Sibling rivalry is one of the oldest forms of conflict known to mankind. Its drama has been played out in folkore, literature and film. In the animal kingdom, many newborns shun their siblings as a form of survival. I’ve read about how some baby birds push their siblings out of nests to ensure their own food supply. In a less dramatic way, we see some form of this played out in our homes. I have two daughters, and my dream is for them to develop a close relationship, to always help and protect each other. But how do we, as parents, turn our wishes into a reality for our kids? 

If we have siblings, we can start by looking back at our own sibling relationships. My relationship with my older brother, Felipe (pictured), was a fairly typical sister-brother relationship. I must admit, I would annoy him to get his attention or borrow his soccer socks without asking for his permission. Thankfully, as we got older, he learned to forgive me for my little-sister antics and we enjoy a great relationship. 

That didn’t stop my jitters when I discovered I was pregnant with my second daughter. I worried how my older daughter, Sofia, would respond to her sister.  

I was grateful that Sofia was excited about having a little sister and became mesmerized with Olivia’s every smile, milestone and silly dance. These days, though, 6-year-old Sofia has been hiding her toys and avoiding Olivia whenever she feels like the 2-year-old is about to erupt into a tantrum.  

How do my husband and I handle these tense moments? I have learned to start with myself. Here are a few tips to encourage healthier sibling relationships: 

Don’t compare children. I received a lot of tips as a young parent, and one that I always keep in mind is to not make comparisons among siblings. I’m guilty of sometimes thinking, I don’t understand why Olivia throws a fit every time she has to sit in the high chair to eat; Sofia never did that as a baby. A child-development expert reminded me that each child feels he or she is unique and can resent being evaluated in relation to someone else.  

Within reason, let siblings settle their differences. The goal is to encourage children to find a common ground or solution themselves. Parents should judge when it is time to step in and help mediate. When is the right time? Before things get physical, or when you hear hurtful words being exchanged and it is clear the children cannot come to a solution on their own. 

Be creative with hand-me-downs. While I was expecting Olivia, my friend Benny – who has five grown children – offered me some great advice. If it’s financially possible, try changing up or altering the “hand-me-downs” so that what you are passing on feels personalized and special to the younger child. To get myself in this mode of thinking, I painted the drawer knobs on Sofia’s changing table, giving it a completely different look. 

Give rewards and consequences. Some family therapists recommend giving siblings consequences for arguing, including time-out and writing sentences such as, “I will play nicely with my brother.” When you see positive interactions between siblings, try giving them a praise, treat or a privilege such as staying up late one night or an extra trip to the park. 

While all these approaches are helpful and great ideas, sibling rivalry will always exist – just like conflict will always exist in the adult world. The key is to help our kids resolve problems in their closest relationships now so that they can carry those conflict-resolution skills into adulthood. 

Daniella Guzman is the anchor on NBC4 Southern California’s “Today in LA” weekday morning newscast, 4:30-7 a.m., and a mother of two. Follow her on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram @daniellanbcla.

’Tis the season to be merry, but for grievers the holidays are fraught with emotions and decision making may be complicated. Families are reminded that the children are grieving, too. Far too often, children are excluded when decisions are made about which holiday rituals and traditions from the past to uphold and when to create new ones. Offer opportunities that will help them maintain their precious memories and engage in joyful, child-centered activities that allow them to enjoy their childhood. 

For example: 

• Decorate plain paper with holiday-themed stamps or stencils and wrap a toy to 
donate to an emergency shelter or hospital. 
• Bake holiday cookies to serve to guests or deliver to a retirement community. 
 
• Design and laminate a decoration featuring a photo of your loved one. 

If you are supporting someone who is grieving, understand that people react in different ways. They may want the closeness of 
friends at times and need space at other times. Invite the person to social events and allow them to change their mind at the last minute if they decide they do not want to attend. 

When you are with someone who is grieving, start the conversation. Use the name of the person who has died and share your 
memories about that person. You might even consider making a donation in memory of the person who died, or to offer to just sit and be with the person who is grieving while they write letters, 
wrap presents or address holiday cards. Know that it helps just to offer a listening ear. You aren’t expected to say any magic 
words that will make them feel “all better.”
 

OUR HOUSE Grief Support Center offers some suggestions for adult grievers as well, keeping in mind that different choices can be made again next year: 

• Maintain traditions that feel comforting and let go of those that no longer feel right. For example, if the thought of preparing your typical holiday meal is too overwhelming, take the year off and order in or go to a favorite restaurant instead. 
 
• Create new traditions or meaningful rituals.
For example, design or purchase a new holiday decoration that you will hang in memory of your loved one. 
 
• Make a toast in memory of your loved one.
Chances are, everyone at the table will be aware that the person who died is not there … so why not share sentiments together? 
 
• Remember that it is OK to laugh, cry, sing or dance whenever you feel like it. 
 
• Prepare special foods or bring your loved one’s favorite dish to a holiday party. 
 
• Allow yourself time alone as well as planning time to be with others. 
 
• Do some volunteer work that would be meaningful to your loved one. 
 

May this holiday season bring you comfort, strength, peace, and hope. 
 

OUR HOUSE Grief Support Center has helped thousands of grieving children, teens and adults as they embark on their journeys to hope and healing after the death of someone close. Support groups specific to age and relationship take place in the safe, warm and nurturing environment of their centers. OUR HOUSE also offers workshops, seminars and in-service training to mental health and medical professionals, clergy, educators, and other members of the community who interact with bereaved families. To learn more, visit www.ourhouse-grief.org or call 888-417-1444.  

In order to light the spiritual spark in our kids and keep it lit, the goal is to get them to turn inward for answers. This means that we, as parents, must turn inward before we act and react so that we can give more thoughtful guidance with better outcomes.

Here are a few ideas to keep daily life with your kids on a spiritual track.

Start Talking Early

Many parents wait until their kids are 9 or 10 years old before they start talking about big, difficult topics. Talking with your child about things like war, forgiveness, sex or death is much less intimidating for you and your child when they are 6 or 7. At this age, they have few preconceived ideas about our world. Their hearts and minds are wide open and subjects like this are just a lot more matter of fact.

Talking with your child at an earlier age about heavy, and even profound, matters gets you and your child thinking more deeply, which will raise questions that can keep the conversation going. If a question comes up that you can’t answer, don’t be afraid to say that you don’t really know.

Remain Neutral

Misbehavior in children is often the tip of the iceberg, with underlying causes and triggers lying far beneath the surface of your child’s actions. It is almost always true that your child does not know how to express deep feelings and is not aware that those feelings might be moving her to act in ways that she cannot yet control. Remaining calm and neutral in the face of these behaviors allows space for you and your child to look for that underlying cause.

If a child is doing something unsafe, you need to stop it immediately. But for less-disturbing situations a no-fail response can be as simple as taking a breath and asking your child with genuine concern, “Are you OK?” Often, you will find that the answer is “no” and that they might not have realized that until you asked. This question turns their thinking inward and allows them to examine their feelings and reflect on what’s happening.

Inquire, Don’t Preach

Many parents have trouble getting their kids to talk about their struggles. Some kids are afraid their parents will get involved or won’t understand, while others just don’t have the words to express it all. By asking questions instead of trying to provide answers, you are engaging your child’s brain. If your child feels hurt by her friend or reprimanded by her teacher, ask for more details. A question such as, “Why do you think she yelled at you?”  turns the child inward.  Self-awareness that can lead to connection and empathy for others is another really important spiritual gift.

Despite our intentions, parenting challenges do arise and often escalate. Try not to over-analyze why or how this could be happening. Instead, try to just observe what is happening and not judge or evaluate. Give yourself a fair chance to decompress and become calm, clear and neutral.

If things have gone too badly, the only way to repair the rupture is to talk about it. Learn to express your feelings and needs to your child. If words are hard to come by and you are still raw with emotion, try drawing pictures together or playing out scenes with stuffed animals or puppets. This can make it easier for you and your child to share your feelings and process your thoughts.

It takes up to 25 years for a child’s brain to fully form and develop. The child often learns to become like the human beings who make up their world. This is an enormous factor to consider over the many years that they are in your care. As a sculptor would painstakingly and lovingly work on the sculpture that he is creating, you have the joyful and exquisite opportunity to work on the beautiful minds of your children. Do so with utmost care, love and compassion.

Happy sculpting!

Soraya Deen is a mother, Certified Parent Educator and the author of “PEACE MATTERS – 33 Ways to Raising Peace Conscious Children.” She is the co-founder of Peacemoms (EMAIL:info@sorayadeen.com).

Edwina Cowell is the CEO of Spiritual Playdate and the Owner of Cowell Designs, where she leads with philosophy that each person is here to fulfill a larger purpose by sharing their own individual gifts. (EMAIL: edwina@spiritualplaydate.com)

In July, after 3-year-old Jackson Verner suffered strokes that left him with limited use of the left side of his body, Jenna Bollard, his music therapist at UCLA Mattel Children’s Hospital, handed him a ukulele to play. “It forced him to start using the left hand,” says Jackson’s mom, Sara. “You have to be creative with kids.”

Jackson’s family uses drums in the same way. And when they put on tunes from the 1950s or – his favorite, Bruno Mars – “you’ll see him dancing and using both sides of his body,” Sara says. She credits music with helping turn Jackson from a kid who wasn’t walking a month ago to one who now runs around the hospital making mischief.

In hospitals, certified music therapists such as Bollard and Hana Cho, who works at Children’s Hospital Los Angeles, use music in many ways: as a distraction from pain, to help soothe and calm, to help kids express themselves and, yes, to get them moving.

Not a music therapist? You can still harness the power of song at home.

Tuning In

You’ll get the most help from music if you use tunes your child enjoys, and Bollard says that even babies have their preferences. Infants overstimulated by music that is louder or more up-tempo than they like might splay their fingers out in a “halt” sign or arch their backs, while those enjoying a tune will cuddle, coo or turn toward the source of the sound. But not all babies prefer lullabies. Bollard recalls one infant in the hospital’s neonatal intensive care unit who preferred songs from Stevie Wonder, Lauryn Hill and John Legend (his mom’s preference during pregnancy) over “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star.”

Jenna Bollard, at right, shares a song with a patient at UCLA Mattel Children’s Hospital. PHOTO COURTESY UCLA MATTEL CHILDREN’S HOSPITAL

Older kids’ preferences are easier to spot. “See which kinds of music get them moving, or which kinds of music get a response,” says Cho. While “The Wheels On the Bus” might drive you crazy, this type of traditional children’s music will often do the trick. “They’re kids’ songs for a reason, because they have a lot of repetition,” Cho says. Research has also shown that kids like to hear other kids singing, which explains the popularity Kidz Bop, pop songs recorded with kids’ vocals. You can also simply ask your kids how they feel when they hear a particular song.

Bollard says kids’ preferences are important even if they don’t gravitate toward the music that you think is best. “Do not force Mozart on your child all day every day if they don’t enjoy it!” she urges. “Expose them to varied music styles, but focus on the music your child specifically responds to. You want your child to have a fun and positive relationship to music.”

Putting It Into Practice

Here are five ways you can use this relationship to make life easier – and more fun – at home:

Tune up your transitions.“Hello,” “good-bye” and “clean-up” songs have long been a preschool staple, and most parents can summon up a lullaby to sing a baby to sleep. “By using music during transitions, you are creating a cue, teaching language and associations and creating a more calm atmosphere,” Bollard says.

The specific song you choose isn’t as important as the mood, though Cho says she has had fun with “Hello, Goodbye” by the Beatles and “Hello” by Adele. “When it’s a new song, people are switched into a new mode,” she explains, so choose whatever puts your kids in that mode.

Bollard says you can invent your own songs for younger kids by choosing a phrase that describes the situation and setting it to the tune of a kids’ song you know. For example, to the tune of “If You’re Happy and You Know It,” sing, “We are going on a car ride, buckle up!”

Be the leader of the band. Build your kids’ active-listening and direction-following skills with musical games. Bollard suggests copycat call-and-response games, where each person takes a turn tapping out a rhythm, playing a simple tune on an instrument (even a homemade one!) or singing a phrase, and the whole group echoes it back. You can also try dance-and-freeze games where everyone becomes a statue when the music stops, or what Bollard calls “build a beat.” In this game, one person starts a steady, ongoing beat (clapping or on a drum or other percussion instrument), and each person adds something to it. “By the time you include the whole family, you have this goofy but cool sound experience,” she says.

Hana Cho, at left, strums her guitar while pop singer Camryn Magness serenades a pediatric patient at Children’s Hospital Los Angeles. PHOTO COURTESY CHILDREN’S HOSPITAL LOS ANGELES

Kids can practice conducting the group to experience being in charge, especially if they are conducting their parents.

Manage a mood. Music can ease an infant’s anxiety during a bath or diaper change, help a toddler experience some “quiet time” or even motivate a reluctant kid to brush the dog or take out the trash. “Music is super-effective at changing your mood and your energy level,” says Cho.

One obvious way to do this is to play music that contrasts how the child is feeling – calm music for an anxious infant, up-tempo tunes when you spin the chore wheel.

Another way to make the shift is to use what music therapists call the iso-principle. You start with music that matches the energy or mood the child is in, then change the music gradually, by degrees, until it matches the mood or energy level you want the child to inhabit. Kiddo got the blues? Start with the blues, then gradually move to something more cheerful. Child can’t calm down? Start with something rockin’ and move to something more relaxed. Cho says YouTube and Spotify even have playlists available for a variety of moods

Curb a crisis. If your child had a fall and skinned a knee, play a favorite song while you kiss it better and the tears may stop more quickly. The music distracts the brain from the pain, and Bollard says you can boost the effect by bouncing a toy along to the tune so that vision is involved as well.

Music is helping 3-year-old Jackson Verner, who suffered three rare pediatric strokes, recover his mobility. PHOTO COURTESY SARA VERNER

If your kids are angry with each other, “put that energy toward something productive like drumming,” suggests Cho, by giving each a drum and asking them to play what they feel. “There’s something nice about the physical manifestation of that emotion.”

You could also put on some music that the kids like and encourage them to take a dance break together. “After the music, there is typically a more relaxed and connected atmosphere to process disagreements and share feelings with one another,” Bollard says.

Connect and communicate. Whether you have a tough topic to tackle or just want to create a little family bonding time, music can be your ally. When Cho is working with families, she often encourages members to gift each other a song, then discuss what the song means to them, why the person who gifted it chose it and what it meant to the person who received it. “In a family situation, I think music is super-effective in communicating,” she says. Even music you might not approve of – something your teen or tween listens to – can help you talk about tough topics such as alcohol or drug use, sexuality and the types of friends we choose.

Parents can also share songs they loved as a kid or while they were growing up – and the memories that go with them. Your kids will love the insight, and thinking back will give you insight into how music can shape your kids’ lives. “How were you shaped into having your own music history?” asks Cho. “Maybe you like rock because of a mix tape your sister gave you when you were 10.”

Synchronizing Your Playlists

In your quest to make music your family’s universal language, you might have to navigate some disputes about what type to listen to.

To get families talking about music, Cho suggests a group activity she calls “song rating.” Each person in the family takes turns sharing a song they like, and everyone else takes a turn rating that song on a scale of one to five and discussing their choices. “It gives everyone a voice,” she says. And it can lead to some surprises, when family members actually like each other’s choices. It’s a great game for the car if everyone is bickering over control of the tunes. And the discussion after each song can teach you a lot about your kids. “They actually will have some pretty cool insights into what they like and why they like it,” Cho says.

Another thing that’s fun for the car (because in L.A., as Bollard says, “We need music in the car.”) is the collaborative family playlist. The rule here is that no one gets to judge, and each person in the family gets to add a song to the list in turn. You can add to the list as often as you like, and keep building. When it’s time for a car trip, put your list on shuffle, and off you go. “It really is such a great unifying experience,” Bollard says. “It inspires a more open-minded view of one another.”

So, the next time you’re faced with a family situation – from a neglected chore list to a skinned knee – or just have some fun time to fill, turn up the music. “You have these tools,” Cho says. “They are totally available to you.” See what a difference these suggestions, or others you come up with, can make in your family harmony. “Once the door to creativity is opened,” Bollard says, “you’ll be surprised where you’ll go.”

Christina Elston is Editor of L.A. Parent

There is nothing more satisfying to me than to tell my daughters how proud I am of them. I’ve always thought parents are expected to tell our kids they’re good and smart to help build their self-esteem.

I was surprised to learn that some child development experts encourage parents to say things such as, “Good job,” “I’m so proud of you,” and, “You’re so smart” to our children less often. Martin Seligman, author of “The Optimistic Child,” says too much praise makes kids reliant on the approval of others, and that they come to expect that pat on the back. The stamps or stickers kids get after gymnastics, ballet or soccer practice are external motivators that can turn into entitlement issues when kids grow up. People like Seligman want to prevent them from developing the “I’m awesome and I don’t have to do anything for it. Where’s my sticker for showing up?” attitude.

Carol Dweck, a Stanford University professor of developmental psychology, conducted research that found that children’s performance worsens if they always hear how smart they are. Kids who get too much praise are less likely to take risks, are highly sensitive to failure and are more likely to give up when faced with a challenge, she concluded.

I’m always curious and open to hearing new ideas to help me better parent my children. The idea of “encouraging” and not “praising” our kids sparked an interest.

Proponents of this school of thought recommend that parents describe their child’s behavior rather than label it. So instead of saying, “You’re such a good big sister for sharing your toys,” say something like, “You shared a toy with your brother. That was thoughtful of you.” Avoid saying , “Great job cleaning you’re room. I’m proud of you.” Instead, say, “You cleaned up your room the first time I asked. That was helpful.”

My 6-year-old, Sofia, always looks to me and my husband for praise and approval while she’s playing sports or when she brings home artwork. She often asks if we’re proud of her or if we like her work, and we always praise her until she knows how amazing we think she is. Instead, experts encourage parents to say something like, “You worked so hard on that dance routine,” or “You used so many colors in your artwork. That was very creative.” Instead of saying, “Your reading sounds perfect,” say, “You’ve been working so hard on your reading and it sounds better every week.”

The idea is to teach kids to focus on how they feel about their work and the effort they put into it. The hope is that learning a new skill or getting better at a task will become their reward rather than praise, a sticker or an award.

Experts also suggests coaching children to think for themselves. When asking your kids to clean their room, you can ask, “How do you think your room looks? How can we work on that? What could you clean up first?” This teaches kids to realistically evaluate their efforts.

The more I read up on the subject, the more I realized there’s no way I can stop praising my kids altogether. But I do think it’s a good idea to rephrase our feedback to focus on encouragement, and to save the praise for times our children go above and beyond with an accomplishment.

Daniella Guzman is the anchor on NBC4 Southern California’s “Today in LA” weekday morning newscast, 4:30-7 a.m. A mother of two, Daniella’s column, “On the Record,” brings her views on parenting, fun family activities and her take on work-life balance. Follow her on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram @daniellanbcla.

PHOTO COURTESY ISAAC PARFREY

When I was a single lad in my 20s living along the Miracle Mile, I commuted to work in Santa Monica by bicycle. Four days a week, I placed my young life in the hands of Los Angeles traffic. This was unwise according to my future wife, who worked as an RN in the ICU at Cedars-Sinai and saw countless critical bike accidents, the details of which I will mercifully spare you. I always attempted to be as safe as possible – helmet, reflectors, bright clothes, the whole nine – yet there was the inevitable Beverly Hills octogenarian’s Mercedes poking its blind nose at my front wheel. Luckily, my reflexes were sharper then.  

The Right Bike Stuff

Flash forward to 2015, when CicLAvia, L.A.’s cycling love fest, came to the Westside. The route to the beach was seconds from our front door. Married and a dad, I put my traffic flashbacks behind me and set out to attain the appropriate accoutrement for cycling with a baby.  

When I was a kid, I believe all that was available was the front handle bar child’s seat, which parked kiddos right in their fathers’ field of view and left dads struggling to keep their balance as the tots squirmed and bounced. Now that cycling culture has been fully adopted by the urbanistas, there are plenty of devices to help you transport your kids by bike. We have the rear front-facing child seat, the stretch-limousine-style bike with safety railing and built-in cup holders, and the trailer that places your kid right at SUV tire elevation – to name a few. I am glad we’ve made strides. I bought Hank the rear bike seat for CicLAvia. He cried the whole time. 

Since that fateful day, however, Hank has grown to love riding in the bike seat. He and I have now traversed so many of Southern California’s bike routes that my legs are getting tired just thinking about it.  

On the Beaten Path

A most popular, perhaps hackneyed, ride is the Ballona Creek path, where you might see the UCLA rowing team claw itself through raw sewage. “That water is dirty,” says Hank. The path starts at Syd Kronenthal Park in Culver City and runs about seven miles to Marina del Rey.  

From there, most dads will take the trail south along the coast toward the beachy-clean communities of Manhattan, Hermosa and Redondo. Your child will love the southern route (as does mine) mostly because of the flock of 747 takeoffs above Dockweiler Beach. Just be careful of bonfire hipsters and tailgate partiers. They don’t really pay any attention to the bike lanes.   

I often opt instead to head north, where the path snakes its way around Marina del Rey. It’s not an efficient route, but if you have young children with an irrational love of marine life, this might serve you better than the southern path. Stop by one of the Marina’s many docks and you might spot grazing sea lions. Herds of pelicans (is it herds?) hang out by the dockside eateries, noticeably leaving their mark. Hank thinks they are dinosaurs. Eventually, you will find yourself at Venice Beach, where a very different type of wildlife is native. It’s best to travel fast through these parts with kiddos (I try to make it through without picking up too much of a contact high). The carousel and Santa Monica Pier make a welcome final destination.

A Long and Winding Road

If the beach is not your bag, or just not nearby, consider the San Gabriel River Bike Trail. The 30-mile path begins at the Santa Fe Dam in Azusa and will eventually take you all the way to Seal Beach and the ocean. What the northern leg lacks in ocean views, it more than makes up for in views of concrete. That said, on a clear day (especially in the winter), the view of the San Gabriel Mountains behind you will make it worthwhile.  

Most of the path hugs the southwest side of Interstate 605. Therefore, I suggest starting at the very beginning in Azusa and taking advantage of the first 10 freeway-free miles of the trail through the foothills. Much of this portion snakes through the protected Santa Fe Dam Recreation Area. The lack of foot traffic here is a clear bonus. And when you get tired and stuck in Cerritos, you can buy a car to drive home. 

All of our time along these and other routes has inspired the Hankster to ride his own bike. We tried several tricycles but Hank was never really a fan, and often frustrated with the pedals. The stars aligned when Hank found his Strider – the sleek, pedal-free ecto-green balance cycle. Ever since, he and his balance bike have been off to the races. I’m glad to see him taking after his old man, though I hope that doesn’t mean, when he’s in his 20s, he’ll be dodging Blue Buses and Dogtown skaters. 

Isaac Parfrey is a writer, composer and L.A. native who enjoys roaming Southern California with his wife, Kate, and sons, Hank and Leo. Follow him on Twitter @IsaacParfrey. 

PHOTO BY DANIELLA GUZMAN

It absolutely ruffles my feathers when I hear kids say to one another, “You’re not my best friend anymore.” I’ve heard it on the playground at school and even in my home. 

Some kids have said it to my 6-year-old daughter, Sofia, and, unfortunately, I’ve heard Sofia say it to her friends. I’ve wondered whether they understand how hurtful those words can be. When I heard Sofia say that to somebody, I realized how important it is for me to teach my girls about building up their friendships, how words can deeply hurt people or make them feel good. I explained that we strive to nurture friendships and not destroy them with hurtful words.  

I explained that not every person we encounter is a “best friend.” Some people are meant to come and go from our lives, and others will be with us long-term and grow with us. 

I wasn’t sure whether Sofia understood my explanation, so I started teaching her about love. I talked to her about the importance of loving herself, loving others and how we can show love every day by doing things for others. 

I explained to Sofia that love is not pushy. When friends don’t want to play with you, it doesn’t mean that they don’t like you. It’s a good time, I suggested, to give each other a break or some space. Sofia looked intrigued, so I went on to explain that love is never self-willed. Selflessness is one of the most difficult things to teach a child, so we encourage everyone in our family to do something for someone else every day, and we talk about it during dinner.  

A study on children’s mental health by the nonprofit Lucy Daniels Center in North Carolina found that common phrases such as, “You’re not my friend anymore,” “You’re not invited to my party,” and, “You can’t play with us,” are ways that children express frustration. It’s their way of verbalizing discontent with others. What they really mean, the study found, is, “I’m upset with you.”  

I also know that when my daughters are upset, they just want to be heard. I try to calm them down and validate hurt feelings. I try to resist being a detective and instead work to help my girls think about how to solve the problem.  

When confronted with these issues, a friend of mine asks her children these open-ended questions: “What are your choices? What ideas do you have?” I think it’s a great approach. She even makes suggestions with these options: 

1. You could just play with someone else.  

1. You could talk to your friend and say, “I feel bad when you say that. I want to be your friend when you are ready.”  

It’s a good idea to evaluate all the options with your children. The best part is letting your child choose the solution that feels best. From experience, I’ll warn you, their choice may not be the choice you would make, but it’s important to support their choice and continue the conversation. My hope is that we teach children to love people more and to love more people, so that we never hear, “You’re not my best friend anymore” again! 

Daniella Guzman is the anchor on NBC4 Southern California’s “Today in LA” weekday morning newscast, 4:30-7 a.m. A mother of two, Daniella’s column, “On the Record,” brings her views on parenting, fun family activities and her take on work-life balance. Follow her on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram @daniellanbcla.