child to talk to, but Miklowitz says that in some cases it’s best to choose someone else. If a child’s parents are divorced, for instance, the child may not feel comfortable discussing her feelings about that with either parent. Ask your child whether they think you are the best person to help them, or who they think would be another good person. “Make them feel like they have some ownership over the decision,” says Miklowitz.

7. Bring in a professional.

In many cases you will still want to consult a psychiatrist, psychologist or social worker. Think about this as non-negotiable, the same way doctor checkups and trips to the dentist are. Avoid presenting it to the child in a dramatic way. A matter-of-fact, empathetic approach will make your child feel most comfortable. “The kid is looking to you to see what kind of reaction you are having emotionally,” says Miklowitz. “Communicate that you are on top of the situation.”

Learn more, and send Dr. Miklowitz your questions, at semel.ucla.edu/champ.

Finding the Successes in Your Child’s School Year

Published June 14, 2016

By Sandy Banks

Anna Parks, top row, third from right, has three children who just finished the year at three different magnet schools in South Los Angeles. She’s shown here with her carpool crew. PHOTO COURTESY ANNA PARKS

You open the report card and there among the As and Bs is a big fat C in math. If only, you think, we’d spent more time this year with flash cards or graphing calculators.

But hold off before you cancel adventure camp and sign up for Kumon. Because when it comes to assessing your child’s school year, grades are just a starting point. In fact, an obsession with grades can bury creativity and blunt the enthusiasm a budding learner needs.

Los Angeles school board member Monica Ratliff knows firsthand how deflating such singular scrutiny of report cards can be. “My parents were very focused on grades,” she says. “I would think, ‘I did a good job. Why do you only notice the [one bad] grade in PE?’”

Ratliff, who taught third, fourth and fifth graders for 11 years before being elected to the school board in 2013, suggests an end-of-the-year reflection that goes beyond the As and the Bs and looks holistically. “The year is over. There’s nothing the child can do to change it,” she says. “Think in terms other than ‘good’ and ‘bad.’ Ask them ‘What did you enjoy, what did you do well in, where did you have challenges? What, for next year, would you like to work on more?’ Don’t turn it into a judgmental experience. It’s really important the child doesn’t feel like a failure.”

High expectations are great, but unreasonable notions of perfection can cloud a parent’s assessment of end-of-the-year gains. West Hills teacher Janis Flavin understands the impulse. She was a pushy “hovering, helicopter parent” when her three now-grown children were small – and remembers their principal’s admonition to parents at back-to-school night: “Let them fail now when the consequences aren’t as serious.”

In class, she offers that same advice to overwrought parents like the mother who freaked out because her fourth-grader didn’t ace a math test. “She was a great student, sweet kid, who usually got 100 percent,” Flavin says. “When she got 85 percent on one math test, her mother was so upset. ‘What can she do? How can she improve? I’m afraid it’s going to hurt her self-esteem!’”

Debbie Cortez Lopez, at right with daughter Caroline, thought eighth grade was her daughter’ “bad” year. But Caroline turned the experience into one more opportunity to learn. PHOTO COURTESY DEBBIE CORTEZ LOPEZ

Watching For Growth

But it’s not the less-than-perfect grade, it’s the parent’s reaction that can affect self-esteem. “Kids need to learn they won’t always get 100 percent,” says Flavin, who has taught every grade in her 19 years at Pomelo Drive Elementary.

Perfection is not the proper measure of success. We need to celebrate our children’s capacity to learn, not just catalogue their accomplishments. The year-end appraisal is an opportunity to foster what educators call a “growth mindset” – an understanding that intelligence is not a fixed attribute, but something that’s developed through effort and over time.

Decades of research suggest that children with a growth mindset wind up outperforming peers who rely on being smart. Praising your children for how capable – not how brilliant – they are frees them to take risks and focus on learning, not on racking up accolades. That learning process might include stumbles, but struggle can be a powerful teacher.

Debbie Cortez Lopez thought eighth grade was her daughter’s “bad” year. “English was her favorite subject but she couldn’t stand the class,” Lopez says, because of a miserable mismatch between student and teacher.

Lopez resisted the urge to ride to the rescue, and says her daughter didn’t suffer for that. The year became a test of her resilience, endurance and passion for the subject. Now she’s finishing her freshman year, still loves English, still loves to write and is doing well at competitive Granada Hills Charter High. That “bad” year taught her not to waste an opportunity to learn.

Of course it can be hard to see the upside of struggle when you’re in the thick of things. And it can be just as hard to notice social and emotional growth if grades are all you see. Widen the lens and you might recognize new friendships, blossoming interests and budding independence taking root.

Lopez remembers the year her daughter’s second-grade teacher talked about art and let the children paint in class. “All of a sudden that summer, she wanted to go to the art museum all the time,” she says. The activity didn’t merit a report card A, but it opened the door to an interest in art, a hunger to know more and a passel of new experiences. And that, for an elementary student, is more important than a string of perfect grades.

Markers of Success

So what does make for a good school year? How do you measure the one that’s ending and prepare for the next?

I put those questions to a dozen parents, teachers and counselors, and they agreed on the basic markers of success:

Earning good grades,
Becoming more independent,
Honing social skills and
Struggling through challenges.

A sense of competence is what you’re trying to assess, and that’s a work in progress.

“I like it when they can get all the top grades, and their test scores look good,” acknowledges Cushon Bell, a former teacher and Altadena mother of three boys. “Grades matter. They’re not unimportant, but they’re not everything.”

Bell studies her children’s grades and test scores to see if they match up with what she knows about them. (Is a voracious reader posting poor reading marks? Is a kid who hates to sit still having trouble in PE?) But she also pays close attention to how her kids feel. “You look at their spirit or disposition at the end of the year,” she says. “Are they happy and not burned out, are they ready for the year to end, will they miss their teacher and their friends?”

Concrete milestones are easy to track. It’s not so simple to measure intangibles such as maturity or creativity. “Sometimes I think we push so much with the academics, especially with younger kids, we’re neglecting the social growth,” veteran teacher Flavin says.

Flavin taught a first-grade class this year. “It was my responsibility,” she says, “to see that they were reading by the end of the year.” It was also her job to help parents learn when to lean in and when to loosen the reins.

When the school year began, parents dutifully packed their children’s backpacks and trooped into her classroom each morning to help them unpack. Students got so accustomed to that, they’d explain a missing assignment with, “My dad didn’t put it in my backpack.” Most parents weaned themselves as the year went on. “But some parents still want to come in and start unloading the backpack,” Flavin says. “They miss seeing how far their child has come in being independent.”

What to Do This Summer

Summer can be a good time to focus on independence, with play dates, book clubs, camps that introduce new friends and reflect creative interests such as art, music, sports and drama. Anything but workbooks all summer.

“They need to read, no doubt about that,” Flavin says. “But beyond that, let them go the beach, hang out with family, enjoy a vacation. Some kids put so much pressure on themselves you have to make some time that’s just for fun.”

We forget that school can be taxing for even the best students – as demanding of them as our jobs are of us. “It’s not just the academics, it’s the social experience,” says board member Ratliff. “You’re spending all this time with people you have no control over. It’s a lot of work for kids to go to school. These breaks are really necessary for them.”

So don’t let a report card turn into a to-do list. Find something to celebrate about the year for every child. Use summer to relax, reconsider, recharge.

Anna Parks has three children finishing the year at three different magnet schools in South Los Angeles. Her second-grader worked out a thorny social problem involving a classmate who was being mean to her. Her middle-schooler learned through long, late nights the value of planning ahead for projects. And her fourth-grader mastered a mathematics milestone with the sort of ingenuity a report card can’t capture.

He’d struggled all year with his multiplication tables. His older brother “had just kind of blinked and knew them at that age,” Parks recalls. The little brother laid out his flash cards on the floor and made a running game of multiplication drills. “Every night he did it,” she says, “until he knew the answer to every problem.”

Parks was glad her younger boy knew the times tables by the end of the year. “But I’m more glad that he saw that by working at it he could get it done,” she says. She’s the kind of mother who volunteers at her kids’ schools, keeps track of how much they read, plays audio books in the car and is always on the lookout for things that spark their creativity. “But mostly,” she says, “I think I pay attention to my kids’ capacity to struggle through something. If they have some good friendships and they work to overcome a couple of big challenges, then I tend to call that a good year.”

Sandy Banks is a former Los Angeles Times columnist, editorial writer and education editor, who has been covering local schools and statewide issues since 1989.  She’s also the mother of three grown daughters, who attended public and private schools in Los Angeles. She was recently named a Senior Fellow at the USC Annenberg Center on Communication Leadership and Policy.

Tour the Hyperion Treatment Plant and Environmental Learning Center

Published June 10, 2016

Erin Mahoney Harris

After the Hyperion Treatment Plant tour, visit Hyperion’s Environmental Learning Center to learn about saving water and reducing pollution. PHOTOS BY ERIN MAHONEY HARRIS

Who hasn’t wondered what happens after you flush the toilet? You and the kids can find detailed answers – and even see for yourselves – at the Hyperion Water Treatment Plant near Dockweiler Beach. If that sounds like a less-than-appealing prospect, consider this: The Hyperion facility processes 340 million gallons of wastewater daily and is one of the largest treatment plants in the world. The scale alone makes this marvel of engineering a sight worth seeing. And you even get to wear a hardhat!

Your tour begins with a tram ride around the facility, offering an overview of the wastewater treatment process from start to finish. Perhaps the most impressive part is watching the huge screening machinery that removes inorganic matter from the water. Ten tons of debris are removed daily through this process. Yes, it stinks, but it could be a lot worse. White pipes running throughout the grounds house “air scrubbers” to keep the odor from being overwhelming.

The tour is highly informative. Your guide will explain how biosolids are produced from the solid waste and used to fertilize a giant Central Valley farm that grows animal feed, and how the fully treated water is eventually pumped five miles through a 12-foot diameter concrete pipe to the bottom of the ocean.

After the tour, you can explore the impressive Environmental Learning Center, a state-of-the-art mini museum with hands-on exhibits that demonstrate the process in more detail and offer plenty of tips on how we can all save water and reduce waste and pollution in our daily lives.

The Hyperion Treatment Plant is located at 12000 Vista del Mar, L.A., and is open to visitors by appointment only from 8:30 a.m.-4 p.m. weekdays. Call 310-648-5000 or email san.elc@lacity.org ahead to arrange a tour, and be aware that all visitors must be 9 or older. You can also take an interesting virtual tour at www.lasewers.org.

A Family with Unreasonable Hope

Published June 6, 2016

By Carolyn Richardson

The Veach Family, Chad (holding son Maverick, 8 months), Julia, Winston (2 years) and Georgia (4 years). PHOTO COURTESY CHAD AND JULIA VEACH

The doctor said it again and again: “She will never ….” And for Chad Veach, hearing this about his 4-month-old daughter, Georgia, was too much. “My heart sank into my socks,” says Veach, pastor of Zoe Church in Los Angeles and author of the new book “Unreasonable Hope.”

The doctor was explaining to Veach and his wife, Julia, that their daughter has lissencephaly, which literally means “smooth brain” and is a rare disorder where the folds and grooves of the brain fail to develop. It can cause severe developmental delays and shortened life span. In Georgia’s case, it would mean severe seizures and reflux problems that stretched feedings into hours-long ordeals.

It took the couple months to come to terms with the diagnosis, and to learn to care for Georgia. “Are Julia and I destined to be simply caretakers? We want to be parents, God, not nurses! This hurts!” Veach recalls praying during their darkest times. Then, during a difficult night of back-to-back seizures, Julia and Chad made a pact not to blame each other if Georgia didn’t make it through the night. Veach says their relationship got better and better after that, but the challenges Georgia faced were just beginning.

Julia left her career as a real estate investor to take over daily care of Georgia. But as Georgia’s condition worsened and her inability to keep food down continued, Julia and Chad reluctantly decided to agree to a feeding tube. This meant feedings would be easier, but didn’t stop Georgia’s regular regurgitation or her frequent seizures. Despite that, Chad found himself grateful following the surgery and decided to share a picture of Georgia recovering in her hospital bed on Instagram with the caption, “Thanks so much, Seattle Children’s. Successful surgery.” He was inundated with calls, texts, likes and support. “God showed himself to us through people,” Veach says. positive parenting

Soon after, following a sermon Veach delivered at a church in New York City, a total stranger approached him and offered to get a tattoo of the letter “G” as a way to remember Georgia’s plight and to pray for her regularly. Veach was so moved he joined the man, and the “G-tat” was born. Since then, celebrities including Justin Bieber, Selena Gomez, Kevin Durant and Hailey Baldwin have joined the movement. “There’s something about community and faith that makes you stand a little taller and smile in the face of adversity,” Veach says. The G-tat is just one way that Veach has found community through his family’s pain.

Another is his book, released in March by Harper Collins’ Christian publishing arm Thomas Nelson. By interweaving personal stories with Biblical references and sharing the different ways he and his “realist” wife process their circumstances, Veach offers families in similar circumstances practical tips and a blueprint for gaining perspective through community, journaling and developing faith in God. “In isolation your mind goes wild. Find community and seek out help,” he advises.

The book also details heartwarming moments such as the first time Julia and Chad realized Georgia could express emotion. With family in town, the couple was reluctant to take Georgia along to Disneyland, thinking she would get no enjoyment out of it. But during a rest stop at the Animation Studio in California Adventure, they discovered they were wrong. “Georgia lit up,” Veach writes. “I was surprised to see my little girl, who often doesn’t focus on much, looking all around at the screens. She had a giant smile on her face as the music played. She kicked her legs and made noises!” The moment opened Veach up to appreciating even the smallest victories. “I take all the devastation I went through, and it has made me more compassionate, more relatable and more grounded,” he says.

These days, the future is looking brighter for the family. Chad and Julia have added sons Winston, 2, and Maverick, 8 months, to their family, and both boys are healthy. Georgia is expected to live longer than doctors first estimated. Now 4, she has started attending school in Mar Vista, giving Julia time to write a book of her own. Veach compares his wife’s snarky take on the family’s journey with Tina Fey’s “Bossypants.”

Unreasonable Hope is available in stores and online. To find out more about Zoe Church, visit zoechurch.org.

Chat Room: Sandra Tsing Loh is Using Comedy to Lower the Bar for Moms

Published June 4, 2016

By Elena Epstein

Author and radio commentator Sandra Tsing Loh, with daughters Suzy Miller, left, and Maddy Miller, is bringing The Madwoman in the Volvo to the Pasadena Playhouse. PHOTO COURTESY SANDRA TSING LOH

For years, I’ve enjoyed Sandra Tsing Loh’s hilarious commentary on public radio and witty writing about juggling work, life, marriage and parenthood. The Pasadena mom of two teen daughters is known for her books, including “A Year in Van Nuys” and “Mother on Fire,” as well as her weekly 89.3 KPCC radio segments “The Loh Life,” and “The Loh Down on Science.” I was excited to chat with her about her show, based on her memoir “The Madwoman in the Volvo: My Year of Raging Hormones,” performed in 2016 at the Pasadena Playhouse. The show is a wild ride through midlife madness sparked by a girlfriends’ birthday trip to Burning Man.

Loh is a lot like your super-smart friend who always says it like it is and consistently finds the absurdity and humor in the most mundane life moments. She has, with her signature raw candor and self-depreciating humor, chronicled her emotional pain, extramarital affair, divorce and midlife crisis in her memoir that has now been brought to the stage. Being part of what she calls the “Triple M Generation – menopausal, middle-aged and a mother,” she’s not afraid to expose her feelings to create a space where all of us can feel safe not being perfect.

What are some of the pressures that moms in particular are facing?

Moms today wear so many hats. We work, drive kids to soccer and ballet, are expected to do Pilates and stay slim, make dinner from scratch only with organic fruits and vegetables from the farmers market and leave little notes in our kids’ lunches. Who is doing all this?

Share with us one of your own breakdown moments.

I was on the freeway to pick up my kids from school and I remembered that I had promised them homemade pizza, and I started thinking about going to Trader Joe’s at 4 in the afternoon, the crowds in the parking lot, the lines. It was too much. I pulled over and started crying. I started thinking about every sad thing that had ever happened to me. We all do it. We start super-processing the bake sales, our work, everything we have to do – until there is a total crash.

How should moms respond to the unrealistic expectations?

Let’s lower the bar across the board in favor of us. Sometimes my kids eat only white food – mashed potatoes and rice. I have farmer’s market vegetables rotting in my fridge. Don’t worry. Any day you haven’t stuck your head in the oven, that’s a win. Pour yourself a glass of wine and celebrate a good day. And thank God for power-stretch mom jeans.

Why a play about menopause?

First, because laughing is always good. And I want to talk about the grind of parenting, working and the messiness of life. This is the anti-happy-face Facebook post. We’re always putting our best face forward. But, real life is so much more messy. I went through depression, my mother went through depression, I blow up my marriage. It’s true and it’s awful. It’s life. Women’s lives get complicated in our 40s. We start forgetting things, we can’t sleep, we grow chin hair, we can’t zip up our pants, we’re angry all the time. And all the books are telling us “the solution is simple, just cut out alcohol, caffeine and sugar.” Just cut these out! That’s literally what’s getting us through the day.

On the Record: Raising Bilingual Children

Published June 3, 2016

By Daniella Guzman

PHOTO COURTESY DANIELLA GUZMAN

“Mami, quiero milk,” my daughter Sofia, 5, said to me in Spanish the other day. Translation: “Mom, I want some milk.” In a very annoyed and frustrated tone, I found myself snapping back, “Sofia, don’t speak Spanglish! How do you say ‘milk’ in Spanish?” She paused and yelled, “Leche!”

Why was I so angry? It was a parenting moment I feared coming, Sofia choosing speaking in English over Spanish – or worse, using both languages at the same time.

My parents spoke to me in Spanish my entire life. We spoke English when we were in public, but at home the number-one rule, and the one we couldn’t break, was to speak in Spanish. All that nagging from my parents paid off. My brother and I are both fully bilingual.

I credit being bilingual for a lot of things I have gotten in life, including my first job. I was in competition for a job with another reporter who had more experience and better qualifications, but I had a secret weapon: I could speak, read and write in Spanish without an accent. That’s when it dawned on me that my parents were right in how they taught us at home. It was then and there that I decided I would do the same. I would raise my kids bilingual.

Spanish at Home and at Play

My husband and I speak Spanish fluently, so it is easy for us to speak it to Sofia. It comes naturally to us in our parenting. We sing to her in Spanish. She watches her movies and TV shows in Spanish. It was all going great. I felt like a proud mom until she had her first playdate with a non-Spanish-speaking friend. That’s when I had a face-palm moment. She couldn’t communicate with her friend!

It was a nightmare. Sofia was frustrated because she did not understand things like, “It’s my turn,” and “I don’t want to play anymore.” She was unable to ask for water because she only knew it as “agua.” I felt like a failure. I had not prepared Sofia for the world we live in. I did not want her to feel left out or different, but that is exactly how she felt. We knew “The Little Mermaid” as “La Sirenita” and sang “Itsy Bitsy Spider” as “Insy Winsy Araña,” and that alone was enough to make her feel out of place.

Integrating Two Languages into Daily Life

In desperation, we enrolled Sofia in preschool to help her catch up. My heart sank when her teacher said to me, “Sofia doesn’t understand some basic, everyday vocabulary.” We started saying every word in both English and Spanish, and slowly she began catching up. It’s been a lot of work, a lot of nagging, a lot of repetitiveness, but it’s worth it. Sofia now speaks fluent Spanish, and she’s becoming more confident with using English, too.

After a lot of research, I learned that the number of U.S. residents age 5 and older who speak a language other than English at home has more than doubled in the past three decades. According to Dr. Veronica Chavez, a licensed clinical psychologist at Children’s Hospital Los Angeles, “Bilingualism has shown that the brain is nimbler, quicker and better able to deal with ambiguities and resolve conflicts. Current research shows bilingual people develop strong thinking skills like focusing, remembering and making decisions.”

I often wondered if Sofia would confuse herself when she heard two languages spoken around her, but as Dr. Chavez says, “It’s not confusing at all. Children have the ability to learn numerous languages at the same time.” Dr. Chavez also says it’s normal for children to mix the languages and confuse grammar from time to time. It is all part of the learning process.

Researchers at the Linguistic Society of America (LSA) say it is never too early or too late to teach someone a second language, even if the parents do not speak a second language. “The main thing to keep in mind is that parents don’t ‘teach’ children to speak, any more than they teach them to walk or smile,” says Antonella Sorace of LSA. “The most important thing in language development is natural exposure. If children are exposed to a language in different circumstances, they will learn.”

Adam Beck, the man behind “The Bilingual Zoo” and author of “Maximize Your Child’s Ability,” offers these simple steps to help parents get their child on the bilingual train:

Start Young With Both Languages: It makes it easier for both child and parent. Playing “catch up” with the minority language is possible, but harder.
Expose Them To Languages: Introduce books, songs, games, music and movies in the chosen language. I’ve personally found CDs at my local library for free. I use YouTube to watch the Spanish version of “Mickey Mouse Clubhouse” and “Doc McStuffins”.
Teach the Basics: Start with common words for food, drinks and simple commands. Try saying the word in both languages – “water” and “agua” – so they hear them out loud.
Immerse Them With Language: Hire a babysitter or nanny who speaks the language you are trying to enforce. Organize play dates with bilingual families or enroll them in a language-immersion school.

Just writing this article has helped me realize that I need to relax about Sophia’s use of two languages in one sentence. Language mixing is normal. It made me feel better to know that Dr. Chavez says it does not mean our child will forget one language. It was not as easy to hear that scolding kids for speaking English at home may create a negative attitude and actually make things worse. Now I know better.

A strong desire for bilingual parents is to leave a legacy for our children so they can also embrace and be proud of their culture. Since it is never too late to learn, I think I’ll start picking up French. “Bonjour!”

Is Your Child With Autism Really Intellectually Disabled?

Published May 28, 2016

By Timothy Gunn, Psy.D.

Lack of verbal skills or social connection – rather than actual intellectual disability – might explain the poor performance of children on the spectrum on some IQ tests. FREEDIGITALPHOTOS.COM/SANDRA BLOOM

I am sitting in my office across from a special needs young man who is about to graduate from high school. He has a diagnosis of Autism Spectrum Disorder and is very verbal. But though he shows average intellectual ability on some tests of intelligence, he has virtually no academic skills. I can’t help but feel that this individual has been poorly served by society, and wonder why he is so far behind where he should be.

Unfortunately, I can’t say that the experience is uncommon. I often encounter children with autism who are not progressing toward anything that might resemble adult independence. Some children with autism have severe symptoms that will likely always require some level of supervision, but there are fewer of these children than one might think. Autism and intellectual disability do not necessarily go hand-in-hand, and it is a mistake to suppose, based on these children’s performance on IQ tests, that they are intellectually disabled.

A Bias Toward Language

The problem might be with the nature of IQ tests. Many tests of intellectual functioning are strongly verbally weighted or, at minimum, give equal weight to verbal and non-verbal intelligence. Children on the autism spectrum often suffer from language difficulties, and giving one of them an IQ test that measures their verbal intelligence is like giving a student who speaks only French an IQ test administered in English.

Our society is predominantly verbal, and many people assume that children who don’t communicate well verbally are disabled in other areas as well. As autism advocate Temple Grandin once stated, we “almost instantaneously judge the nonverbal person as being intellectually impaired.” Obviously, such a bias is incorrect. Those with low verbal intelligence but average nonverbal intelligence are certainly capable of learning, albeit perhaps in a different way.

A Question of Connection

In addition to language delays, a hallmark of autism spectrum is that children are not as connected to their natural or social environment in the same way that their typically developing peers are. This means some children might not perform well on non-verbal IQ tests simply due to the fact that they are not as connected to the environment.

Many non-verbal tests of intelligence use pictures of common everyday objects, with which they require the child to reason and problem solve. However, some children on the autism spectrum do not have the same level of exposure to such items or, if they have been exposed, they do not understand the usefulness of the item in the same way as their typically developing peers does. This is a function of the social disconnectedness consistent with autism and not necessarily a sign of intellectual disability. I have observed children with autism score poorly on these types of non-verbal IQ tests, then perform in the average (or higher) range on non-verbal IQ tests that use random abstract geometric shapes and require no social reasoning or exposure.

Room For Improvement

It is also important to consider that intellectual ability may not be as stable a trait as many people assume. For years, we considered it something akin to eye color. If you have brown eyes today, you are always going to have brown eyes (colored contacts notwithstanding). Similarly, the thinking goes, if you meet criteria for intellectual disability today, you are always going to be intellectually disabled. But this is not necessarily true for children on the autism spectrum.

One of the seminal studies in the field of autism treatment documented that children with autism who were given intensive treatment services drastically improved their performance on IQ testing. Ivar Lovaas’ 1987 study included 19 children with autism, 17 of whom also performed in the moderate to severe range of intellectual disability on IQ tests. After receiving intensive treatment services, these children improved their IQ scores, on average, by 30 points. This is a profound change and could be the difference between an IQ score of 65 (mildly intellectually disabled) and a score of 95 (in the average range of intelligence). The difference illustrates the effect of providing a child with the services they need rather than simply providing them with a label that presumes they are unable to learn.

As a clinical psychologist, I am a fan of IQ testing and find it to provide helpful information. Nevertheless, it can be dangerous when interpreted the wrong way. Accurate interpretation requires a careful review of results while considering the child’s diagnosis and other areas of difficulty. Too many parents are being told their child with autism is intellectually disabled when, in fact, their child simply learns in a different way.

Timothy Gunn, Psy.D., is a licensed clinical psychologist who works with special needs patients and specializes in pediatric neuropsychology and appears as the Question Validator on Lifetime Network’s “Child Genius.” He runs a group practice with several offices throughout Southern California. You can find out more about his practice at www.gunnpsych.com.

Does Your Child Have a Mood Disorder?

Published May 22, 2016

By Sara Vicendese, LMFT and David Miklowitz, Ph.D.

Children and teens have to navigate stress without the neurological maturity to manage it effectively. PHOTO BY DAVID CASTILLO DOMINICI/FREEDIGITALPHOTOS.NET

You already know that children and adolescents are highly emotional beings. You’ve seen first-hand how their moods can shift quickly and dramatically. Your toddler might throw himself onto the grocery store floor in anger because he can’t have the cereal he wants. Your teen might begin the day talkative and cheerful, but go silently to her room after school, slamming the door behind her. And you are left to wonder: is this normal behavior or is my child struggling with something more serious?

There are numerous reasons why children and adolescents can be moody. In addition to common sources of stress in their daily environment, including peer pressures and academic stress, there are significant neurological and developmental shifts that occur throughout adolescence. In fact, it was recently discovered that our brains – specifically the prefrontal cortex, which is the area most associated with reason, judgment, problem-solving and emotional regulation – don’t fully develop until we are in our mid-20s. So our children and teens are left to navigate stress without the full neurological maturity to manage it effectively.

Let’s be clear: emotionality is not a bad thing. Neither is having a child who pushes the limits and is a little rambunctious. Recent findings suggest that strong-willed children typically grow up to become self-motivated leaders. They also tend to be less affected by negative peer pressure. Knowing how to access, identify and express emotion is a valuable skill throughout one’s life. Effective therapeutic work with children focuses on expressing difficult emotions, not suppressing them.

So while it’s not abnormal to be emotional, there are certainly cases when a child’s mood struggles become harmful to his or her well-being. This is when the line between “normal” and “abnormal” gets crossed: when the child’s mood or emotional struggles start to get in the way of her or his everyday functioning. When a depressed child can’t get out of bed. When an anxious child refuses to do their homework out of fear they might not complete it perfectly. When an adolescent’s impulsive behavior puts their life at risk. These are clear examples of when a mental health clinician should be involved.

Children with mood disorders are often misdiagnosed, which can lead to ineffective or even harmful treatments. While it is never a parent’s job to diagnose their child, it helps to know what you are looking for.

Depression

A major depressive episode is defined as a child showing a sad or irritable mood for at least two weeks, with the low mood present most of the day, nearly every day. They will experience a loss of interest in nearly everything, and might give up their favorite after-school sport, stop wanting to spend time with friends and need to be pushed to engage in anything. They also will show at least five of the following symptoms for the same period:

Fatigue or loss of energy
Moving very slowly OR seeming agitated/restless
Sleeping much more or less than usual
Increase or decrease in appetite (accompanied by weight loss/gain)
Inability to concentrate, difficulty making decisions
Feelings of worthlessness or guilt
Suicidal thoughts, plans or actions

Mania / Hypomania

In addition to episodes of depression, some children also experience periods when they feel unusually energetic, hyper, excited or irritable. These episodes represent a notable shift from the child’s “normal” self and are usually immediately apparent to parents, family and friends. This “up” mood may last days, weeks or even longer. To be diagnosed with mania, a child must have had a week or more of feeling euphoric, elevated or irritable nearly every day for most of the day, a notable increase in energy and three or more of the following symptoms:

Inflated self-esteem or grandiosity (thinking they are better than others, or capable of anything)
Decreased need for sleep (feeling refreshed and energetic after only a few hours)
Racing thoughts
More talkative than usual and too many ideas to keep track of
Distractibility (hard to keep on task)
Involvement in risky behaviors that could have negative consequences

Hypomania uses the same diagnostic criteria as mania, but the child’s functioning is significantly less impaired. A hypomanic child may be noticeably more hyper, talkative, social and impulsive, but does not experience significant negative consequences as a result. Bipolar I is defined as major depression plus mania. Bipolar II is major depression plus hypomania.

When your child is diagnosed matters as well. Research indicates that early detection can reduce the frequency and severity of future episodes, making it important to see help if you notice serious symptoms in your child.

David Miklowitz, Ph.D., is director of the UCLA Child & Adolescent Mood Disorders Clinic. Sara Vicendese, LMFT, is the lead research associate. For more information about the clinic, or to set up a phone consultation, call 310-825-2836.

Tips to Help Your Child Deal With Recital Nerves

Published May 21, 2016

By Stephanie Hill

PHOTO COURTESY DANCETIME BY STEPHANIE

As the end of the school year draws near, we are entering into “recital” season. Your child may soon be participating in a dance recital or dance show. It is normal for them to be excited about the upcoming performance. In fact, these nerves are a sign of energy. Nerves are often transformed into an exciting on-stage charisma and a successful dance performance. But how do you help your child with pre-performance jitters?

I get asked this question often by parents of young children enrolled in my Dancetime by Stephanie dance programs. Before our annual dance show, some parents turn to me for advice in helping their children feel confident about performing.

Here are some tips for helping your child deal with nerves before a big show:

Be There

Make sure your child attends all dance classes and rehearsals before the show. Children perform well when they are confident about the material. Consistent class attendance leads to your child dancing their very best at the show. Attend the on-stage dress rehearsal if possible. Becoming familiar with the stage helps your child feel more comfortable about performing.

Get in Tune

Find out what music your child will dance to in the show. Play the music at home and encourage your child to dance for you or on their own. Don’t worry if your child cannot remember all of the steps. This is an opportunity to become familiar with the music. By practicing the parts of the dance they remember, the brain will be stimulated into mastering more of the choreography in the next dance class. You can even play the music in the car so your child will begin memorizing musical cues.

Quell the Nerves

When discussing the show with your child, downplay the importance of it. If your child is shy or nervous about performing, be low key and relaxed when you talk about the show. Explain that you’re looking forward to seeing the performance because you know it will be a great show. As a parent, if you are nervous or anxious about your child’s performance in the show, your attitude will be transferred to your child. So be positive! After all, you want your child to feel happy and positive about the performance. Model the happy, positive behavior you want your child to have.

Positive Affirmations Work

Try telling your child:

“You’re going to have so much fun dancing with your friends!”
“I’m so happy you’re going to share your dance with us.”
“Everyone will clap for you because you’re going to dance beautifully.”

Encourage your child to visualize their performance. Have your child close his or her eyes and picture themselves performing all the steps of their dance from start to finish. Tell him or her to imagine that they are dancing the best they’ve ever danced before. Visualization is actually an effective form of rehearsal. It helps children dance better and feel calm about performing.

Assist your child in being prepared on the day of the big show by arriving to the event on time. You will be more relaxed if you are on time and this relaxation will be transferred to your child.

Anticipate an incredible show, because if you follow all of the tips above your child will shine on stage!

Stephanie Hill is the owner of Dancetime by Stephanie, presenting DANCING IN THE U.S.A. at 6 p.m. June 12 at Agoura Performing Arts Education Center. Purchase tickets online at www.dancetimebystephanie.com.

Picnic Perfection: Tips for Healthy, Safe and Delicious Meals On-The-Go

Published May 18, 2016

By LeeAnn Weintraub

PHOTO COURTESY LEE ANN WEINTRAUB

Whether you are headed to the zoo, a park, an amusement park or the beach, day trips provide excellent opportunities to spend time together, create memories and explore the areas surrounding Los Angeles. These tips from our family fun magazine will keep you fed and maximize the fun.

Bringing meals and snacks along for the ride will give you better control over food choices while helping to save money and time. Plus, you can enjoy a fun picnic outdoors while steering clear of the crowded food stalls and restaurants often found at touristy destinations.

If you plan to bring any perishable foods such as mayonnaise, cheese, prepared salads or deli meats, keep them in a cooler with ice or freezer packs. When foods are not kept at the proper temperature, bacteria can grow quickly to dangerous levels. The golden rule of thumb for food left out at room temperature is two hours – or just one hour if temperatures are 90 degrees or higher. After that, toss it out.

The Right Start

Skipping breakfast is a recipe for disaster. If your day starts early, plan to have a quick and easy breakfast at home or on the go. Include minimal-fuss foods that can be prepared ahead of time. Hard boiled eggs or mini breakfast burritos in whole-wheat tortillas are high in protein and super portable. High-fiber cereal bars, fresh fruit, apple sauce and yogurt drinks are also easy, kid-friendly foods to take along.

Smart Snacking

Be sure to pack nutritious snacks that keep everyone energized. Look for nutrient-dense snacks that contain healthy fats, protein and fiber. Some great day trip snacks include turkey jerky, whole-wheat crackers, pumpkin seeds, dehydrated fruits and vegetables and pistachios.

PHOTO-BY-FRANKY242_FREEDIGITALPHOTOS.NET-

The Perfect Picnic

Plan for an easy lunch that is quick to assemble and incorporates some vegetables. Tuna sandwiches on whole-grain bread with a side of baby carrots and cucumbers make an ideal for a summer picnic. If you won’t have access to a cooler, consider packing individual pre-sealed pouches of tuna or salmon that don’t require refrigeration and can be opened and enjoyed at meal time. Some other tasty and nutritious lunch ideas include pasta salad with beans and vegetables, nut butter sandwiches, turkey and cheese pita wraps, and cheese and veggie quesadillas.

Stay Cool

Finally, don’t forget to stay hydrated. Keep in mind that children get overheated much faster than adults do. Consider how much fluid everyone will need for the day and pack bottles of water and other favorite beverages accordingly. It is best to keep a separate easily accessible cooler for drinks, and leave perishable foods in their own cooler at the correct temperature until eaten.

From the mountains to the ocean, Southern California boasts many family-friendly attractions. Having a plan for eating well will help ensure that your mini vacay is a big success. Stocking nutritious snacks, a cooler with refreshing drinks and a delicious picnic lunch is a recipe for good nutrition and sustained energy during a long day on the road.

LeeAnn Weintraub, MPH, RD is a registered dietitian and food and nutrition writer based in Los Angeles. Her family, which includes two small children, lives in Sherman Oaks. LeeAnn is a member of the Academy of Nutrition and Dietetics, the Dietetics Practice-Based Research Network, and the Nutrition Entrepreneurs Practice Group, and provides nutrition consultation to companies and organizations including the National Fisheries Institute and Wonderful Pistachios. She’s also the author of the “Everything Glycemic Index Cookbook” and writes a nutrition column for the LA Daily Breeze.

Check out LeeAnn’s Instagram campaign, halfpintchefs, where she features kid-friendly videos, photos and recipes for meals and snacks that kids can make on their own. Each recipe features a “super ingredient,” one star ingredient known for its health properties.

Great Wolf Lodge: A Den Away From Home

Published May 17, 2016

By Rina Baraz Nehdar

Families enjoying storytime in the GWL lobby. PHOTO COURTESY RINA BARAZ NEHDAR

Our family got a chance to stay at one of the newest Los Angeles attractions, Great Wolf Lodge Resort and Indoor Water Park in Garden Grove this spring. This is the 13th GWL in the U.S., but the first in California. I had never heard of this family resort, but friends on the East Coast love having the option of an indoor water park in the middle of winter and let me know how much fun they thought we’d have.

We arrived and received Paw Passes that allow visitors to save on activities around the resort. We also got cute little pink wristbands with RFID chips embedded, which served as our room keys, passes to the water park and a way to buy anything in the resort, simply by waving your hand. The boys loved their room – which included their own private little Wolf Den and their very own bunk beds – but they couldn’t wait to get into the water park.

The indoor park was much bigger than I imagined it would be – a whopping 105,000 square feet with 12 slides, some big enough to accommodate several raft sizes. The temperature is a cozy 84 degrees and because we were indoors, there was no need to keep track of hats or chase the kids around with sunscreen.

At Fort Mackenzie, young explorers could find adventure crossing suspended cargo nets, aiming water cannons at passersby and barreling down treetop slides. There’s also a giant bucket that dumps 1,000 gallons of water every four minutes after a sequenced crescendo of beeps alerting those below to watch out below.

What to Eat

Much too quickly it was time for dinner, and the buffet at the Loose Moose Family Kitchen was impressive, with a few vegetarian options, many exotic vegetable preparations and some succulent cuts of meat, seafood and original chicken preparations. Each boy had a cupcake that looked tempting.

The resort has four other restaurants. Lodge Wood Fired Grill is a little fancier and offers some gourmet-style options. Hungry As A Wolf is a grab-and-go of the pizza and burgers variety smartly situated near the arcade. Grizzly Jack’s Bar and Grill is a full-service restaurant in the small outdoor section of the resort, and Bucket’s Incredible Craveables offers a more limited selection of fast food. There’s also a Dunkin Donuts that some, like me, might find essential for staying caffeinated to keep up with the kids, and a wicked little shop called Bear Paw Sweets and Eats for those who are planning on doing extra Boot Camp classes after their vacation.

Lazy River with many of the exciting slides. PHOTO COURTESY RINA BARAZ NEHDAR

The GWL offers kids a roster of activities including daily yoga, arts and crafts and storytelling, Howl-O-Ween in October and Snowland in December.

What to Do

One of the activities our family enjoyed immensely was called MagiQuest, a digital, fairytale scavenger hunt around the hotel. You start at the MagiQuest gift shop and select a magic wand that is programmed with your player name and vital stats. Then you pick one of the many available quests and head out to fight monsters, find magic crystals and save pixies. That night we uncovered another little GWL secret. What we thought were just adorable  animal decorations in the kids’ Wolf Den actually came to life and sang songs when you pointed that magic wand at them.

Younger guests can try their hand at mini adventure by joining the Clubhouse Crew, a scavenger hunt created on a smaller scale. At The Great Wolf Kids Store, they choose stuffed animal pieces to put together much like Build-a-Bear, then the nice Wolf people fill their new friends with stuffed animal fluff.

We decided to test out the waterproof pouch the hotel provided on one of the raft rides and took some great video. Then my brave boy decided to try out the Wolf Rider Wipeout, an artificial endless wave where people can surf or boogie board until their little muscles give out – as long as they can stay balanced or hold on! There is also an America Ninja Warrior style obstacle course at Chinook Cove perfect for adventurous souls to navigate. There were cute little animals floating around to swim on. And for the athletic-minded, there’s a basketball court.

Extra Family Fun on “Main Street”

Outside of the water park, on “Main Street,” you’ll find Howl at the Moon glow in the dark mini golf. There is also mini bowling at Ten Paw Alley, a spa for kids, the Northern Lights Arcade and the Howly Wood XD theater that acts like a virtual ride/video game. It’s great because the whole family can play at the same time.

We decided to end our adventure with a thrilling ride called the Wolf Tail. The rider steps into what appears to be a vertical coffin, the door shuts automatically and suddenly, a trap door opens and the poor sap is released to a straight drop through an enclosed slide. No way, I thought. But my son wanted to do it, so I had to go with him.

At the end of my ride, my hands were shaking, my heart was thumping, but I did it!

Everyone had a great time and weeks later, they still ask if we could go back. I’d say that’s a big hit and since the hotel room price includes waterpark passes, it’s actually affordable and convenient to those in the Los Angeles area. Truly the makings of a great family vacation. For more information about Great Wolf Lodge or to book your stay at the resort, visit their website.

Shop Talk: New Products for Your Pooch

Published May 15, 2016

By Sarah Koberling

May is National Pet Month. Show your fur-ever friends how much you care with these fun and innovative pet products.

: Your feline will love The Cat Ball ($55 and up, www.thecatball.com). These cozy cat beds come in a variety of shapes and sizes and are made with quality materials and a variety of fun fabrics.

: Pick out a leather Friendship Collar ($35 and up, www.friendshipcollar.com) for your dog or cat, and get a matching bracelet for you. There are plenty of styles to match your look – and your pet’s.

: You use a seatbelt, so why shouldn’t your dog? Comfortable and easy-to-use harnesses from Solvit ($10.99-$34.99, www.solvitproducts.com) come in two different styles, deluxe for long road trips and economy for visits to the dog park.

: Sojos Complete (eight pounds, $95.20, www.sojos.com) makes serving your dog raw meals just as convenient as serving kibble or canned food. It is freeze dried to lock in taste and essential enzymes. An eight-pound bag rehydrates to 40 pounds of fresh food.

: Ever wonder how active or lazy your pooch is while you’re away? Find out with WonderWoof ($95, www.wonderwoof.com), a stylish activity tracker that clips onto your pup’s collar. The WonderWoof app will also help you find four-legged friends in your area.

: Pick out a leather Friendship Collar ($35 and up, www.friendshipcollar.com) for your dog or cat, and get a matching bracelet for you. There are plenty of styles to match your look – and your pet’s.

A New Career as a Volunteer

Published May 5, 2016

By Elena Epstein

Meet our 2016 Amazing Mom, Julie Weinstein

Photographer Zeke Ruelas captures images of Julie Weinstein and her son Aiden and daughter Abby. PHOTOS BY ELENA EPSTEIN AND CHRISTINA ELSTON

To illustrate the icy cold of the Arctic described in “Eve of the Emperor Penguin” from the “Magic Tree House” series, Julie Weinstein taught her second-grade book-club readers to make their own ice cream. The students learned how a liquid can freeze into a solid – and that book club can be really fun. For a science project on insects, Weinstein brought ladybugs and placed them in the trees outside the classrooms, then sent the students off in search of them.

Exploration and hands-on learning that sparks curiosity is Weinstein’s passion. It’s something she always incorporated into her classroom when she was a teacher, and it continues to drive her work as a school and community volunteer. The list of those volunteer duties is long and Weinstein’s energy is nonstop. We selected her as our Amazing Mom this year because we believe she represents what community giving is all about.

Weinstein, whose two children attend Lanai Road Elementary School in Encino, has taught kindergarten, third grade and preschool. With tremendous support from her husband, Brent, she is now a full-time volunteer who draws on her teaching expertise on a daily basis all while parenting. At Lanai, she leads the second-grade book club, is room mom for both of her children’s classrooms, is an art docent, organizes the school’s annual Literacy Fair and Science Explosion events, hosts several fundraising events and helps run the school’s annual book fair. She is also a Girl Scout co-leader for a troop of 18 second graders and is manager of her daughter’s soccer team. And three times a week, you’ll find her at Granada Hills High School volunteering as a track coach for the Northridge Pacers. Did we mention she also ran the L.A. Marathon in February? She did.

“I ran in high school and college and just loved it,” says Weinstein. “My kids started track in the fall and I’m so excited to share this with them. It’s not just about fitness and competition. When you work at something and get better, you learn so much about yourself, and you build self-esteem.”

In April we took Weinstein to a beautiful new spot in the South Bay for a day of fun and pampering. The Point at Sepulveda and Rosecrans is an outdoor shopping center with restaurants, shops and an expansive grassy area featuring a whimsical play structure that’s perfect for families. We started our day at Vicara Aveda Salon, where Kym Aaronson and Daniella Hamm styled Weinstein’s short blond hair into soft, beachy waves and used a mix of foundation, shadows and blush to create a polished and natural look.

Then, we shopped. Stylist Deanna Zaccari joined us to help Weinstein put together casual and stylish outfits that fit her busy lifestyle. Our first stop was Lucky Brand Store, a mecca of vintage-inspired jeans, tops, shoes, purses and jewelry. Then we popped in at Lou & Gray, which features a casual lounge collection focusing on easygoing everyday styles and unique jewelry.

“A mom’s life is always busy and on the go,” says Zaccari. “Keeping her wardrobe comfortable yet chic can be tricky. But keeping it simple will always give you a polished look, and adding color with your tops will give a little life to your appearance.”

Zaccari advises moms on the go to have three wardrobe staples – a great pair of dark stretch soft denim jeans; a light knit, feminine blouse or a nice colorful T-shirt; and comfortable shoes.

Once Weinstein’s outfits were selected, it was time for her kids, Abby and Aiden, to enjoy a mini-spree at children’s boutique Bella Beach Kids. Kris D’Errico, who owns this quaint shop and the original Bella Beach Kids in Manhattan Beach, helped us find the perfect outfits and filled us in on the family business she started seven years ago. She operates Bella Beach Kids with the help of her step daughter and husband, who will soon become the mayor of Manhattan Beach. We loved hearing how her two stores, featuring a curated selection of quality clothing and accessories, have become such a part of the fabric of the community by hosting fundraising events for schools and charities, employing local high school students and offering personal attention to help parents and grandparents find the perfect outfit or gift.

In breaks between hair, makeup and wardrobe, Weinstein chatted about parenting and her activities and was brimming with ideas as soon as we mentioned school science experiments and art projects. Our conversation covered the magical world of books such as “Wingdingdilly,” making “gak” and using sugar cubes to help students calculate grams of sugar in sports and soft drinks.

“To be able to volunteer in the community and at my kids’ school is truly a privilege,” says Weinstein. “I love every minute of it.”

One of the greatest benefits of her volunteer work, she says, is the “wonderful group of women” she has met. She encourages all parents to find opportunities to give back. “Don’t assume you’re not qualified,” she says. “There is something for everyone. Our schools are great because parents give their time and their expertise to support the school. All of us can make a huge difference.”

Elena Epstein is Director of Content & Strategic Partnerships at L.A. Parent.

“It sounds cliché, but time really does go by so fast. When my kids were first born, I remember thinking we are never going to sleep again. As each stage passes and your kids gain more independence, you realize that you have to cherish each stage. Enjoy the moments. It will not last forever.”

– Julie Weinstein

Our Pampering Squad

South Bay’s newest beachy outdoor shopping center – The Point.
Hair styling and makeup at Vicara Aveda Salon
A three-hour wardrobe makeover with personal shopper and wardrobe stylist Deanna Zaccari of Deanna Zaccari Lifestyle Design
Shopping spree at Lucky Brand’s new flagship store
Shopping spree at Lou & Grey
Kids’ wardrobe by Bella Beach KIDS

Where to Find the Perfect Toy Truck Around LA

Published May 4, 2016

By Isaac Parfrey

Hank Parfrey directs traffic amid his fleet of toddler-size vehicles. PHOTO COURTESY ISAAC PARFREY

Hank is a 1-year-old gear jockey. He bounces with a kind of Strauss waltz-like ebullience when a wheel positions itself in his field of vision. I have no scientific data to back this up, but he seems to possess a nimble radar for all things automotive, almost like a shark sensing a floundering adolescent seal on a lazy current. Having witnessed my toddler son’s wide-eyed enthusiasm for all things with tires, axles and wheels, I find myself striking out often in search of the perfect toy truck.

Whether you require your toy truck to be composed of 100-percent recycled newspaper, cardboard or repurposed retired toy-truck parts, there is likely, in this age of the child, a toy for you, the hip discerning parent looking for activities for toddlers (at least, that’s how I like to think of you – and myself).

Generations of old would likely have purchased the Tickle Me Elmo, the Super Soaker, the Nerf Choking-Hazard 1000, a Lincoln Log set and the entire GI Joe battalion and thought, “Job well done. The kid should be happy now – for another two weeks.” But in this age of Chinese lead paint, consumption shaming and de-cluttering/unplugging, what does the old-school toy establishment do? Is there room for the family toy store? The answer is, at least in L.A., an enthusiastic yes!

Toy Culture in L.A.

I primarily grew up on the Westside and toys, at least for me, meant one place in particular – Puzzle Zoo on the 3rd Street Promenade. As an independent store with some longevity in the Los Angeles area, the Zoo is a welcome novelty. But it wasn’t like that when I was trekking there as a young’un, and it got me thinking about toys and L.A. as a whole. For better or worse, Los Angeles has a history of being a hedonistic LEGO fortress of toy culture. After all, what is a Porsche, BMW or Tesla but a toy for a (wealthy) adult?

I find that Hank has accumulated an inordinate amount of toys for someone who has only resided in Los Angeles for 18 months. I look upon his kingdom of blocks, trains, cars, flash cards, stickers, balls, stuffed animals and tricycles, and I think, how did it come to this? Then I think back to my own childhood toys and activities for toddlers these days are so different. I had the complete Ghostbusters action-figure and playroom set, the complete Ninja Turtle sewer world and the full legion of LEGO space fighters, which were, once perfectly constructed, as quickly decommissioned as any serious space fighter jet. “Oh, it doesn’t fly,” I would tell a concerned adult.

When my West Coast affluenza would pick up, I’d concoct a scheme to acquire some additions to my toy portfolio at Puzzle Zoo. I’d take a Blue Bus alone to 3rd and Arizona, then start walking. I was a pretty industrious 10-year-old, especially when it came to toys. I scoped out the delightfully cluttered shelves and narrow pathways of the Zoo and hunted for my latest trophy.

3rd Street Promenade was Toy Mecca

Back in the day, Puzzle Zoo, which opened its doors in 1993, wasn’t the only toy game in town. The Promenade, as some may recall, was full of independent shops – along with a Woolworth’s and JC Penney. But if the rising tide of commercialism sinks all indie boats, it hasn’t applied to Puzzle Zoo, which remains nestled between Santa Monica Boulevard and Broadway. The famed establishment has changed location along the strip and has shrunk in size. Still, the Zoo hasn’t lost its color. I remember its maze of hallways and steep, cluttered shelves, its uncanny collection of fantasy figurines and action-figure dolls, its odd penchant for puzzles and boxes upon boxes of board games. The Zoo’s shrinking quarters add to its charm and Hank, now walking (albeit like a 6 p.m. barfly) is in a state of cosmic euphoria. The toy truck collection is modest, but there is still plenty to please little Hank. However, Puzzle Zoo mainly caters to an older, perhaps more fan-boyish, crowd. After all, how many toy stores can claim to be open until 11 p.m.?

Just minutes away on 5th Street, The Acorn Store sits nestled between a parking garage and a karate gym. I must have driven by this store a thousand times before noticing it. The truth is, toy stores were never on my radar until I had Hank. Now I have a hawk-eye sense of every toy store in a 20-mile radius. Acorn is worth a visit, if purely for its unique inventory. The boutique could not be any more different from the Zoo. It specializes in authentic wooden toys, blocks and dolls, not rare remnants of American pop culture such as Edward Scissorhands action figures. The store smells of newly chiseled birch and teak, and the toys have a timelessness that make you think, “Hmm, these are like the toys a young Tudor king would have played with.” Many of the toys are made in Germany and have that Old World charm that seems to fascinate Hank. Everything in the shop makes a unique gift, and he is definitely eyeing the unassuming wooden pick-up truck.

Little Rascals Go Toy Crazy

If The Acorn Store appears geared toward obedient kindergartners who have stitched their own knickers, then Toy Crazy is geared toward the little rascal who prefers mud to coloring books and may or may not have enjoyed the taste of paste. There are a few satellite locations, but the Toy Crazy I know straddles the upmarket Santa Monica/Brentwood border. It has haunted a Santa Monica landmark called the Brentwood Country Mart since the ´90s. Toy Crazy is far from stuffy, however, and judging from the inventory is incredibly nurturing for the more sun-worshiping youngsters. This place is right up Hank’s alley and encouraging for parents who simply want to get their toddler an easy, educational and interactive gift. There are literally balls everywhere. (Actually, that is thanks to Hank trying to rearrange the displays.) And even if, in your stalwart search, you don’t find that perfect toy truck at Toy Crazy, it is a worthwhile landmark to visit. The Country Mart has been at San Vicente and 26th since the ´40s, and there’s plenty of good food and drink about.

You might even be able to box out a celebrity from buying that last toy on the rack.

On my way home, driving south and feeling somewhat defeated, I stop at Huzzah! in Venice. Located just north of Venice Boulevard, Huzzah! has a vibrant and friendly ambiance. Maybe it’s the laid-back Venice vibe, but Hank and I are feeling really good. Plus, he is running amok with the plastic bins. He must have the toy munchies. He finds the Flip and Tip Recycling Truck and I can’t tear him away. Huzzah! has a more contemporary feel than the other shops in our Westside odyssey, and it balances its stock with novelties and gag toys for adults. There’s plenty for every child age group, too. A toy store with such self-awareness and understanding of the struggles of choosing a toy is unique and refreshing. Huzzah! also may be the least expensive spot we’ve visited so far. Hank is happy (He twisted my arm and I bought him the recycling truck), and I am happy to get home and perhaps give toy shopping a break – if only for a couple of weeks.

Isaac Parfrey studied writing at the University of Iowa but grew up in Boyle Heights and Santa Monica. He currently lives in Mar Vista with his wife and son.

Isaac’s Toy Search

Puzzle Zoo: 1411 Third Street Promenade, Santa Monica; 310-393-9201; additional locations on Main St. in Santa Monica and on Melrose in L.A.

The Acorn Store: 1220 5th Street, Santa Monica

Toy Crazy: 225 26th St., Santa Monica; additional location at Malibu Country Mart

Huzzah!: 2010 Lincoln Blvd., Venice, 310-452-2900

Doc Talk: Treating Cuts and Lacerations

Published May 3, 2016

By Alan L. Nager, M.D., M.H.A.

IMAGE COURTESY OF KDSHUTTERMAN AT FREEDIGITALPHOTOS.NET

You probably call them “cuts,” but I call them “lacerations,” even at home. Most doctors do.

Whatever you call them, properly treating cuts is important. If a laceration has significant bleeding or is obviously serious, immediately apply direct pressure with a clean cloth or towel and go to the emergency department or call 9-1-1.

If the injury looks like something you might be able to treat at home, first wash it under warm-to-tepid water for at least two minutes (timed with a watch, clock or timer). Tap water is absolutely fine. Don’t use soap or any other substance. Turn on a good, strong light, or have someone hold a flashlight beam on the area so you can see what you’re doing. Do not worry about the bleeding at this point. It will help rinse the bacteria out.

Next, dry the area and apply direct pressure for 3-5 minutes with a clean cloth or towel to stop the bleeding. Then apply antibiotic ointment or Vaseline and a bandage.

Keep the wound covered for approximately 48-72 hours, removing the bandage three times a day to wash the wound for two minutes with warm, soapy water and re-apply ointment.

Stepping on a nail while wearing tennis shoes is a special case. Bacteria living in the glue in the sole of the shoe can be pushed into the foot by the nail and put your child at risk of serious infection. Even if it looks like just a small puncture wound, this is one of those instances where you need to seek medical care.

Your child also needs medical attention if:

You think there is glass, metal, wood or dirt in the laceration;
Bleeding continues even after 3-5 minutes of direct pressure;
The laceration has open edges that look spread apart (like a tear in fabric); or
Your child has a laceration on the face, where scarring can be more important.

If you think your child’s laceration might need to be repaired by a physician, don’t delay. We rarely repair anything more than 8-10 hours after the injury, because that may increase the risk of a wound infection as bacteria can get trapped in a closed wound.

Once the laceration can go uncovered, keep applying antibacterial ointment two to three times a day until it is healed. If your child develops increasing pain or fever, or if there is pus or redness around the wound, seek medical attention.

If your child has a dirty wound and hasn’t had a tetanus vaccine within five years, he or she will need one within 12-24 hours. Lastly, once the wound is healed, apply sunblock over the area so that the skin color over the wound and surrounding skin look similar.

Alan L. Nager, M.D., M.H.A., has been Director of Emergency and Transport Medicine at Children’s Hospital Los Angeles for the past 18 years, and is a professor of Pediatrics at the Keck School of Medicine of the University of Southern California.

Family Road Tripping Goes Global

Published May 2, 2016

By Christina Elston

Kids on a FamilyGo trip to Costa Rica hunt for – and learn about – insects. PHOTO COURTESY FAMILYGO

Rebecca Bernard wants your family to go to camp. Together. And bring your passports. Bernard is founder and chief culture officer at FamilyGo, a company offering group travel curated for kids, parents and even grandparents to enjoy together.

Bernard calls her program a “camp on the road.” Groups of families visit a destination, and the children are immersed in local camp programs from 9 a.m.-2 p.m. – giving the adults a chance to explore. Families reconnect at the end of the day. Upcoming trips depart for Costa Rica in June and Spain in July.

The trips are about two-weeks long, a fit for many working parents’ vacation schedules, so parents don’t miss out. “There’s a part of us as parents that wants to play, too,” Bernard says.

But there is plenty of learning as well. In Spain, children and parents alike will have the chance to take language courses and enjoy experiential learning excursions. Bernard says this gives parents a chance to see their kids absorbing a bit of the world, which you miss if you’re just dropping them off in the morning and picking them up at the end of the day. As you ponder your summer, she has three questions for you to consider: “What inspires you? What interests you? How can we change our environment?”

Learn more about FamilyGo and upcoming trips at www.familygoglobal.com.

Saugus Schools Implement Mindful Leading at Recess

Published May 1, 2016

By Elena Epstein

Campus supervisors from Tesoro del Valle Elementary School receive their certificates of completion during the last Mindful Leading workshop. Left to right are Graciela Paredes, Paula Broad, Jill Bloom and Julie Smith with Saugus Union School District Superintendent Joan Lucid and parent coach and author Roma Khetarpal. PHOTO COURTESY SAUGUS UNION SCHOOL DISTRICT

For several mornings, Lisa Storaker, a campus supervisor at Mountainview Elementary School in Saugus, noticed a second-grader leaning against the wall near the playground watching the action around her, but not participating. Storaker became concerned.

“I started chatting with her to get to know her better,” says the mom of five, who has been a campus supervisor for the Saugus Union School District for five years. “I asked her what she does after school and about her siblings. It turns out she comes from a large family, and mornings before class are her only alone time. She wasn’t being excluded. She just wanted to have some time to herself.”

As a campus supervisor, Storaker is on the front lines of helping children navigate the social and emotional learning that takes place daily on school playgrounds. This time away from the structured classroom environment is crucial for developing critical life skills such teamwork, friendship, communication and conflict resolution.

The Importance of Unstructured Play

Acknowledging the importance of unstructured playtime, the district implemented a “mindful leading” training program for campus supervisors. Recess can be fraught with cliques, bullying, fighting and hurt feelings. The workshops address these common issues and provide strategies to help ensure students have a positive playground experience.

Eighty-four campus supervisors from 15 elementary schools participated in the four-part training program led by author and parent educator Roma Khetarpal, founder and CEO of Tools of Growth, an organization devoted to helping kids “Be Happy, Think Positive, and Do Good.” The Santa Clarita resident is also the author of the award-winning book, “The Perfect Parent.”

“Our campus supervisors really get to know the kids as they grow from kindergarteners to sixth graders,” says Isa De Armas, Ed.D, director of curriculum and instruction for the district. “This type of training gives them more tools to use to open up discussions and break through strong emotions.”

The Campus Supervisor’s Role During Play

During the training, Khetarpal reminded the campus supervisors of their unique role in helping children feel safe and secure. Topics ranged from emotional intelligence to responding instead of reacting and being present. “Go down to their level, ask open-ended questions and really listen to them. Let them finish their sentences,” advised Khetarpal. She also emphasized the power of words, reminding her audience to move away from phrases such as “How many times have I told you?” to harness the teaching moment that has presented itself.

One of Khetarpal’s main messages is, “When you’re right, practice being kind first.”

“Being an adult does not mean we are superior to children,” says Khetarpal. “We shouldn’t be in a position of dictatorship, but rather a position of directorship.”

The Impact of Mindful Leading

Campus supervisors say the workshop tools are working. One supervisor took the time to delve into the motivation of a kindergartener who caused havoc at lunch every day by spitting juice on kids around him. The child is now a yard helper, ending the juice fights. Julie Huff, a supervisor at Emblem Academy, says she now asks open-ended questions of her 14-year-old daughter, and has loved the discussions that have resulted. Several supervisors have found the technique of taking a few deep breaths before addressing an emotionally charged situation a simple, but extremely effective, tool.

“As educators, we always have to work harder and be more intentional when in a challenging situation,” says district superintendent Joan Lucid, Ed.D. “Our campus supervisors play a significant role in our children’s lives, and it can be very challenging. But the kids who are having the hardest time are the ones who will remember the special adult in their lives who didn’t give up on them.”

5 Tips to Lessen Summer Visitation Drama

Published April 29, 2016

By Casey Marticorena and Don Schweitzer, Certified Family Law Specialists

Divorced parents should plan ahead so that both have a chance to spend time with their children during the summer break. PHOTO BY SURA NUALPRADID

Summer is when many of us create some of the best memories with our children. For divorced parents who have limited custody during school months, summer visitation can provide an excellent opportunity to extend visits and spend quality time with their children. It also allows for children to maintain a loving relationship with both parents after a divorce.

Parents typically follow a child custody order issued by the court during the divorce. However, if your current child custody order does not suit your summer visitation needs, you can request to have it amended, but you must plan ahead to ensure sufficient time to negotiate a modification and potentially file a motion with the court to address the issue. Discuss your plans with the other parent well in advance of the summer days. If you and the other parent cannot come to an agreement, you will need to file a mo-tion with the court, which in Los Angeles will take up to 60 days.

Working Together for a Seamless Summer Visitation

When planning summer visits, parents should work together to decide how the weeks will be divided so that both parents have an opportunity to create memories with their children, and so that extracurricular activities don’t get in the way. For example, one parent might not want to forfeit one week of his or her four-week summer visitation to send the child to a sleepaway camp. Or if the child wants to attend a day camp, the parents might want to consider a camp closer to the home of the noncustodial parent, in order to minimize travel time.

The child’s emotional well-being should be a priority. If the child will be with a noncustodial parent for an extended period of time during the summer, it might be best to have the custodial parent visit once a week or every other weekend. Young children often find it difficult to go for several weeks without seeing a parent they are accustomed to viewing as a primary caretaker. If physical visits aren’t possible, regular phone calls, email or video chats can help with homesickness.

If your divorce or custody matter is still pending, then the summer schedule needs to be reduced to a stipulation — a written agreement that is agreed upon by both parties, then submitted to the judge. Once the judge approves the stipulation, it becomes enforceable by law until the divorce is settled and the child custody order is made final.

Planning Summer Visitation for the Foreseeable Future

If you are currently in a divorce proceeding, now is the time to make sure future summer schedules are laid out in a judgment of dissolution of marriage or paternity judgment. It should include the types of extracurricular activities both parents agreed upon and how they will be paid. For instance, most child custody orders outline that activities will be paid for equally by each parent. However, your court order should include protocol for selecting extracurricular activities. You wouldn’t want to be in a situation where you’re paying half for an extracurricular activity that you don’t agree with or that takes over some of your custodial time. To avoid this, your court order should state that the parents will equally share extracurricular activities that are mutually agreed-upon. The order should further state that neither parent shall unreasonably withhold their consent to an activity.

Once the summer arrangements have been made, make sure to keep open communication with the other parent about travel plans and itineraries. In fact, if you are planning to travel internationally with your child, make sure to have a certified copy of your judgment on hand. As an added precautionary measure, get a letter of permission from the other parent outlining the travel dates and have it notarized, even if you and your child are traveling during your visitation time. While a bona fide copy of the custody order may show that you are legally allowed to be with your child, a notarized letter safeguards that you have permission from the other parent to not only travel with the child, but that the other parent has also agreed to the full travel itinerary.

Your Summer Visitation Requests Not a Guarantee

It’s also important to note that the court may not honor all requests, which is why parents should seek permission before making travel arrangements. We represented a client whose ex-husband wanted to travel with the children to a country known to be unsafe, and the court granted our motion and denied the ex-husband travel to that country with the children.

If communication is an uphill battle with the other parent, there are websites to help facilitate communication between divorced parents such as www.ourfamilywizard.com and talkingparents.com. Extracurricular activities during vacation schedules can be posted, and medical and school information can be shared. Keep in mind that these communications are subject to review by judges and mental health experts appointed to the case. That means, keep your communication respectful and professional in nature.

Casey Marticorena is Partner and Don Schweitzer is Founder and Partner of the Law Offices of Donald P. Schweitzer, a Pasadena family law firm with specialized attorneys experienced in all areas of family law and estate planning, supported by today’s most advanced legal resources. For more information, visit www.pasadenalawoffice.com.

12 Great Books for Black History Month

Published February 11, 2016

By Carolyn Richardson

Your child may be awash in historical stories of notable African- American heroes this Black History Month. We’d like to add to the conversation with our list of relatable stories that will help your child see themselves in children from different backgrounds. Here we present books that feature young characters of African descent, among others, and show them working together through fictional and a few lesser-known historical situations. This list is meant to help kids identify with those who look different from them and break down the barriers to friendship, forgiveness, love and support of others.

The Seventh Most Important Thing

Shelley Pearsall turns a young boy’s angry outburst into a story of the power of mercy as he is charged to community service working alongside this “victim.” Inspired by the work of American folk artist James Hampton, Pearsall develops a redemptive novel that helps us identify the light inside us all.

Dayshaun’s Gift

Zetta Elliot delicately tells the story of the New York City Draft riots through the eyes of a current-day tween who’s less than thrilled to help his mother at a community garden during his summer vacation.

Last Stop On Market Street

This winner of the 2016 Newbury Medal, penned by Matt De La Peña and illustrated by Christian Robinson, follows the journey of a child and his grandmother across town to point out class differences in a positive and energetic manner all while offering a perfect ending that will warm your soul.

My Two Blankets

Making friends after a move is a rite of passage many children have to face. Here Irena Kobald uses two blankets to show how interwoven we all are despite our different customs and traditions. The story of a young refugee is also a poignant storyline that will spark in-depth conversation with your child should you want to explore the topic.

Akissi

Akissi: Feline Invasion is one of a series of stories by Marguerite Abouet, a native of Africa’s Ivory Coast. Popular in Europe, this is the only books in the Akissi series readily available in English. The book shares the hilarious misadventures of a little girl in the heart of an African city, giving your child a new perspective on the lives of African children.

I’m New Here

I’m New Here tells the story of three children who don’t speak English as they transition into life in their new American elementary school. Through encouragement from fellow classmates and self-determination, the story shares how each child settles into their new surroundings, while maintaining their sense of pride in their culture.

Trombone Shorty

Some kids know what they want to be when they grow up, and others decide that waiting until adulthood to pursue their dreams is just a waste of time. Here, author Troy Andrews, also known as Trombone Shorty, tells his story of becoming a bandleader and making a living from his music at a very young age.

Separate Is Never Equal

Sylvia Mendez’ struggle to attend school was integral to the landmark legislation Brown v. The Board of Education that integrated schools across the country. This book highlights this California story and shares how Mexican -Americans’ civil rights played a role in African -American history.

Drum Dream Girl

This story of a little girl who experienced gender bias in practicing her art will challenge your child’s limitations on what girls and boys can and cannot do. Inspired by the childhood of Millo Castro Zaldarriaga, this book is a vibrant read that will give your little one hope to dream even when the world seems unlikely to accept the vision.

My Three Best Friends and Me, Zulay

My Three Best Friends and Me, Zulay shows children how to work together in spite of their different abilities. The book takes a handicap and turns it on its head as a group of friends finds there are certain benefits that come with a major disability.

This Side of Home

This Side of Home is a story of gentrification that tweens and teens may appreciate. Identical twins Nikki and Maya navigate their changing self-identities as their neighborhood takes on changes of its own.

Bottle Cap Boys

New Orleans, Louisiana has its own culture, and this book celebrates through a pair of brothers tap-dancing in the streets. Rita Williams-Garcia uses rhythmic onomatopoeia, and vibrant illustrations tie this fun story together.

To find more children’s books written or illustrated by African-Americans, and enjoy their 28 Days Later campaign during Black History Month, visit thebrownbookshelf.com.

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