@storiesllc, Author at L.A. Parent

Support For Parents of Kids With Special Needs

Published April 25, 2015

By Christina Elston

If you are the parent or caregiver of a child with autism, you’re likely involved in a slew of activities, from advocating for financial and educational resources to dealing with your child’s communication and behavior issues, making choices about treatments and therapies, and attending intensive therapy sessions with your child. Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA) therapy alone can take several hours a day.

“It can be like a full-time job for the kids, except it doesn’t pay a salary,” says clinical psychologist and board-certified behavior analyst Darren Sush, Psy.D., BCBA-D. Although immensely important and beneficial, it can take its toll on the parent.

Sush began his practice working with children on the autism spectrum, and noticed that there were few resources available to support the parents of these children. So now he devotes his Brentwood-based practice to providing that support, helping parents cope with the stress, anxiety and depression that can sometimes get in the way of family life.

Symptoms of anxiety and depression include:

No longer finding pleasure in things you used to enjoy,
Strain in personal relationships,
Feeling more overwhelmed than usual,
Restlessness or insomnia or
Unintentional gain or loss of weight or loss of appetite.

These symptoms can reach into every part of your life, filtering out the good experiences and aspects of your day. “It’s almost as if you have depression sunglasses on,” says Sush. “Just because a child has autism doesn’t mean that child is not a lovable and amazing and skill-filled individual,” but a parent struggling with anxiety and depression will miss those positives, he adds.

Anxiety and depression also make the challenges of parenting – which Sush says are amplified if you have a child with autism – tougher to face. And that’s a reason for parents to seek out the help they need. “By taking the steps toward helping yourself,” Sush says, “you can better manage these everyday stressors.”

In therapy, parents can work to identify where their feelings of anxiety, stress or depression are coming from, learn how they are impacting them and their family, and figure out how to work through them.

Sometimes, even just acknowledging that you need help can be helpful. And if you can find a therapist who has experience with children on the spectrum, that can be a bonus. You won’t have to spend your first session explaining that you spend most of your days driving between and attending therapy sessions, or what it’s like to live with a nonverbal child. “That person actually knows what that parent is going through on more of a fundamental level,” Sush says.

Here are his favorite coping strategies for parents of children with autism:

Find people you trust to talk to. “Often parents of children with autism tend to alienate themselves within their families,” Sush explains. They might distance themselves due to concerns for their child’s safety, worries about how their child will behave, or the attitudes and behaviors of other family members (when your child melts down and Grandma says, “Just tell him to stop it.”). But this robs parents of a valuable source of support. So, seek out a therapist, support group, clergy member or friend who will listen – whether you talk about autism or just about life in general. “Having someone to talk to can be very important,” says Sush.

Tackle one challenge at a time. Parenting a child with autism involves many challenges, and you won’t be able to face everything at once. “It’s like trying to eat all of your Thanksgiving dinner in one bite,” Sush says. “You will choke. Do what you can, when you can. You can’t spin every single plate.”

Remember to breathe. “As the parent of a child with autism, you will see many moments that take your breath away,” says Sush. These will be good and bad. It might be a two-hour tantrum in Target, or having to pull off the freeway because your child is trying to unbuckle his seatbelt. But it might also be your child waving hello to you for the first time, or using a new word. Take a deep breath and celebrate the good, and give yourself credit for surviving and learning from the bad.

Keep a journal. Many parents of children on the spectrum spend time ruminating on information they’ve learned or experiences they have had. A journal gives you a place to collect this information and lets you get it out of your head. “It still exists, but you don’t have to carry it with you,” says Sush. A journal also creates a handy record of things that you and your child have been able to accomplish. It doesn’t have to be a leather-bound volume filled with your best calligraphy. It can be a video journal you create with an app on your phone. “If your journal is a bunch of post-it notes that you keep in a shoebox, then that’s your journal,” Sush says.

Allow yourself to grieve. Parents often feel guilty about this because they feel they are devaluing their child by letting themselves feel bad about their situation, but grieving is necessary. “Saying this isn’t what I expected doesn’t mean you love your child any less,” Sush says. “It’s a natural and normal part of adjusting.”

Remember that being there for yourself is being there for your family. “By finding support for yourself, you’re able to approach struggles with a healthier sense of purpose,” Sush says.

Dr. Darren Sush

So what keeps parents from seeking the support they need? Sometimes it is the stigma associated with depression and other forms of mental illness. Sometimes they feel guilty spending time and money on therapy for themselves, rather than devoting those resources to their child. “It’s definitely a guilt-ridden decision,” Sush says. Some insurance plans do cover therapy, but parents have to be advocates for themselves.

Sush wants parents of children with autism to remember that seeking the help of a therapist doesn’t mean you are doing anything wrong. In fact, you are probably doing a million things right – and don’t even know it because of the filter of anxiety and depression, those “depression sunglasses.” Therapy isn’t there to fix anything you are doing wrong. As Sush says: “This can be something that can help you through all the things you’re doing right.”

Christina Elston is Editor of L.A. Parent magazine and Your Child With Special Needs. You can learn more about Dr. Darren Sush and his practice by visiting www.drdarrensush.com.

L.A. to Host 2015 Special Olympics World Games

Published April 24, 2015

Members of the community can help pay costs for individual athletes – and cheer them on throughout the games – with the “Support an Athlete” program. PHOTO COURTESY SPECIAL OLYMPICS

Los Angeles will play host to as many as half a million people this summer as we welcome athletes and fans from all over the world for the 14th Special Olympic World Games, taking place July 25-Aug. 2.

Seven-thousand athletes with intellectual disabilities, coached by 3,000 coaches, will compete in 25 sports at all different levels, says Steven Vanderpool, a spokesperson for the games. There will be 117 countries represented.

“There will be four core hubs where events will be taking place: USC, UCLA, L.A. Convention Center, and Long Beach’s Marine Stadium and Alamitos Beach,” says Vanderpool. Griffith Park and Burbank will also host events, and there will be 27 venues overall.

Putting on an event that brings the world together takes help from Angelenos, and there are many ways that the community is getting involved.

First off is the “Support an Athlete” program, which Vanderpool calls “a great way to have a direct connection with an athlete.” It takes $2,500 to cover the costs for each athlete once they are here in Los Angeles, and the program matches individuals with athletes and allows them to raise money with family and friends so that they can have a direct impact on the athlete’s experience, then follow their progress throughout the games.

People can also pitch in during the games themselves. “We can’t put on an event like this without volunteers,” says Vanderpool. “This is the largest event in Los Angeles since we hosted the Olympics in 1984.”

The Special Olympics World Games help increase awareness and inclusion for people with special needs, and all those who are different. PHOTO COURTESY SPECIAL OLYMPICS

It will take 30,000 volunteers to pull off an event of this magnitude, but locals can also support the games just by coming out to watch. “Attend the games and cheer on the athletes,” urges Vanderpool. “Other than the Opening Ceremony, the games are free to attend.”

Special Olympics LA has a “Fans in the Stands” program that encourages “team captains”(14 years or older) to recruit 10 or more fans to support and encourage athletes as they compete.

The opening ceremony will take place at the Los Angeles Coliseum and will be broadcast worldwide on ESPN. During the nine days following, athletes will compete in aquatics, athletics, badminton, basketball, beach volleyball, bocce, bowling, cycling, equestrian, football (soccer), golf, gymnastics, half marathon, handball, judo, kayaking, open-water swimming, powerlifting, roller skating, sailing, softball, table tennis, tennis, triathlon and volleyball and will be housed at USC and UCLA.

Communities that will act as Host Towns are also playing a big part in creating a memorable experience for these athletes. In the three days prior to the opening ceremony, as many as 100 Host Towns across Southern California will welcome athletes. The Host Town program has been a tradition since 1995, and host communities provide housing and recreational and sports facilities, and are responsible for planning events for guest athletes. Each Host Town makes a commitment to raising $50,000.

Around 7,000 athletes from 117 countries will come to Los Angeles to compete in the games. PHOTO COURTESY SPECIAL OLYMPICS

Athletes will have time to adjust to the time change, train and attend cultural and recreational events organized by their Host Town. “The events will be unique to each community,” says Vanderpool. “At the end of the day, these Host Towns are doing a phenomenal job, from San Luis Obispo to Chula Vista.”

Athletes will arrive July 21 and will be welcomed at Loyola Marymount University, then travel to their Host Town. On July 24, the athletes will return to USC or UCLA.

“The games are important to not only the special-needs community but for acceptance and inclusion for all those who are perceived to be different,” says Vanderpool. “The special-needs community is one of the most marginalized, and [the games] help to increase awareness.”

“If we impact just Los Angeles county in terms of awareness it would be bigger than Athens and Dublin [where the last two events took place] combined,” says Vanderpool.

The Special Olympics World Games provides more than just an opportunity for athletes to compete and community awareness. Participating in the games can be life-saving to some.

“We have the ‘Healthy Athletes’ program where athletes go through seven health checks,” says Vanderpool. The athletes will get podiatry, physical therapy, health promotion, hearing, sports physicals, vision and dentistry services from volunteer doctors on the USC and UCLA campuses. For many athletes who come from developing countries, this could be the first time they have ever seen a doctor.

Gymnastics is one of around two dozen sports where athletes in the 2015 Special Olympics World Games will compete this summer. PHOTO COURTESY SPECIAL OLYMPICS

“We have athletes who have never had their eyes checked and they walk away with brand-new glasses for the first time,” says Vanderpool. “One of our athletes, Dustin Plunkett, who works for the Special Olympics now, found out he had gum cancer [after an exam with a Special Olympics dentist], and if it had gone undiagnosed he would have died within a year.”

Kaiser Permanente and other doctors are supplying services and materials so that this program can operate, says Vanderpool. Members of the community can help by donating medical supplies.

The Special Olympics is a life-changing event for all those involved.

“As my boss, Patrick McClenahan, [president and CEO of the 2015 Special Olympics World Games], says, in a city full of stars and all-stars, our athletes will be the stars during the games this summer,” says Vanderpool.

Fundraising events are taking place all over Southern California during the next few months, including a Hurricane Harbor Polar Plunge in June and various Tip-A-Cop campaigns where law enforcement officers become the waiters at local restaurants and donate their tips to the games.

To find upcoming fundraising events in your area go to www.sosc.org.

To find out more, to donate, support an athlete or to find out whether your community is a Host Town, visit www.la2015.org.

Of Fonzie, Family and Parenting

Published April 22, 2015

By Ron Epstein

Henry Winkler, who appeared on the cover of L.A. Parent in 1981, reflects on parenting – what he’s learned and how he’s still learning.

Henry Winkler is on a mission. The actor, director and producer, best known for his role as Arthur “The Fonz” Fonzarelli in the 1970s sitcom “Happy Days,” wants to make every child smile.

And he has a plan, based on his 44 years as a father (he has a son, a daughter and a stepson) and his five years as a grandparent.

Winkler was a newish dad of three when he appeared on the cover of L.A. Parent in April of 1981. The magazine was called Pony Ride then, and Winkler was its most-recognizable cover model to date. At the time, “Happy Days,” an ode to family life in the 1950s, was in its seventh year, and most people knew Winkler as “The Fonz,” complete with Pompadour haircut, leather jacket and motorcycle.

But few knew this: In 1980, with “Happy Days” at its peak, executives at Paramount Studios in Hollywood, where the show was filmed, approached the cast and crew about changing its shooting schedule, which meant Winkler would spend more time on set and away from home.

“At the time, I was on Stage 19 at Paramount Studios, and I bought a house that was a straight shot to work,” he says. “I couldn’t live a tremendous distance from work. At that time, I was home for dinner except Thursdays and Fridays [shooting schedule nights].”

A different schedule would cut into Winkler’s family time, which was important to him. So he asked that the schedule be left alone — and Paramount did just that.

In his 1981 interview with Pony Ride, Winkler talked about his involvement with the Los Angeles Children’s Museum, which he helped found. It was on Main Street in downtown. It’s now closed, but 34 years later he, like most parents, has a lot to reflect on.

“I know this now about being a parent,” Winker says. “Our job is to keep [our children] as safe as we can, and to encourage as much as we can for them to meet their destiny.”

And each child, he says, is an individual. “Each child is like baking a muffin,” says Winkler. “You know, you put a toothpick in to see if it’s done. Each child, they do it their own way.”

Winkler also had to learn to be a parent in his own way. He struggled with undiagnosed learning disabilities as a child, and recalls that his parents criticized him and told him he was not living up to his potential.

“I made a decision when I was 10 – and I thought about it every day – that I was going to be a different parent from my parents,” Winkler says. “I think one of the most important things in being a parent is seeing your child in front of you as who they are — not who you want them to be. If you do that, it solves about two million problems right off the bat.”

Winkler was diagnosed with dyslexia at age 31, when he and his wife, Stacey Weitzman, took her son, Jed, who was in third grade at the time, to be evaluated for learning disabilities. Today, Winkler is proud father and stepfather to three adult children, all of whom graduated from college, and three grandchildren.

Once upon a time, L.A. Parent was called “Pony Ride,” and Henry Winkler was on the cover.

Winkler’s passion for allowing children to be themselves is evidenced, he says, in how he parented his children, and in two series of books he has written with author Lin Oliver: Ghost Buddy and Hank Zipzer: The Mostly True Confessions of the World’s Best Underachiever. The pair has combined for 28 books thus far, with two more to come. They are a source of pride for Winkler.

“I write the emotion as it is,” says Winkler. “Children connect with them.”

Winkler is quick to smile and admit he’s not an authority on parenting. But, he says, “I am authority on wanting every child to know that they have greatness inside them. I’m on a mission that I didn’t even know I was on. I want every child to know that just because school is difficult for them, it has nothing to do with how brilliant they are.”

To make his books appealing to children, Winkler and his team selected a font that is easy for children – even those with learning disorders – to read, and he intentionally writes some short chapters to make the books seem less overwhelming and to give kids a sense of accomplishment in their reading.

His books have brought Winkler a new level of fame and have him traveling the globe to talk to school-age children. It’s a journey – literally and figuratively – that he greatly enjoys,

Winkler’s books, which he ranks as his biggest achievement outside of his children and grandchildren, even earned him an award from the Queen of England in 2011. He was named as an Honorary Officer of the Most Excellent Order of the British Empire in recognition of his services to children with dyslexia and special-educational needs.

As he reflects on the turns that the road of life has presented him with, Winkler marvels at his fortune.

“You know everything you need to know about parenting in your tummy,” he says. “When your alarm goes off, listen to it. Your instinct. You can double-think yourself, but your instinct is always right.”

He continues, “Being a parent, without a doubt, is the most difficult job on the face of the planet. Period.”

Ron Epstein is publisher of L.A. Parent.

Temple Grandin to Appear at Club Nokia

Published April 20, 2015

By Christina Elston

Temple Grandin, Ph.D., one of the world’s best known autism advocates, will appear at a celebration in May that will raise funds for a new, local job placement program for people on the spectrum. PHOTO BY ROSALIE WINARD

One of the rock stars of the special needs world will take the stage at Club Nokia May 20 – along with a host of musical, celebrity and other guests – to raise awareness about the lack of jobs for young adults on the spectrum, and to benefit a new pilot program designed to help.

Temple Grandin, Ph.D., is widely considered one of the most accomplished and well-known adults with autism. Her early life and achievements as a designer of livestock handling facilities and a professor of animal science at Colorado State University are detailed in the Emmy-winning 2010 HBO biopic Temple Grandin. She was featured in the “Heroes” category on Time magazine’s list of the 100 most influential people in the world that year.

Grandin and other prominent adults on the autism spectrum will offer testimonials at the event, which will be interspersed with performances from featured guest artists, some of whom are also on the autism spectrum.

Appearing along with Grandin will be teacher, author and advocate Stephen Shore, Ed. D.; musician Susan Sheller; autism advocate, filmmaker and actor Alex Plank; rapper Rio “Soulshocka” Wyles; musician Chadwick Johnson; artist Michael Tolleson; animator/illustrator Dani Bowman; artist Noah Schneider; California State Assembly member Joel Anderson; musician Nick Guzman and filmmaker Taylor Cross.

The nonprofit vocational center and animation studio Exceptional Minds will be honored with a Community Visionary Award. Actor Ed Asner and his son, Matt, Southern California director of Autism Speaks, will receive Leadership Visionary Awards. And a Trailblazer Award will be presented to Wayne Fogelsong, principal of the Miller Career and Transition Center in LAUSD.

Tickets for the event, which runs from 8-10 p.m., are $44.49-$154.50, and proceeds will benefit the “Autism Works Now!” pilot program.

The two-year pilot, based in Van Nuys, will function as a mentorship, job placement and on-the-job work support program for individuals with autism and related disorders. Autism Works Now! is designed to function as a temporary job agency, with Autism Works Now! employees reaching out to local employers to help them fill available positions. Volunteers from Autism Works Now! would also provide training or job coaching for workers with autism. The goal would be that these workers could transition from temporary into paid full-time positions.

“We have to bridge that gap between what our kids can do and the opportunities that are available to them,” says event organizer Joanna Lara, who is also founder of Autism Movement Therapy, Inc. Lara notes that 35 percent of young adults with autism have no paid employment. “We don’t really have an in-place job database,” Lara says.

Tickets for the event are on sale, and available online at www.clubnokia.com/events.

Finding Quality Childcare in L.A.

Published April 19, 2015

By Melanie Gaball

Choosing a childcare provider can be one of the most important decisions parents can make, particularly during the years before a child starts kindergarten. The number of available options can be overwhelming, and it is easy to be tempted to go with the first recommendation from a friend or neighbor. But experts warn that a childcare solution that works for one family might not work for yours. Here are some tips to help you find the right fit for your family.

Where to Begin

Parents generally don’t do enough research when it comes to picking the right childcare facility, says Cristina Alvarado, executive director of the Child Care Alliance of Los Angeles (www.ccala.net), a membership service for agencies in Los Angeles that offers a variety of early-education and childcare services and programs. “Parents tend to research the car that they are going to buy more than they research their children’s childcare,” Alvarado says.

Begin by deciding what is most important to you. Alvarado suggests asking:

Do our work schedules vary?
Are we going to need help on weekends and evenings?
Do we prefer to have our child exposed to ethnic diversity?

“It’s an extremely personal process, which is why taking the time to do your research is so important,” she says.

Judy Laureano, resource and referral manager for childcare at Connections for Children (www.connectionsforchildren.org) – a nonprofit childcare resource and referral agency serving parents, childcare providers and educators – says that getting these details nailed down early is especially important if you are looking for infant care.

And add budgeting to your list of concerns, because infant care at a childcare center can cost $900-$1,500 a month. “Make sure you find out what the center includes in the price,” says Laureano. “Some of them include the cost of food and supplies, while others you have to supply your own.”

“Good quality infant care is hard to find because it is more expensive and spots are limited (because of the higher staff to child ratio),” says Alvarado. “Look to get on a wait-list early.”

Care Outside Your Home

If you end up seeking childcare outside your home, you’ll need to decide whether a family childcare facility or a childcare center works best for your family.

Family childcare centers are located in a home, often provide care for children of a variety of ages, and tend to be more personal than childcare centers. They are generally more affordable, and sometimes have more flexible hours than childcare centers, according to the Child Care Resource Center of Los Angles (www.ccrcla.org).

Childcare centers – also referred to as nursery schools, preschools, and daycare centers – tend to have larger staffs, set schedules and larger facilities than family childcare centers do.

Both types of facilities are licensed by the state, and parents should ask to see the license of any facility they are considering. But there are many other factors to consider.

“The most important thing is to trust your instincts when you are touring childcare facilities,” says Alvarado. “You want to find a place that gives your child the best opportunities to be safe, to learn and to feel nurtured.”

She recommends looking for a facility that has plenty of books and age-appropriate toys, and plenty of fun learning activities. “Children 0-3 learn through play, so I tell parents they shouldn’t focus too much on the academic aspects at that young of an age,” says Alvarado. “When they get older, then you want to look for more academic features.”

Alison Fuligni, Ph.D., an associate professor in the Department of Child and Family Studies at UCLA, says that it is important to observe interactions between the adults and the children at facilities you visit. Notice whether or not caregivers are engaging in conversations and helping kids understand situations around them.

It is also important for facilities to provide a large amount of free-choice time, rather than being highly teacher-directed. “In one of the papers I’ve worked on, we studied the daily routines of preschool children,” says Fuligni. “We wanted to learn what the patterns were like. Some of the programs were high free-choice and some were more balanced. We were relieved that none were highly teacher-directed.”

Ask about the training of the staff, particularly about the primary teacher’s training in child development. “Does the staff attend training or conferences that provide up-to-date information?” says Laureano. “It’s important to get refreshers and to hear about new topics.” Connections for Children and the Child Care Alliance of Los Angeles both offer regular provider-training workshops.

“There are some childcare providers who continue to come to training and workshops because they really care,” says Alvarado. “Childcare is one of the lowest-paid industries in Los Angeles, so it’s important to find a place with a staff who really love what they do.”

To begin your search for a childcare center or family childcare center, download a checklist from the Connections for Children website or from the Child Care Resource Center.

Nannies and Babysitters

“The best and biggest benefit to hiring a nanny or babysitter is convenience,” says Katie Bugbee, senior managing editor and parenting expert for Care.com, an international online service that connects families with care for children, seniors, pets and homes. “The nanny comes to your house. You don’t have the juggling act of packing all the daily necessities and shuttling your child to daycare before work.”

For parents in L.A. who might not be able to make the typical closing time of 5:30 or 6 p.m. at a daycare center, a nanny or babysitter could be the best choice.

Nannies, however, are the most expensive childcare option. According to Care.com, the average weekly cost of a full-time nanny is $475, compared with $127 for a family childcare center and $186 for a daycare center. But if you have more than one child, a nanny or sitter might make sense economically.

“Depending on where you live, a nanny for two children can often be less expensive than two kids in daycare,” says Bugbee. “Our pay calculator shows an average hourly rate of $13 in the L.A. area. But check it out to see the going rate for a nanny in your specific ZIP code.”

If you have decided that a nanny or babysitter is the best option for your family, Bugbee suggests writing out what you will need from your sitter. Here is her list of questions to consider:

How often will we need a sitter?
How flexible do her or his hours need to be?
Will we need the sitter to drive the kids anywhere?
What additional tasks might we want the nanny or sitter to take on?
What certifications (early-childhood education degree, CPR) would we like the sitter to have?
What level of energy does our family need?
How much experience should we require?

Bugbee advises parents not to overlook taxes, and to communicate with the new hire about them.

“If it seems like you could pay $1,900 or more to this sitter, you should make sure the sitter knows during the interview that taxes will be withheld from his or her pay from day one,” says Bugbee. “So many sitters are simply unaware of what goes on behind the scenes when it comes to payroll and taxes, so they’re unlikely to bring this subject up with the family.”

International Au Pairs

Parents interested in bringing in a live-in caregiver – and a different cultural perspective – might consider hiring an au pair, who can provide in-home care for up to 45 hours a week for two years.

The monthly cost of an au pair is $360-$440, which tends to be less than a nanny and can potentially be more flexible, according to Cultural Care Au Pair (www.culturalcareaupair.com), an au pair placement agency.

According to Tracy Cota, Cultural Care Au Pair’s local development director in Los Angeles, a family can be matched with an au pair who has been screened by the U.S. State Department from any of the 20 different countries within five to six weeks.

“We try to set up every family for success,” says Cota. “ The au pair and family are set up with a childcare consultant who checks in every month and makes sure everyone is happy. They can also be a mediator for any issues.”

Whether you search out someone from inside or outside the country to care for your child in your home, or choose to seek care from a family childcare provider or daycare center, keep looking until you find a childcare situation where you feel your child has a safe space to explore, learn and grow. You’ll find the research was worth it.

Melanie Gaball is a former L.A. nanny and frequent contributor to L.A. Parent.

Crafting Community Builds Family Bonds and Fun Ideas For Kids

Published April 18, 2015

By Ronna Mandel

Karen Kimmel, left, and Stacy Bernstein founded Crafting Community after discovering that, when they became parents, it became difficult to carve out time for craft projects with the kids. PHOTO COURTESY CRAFTING COMMUNITY

Karen Kimmel and Stacy Bernstein, founders of Crafting Community, are on a mission, a creative one. Their goal, “to cultivate immersive design experiences where families can play, grow and be together,” is the driving force behind their growing organization. On their website, www.craftingcommunity.com, Kimmel and Bernstein emphasize that “creativity is an essential tool for life and so we find ways to encourage and inspire the creative spirit through art, curated design, fitness, and plain old fun.” In other words, they want everyone to hand make their own good time. If you’re game, you can join them in May for a weekend getaway guaranteed to shift your gears and get your creative motor running.

Why do you believe that creativity is an essential tool for life’s challenges?

Kimmel: Creativity is just a fancy word for problem-solving!

Is this generation’s love of all things instant and electronic suppressing its creativity?

Bernstein: On the contrary! Nobody likes the idea of living in a world where everybody’s face is glued to a screen but, honestly, the digital realm can be a place where this generation accesses and explores its creativity. Our phones are computers and our social media apps are teaching this generation how to be image creators, video producers, editors and publishers.

Kimmel: Physical, unplugged creative projects are just as important, but the digital realm also helps facilitate and democratize this hands-on creativity. I mean, how many countless afternoons have we spent on projects inspired by things we’ve seen on Pinterest?

What are today’s families seeking when they get involved with Crafting Community?

Bernstein: Crafting Community arose out of a need for dedicated family time that we recognized in our friends and ourselves when we became parents. As modern moms and dads, it can feel nearly impossible to carve out enough uninterrupted time to dive into a project with the kids.

Are there local activities/classes you organize for children?

Kimmel: We throw our annual weekend event at the Ace in Palm Springs, and this past December, we hosted our first Handmade Holiday event in Los Angeles. Handmade Holiday was an event where we invited families to ditch the mall for the day to make presents by hand for each other. It was so much fun that we’re doing it again this year!

What’s next for Crafting Community?

Bernstein: We used to only have the bandwidth for one weekend event per year, but we’ve grown so much that we’re looking to ramp up our programming. Look out for more weekends and day events in 2015! We’ll also be adding to our line of craft kits and products, designed to make it easier to jump into creative projects at home.

With Crafting Community’s emphasis on analog bonding, tell us something outstanding you’ve witnessed since the inception of your May retreat.

Bernstein: Honestly, the entire event is just one big outstanding moment. To see people who don’t consider themselves to be “creative” open up, take risks and make something they’re proud of is truly amazing every time. Seeing a whole table of dads learning how to macramé is pretty spectacular as well.

How do you encourage creativity at home?

Kimmel: Bringing creativity into your home doesn’t have to be some epic undertaking to be worthwhile. If you can spend 10 minutes of committed time with your kids to be really engaged and focused on something as simple as Play-doh or doodling, you’ve done something great. Pinterest provides amazing inspiration for these little projects, but we try not to get too hung up on the perfection of the final product or following the instructions to the letter. Surprise yourself! When kids see their parents taking creative risks, they feel more comfortable doing the same. Part of the fun is in the mess, and lots of discovery emerges from so-called mistakes.

What other inspiring activities would you recommend families do in L.A.?
Kimmel: L.A. offers so many varying and dynamic cultural options. We always love a Saturday at LACMA, a good hike and lunch at Trails in Griffith Park. If you’re up for a picnic, grab some PB&Js and a Frisbee and take your kids to Lacey Park for the day.

Crafting Community’s next retreat takes place May 1-3 at the Ace Hotel in Palm Springs. For more information, visit www.craftingcommunity.com.

Play Program Bridges Gaps Between Typical and Special Needs Kids

Published April 17, 2015

By Christina Elston

The Reese’s Retreat accessible playground in Pasadena’s Brookside park is just one of the many Shane’s Inspiration playgrounds in the area. PHOTO COURTESY SHANE’S INSPIRATION

One morning in late February, 16 students from Damin Hopkins’ eighth-grade class at Chandler school in Pasadena set out on a field trip to the Reese’s Retreat playground in Brookside Park. Most observers would think these kids – an exuberant but polite group in school T-shirts and jackets – were a little old for swings and pirate-themed play structures. But this class was on a special mission. They were there to meet their buddies.

The buddies arrived by bus from College View School, a public school in the Glendale Unified School District, and made their way from the parking lot to the playground with a little help from their friends. Some were in wheelchairs, some visually impaired, some on the autism spectrum and prone to take off running. Most had adult caregivers with them.

Hopkins’ students were ready. As each student or pair of students was assigned a buddy, they crouched down to introduce themselves, giving hugs or high-fives or shaking hands. Then off they went to play.

Before Hopkins’ class left Chandler that morning, he led them through a 60-minute ability-awareness workshop created by Together, We Are Able, a social inclusion program that brings children with typical abilities together with kids with various kinds of special needs.

The kids talked about the importance of play, and were asked to reflect on, and write about, three questions:

What does disability mean?
How do you feel when you see someone with a disability?
Do you know someone with a disability?

The writing was followed by more class discussion, a game about assumptions, and a video showing children with physical, communication and sensory challenges. “It’s all getting them ready for the playground experience,” says Jennifer Quick, Education Program Manager at Shane’s Inspiration, the nonprofit that funds this program and builds inclusive playgrounds – including Reese’s Retreat – throughout the world.

Special Needs Reese's Retreat Chandler 1

Chandler student Max Rosenfeld and his buddy from College View School play together on the rocking boat at Reese’s Retreat in Pasadena. The boat is accessible via a ramp, and large enough that students in wheel chairs can play with their friends. PHOTOS BY JUSTIN FRANK/CHANDLER SCHOOL

Some kids are really excited, but have reservations. “They’re nervous. They’re curious. They don’t know what to expect,” Quick says. So the program includes specific tools – such as getting down to eye level with a child who is in a wheelchair – that kids will be able to use on the playground. “Once it’s demystified for them, they can get to the play,” says Quick.

The playgrounds themselves are a big part of the process, because they are designed from the ground up to bring together typical kids and kids with disabilities. The surface beneath the play structures isn’t covered with sand, grass or bark – which would keep wheelchairs from rolling. Instead, it is covered with brightly colored, really squishy rubber matting, which at Reese’s Retreat is decorated with sea life to fit with the playground’s pirate theme. There are three kinds of swings, so that children who need extra back support can use them. Gently sloping ramps give kids in wheelchairs access to the climbing structure (which in this case resembles a pirate ship), and all structures include tactile and sound features for children who are visually impaired. At Reese’s Retreat, a rocking boat is big enough that kids in wheelchairs can roll aboard with their friends. It proves wildly popular.

The Together, We Are Able program started in 2002, and has reached more than 35,000 kids on three continents to date, according to Quick. Designed for students in fourth through sixth grades but adaptable up to grade 12, the curriculum’s activities are adapted to each age group.

Initially, Quick traveled to each school to deliver the classroom workshops, and attended all field trips. But there is now a virtual curriculum called the Inclusion Lunch Box education program that helps teachers like Hopkins do the introductory workshop, classroom follow-up (which gives kids a chance to talk about the experience) and field trip on their own, helping expand the program’s reach. The Inclusion Lunch Box includes a classroom poster promoting inclusion, a teacher’s guide and a DVD highlighting a “day in the life” of three children with disabilities.

Teacher Damin Hopkins from Chandler school circled the playground encouraging his students during their Together, We Are Able field trip in February. Ian Freer of Chandler pushes a College View student in an accessible swing.

On the class field trips, students play on the universally accessible equipment, as well as with balls, bubbles, sidewalk chalk, parachutes, “anything that will help the kids connect with each other through play,” Quick says. For teachers in schools that aren’t near an inclusive playground, there are inclusive activities that can be used on any playground.

At schools that have typical and special-education students, kids from the same school take the field trip together. Classrooms from schools that do not have special-education students, such as Chandler, are paired with classrooms from a school such as College View, which serves only students with special needs.

After a few hours of play, it’s time to board the bus to return to school. And if the kids and their buddies are from different schools, it’s time to say good-bye. “That experience of having them walk their buddies to their bus is amazing,” says Quick. The kids often ask whether they will see each other again.

In the case of Chandler and College View, the relationship is ongoing. This is Hopkins’ second year doing a Together, We Are Able field trip with a College View class. Last year, he followed up by taking his class to spend a full day at College View, which he says is even better than the playground trip because the kids have more time together. This year’s class will visit College View for a day later in the year.

For schools that have a special-education population, Together, We Are Able can also help build lasting relationships between students by offering inclusion training for school staff and parents. Quick says that aides for students with special needs are often so focused on the challenges of the child they are caring for that they forget about facilitating play. Teachers, meanwhile, can be great at getting typical and special-needs kids together in the classroom, but don’t realize they can also help these kids mix at recess and lunch. Helping these schools facilitate a monthly inclusive play day on campus is a way to build bridges.

With Together, We Are Able, that is the mission. And at Chandler, at least, it seems to be working. It’s clear from the way he circles the playground, greeting kids from College View and spurring the play along, that Hopkins is delighted with the program. He says his kids are as well. “When our kids graduate and come back [to visit the school],” says Hopkins, “they always talk about this experience.”

Schools interested in participating in the Together, We Are Able program can learn more at www.shanesinspiration.org/programs/together-we-are-able.

Inclusion Lunch Box Giveaway

Shane’s Inspiration is giving away $2,500 to one lucky teacher (and $1,000 each to two runners up) to fund social inclusion programs at their schools.

To enter the giveaway, teachers need to order the Inclusion Lunch Box and complete the awareness workshop, field drip and follow-up no later than May 25. They must also submit a brief outline of their social inclusion plans and goas for the 2015-16 school year.

Winners of the drawing will be announced the week of June 1, and funds will be distributed in the fall.

Interested teachers can visit www.shanesinspiration.org/inclusion_lunch_box to enter. Those with questions should contact Director of Programs Marnie Norris at 818-988-5676 ext. 112 or marnie@shanesinspiration.org.

Christina Elston is Editor of L.A. Parent.

9 Things To Do in L.A. For Earth Day

Published April 13, 2015

By Michael Berick

Have fun while learning about the environment at the Cabrillo Marine Aquarium’s Earth Day Fair. PHOTO BY GARY FLORIN

Earth Day turns 45 April 22, but you shouldn’t restrict your celebrating just to that day, especially since there are great Earth Day events throughout Southern California all month long. Here are nine of our favorites.

1. The Hammer Museum offers you a chance to travel the world without leaving Westwood at its free screening of Earth (11 a.m. April 15, 10899 Wilshire Blvd., L.A.; www.hammer.ucla.edu). This acclaimed documentary from 2007 takes viewers on a journey around the globe as it tracks the lives of four animal families.

2. Nature film fans should also note that Disneynature will release its latest documentary, Monkey Kingdom, April 17 (screening locally April 17-30 at the El Capitan, 6838 Hollywood Blvd., L.A.; www.elcapitan.com). Disney will donate proceeds from opening weekend ticket sales to Conservation International.

3. The Cabrillo Marine Aquarium (3720 Stephen M. White Dr., San Pedro; www.cabrillomarineaquarium.com) honors the Earth and the air. From 8 a.m.-3 p.m. April 18, the aquarium hosts its Earth Day Fair and Coastal Bird Fest. Admission is free, and you can enjoy live entertainment, do craft projects, and learn about local bird species and Earth-friendly habits.

4. At the Los Angeles Zoo’s Earth Day Expo, 10 a.m.-5 p.m. April 18-19 (5333 Zoo Dr., L.A.; www.lazoo.org). Visitors can learn about the zoo’s conservation programs and discover new ways to care for our Earth. Admission is $19 adults, $14 ages 2-12.

5. Madrona Marsh Nature Center (3201 Plaza Del Amo; Torrance; www.friendsofmadronamarsh.com) will host its first Earth Day Fair from 9 a.m.-2 p.m. April 18. There will be a performance by popular local musician Dan Crow, craft classes and live animals to meet.

6. Star Eco Station (10101 Jefferson Blvd., Culver City; www.childrensearthday.org) hosts its Children’s Earth Day Festival from 10 a.m.-4 p.m. April 19. This year, the event includes a number of new attractions: a Toddler Town, a Butterfly Pavilion and games and rides. Admission is free; games and food cost extra.

7. On Earth Day itself, the Music Center, Grand Park and the Los Angeles Department of Water and Power will host Earth Day L.A. from 9 a.m.-2 p.m. in Music Center Plaza (135 N. Grand Ave., L.A.; www.musiccenter.org). At the free event, you can get a variety of environmental tips, watch gardening and electric vehicle demos and do recycled-art projects. There will be tree and plant giveaways.

8. Earth Day: Wildflowers and Wildlife, from 9 a.m.-5 p.m. April 25-26 at Descanso Gardens (1418 Descanso Dr., La Canada Flintridge; www.descansogardens.org) offers opportunities to encounter local flora and fauna. Admission is $9 adults, $4 ages 5-12.

9. The Autry Explorer program from 1-4 p.m. April 26 at Autry National Center (4700 Western Heritage Way, L.A.; www.theautry.org) takes Earth Day literally, teaching kids ages 2-5 about dirt and how plants become food, and letting them plant a seedling to take home. $10 adults, $4 ages 3-12.

Go West For Fun Los Angeles Events!

Published April 12, 2015

By Michael Berick

Lasso up some family fun at the Santa Clarita Cowboy Festival. PHOTO COURTESY SANTA CLARITA COWBOY FESTIVAL

In California, few things are as strong as the allure of the cowboy and visions of life in the Wild West. In April, you’ve got two chances to “cowboy-up” with the kids.

Santa Clarita hosts its Cowboy Festival April 15-19. Many Western films and TV shows have been filmed in the area, and one of the festival’s main locations, William S. Hart Ranch and Museum (24151 Newhall Ave., Newhall), is the former home of the silent-film actor, one of the first great stars of the motion-picture western and friend to sheriff Wyatt Earp and U.S. Marshall Bat Masterson. This marks the festival’s 22^nd year, and attractions will include trick ropers and gun spinners, cowboy poets and Native American dancers, living history exhibits and chuck wagon cuisine. Tickets: $10 adults, $7 children; www.cowboyfestival.org.

The Autry National Center of the American West (4700 Western Heritage Way, L.A.; www.theautry.org) will open a new exhibition April 25 that offers a fresh look at the Civil War. “Empire and Liberty: The Civil War and the West” explores the role the West played in the Civil War and the subsequent Reconstruction Era. On display will be Ulysses S. Grant’s revolver, George Custer’s bible, an 1842 expedition flag, Frederick Remington artwork and period photography. Audio-visual presentations will enhance many of the displays. The Autry is open 10 a.m.-4 p.m. Tues.-Fri. and 10 a.m.-5 p.m. Sat.-Sun., and the exhibit runs through Jan. 3. Admission is $10 adults, $4 ages 3-12.

Henry Winkler’s Dyslexia Mission

Published April 11, 2015

By Ron Epstein

Henry Winkler, best known for his role as Arthur Fonzarelli in the 1970s television show “Happy Days,” was diagnosed with dyslexia at age 31, and now writes children’s books to spread awareness. PHOTO COURTESY HENRY WINKLER

Henry Winkler knows what it’s like to feel different. He knows the good, and the not so good.

The actor, director and producer, whose career has spanned more than 40 years and who is best known for his role as Arthur “The Fonz” Fonzarelli in the 1970s sitcom “Happy Days,” struggled in school because of dyslexia.

Dyslexia is a developmental reading disorder that occurs when the brain does not properly recognize and process certain symbols. It is often characterized by difficulties with accurate word recognition, decoding and spelling. Dyslexia can cause problems with reading comprehension and slow down vocabulary growth.

Today, parents, educators and healthcare professionals know how to identify and treat it. When Winkler was a kid, that wasn’t the case, and he struggled with dyslexia into adulthood.

Winkler’s diagnosis didn’t come until his stepson Jed was diagnosed with learning disabilities in third grade. Winkler was 31 at the time.

In 2003, Winkler and children’s author Lin Oliver began writing two different series’ of children’s books: “Ghost Buddy” and “Here’s Hank,” which is about a boy who has dyslexia and whom the authors call “the world’s greatest underachiever.”

For Winker, who appeared on the cover of L.A. Parent in April 1981 and is also featured in the April 2015 issue as part of the magazine’s 35^th anniversary coverage, the journey to becoming an author has brought a sense of pride that he didn’t anticipate. He’s traveled the globe for the “Here’s Hank” series, talking about what he’s learned in coping with dyslexia and hoping to better equip others.

“I write the emotion as it is,” a proud Winkler says. “Children connect with them. I want every child to know that they have greatness inside them. I’m on a mission that I didn’t even know I was on. I want every child to know that just because school is difficult for them, it has nothing to do with how brilliant they are.”

Special Needs Henry Winkler Hank Book In 2010, Winkler was presented the key to the City of Winnipeg, in Manitoba, Canada, for his contributions to education and literacy. During the course of two years, he also toured the United Kingdom to educate about dyslexia and other special needs, and in 2011 received the Order of the British Empire in recognition of his services.

The books aren’t complicated, he’s quick to point out. In fact, they’re rather simple. He selected a font that hadn’t been used for children before and allows a child to scan the words across the page much more easily. He writes some chapters to be only a paragraph long, so kids who don’t like to read see lots of white space on the page, making it less intimidating. And he gives his books titles that can’t help but make someone smile, including “Stop That Frog!” and “I Got a ‘D’ in Salami.”

“I am not an authority,” Winkler points out. “I just see what the truth is. From the experience I have, children are the same everywhere I have been. That’s what I talk about – only what I see. Economics and rituals are different, but the core of being a child is the same. They laugh.”

Throughout his career, Winkler has been able to make audiences laugh. But his books are different. They bring him a sense of gratification and intangible rewards.

When a parent says, “I look at my child differently now,” having recognized that not every child likes the same things or learns the same way, that’s when Winkler says he feels his mission has been accomplished.

Winkler has written 28 children’s books, and has two more in the works.

Ron Epstein is Publisher of L.A. Parent.

Constructing Support for the L.A. Food Bank

Published April 8, 2015

By Michael Berick

Los Angeles Attractions Canstruction 2015

See what can be made with cans of food. PHOTO BY BENJAMIN ARIFF

For the ninth straight year, local designers, builders, engineers and architects have come together to create one of the most unique Los Angeles attractions – large-scale structures built solely from cans of food. Why? That’s a good question.

Canstruction L.A. (www.canstructionla.com), presented by Goya Foods, helps raise awareness about the battle against hunger and generates donations for the Los Angeles Regional Food Bank. All of the cans used in these structures will be donated to the food bank, which received more than 27,000 pounds of food from last year’s project.

The public can lend support, too. The “can creations” will be on display from noon-10 p.m. April 9, 11 a.m.-8 p.m. April 10 and 11 a.m.-5 p.m. April 11-12 at the Farmers and Merchants Bank Building (401 S. Main St., L.A.). You can view the creations for free, or for $1 per vote you can vote for your favorites. Proceeds will go to the L.A. Regional Food Bank. Last year’s event generated nearly $16,000 in donations.

Breaking Bad’s RJ Mitte On Growing Up With CP

Published April 6, 2015

By Elena Epstein

He wore crutches in his role as Walt “Flynn” Jr. on “Breaking Bad,” but in real life RJ Mitte played soccer and basketball, and loves to skateboard. PHOTO BY RENA DURHAM

As a child, actor RJ Mitte had a clever trick for keeping his legs – which were in casts – cool during the hot summer months growing up in Austin, Texas and Lafayette, Louisiana. He froze pennies and quarters and then dropped them into his casts.

“The problem was, I couldn’t get them out. So when I walked, you would hear the ching, ching,” says Mitte with a laugh.

Diagnosed with cerebral palsy at age 3, Mitte endured 10 years of casting, leg braces and painful physical therapy. But as he whizzes into Burton Chace Park in Marina Del Rey on his skateboard for our recent interview, it’s hard to believe he was told as a child that he wouldn’t be able to play any type of sport.

The 22-year-old, best known for his role as Walt “Flynn” Jr. on the Emmy & Golden Globe Award-winning AMC series “Breaking Bad,” is charming, funny and easy to chat with. He has overcome tremendous obstacles, but he is not boastful. He’s grateful for his family, for the doctors who took care of him for so many years, for being an actor and most of all for having the opportunity to help others.

“I’m always working on my disability, to not allow it to control me,” says Mitte.

Therapy and Treatment

Unlike his character on “Breaking Bad,” who walked with crutches, Mitte has mild cerebral palsy. He hasn’t worn a leg brace since he was 13.

Cerebral palsy is a neurological disorder that typically appears in infancy or early childhood. It permanently affects body movement and muscle coordination. Chronic spasticity and extreme muscle stiffness are common trademarks of this disorder, which can lead to deformity and limit range of motion.

Mitte’s parents sensed something was wrong early in his childhood. “He started walking at 9 months, but he would walk on his toes,” recalls his mom, Dyna Mitte. “He would pick things up differently, and his speech was a little slurred.”

Though multiple doctors evaluated RJ, he wasn’t diagnosed with CP until a recommendation led the family to Shriner’s Hospital when he was 3. Because RJ was not able to bend his feet, orthopedic specialists began a series of stretching exercises and serial casting to improve his muscle function. Treatment would last until he was 13.

RJ’s mom says she will never forget that first trip to Shriners Hospital. Finding out that her son had a neurological disorder was a shock, and watching him go through the painful treatment was excruciating for the young mom. Her mind was filled with questions, doubts and fears. “I kept it together at the hospital and the drive home,” she says. “But, that night I called my aunt and just started crying and crying. I didn’t know what else to do.”

As her sounding board and confidant, Dyna’s aunt listened, allowed her to cry as long as she needed to and then told Dyna something she never forgot: “Go ahead and do all your crying tonight, but then you need to be strong for RJ. Start doing your research and give him a normal life. You have to move forward.”

RJ Mitte spent six seasons on the set of “Breaking Bad,” which he saw as an opportunity to change his life.

And that’s exactly what the whole family did. They learned as much as they could about cerebral palsy, sought out the best occupational, physical and speech therapy available and stayed hopeful and resourceful.

“RJ was just a little guy and we watched him go through the pain of having his feet stretched, casted in that position, stretched some more and casted again,” says Dyna. “It’s hard watching your child in so much pain.”

Through it all, Dyna tried to remember that in addition to all the therapy, RJ also needed a childhood.

Giving RJ a Childhood

She disguised many of his occupational therapy exercises as games, filling jars with grains and pennies for RJ to play with to increase his sensory and motor skills, encouraging him to help her fold towels to develop better hand-eye coordination, and letting him touch an icy popsicle and then warm clothes right out of the dryer to learn to sense the difference between hot and cold.

“We tried to have fun as much as we could,” says Dyna. “When his friends went swimming and he couldn’t because of his casts, we would bring out the water guns for him.”

RJ’s family also worked hard to instill in him a can-do attitude. In their house, there was no “I can’t” or “I won’t.”

“I never wanted him to feel he couldn’t do something,” says Dyna. “If he came home and said ‘I can’t play football,’ I would say let’s go in the backyard and see what we can do. Maybe we can figure out a different way to play.”

RJ grew to love sports. He played six seasons of soccer through a local park league while wearing leg braces. He tried basketball. He currently loves to skateboard and snowboard.

“My grandfather always said, ‘You’re not allowed to take a backseat, you’re not allowed to not do things,” says RJ. “Whatever I wanted to try, my family always supported me and encouraged me. I played sports, even though there were people who said I never would.”

Learning to dribble a soccer ball down the field and shoot baskets in a leg brace taught RJ that being different is not a permanent roadblock. It’s just a challenge. And as his family always says, “Everyone has challenges in life. It’s what you chose to do with it.”

The Challenge of Acting

RJ Mitte with his “Switched at Birth” co-star Ryan Lane and Starbright World online community members Kara (left) and Brianna (right). On the show, Mitte portrayed a wheelchair-bound premed student. PHOTO BY JASON KEMPIN/GETTY IMAGES

When his family moved to Los Angeles to seek more opportunities for his younger sister, who was pursuing commercial and acting work, RJ decided to try something else most people didn’t think possible for him – acting.

When he was first approached by his sister’s manager about acting, even his mom was hesitant. “My first reaction was ‘no,’” says Dyna. “He had gone through a lot and I didn’t want him to go through the rejection and the negativity that’s inherent in this business.”

But, RJ, in typical fashion, was determined. He was going to give it try and see what happened.

Within a few months of starting acting lessons, he became a regular on Disney’s popular “Hannah Montana.” And a year after arriving in L.A. he was cast in “Breaking Bad,” where he played Walt Jr. throughout the show’s six-season run.

“I saw this as an opportunity to change my life for the better, and I took it,” he says. “It turned into a career.”

There are not many actors with disabilities on television or in movies. RJ sees his roles as an opportunity to show people what life with disability really is like, break some stereotypes and inspire kids to pursue their dreams.

“Booking ‘Breaking Bad’ was a good reminder for us of what we have accomplished,” says Dyna. “A disability does not mean confinement. You have to allow your kids to enjoy life and help them pursue their passions.”

Traveling and Inspiring

In addition to acting and being the face of the worldwide GAP advertising campaign, RJ travels the country as the youth spokesperson for the National Disability Institute and as an ambassador for Shriners Hospital. He was recently honored by the Starlight Children’s Foundation, a global charity that partners with experts to improve the lives and health of kids and families around the world. RJ received the inaugural Starbright World Inspiration award for “inspiration to teens with chronic illness and their siblings.”

Going through painful therapy was not easy, but RJ says it has trained him for adulthood. Still enduring shoulder, back and leg spasms, he says he has learned to “adapt to it.”

And, like many other children who are different from their peers, he had to face unkind words, stares and bullies. His hand was broken by a fellow 8-year-old in elementary school, who teased and ridiculed RJ and one day stomped on his hand.

The physical and emotional hurts haven’t made RJ bitter. In fact, they had the opposite effect. His experience growing up with cerebral palsy has given him exceptional resilience and an unrelenting determination to help others faced with adversity.

His advice to parents raising a child with differences: “Let your kids always try anything they want. Don’t put limits on them. Teach them to stay strong. They have the ability to achieve. Push them to take their life back.”

Elena Epstein is Director of Content at L.A. Parent.

Five Ways To Overcome Math Anxiety

Published April 5, 2015

By Stephen A. Johnson

When it comes to tackling math, attitude makes a world of difference. PHOTO BY STOCKIMAGES

Beyond basic arithmetic, most of us do not remember the details of our early math education. Fundamentals such as adding, subtracting and multiplying have not escaped our memory. However, square roots, radicals and the quadratic formula have long been tucked away in the far reaches of our minds.

When our children are young, we gladly help them with their math homework. Our children believe we have all the answers, and they come to us with all of their questions. Somewhere between reducing fractions and pre-algebra, however, many of us have to decide whether to reveal to our children that our days of helping them with their math homework are quickly approaching an end, or take on the challenge of staying ahead of the curve and attempting to relearn the material. (How hard could it be, right?)

Most of the parents I’ve worked with in L.A. schools over the last 17 years have chosen to give up their roles as homework helpers. These parents can vividly recall the bad seventh-grade math teacher who forever scarred their ability to do complex math. They actually believe that they possess a genetic trait that makes them bad at math. I’ve cringed upon hearing parents go so far as to say that they’d passed down this “bad at math” gene to their children. They ask me to use my magic touch to reverse the math curse that plagues their family.

But even if your days of crunching numbers and doing geometry proofs are over, the best gift you can give your children is a belief in their ability to succeed in spite of obstacles and challenges they may face. The skills that help us succeed in our adult lives are the very skills that will help our sons and daughters succeed in math.

Here are some tips that parents can use to help replace feelings of mathematical inadequacy with a sense of hope:

Accept that math might be difficult for you. Many of us get so caught up in how easily “other people” seem to understand math that we discount a fact of life: If you’re not naturally good at something, it simply means you need to work a little harder to get the results you desire.

Debunk the “smart” myth. Our kids need to understand that working hard to succeed in math is just as valuable as being “smart” in math, and to value hard-fought successes above those that come easily.

Take advantage of your resources. Many students rely solely only on their memories of the teacher’s lecture, and rarely read their textbooks or study class notes to solidify their understanding. It is unfair to believe that you can just open the book and perfectly recall the details of all you’ve learned on-demand. If your child is having trouble with a particular topic:

Consult the textbook.
Review class notes.
Contact a classmate or friend.
Check out a how-to video online.
Meet with the teacher.
Enroll in on-campus opportunities for assistance.
Hire a private tutor.

Be proactive. Get out in front of potential math difficulties and provide learning and enrichment opportunities.

Schedule study/homework time.
Use winter, spring and summer breaks to get ahead.
Supplement class learning with workbooks, board games, video games and mobile apps that support an overall comfort with math.

Become the student. Showing a genuine interest in your child’s math lessons might motivate them to pay more attention in class and to share their new math knowledge with you.

I have met many bright students who have decided they can’t be engineers, doctors or architects because there is “so much math” involved in pursuing these careers. A subtle change in perspective from “I’m not good at math” to “I have to work hard to do well in math” could be all a student needs in order to follow their dreams.

Stephen A. Johnson is the founder of Bright Minds Tutoring, www.brightmindstutoring.org. He is a UCLA graduate with a degree in microbiology, immunology and molecular genetics; a professional background in science and a passion for student achievement. He has provided Los Angeles-area K-12 students with tutoring services in curriculum-related subject matter and test prep for more than a decade.

Los Angeles Events: Ice Skating in April

Published April 3, 2015

By Michael Berick

Enter a “World of Fantasy” at Disney On Ice. PHOTO COURTESY FELD ENTERTAINMENT

It might be April, with spring in the air, but you can still enjoy some wintery action at a couple of great Los Angeles events. This month brings two different ice skating extravaganzas to sunny Southern California.

The Stars On Ice tour lives up to its name with a cast populated with world champions and Olympic medalists. Gold medalists Evan Lysacek, Ekaterina Gordeeva, Meryl Davis and Charlie White as well as silver medalists Patrick Chan, Tanith Belbin and Ben Agosto will be among those taking to the ice at 7:30 p.m. April 4, at the Honda Center (2695 E. Katella Ave., Anaheim). They will be “Dancing for Joy” (as this tour is named). Admission: $27-$159.

Stars of a different type will skate in the latest Disney On Ice production. The new show, Worlds of Fantasy, presents a cavalcade of Disney characters. Lightning McQueen and the Cars crew will put a new spin on “speed” skating, while Buzz Lightyear, Woody and Jessie will lead a Toy Story adventure. See how the Little Mermaid fares on ice, and visit with Tinker Bell and her fellow fairies in Pixie Hollow. The show comes to the L.A. Sports Arena (3939 S. Figueroa St., L.A.) April 15-19 and moves to the Ontario Citizen Business Bank Arena (4000 Ontario Center Pkwy., Ontario) April 23-26. Admission: $22-$65.

Purchase tickets for both shows through Ticketmaster.

Spiritual Connections For Special Needs Families

Published April 2, 2015

By Elaine Hall

Neal Katz, who has autism, and his mother, Elaine Hall, are shown celebrating Simchat Torah with the Nashuva community. PHOTO BY SCOTT TANSEY

When my cousin Gloria asked whether my son, who has autism, was getting a religious education, I balked. “I just can’t think about that now – not with all of his therapies, his intense behavioral challenges, battling the school system, finding doctors, rallying Regional Center funding. It’s too much to add one more thing to my plate,” I told her. I didn’t realize that a spiritual community was exactly what we needed.

My cousin would not give up. She emailed me about the importance of building a spiritual community for my son and often suggested that I take him to synagogue. She sent me articles about kids with disabilities having Bar/Bat Mitzvahs. I thanked her for her caring, but knew that I wouldn’t follow through.

My son and I had our own spiritual connection. We were a community of two. We prayed each night, every morning and before and after meals. We expressed gratitude for the lives that we had, and we were compassionate towards others. I wondered, isn’t this enough? I reminded myself about the last time we went to synagogue, where the sights, sounds and rigid protocol totally overwhelmed my son and I wound up apologetically carrying my screeching, whirling 6-year-old out of the sanctuary.

That Was Then …

Today, our world is 180 degrees different. As founder and creative director of The Miracle Project – an inclusive theater, film and expressive arts program for individuals of all abilities – I was invited in 2007 to create an inclusive Bar/Bat Mitzvah program at Vista Del Mar, which provides services for families with special needs. That year, my son turned 12, which is when typically developing Jewish males would be preparing for their Bar Mitzvah “coming of age” celebrations.

Along with my team from The Miracle Project, I developed a multisensory, individualized religious education program for children and teens of all abilities, including non-verbal children such as my son. We added a flexible frame to the typical protocol of prayer and religious service. We personalized the blessings and made them meaningful for each student. We aligned the stories of the Bible with particular challenges shared by our students with disabilities. We named the program “Nes Gadol” (Great Miracle).

My son and I also began attending Koleinu (Hebrew for “hear our voices”), a twice-monthly program of Shabbat services at Temple Beth Am in West Hollywood. The program was founded by congregants who have children with special needs. Koleinu was held in a small classroom converted into a mini-sanctuary where kids with all sorts of developmental disabilities gathered with their families to sing, pray, discuss and build community.

Nikita Wang participates in the “In His Image” program at the First Church of the Nazarene in Pasadena, designed to provide an environment of acceptance and belonging for children, teens and adults with special needs. PHOTO COURTESY FIRST CHURCH OF THE NAZARENE PASADENA

I met some of my closest friends at that service, and that is where my son first became an active participant. In this safe, accepting environment, my son became accustomed to the prayers, the etiquette, and loved the communal spirituality. He took on a glow whenever he went to class.

When it came time for him to begin working on his Bar Mitzvah, I was concerned about whether he understood what we were asking of him. But when he typed with his non-Jewish speech therapist, “My Bar Mitzvah will be a great celebration. It is when I make a commitment to the Torah,” I knew he was ready. Being non-verbal, he danced his prayers and typed “God helps me find patience with my autism,” which was read to the congregation. There was not a dry eye in the house.

Spirituality For All

I have found that individuals with autism and other disabilities have the same spiritual needs and concerns as their neuro-typical siblings and peers. Often their spiritual connection is even at a higher level than in most kids their age.

And many religious traditions teach principles of inclusion, acceptance and caring for those who might be weaker or less fortunate. Common to all religious belief is that we are all created equal and in the image of God.

Yet too often, parents report that their places of worship are as difficult to navigate as school systems. They feel shut out from their religious communities. As their friends’ kids attend catechism, become members of the children’s choir and participate in youth-group activities, families with children who have disabilities become more and more isolated. Congregants know just what to do when a fellow congregant is ill or there is a death in the family. But when a family is diagnosed with a disability, often they don’t know how to respond.

Fortunately, more places of worship are working with inclusion experts to make their organizations more open to those with disabilities, and starting programs to address unmet needs.

A recent conference hosted by Calvary Community Church in Westlake Village brought together disability leaders, ministers, educators and practitioners from around the world to explore ways to practically and efficiently promote disability ministry in the Christian community. The Muslim community is reaching out to try to erase the stigma of disabilities, and encourage its members to embrace families with special needs. I recently led the Vista Inspire Community Inclusion Program, funded by the Los Angeles Jewish Community Foundation, to train five Los Angeles-based synagogues and Jewish centers to be more inclusive.

Kristina Cox, right, and Willa Giffin share a smile at the Hand in Hand Jewish Center after-school program. PHOTO COURTESY HAND IN HAND

Clergy, religious educators and parents who have children with disabilities have been creating programs of their own.

Nancy Alspaugh Jackson, mother of a son with autism, started the Exceptional Ministries, which meets every third Saturday at the Prince of Peace Episcopal Church in Woodland Hills and continues fellowship afterward with a buffet meal. At the First Church of the Nazarene in Pasadena, Pastor Julie Keith has spearheaded a program for children, teens and adults with disabilities and their families. It includes specialized Sunday School classes with individual and mainstreamed activities, after-school and summer activities and inclusive services.

Some programs exist within larger organizations, others are stand-alone, and some organizations simply have a culture of inclusion where people of all abilities naturally feel a sense of belonging.

All religious traditions teach us to love, to have compassion, and to embrace those who may experience the world differently from ourselves. So, to welcome a congregant with a disability may do more for the congregation than it does for the child with the disability. After attending my son’s Bar Mitzvah, Ruth Shuken, a radiant, smartly-dressed 98-year-old, said that it was the most spiritual service she had ever attended. Think about how many services she had attended! It may take a village to raise a child, but it takes a child with special needs to raise the consciousness of a village.

Faith-based Resources

Autism Speaks: www.autismspeaks.org/family-services/your-religious-community. This national organization offers a searchable online database for inclusive religious services.

Beth Jacob: 9030 W Olympic Blvd., Beverly Hills; 310-278-1911. This Modern Orthodox Jewish congregation’s leaders were recently certified in the Vista Inspire Community Inclusion Program. Beth Jacob strives to provide members of all generations and the broader Jewish community a spectrum of spiritual, educational, social, chesed, and cultural opportunities.

Congregation Or Ami: 26115 Mureau Rd., Calabasas; 818-880-4880; www.orami.org/community/special-needs. Offers individualized Bar and Bat Mitzvah training for children with special needs, support groups for parents of children with special needs, large-print prayer books and an Education Intern who acts a liaison for special-needs families.

Exceptional Families Ministries: Prince of Peace Episcopal Church, 5700 Rudnick Ave., Woodland Hills; 818-346-6968; Nancy Alspaugh Jackson, Nancy@act-today.org. 5 p.m. every third Saturday. Parents, grandparents, caregivers, children and adults with special needs, and the general public can participate in a family worship service with contemporary music and sharing, followed by a family buffet meal (gluten-free/dairy-free options).

Special Needs First Church of the Nazarene

Michael Stadler participates in the “In His Image” program at the First Church of the Nazarene in Pasadena, designed to provide an environment of acceptance and belonging for children, teens and adults with special needs.PHOTO COURTESY FIRST CHURCH OF THE NAZARENE PASADENA

First Church of the Nazarene Pasadena: 3700 E. Sierra Madre Blvd., Pasadena; Pastor Julie Keith, jkeith@paznaz.org, 626-351-2485. The In His Image program is designed to provide an environment of acceptance and belonging for children, teens and adults with special needs and their families.

Friends of Angels Sunday Program: Journey South Bay Church, 2761 190^th St., Redondo Beach; www.journeysouthbay.org; Monica Gonderman, mgonderman@journeysouthbay.org. This 9:30 a.m. class for children with autism is staffed by professionals and trained volunteers, making it possible for their parents to attend the worship service.

The Friendship Circle: Locations in the San Fernando Valley, Conejo Valley, Los Angeles, Pacific Palisades and South Bay; www.friendshipcircle.com. Brings together teenage volunteers and children with special needs for hours of fun and friendship. The Palisades group includes a spiritual support group for parents of children with special needs.

Ha Mercaz: www.hamercaz.org. Ha Mercaz is a central resource for Los Angeles Jewish families who have a child with special needs. It was founded by Michelle Wolf and Sally Weber, and is led by Sarah Blitzstein. Contact Amy Bryman at hamercaz@jfsla.org.

Hand in Hand: Malibu Jewish Center, 24855 Pacific Coast Highway, Malibu; www.mjcs.org; 310-456-2178. This after-school social program integrates youth of all abilities, and accepts all children regardless of religious affiliation.

ICAN: Hope Chapel, 2420 Pacific Coast Highway, Hermosa Beach; www.hopechapel.org. This nonprofit works with local churches to serve persons with disabilities, running outreach and service programs, Sundsy School and day trips to local attractions.

IKAR LA: 5870 W Olympic Blvd., L.A.; www.ikar-la.org; 323-634-1870. IKAR is a leading-edge Jewish community in Los Angeles that seeks to inspire people across the religious spectrum.

Inclusion from WithIn (I WIn): Elaine Hall coachelainehall@gmail.com offers consultations and trainings in how to help faith-based organizations be more inclusive.

Koleinu Temple Beth Am: 1039 S. La Cienega Blvd., L.A.; Reut Skylar, rsklar@tbala.org, 310-652-7354, ext. 212. This twice-monthly Shabbat service welcomes participants ages 9 and up at any level of ability.

Love My Provider: www.lovemyprovider.com. Click on “Religious Services” and enter a ZIP code. Love My Provider will show religious services that are inclusive within a certain mile radius.

Jews and Special Needs Blog: www.jewishjournal.com/jews_and_special_needs. Michelle Wolf writes a weekly special needs blog for the Jewish Journal chronicling events and activities through the experiences of her son, Danny, who has cerebral palsy.

The after-school program at Hand in Hand Jewish Center integrates youth of all abilities, regardless of religious affiliation. PHOTO COURTESY HAND IN HAND

The Miracle Project: www.themiracleproject.org; elaine@themiracleproject.org. This program offers spiritual, uplifting support groups for parents, and a compassionate, supportive community for individuals of all abilities. Students from The Miracle Project perform and speak (some non-verbal using iPads to communicate) at congregations throughout Los Angeles to foster awareness, appreciation and inclusion.

Nashuva: Brentwood Presbyterian Church, 12000 W. San Vicente Blvd., L.A.; www.nashuva.org. Rabbi Naomi Levy and her congregation include all abilities in their spiritual, uplifting services and monthly social action activities.

Nes Gadol: Vista Del Mar, 3200 Motor Ave., L.A.; www.vistadelmar.org/nesgadol; Rabbi Jackie Rediner, 310-836-1223 ext. 209. This multisensory Jewish education program is individualized for children and teens with autism and other developmental disabilities.

OurSpace: Locations in Encino and Woodland Hills; www.ourspacela.org. OurSpace offers children, teens and adults with special needs opportunities for life-long Jewish learning, celebrating Shabbat, holidays, life cycle events, and participating in “tikkun olam” (repairing our world).

Sacraments 123: Available on iTunes. This app, the first of a series of fun apps geared for children, parents, teachers and those with special needs, was created to teach the sacraments using a series of matching games.

University Synagogue: 11960 Sunset Blvd., L.A.; unisyn.org; 310-472-1255. This warm and welcoming Reform Jewish community successfully completed the Vista Inspire Community Inclusion certification program.

Young Life Capernaum: Multiple locations, www.younglife.org. Area Director Dave Avramovich, avramovich@greaterpasadena.younglife.org. Young Life Capernaum provides Christian fun, adventure, acceptance and socialization for teens with special needs alongside volunteer leaders and peer buddies.

Elaine Hall is an inclusion activist and founder of The Miracle Project Theater Program and consults with faith-based organizations across the U.S. on how to be more inclusive. She was profiled in the HBO film, “AUTISM: The Musical,” is the author of “Now I See the Moon” and co-author of “Seven Keys to Unlock Autism: Making Miracles in the Classroom.” Contact Elaine at coachelainehall@gmail.com

A Hop Toward Independence

Published April 1, 2015

By Ronna Mandel

Positive Parenting Betty Bunny Book In “Betty Bunny Loves Easter,” by local author Michael B. Kaplan (Dial Books for Young Readers), the title character is a handful, bursting with energy and excitement. This determined and boisterous bunny refuses to let her family quell her joy over the Easter holiday, which is the very next day. Her dream is to grow up to be the Easter Bunny, delivering baskets full of candy and toys not just on Easter, but every day of the year.

At the Easter egg hunt, Betty Bunny realizes her brothers and sister are helping her by dropping eggs into her basket. They have been for years without Betty’s knowledge. “I can find the eggs by myself,” she insists. Her eagerness soon turns to disappointment because, while other kids around her keep finding eggs, she finds only one.

Betty feels shattered until her parents — in a rabbit display of positive parenting — reassure her, noting that she is growing up and doesn’t require anyone’s help, and explaining that eggs found by herself will mean so much more than eggs that someone else gives her.

Spirits lifted, Betty Bunny hunts for more eggs and before long uncovers three all on her own. It’s only when this precocious, over-confident bunny is caught searching through her mom’s handbag without asking that we understand that for this particular bunny (and maybe yours), clear limits need to be set. “That is not okay,” Betty Bunny’s mom tells her. “You need to ask me.” Kaplan’s book provides a jumping-off point for discussing what is and isn’t appropriate when children take expressions like “doing it by yourself” a bit too literally!

Illustrator Stéphane Jorisch’s jewel-toned watercolors convey an exuberance that complements Betty Bunny’s personality and Kaplan’s humorous tone, making this an enjoyable read-aloud for ages 3-5.

Kaplan will read and sign “Betty Bunny Loves Easter” April 4 at Children’s Book World. See our Calendar section for details. Find more reviews of children’s books on the “Good Reads With Ronna” blog at www.goodreadswithronna.com.

Getting Kids With Special Needs Ready for Adulthood

Published March 29, 2015

By Christina Elston

Avremel Mayer, who has Down syndrome, lives in a group home run by ETTA Center, and now helps teach life skills to other adults with special needs. PHOTO COURTESY ETTA CENTER

Avremel Mayer has Down syndrome – and an independent streak. When he was a teenager, a yellow school bus picked him up each morning for the trip to Fairfax High. He had convinced his parents to let him wait for the bus on his own.

One day, he decided the school bus was coming too late. “He walked to the corner, picked up the [city] bus to Fairfax Avenue and told the driver that he wanted to go to Fairfax High,” says Avremel’s father, David. “The bus driver told him the number [of the next bus to take], and after that, he was taking it every morning.” His parents didn’t find this out until an aide at the school told them how terrific it was that Avremel was taking public transportation on his own.

“He’s pleasantly surprised us in every aspect of his life,” says David of his son, who is now 30, lives in a group home and has a job helping the activities director at an assisted-living facility. But that doesn’t mean the Mayer family didn’t plan for Avremel’s transition to adulthood.

If you are the parent of a child with special needs, you should be planning, too.

You Can’t Start Too Early

Parents can start building the skills their kids will need from an early age. Teach your child simple living skills such as making the bed with what Lela Rondeau, coordinator of the LAUSD Office of Transition Services, calls a “backward plan.” Make the bed almost all the way, then have your child do the last step. Next time, leave two steps for your child to finish, and continue this way until he or she is making the bed completely. At the grocery store, give your child responsibility for gathering one or two items on the list, or pay in cash and ask your child to count the change.

The key is to work these exercises into your daily routine. “Any area where we can build independence for a child is a win,” Rondeau says.

AbilityFirst is one of many programs in the area that helps young adults with special needs learn job skills. PHOTO COURTESY ABILITY FIRST

And if your child has behavior problems, tackle those now. They might not seem like a big deal if your child is 4 or 5 years old, but no one wants an adult employee who routinely melts down or throws tantrums. “No employer’s going to take a child in unless that behavior is under control,” says Wayne Fogelsong, principal of the Miller Career and Transition Center, which provides employment-based training for LAUSD students ages 18-22 with special needs.

Explore Your Options

Schools have a host of services available for kids with special needs, and it’s worth your while – beginning when your child is in the early elementary grades – to find out what your district offers. But when you do secure services for your child, make sure that building independence is part of the goal.

“With any service within special education, the intention should be temporary,” says Rondeau, because that service might not be available once a child finishes school. A one-on-one aide might help keep a child on task during class, but it isn’t feasible for an adult to have a one-on-one assistant throughout life. Rondeau advises parents to ask, “How can I use this service to build my child’s independence?” Can that aide teach strategies that will help the child stay focused without help?

Beyond school, parents of children with special needs can be one of the best sources of information about programs and services. “Find out what they know,” suggests Keri Castaneda, chief program officer at AbilityFirst, which provides employment, recreational, socialization and housing programs for children and adults with special needs.

Castaneda also reminds parents to stay connected – at least once a year – with their Regional Center, even though they might be accessing most of their child’s services through school. Eventually, your child will finish school and receive services through the Regional Center instead.

Make Sure Transition Is Part of the IEP/IPP

Farming is one of many vocational programs offered to students with special needs through LAUSD’s Miller Career and Transition Center. PHOTO COURTESY MILLER CAREER AND TRANSITION CENTER

By the time your child is 16, a transition plan that addresses education, employment and independent living should be part of his or her Individualized Education Program. Transition services are federally mandated for these students.

Bringing your teen to their IEP meetings is also a good way to build independence and self-advocacy. As long as the disability is talked about openly and in a non-shameful way, attending meetings can help teens learn about their disability, talk about it with others and advocate for themselves. If your child can tell a potential employer, “I have autism, and I need a visual chart to help me learn routines,” that could be the key to success.

LAUSD is trying to get kids into their IEP meetings earlier, and promotes student-led IEP meetings, “just to have them start to take the ownership,” Rondeau says.

Learn About Your Child’s Interests

As an adult, your child might want to participate in a social-recreation program, volunteer, hold a full-time or part-time job, or some combination of these things. To find the right fit, start learning as much as you can about your child’s interests by getting out there and exploring together.

Rondeau recommends having kids join clubs at school, and taking advantage of volunteer opportunities at hospitals, animal shelters, senior centers and other organizations.

If you think your child might be interested in post-secondary education, visit your local community college together. And to learn about a host of jobs and the skills they require, check out the ONETonline.org website, a searchable occupation database.

Regional Center vendor fairs are a great place to find out about day programs, employment options and social recreation programs. You can visit the programs themselves with your teen, to see what might be a good fit.

Yudi Bennett discovered that her son Noah, who has autism, was talented with computers and passionate about art. In 2011, she came together with other parents of kids on the spectrum to found Exceptional Minds, a vocational school in Sherman Oaks that trains young adults with autism to work in the film, television and gaming industries. Her son, now 20, eventually attained professional certification in programs that allow him to work in the movie industry.

“Research the opportunities that are out there and try a lot of different things,” Bennett advises parents of children with special needs. She involved her son in a number of different programs, traveled with him, and did everything she could to make opportunities available. “Allow yourself time to discover who your child is,” she urges.

Choose a High School Track

At AbilityFirst, teens and young adults learn life skills, including housekeeping tasks. PHOTO COURTESY ABILITY FIRST

Once your child enters high school, she or he will be placed on either a “diploma” track or a “completion” track. This means that students either earn a diploma by meeting the school’s traditional requirements, or get a certificate of completion by meeting credits, attendance and/or IEP goals.

Fogelsong advises parents to choose a track carefully, because graduating with a diploma won’t necessarily guarantee that a student has the skills to land and keep a job.

Students who forego the diploma, on the other hand, can stay in school until age 22 and participate in programs such as those at Miller Career and Transition Center, which build job skills. Fogelsong says parents often struggle with this. “The issue really comes down to parents realizing what they want for the future of their student,” he says. “This is a dilemma. We’re always hoping that the parents are looking through the eyes of their child.”

At Miller, students spend three years participating in work programs that include auto detailing, culinary arts, graphic arts, clerical skills, furniture repair, construction, landscaping, textiles and theater arts. The program collects data from each of these jobs, and generates a report of each student’s job skills and strengths. After participating in three of these programs over three years, students spend their fourth year at work in the community. “We’ve gotten numerous kids hired as a result of that,” Fogelsong says.

What Happens After High School?

Finishing high school is a big transition. Along with that, parents of children with special needs should be prepared for another. “Their son or daughter is going to be moved from their case worker at the Regional Center who is assigned to children, to an adult case worker,” says Michael Held, Ph.D.

Held, executive director of the ETTA Center, which assists people with special needs and their families, says parents often are not ready for this. This trusted relationship, and everything they had learned about how to secure services for their child, changes at once. “You have to learn a new language, and that can be shocking and startling for parents,” Held says.

Parents whose children want to go on to college experience another paradigm shift. Because while elementary and high schools are obligated by law to seek out and provide services for children with special needs, colleges and universities are not. Regional Centers – and post-secondary schools themselves – often provide support services, including assistance with applications, class scheduling and study skills, but students have to actively seek them out, according to Rondeau.

Ready For a Job?

Exceptional Minds, a program that trains teens and young adults with autism to work in the motion picture, television and gaming industries, was started by a group of parents who wanted to help their children find employment. PHOTO COURTESY EXCEPTIONAL MINDS

Whatever path they take to get there, paying jobs, often called “competitive employment,” are now considered the first, best option for many young adults with special needs. “Work is about self-esteem and quality of life. It opens up your world in a lot of ways,” says Bennett, noting that many people meet most of their friends, and even their spouses, through work.

That doesn’t mean finding a job will be easy. “I’ve seen so many young adults develop improved communication skills, improved life skills and become contributing members through a vocational outlet,” says Held. But he describes the job prospects for these adults as dismal. “Society hasn’t embraced the idea of meaningful employment for people with special needs,” says Held. “Parents really have to be aggressive and proactive in looking for opportunities.”

That’s just what Bennett did in creating Exceptional Minds, which offers employment opportunities as well as teaching job skills. From their first graduating class of eight students, the organization has placed one graduate at Stargate Studios (creators of “The Walking Dead”), and employs five others in the Exceptional Minds studio doing visual effects clean-up work, end credits and other work on films and in television. “This is life-changing for these guys,” says Bennet. “They go to the theater and they see shots they worked on on the screen.”

Avremel Mayer’s first job experience was through an organization called Tierra del Sol. Based in Sunland, it provides educational and volunteer opportunities and job training to adults with special needs. Then, a few years ago, someone who had met Avremel as a child opened an assisted-living center for seniors. He knew Avremel was outgoing, thought he would do well working with older people, and offered him a job.

Autism advocate Joanne Lara, creator of the nonprofit Autism Movement Therapy, which provides dance therapy for people with autism and trains service providers, is working to create a program she is calling “Autism Works Now!”

Her goal is to build a database of young adults with autism and their skill sets, encouraging prospective employers to hire their participants on a temporary basis – and eventually as permanent employees. “They’re much more likely to give them a job once they see them at work,” Lara says. “Many times, our kids just don’t shine in an interview.”

Time To Move Out?

Paying jobs, otherwise known as “competitive employment,” are now considered the best option for many young adults with special needs. PHOTO COURTESY ABILITY FIRST

Like good jobs, housing options are scarce for people with special needs, many of whom want to leave home. “Housing is a big challenge,” says Held. “The sooner parents start on it, the better.”

Rent-subsidized housing is available through organizations such as United Cerebral Palsy, which runs 11 independent-living apartments in Southern California. AbilityFirst runs 10 apartment complexes, a “family-style” adult residential facility, and a residential home for seniors.

And there are group homes. Held says the options there are similar to comparing public school with private school. Some group homes are fully funded by the state, while others are privately run. Held puts the cost range for those at $1,000 to $10,000 per month. ETTA currently runs four group homes, primarily serving the Jewish community – including the home where Avremel Mayer lives with five other young men.

For Avremel, a group home had been part of the plan from the beginning. And a space opened up at ETTA just months after he finished high school. “It was very hard to let him go,” says his mom, Lynn. “I didn’t want him moving out at 23, but it was the best. It has been so positive.”

He has learned life skills including cooking, cleaning and how to do laundry, and now helps teach those skills to the other residents. “We have golf and movies and barbecues, and we have a great time,” Avremel says. He takes the Metro to his parents’ house to visit most weekends, but still has his independent streak. His next goal is to live in an apartment on his own.

For the Mayers, as for all parents, letting go is part of the process of seeing their son grow. “Parents have to come to recognize that they’re not going to outlive their children, and they have to prepare for that eventuality,” says David Mayer. “And if you smother the child, it’s going to be a disaster.”

Transition Resources

AbilityFirst: abilityfirst.org, 877-768-4600
ETTA Israel Center: etta.org, 818-985-3882
Exceptional Minds: exceptionalmindsstudio.org, 818-387-8811
LAUSD Office of Transition Services: achieve.lausd.net, 213-241-6701
Miller Career and Transition Center: 818-885-1646
Tierra del Sol: tierradelsol.org, 818-352-1419
United Cerebral Palsy: www.ucp.org

Christina Elston is Editor of L.A. Parent

Families With Special Needs: Get the FriendMaker App For Free

Published March 28, 2015

By Christina Elston

Friendmaker 1 If you wanted to start a conversation with someone you didn’t know, you might follow steps like these:

Casually look over at the person.
Use a prop.
Look for a common interest.
Make a reference to the common interest.
Trade information about the common interest.
Assess interest.
Introduce yourself.

Most people wouldn’t use a checklist for this, but for teens and young adults on the autism spectrum a simple social skill such as conversation doesn’t always come naturally.

That’s why clinical psychologist Elizabeth Laugeson, Psy.D., developed the Program for the Education and Enrichment of Relational Skills (PEERS) at the UCLA Semel Institute. PEERS is an evidence-based social skills intervention program, and the FriendMaker app, which helps families take Laugeson’s techniques from the classroom into the world, can now be downloaded free through April 15.

UCLA’s PEERS Clinic , led by Laugeson, offers parent-assisted social skills training for teens and young adults. And since PEERS was created in 2005, it has spread across the U.S. Based on the program, Laugeson followed up in 2013 with “The Science of Making Friends,” a book-DVD combination designed to help parents improve conversational skills, expand social opportunities and help their kids with special needs develop and enhance friendships. Specific behavior exercises help families practice everything from joining conversations to handling bullying.

To go along with the book, she also created the FriendMaker app to make PEERS techniques even more portable. The app breaks down the process of making friends into concrete steps, with checklists on topics such as conversation starting. “Do” and “Don’t” videos, including “Don’t Be a Conversation Hog,” offer additional guidance. And there are role-play videos to demonstrate most of the social skills the app covers. The app is available for iPhone and iPad, and usually costs $1.99. If you aren’t familiar with the PEERS program and believe it could help your child, this is a free chance to check it out.

The next round of the 16-week PEERS for Young Adults program begins April 27, and another session of PEERS for Teens begins in June. Self-pay for PEERS programs is $100 per week, plus a one-time intake fee, but some costs may be covered by insurance. Learn more about the UCLA programs at www.semel.ucla.edu/peers.

Bookfest Is Bigger and Grander Than Ever

Published March 25, 2015

By Michael Berick

Los Angeles Things to Do Grand Park Bookfest

Grand Park becomes a literary paradise March 28. PHOTO BY JAVIER GUILLEN

Grand Park (200 N. Grand Ave., L.A.; www.grandparkla.org) welcomes literature lovers to its third annual Downtown Bookfest, noon-5 p.m. March 28. One of the festival’s unique features is its focus on Southern California authors and publishers. A pop-up bookstore, for example, will stock with work from more than 30 L.A.-based presses, putting it high on the list of most people’s Los Angeles things to do.

The Bookfest’s readings and activities will be centered around this year’s theme, “Cite Your Sources.” The multicultural event will explore the idea of our origins, identity and self-expression by featuring authors from a variety of ethnic backgrounds and works in various languages. The Bookfest family pavilion will be populated with storytellers, bookmaking workshops and a book swap. Visitors are invited to bring books to donate to the Grand Park’s Little Libraries, where they can also take books for free!

New to this year’s Bookfest is a partnership with The Music Center’s Artizen Lab (www.musiccenter.org/artizenlab), an online platform that lets visitors share their creative ideas. Artizen Day, the culminating event of Artizen Lab that will take place at Bookfest, will bring to life ideas submitted by “artizens,” and include a number of art-based projects.

7 Safety Strategies for Kids With Special Needs

Published March 24, 2015

By Emily Iland

A student and his officer partner examine handcuffs at “Mission: Possible 2014,” last fall. The event was designed to bridge gaps between law enforcement and the autism community. PHOTOS COURTESY EMILY ILAND

As parents, it is our job to worry about our kids. And we worry about our children with special needs at every stage of their (and our) lives. As it turns out, worry is a waste of mental energy – energy we cannot afford to waste! The best thing to do with worry is convert it to action, doing something positive to mitigate the unsettling thoughts that keep us awake at night.

The need to do something is particularly crucial when it comes to safety. The list of worries is long. Will my child wander off? How can I prepare for an emergency? Does my teen or adult child know how to interact with the police if she or he should need help, or be stopped by them?

Now is the time to stop worrying and spring into action! Here are seven safety secrets to help you keep your special-needs child, teen or adult safe. (To keep it simple we’ll use the word child to refer to someone of any age.) Let these resources and tips inspire you to take steps toward a safer future for your child.

1. Prioritize safety. Identify what your child needs to know to be safe and find people and resources to help you teach her or him. Would your child run into the street if you were not there to stop him? Is your child attracted to water? When are you on high alert, actively preventing your child from doing something dangerous? The answers to these questions show you what your child needs to learn.

While we must always protect our children, preventing something dangerous from happening is not the same as teaching safe behavior. What kind of skills does your special-needs child need intensive teaching to learn?

To cross the street safely?
To learn to swim?
To respond to “stop,” “go” and “no”?
To recognize personal space and boundaries?
To learn any other skills that promote safety and minimize danger?

One option is to add safety goals to your child’s Individualized Education Program (IEP) at school. Safety needs can be addressed in the IEP and are also ideal for transition plans, so speak up about your concerns at your child’s next IEP meeting.

If your child is a client of the Regional Center, you can add safety goals to the IPP (Individual Program Plan). Regional Center staff understands the need to prioritize safety for all clients. Once you have a safety goal in your child’s IPP, attention and resources can be focused on teaching safety skills at home and in the community.

You don’t have to wait for an annual meeting to bring up your child’s needs and add safety goals. You can bring up the subject at any time. What pressing need does your child have? Tell someone who can help.

2. Address wandering. Talk to your neighbors and let them know about your child’s special needs and the danger of potential wandering. Ask them to help you keep watch, and to contact you right way if they see your child unsupervised. Download a free digital copy of the Big Red Safety Box, wandering prevention information for caregivers, from the AWAARE Collaboration at www.awaare.nationalautismassociation.org. The kit includes information and resources, including new options for door alarms and locks.

A student plays a game designed to teach the importance of following directions with a sheriff’s deputy.

3. Print out a Google Map of your neighborhood. Identify water (pools, ponds or streams) that might attract your child, favorite places nearby and familiar routes your child takes when she leaves the house with you. Keep this information handy. These are usually the first questions officers ask when a child goes missing. It is better to be prepared with a list than to try and think of the answers in a crisis.

4. Fill out a SNIP. This is a place to record and organize essential information about your loved one, in case of emergency. Having information at the ready can help police and first responders respond quickly and effectively in any situation.

SNIP stands for Special Needs Information Page. The SNIP is one example of a free tool you can use to share information about your child and his or her needs. The SNIP form includes a place to attach a photo and record your child’s description, ways to help calm him, information about diagnoses and medications and emergency contact information. You can type right onto the SNIP form that is available for free at www.BeSafeTheMovie.com. Update it regularly and print out as many copies as you need. Ask to attach a copy to your child’s emergency card at school. Keep a copy in your car and be sure that all of your child’s caregivers also have a copy.

5. Consider enrolling in the SNAP. The SNAP is the Los Angeles County Specific Needs Disaster Voluntary Registry. The SNAP registry is a project of the Los Angeles County Office of Emergency Management with other L.A. County disaster response agencies. You can voluntarily add information about your child to the free SNAP registry. Agencies can use the information in the registry to serve those with specific needs in Los Angeles County in a disaster. Learn more at https://snap.lacounty.gov.

6. Make sure your child has or wears some kind of identification. This is especially crucial for those who cannot identify themselves verbally. Your child might not have tolerated old-school medical alert jewelry in the past, but there are many new alternative materials and styles. Options include tags, patches and other offerings from organizations such as IF I NEED HELP (www.IfiNeedHelp.org). There are many choices online, or as nearby as your neighborhood pharmacy.

Some children might benefit from high-tech tracking devices. Options include Lok8u (www.lok8u.com) and the Amber Alert GPS locater (www.amberalertgps.com). Others may need to carry and learn to safely show a “self-disclosure card,” a tool that informs others about their needs. A model card is available at www.BeSafeTheMovie.com.

7. Teach your teen or adult with special needs how to interact safely with the police. Parents of children with special needs should be concerned about this issue, because statistics show that individuals with disabilities are more likely than their typical peers to have an encounter with law enforcement. Teens and adults with autism spectrum disorder, intellectual disability, learning disabilities and related conditions sometimes lack the communication skills or social understanding needed to interact safely with police.

A student attending “Mission: Possible 2014” experiences fingerprinting as his partner, a Los Angeles Sheriff’s deputy, looks on.

Efforts are underway to train the police about special-needs populations so that things go more smoothly (and safely). At “Mission: Possible 2014,” held last fall at The California Endowment offices downtown, the Autism Society of Los Angeles trained 100 Los Angeles police officers and sheriff’s deputies, plus 100 students on the autism spectrum and their families. Officers and students paired up to participate in activities designed to help build understanding – teaching officers what it is like to experience communication and sensory issues, and teaching students skills that included following directions, asking for help and what to do in an emergency.

It is necessary to teach safe behaviors for interacting with police directly and explicitly to teens and adults with special needs. This is especially true for young adults who want be more independent in the community, or plan to drive.

One thing we know about our kids is that they don’t easily learn things based on a simple conversation. They usually need to see things and practice repeatedly. For this reason, video modeling can be an excellent and effective tool for teaching safety skills.

BE SAFE The Movie is a new video modeling tool created by and for young adults with special needs at Joey Travolta’s Inclusion Films Workshop. BE SAFE shows encounters between real police officers and individuals with special needs. The movie and the BE SAFE Companion Curriculum can help you teach your children skills such as “Stay where you are when you meet the police,” and “When the police tell you to do something, just do it.” More information is available at www.BeSafeTheMovie.com.

Prioritizing safety and working together to address all kinds of safety issues will help protect your child, now and in the future. It might even help you sleep better at night. Wouldn’t that be nice?

Emily Iland, M.A., is an award-winning author, advocate and researcher, and an adjunct professor in the department of special education at Cal State Northridge. She is the mother of a son on the autism spectrum, and creator of BE SAFE The Movie. Contact her at Emily@BeSafeTheMovie.com or 661-347-8557.

Breaking the Sound Barrier for Children Born Deaf

Published March 23, 2015

By Deborah Stambler

Audiologist Laurie Eisenberg, Ph.D., works at USC’s Keck School of Medicine and is co-leading a clinical trial of a device that could help children born without cochlear nerves. PHOTO COURTESY KECK MEDICINE OF USC

Almost immediately after she was born, it became apparent that Angelica Lopez was deaf. Her parents, Julie and Santos, learned sign language and started making the heartbreaking, but necessary, adjustments to their daughter’s special needs.

Last summer, they learned of a device called an auditory brainstem implant (ABI), still in the testing phase, that might help recover Angelica’s hearing. Hearing aids and cochlear implants cannot help children like Angelica, because she was born without a cochlear (hearing) nerve. But ABI stimulates neurons directly at the human brainstem, bypassing the inner ear entirely. Surgeons outside the U.S. have been implanting ABIs for more than 10 years, but the device is only approved here for patients ages 12 and older and hasn’t proven very effective. Some experts believe implanting the devices at a younger age would help.

Laurie Eisenberg, Ph.D., is an audiologist with USC’s Keck School of Medicine, and is co-leading a National Institutes of Health clinical trial of the ABI device in Angelica and a handful of other young patients. She shared some information about her research.

With ABI and other procedures, is hearing fully restored? Does it take time for the children to catch up with language skills?

Gradually, a baby is learning to put meanings to the sounds that they’re hearing. There’s quite a long period where a child is learning to make sense of this. Now, take a child who is born with severe to profound hearing loss. Even if you can catch it at the time the baby is born and immediately start intervention, the hearing that they’re receiving is not normal. You aren’t restoring their hearing to normal with a sensory device. With ABI, [auditory input] is completely scrambled. It’s a more difficult task for that child to make sense out of that signal, and that becomes hearing for them.

What interventions are necessary to help children make sense of the sounds they’re hearing and learn language?

The child with hearing loss doesn’t have the advantage of incidental learning. They will need visual cues. They’ll need redundancy in the sounds. If someone is talking, they’ll want to pair it with visual cues. Many of these children learn sign language as their primary language. Parents have to become the teacher for the child and give the child a lot of input. It takes a lot of training to make sense of that auditory work. And at the same time, to start to develop spoken language.

Cochlear implants have been controversial at times. What’s the nature of that controversy, and could you share your thoughts on what you’ve seen with your work?

In terms of the deaf community, there was fear that the cochlear implant would put an end to the deaf culture. I think some of that is not as strong now. It started to die down over the years, because once cochlear implants came in, there was no stopping them. The parents would like to give their children the opportunities, in terms of academics and careers and everything else, of being able to develop spoken language.

At some point, the child will make the decision if they want to stay in a hearing community or a deaf community. I liken it to a child being bilingual, because American Sign Language is a language on its own. I always think – and this is my personal opinion – but why can’t a child do both? Why can’t a child be bilingual?

USC’s clinical trial of auditory brainstem implants is still recruiting participants. To be eligible, children must be ages 2-6, and have bilateral profound deafness due to cochlear aplasia, cochlear nerve deficiency, or ossification secondary to meningitis. Learn more by contacting Dr. Eisenberg at laurie.eisenberg@med.usc.edu.

Mommy-and-Me Is the Goal of This Program

Published March 22, 2015

By Whitney Levine

Soccer Routes, a soccer program for ages 2 to 18, is planning to get some new players onto the field – 18-month-olds and their moms!

The program is designed to help kids learn the basic movements involved in soccer, following their parents and coaches with every step. Simplified warm-up techniques help develop motor skills and, as children progress, they learn more complicated soccer techniques.

“The aim is to create tuned bodies for whatever they do in life,” says program founder Adam Rose.

Mommy-and-Me classes are held at 10 a.m. Sundays at Griffith Park’s Mineral Wells (4800 Griffith Park Dr., L.A.), and last around 30 to 35 minutes. Open classes typically include five to six kids, and cost $250 for 10 sessions. Private classes cost $350 for 10 sessions.

Soccer Routes also offers a variety of options for older soccer players, including private classes and summer camp. For more information, visit www.soccerroutes.com.

UCLA Admissions Director Offers Tips For Finding Your Child’s Path

Published March 21, 2015

By Melanie Gaball

UCLA Director of Undergraduate Admissions Gary Clark says parents should encourage kids to do what they love, take charge of their own school assignments and college applications, and look at a broad list of possible schools. PHOTO COURTESY GARY CLARK

As a parent of a child in Los Angeles schools, it’s likely you’ve spent a lot of time thinking about your child’s future. You might have started stressing about your child’s path to college long before they began the application process. But UCLA Director of Undergraduate Admissions Gary Clark advises parents to focus more on helping their children find what they love, rather than spending years crafting a resume for college.

With so many accomplished applicants, what qualities does UCLA look for that help a candidate stand out?

First and foremost, we look at the academic qualifications of the student. We want to see not only that a student has done well in high school, but [that she or he] has taken a rigorous program. So if their school offers AP or IB or honors classes, we encourage students to take advantage of those courses and challenge themselves academically.

Other than that, we want to see students getting involved outside of the classroom. That can take a lot of different forms. Maybe it’s being involved in clubs. It could be working part time or even taking care of a sibling at home. It’s not necessarily the length of the resume that matters, as much as the depth of commitment to what the student is doing that stands out. They don’t have to be doing 10 or 12 different things. If we see that they are engaged in three or four different things consistently and taking on progressive leadership, that is compelling for us. When they come to campus, those are the type of students who are going to get involved and follow something through to the end.

How can parents help their kids find what they are passionate about, even at a young age, so that they find their way to the right college major or career path?

What parents can do is really encourage their students to cultivate the things that they really enjoy and are doing for the right reasons. Especially at an early age, I don’t want parents or students strategizing about what they think a college might want to see in the future. Even in high school, they should do what they love. That’s what really stands out in an application. You can tell when a student writes about something they are passionate about. Just encourage kids to explore and try new things and then do the things that they love.

How can parents help their children be successful and happy when they are in college?

One of the big challenges students face today is that fewer and fewer students are given the opportunity to fail. That may sound strange, but they have often been so supported by their parents that when they get to college and they are on their own for the first time, they don’t have Mom or Dad looking over their shoulder to make sure they are keeping up with assignments. When they get a bad grade, they often don’t know how to handle it.

The way parents support their children in college needs to begin in high school. Allow them to be in the driver’s seat on the college-admissions process and to take ownership of their assignments and grades, because when they get to college there is nothing Mom or Dad can do about it. Parents need to help students build the skill set to be self-advocates and to speak up for themselves in high school, so when they go off to college by themselves for the first time, they can handle the challenges that come their way.

What do you think parents worry too much about in the college application process?

Many parents will often fixate on one school. They think there is only one right school for their son or daughter, when the truth is there are many great options. As highly selective as many colleges have become, predicting an admissions decision is next to impossible. The quality of the applicant pool is extremely high and even if you are a really good student, there are no guarantees.

The best thing parents can do is to help their sons and daughters create a broad list, to be sure that they identify a couple of schools that they are confident they will get into and then to be excited about those schools. Parents shouldn’t confuse selectivity with quality. Don’t assume that because an institution is highly selective, that it is the right place for your son or daughter.

Parenting Through Technology Transitions

Published March 19, 2015

By Carley Knobloch

These tips will help you take your child from total supervision to safe driving on the digital highway.

L.A. mom Carley Knobloch is a personal tech expert, and has clear strategies about developing her kids into safe digital citizens. PHOTO COURTESY CARLEY KNOBLOCH

Not that long ago, a child’s road to independence was pretty straightforward. At first, you took them everywhere with you. Then, maybe, you let them walk down the street to a trusted neighbor’s house. Eventually, they made the trek to school with a friend. Little by little, they made their way from being attached to your hip to navigating the world on their own.

The path to independence on the Internet, however, is different. One friend of mine compared giving her 7-year-old an iPad to tossing her out of the car on the freeway! It meant instant exposure to all manner of websites and videos from all corners of the globe, and a world full of strangers who have access to her. Yikes.

If that idea gives you the shivers, you’re not alone. A study in the journal Policy & Internet found that 63 percent of parents with kids ages 10-14 were “extremely concerned” about their kids meeting online strangers. Exposure to online pornography came in a close second on parents’ list of worries, followed by exposure to online violence and cyber bullying.

Most of us agree that very young children need total supervision online. And eventually (sometime in their later teens, maybe), we’ll trust that we’ve taught them well enough to safely navigate the online universe on their own. But what happens in the middle? How and when do we make the transition from total supervision to total online independence? I don’t have all the answers, but as the mom of a 13-year-old boy and a 9 year-old girl, I’m in the thick of it. Here’s what our family has learned as we hurtle down the highway to digital independence.

Little Kids (ages 5-7)

When my kids were this age, they had access to one computer, and it was out in the open where I could easily keep an eye on the screen. They were permitted to play kid-friendly games online, but I went through the privacy settings of each game carefully to ensure they were set appropriately. If anyone could chat freely with my children, no deal. I felt good about safety precautions at home, but I knew that I wouldn’t be in control if they were at a friend’s place. So I started a dialogue with them about what is acceptable online behavior and what isn’t, so they could build those values as the years went on. We discussed:

Only using kid-friendly search engines, such as Google Safe Search, or visiting sites I had approved of.
Never sharing their names, ages, address, school or location online.
Not signing up for, downloading or purchasing anything online without permission.

Conversations about screen time started at this age, too. We began by allowing 15 minutes per day, and worked our way up to 30, mostly on the weekends. Getting them off the computer was never easy, but I always reminded them that a peaceful ending to their online session would show me they were responsible enough to be allowed online. We set a timer to go off when sessions were complete. Amazingly, they never whined to the timer — they complied with the timer better than they did with me!

Big Kids (ages 8-10)

Over time, my kids each got their own personal devices (in our family, iPod Touches). I knew I couldn’t supervise those smaller screens the same way I had the larger home computer, so when they were on the young side I turned off the web browser, the YouTube app and the App Store, so that only games I had installed could be played. The Internet was off limits on those small screens until they were a bit older. Our family computer was still the primary way they accessed the Internet, but I slowly eased my restrictions on where they could roam and what they could search. To continue to keep things safe, I added protection software (I recommend AVG Family Safety or Norton Family Premier) so that I could track sites the kids visited, terms they searched and videos they watched. The software filtered out adult content and allowed me to set browsing time limits for each child. At this age, we started to discuss:

Spyware and malware: Sometimes downloading a game from a questionable source has consequences— it’s still good practice to ask a parent before you download something.
Active vs. passive screen time: The kids began to learn that if they were watching TV or playing a video game, their time on a screen was limited, but if they were programming a video game, creating digital art, building an Arduino robot or composing digital music, they might earn themselves some extra time.
Digital etiquette: No-phone zones included the dinner table, restaurants, theaters and anywhere else the buzzing and bleeping might disturb someone.
Checking in: Sometimes, your body tells you it’s had enough. I started asking my kids to stop and check in with themselves to see whether they felt nauseous or their eyes hurt. Sometimes, miraculously, they would stop mid-session and walk away!
Porn and violence: Even a seemingly innocent search can lead kids to porn online. I told my kids to click away from anything that seemed like it was “for adults only,” and that I would never be angry about something they stumbled on accidentally. They could always come talk to me.

Minecraft became a huge sensation in my house during these years, and it was a bit of a gray area. I could see how the open-ended building game was sharpening my son’s geometry skills, and that complex problem-solving and creative collaboration were at play, and yet a screen is a screen and time still needs to be limited, no matter how fun or educational it is. We had lots of talks about the addictive and all-consuming nature of computer games, and not letting it get in the way of homework, chores and family interaction. We had some tough moments, but eventually the message sunk in.

Middle School (ages 11-14)

It has been reported that 80 percent of kids ages 12-17 have cellphones. That makes sense to me. Middle-schoolers are a bit more independent, and most of us want to be able to check in if after-school activities are running late or they need an early pick-up. Security is the main reason most parents give kids their first phone. Though both my kids begged for their own phones before middle school, I saw no need to get them one until my son hit middle school. (My daughter, who is just about to turn 10, still doesn’t have one, much to her chagrin.)

I made it clear to my son that this was not “his” phone, but “our” phone that he could earn the right to use. This not-so-subtle distinction showed him that he needed to act responsibly if he wanted to continue to have a phone. It also let him know I had the right to check his browser and text-messaging history, and that he shouldn’t be searching for or texting anything he didn’t want me to see.

Carley Knobloch’s 13-year-old son and 10-year-old daughter have been given increasing digital independence within carefully set limits. PHOTO COURTESY CARLEY KNOBLOCH

I let him begin downloading apps on his own, and I began giving him a monthly allowance to spend on music or games. When he was 11, I had all in-app purchases turned off, but by the time he turned 13 I had turned that back on – after numerous discussions about how games are designed to lure you in for free, then tempt you with in-app purchases. We agreed that he’d try to make good decisions about when in-app purchases and “virtual goods” were valuable and not frivolous, and we would continue to look at his monthly bill together.

I wanted to track smartphone use the way I had our home computer, but found my options were much more limited, especially for iPhones. A service called AppCertain sent me a text alert when my son downloaded an app, with notes on what the privacy and content issues were with each one. (This led to a good talk when he downloaded Snapchat at the urging of a classmate. We uninstalled it later that day.) I wasn’t able to track browser history from afar, however. I had to inspect his phone to see where he had been (and of course, at some point kids learn how to delete incriminating browser history).

Apple’s parental controls let you filter out explicit music, movies and TV shows, as well as “adult content” websites. On Android phones, you have more control, thanks to software such as Norton Family Premier. You can track all the websites your kids attempt to visit, see what they say in text messages, block downloading of certain apps and even choose who can send them texts.

My son opened an Instagram account — his first social-media foray — when he was 11-1/2 years old. He had a private account that only his friends (approved by me) could see. Most social-media websites and apps require kids be 13 to sign up, because the Children’s Online Privacy Protection Act (COPPA) restricts them from collecting data on children under 13. If your kids are opening social-media accounts at any age, it’s up to you to make sure that you are very comfortable with the privacy settings, and how you want to control access and visibility. My son and I discussed:

That I would be his “friend” or “follower” on social media, and that while I wouldn’t comment or “like” any of his posts (how embarassing!), I would be watching and regularly checking who his followers were.
Thinking before he posts. Things on the Internet are permanent, and can easily and instantly be passed around to anyone. With many sites, anything your kids upload becomes the site’s property. That’s an important distinction most adults don’t even make.
Watching out for cyberbullying. I asked him to be kind online and let me know if he saw anyone being bullied.
Real-life vs. online friends. People online might not be who they say they are, and my son is forbidden to arrange to meet anyone he’s met online unless it goes through me and is supervised by me (it hasn’t come up yet). He also has to let me know immediately if he’s receiving any unwanted solicitations or requests.

One day, I noticed that my son had put his phone number up on Instagram, encouraging a friend to give him a call. Rather than punish him or berate him, I simply called it to his attention. He was so mortified that he absent-mindedly had given out his personal information online, that he told me to delete his Instagram account “and never let me online again!” I reminded him that people make mistakes, and that the virtual audience for social-media posts is so abstract that it’s easy to forget who could find your information and abuse it. This Instagram account is the training wheels for his future online, so he needs to make mistakes while I’m watching, so we can fix them together. We deleted the comment with his phone number in it, and he learned a valuable lesson.

There are great social networks geared specifically to kids, including Kidzworld, where live staff monitors the chat room, and filtration software approves what does and doesn’t get posted. We never tried these, simply because by the time I was ready to let my son have a social media account, he wanted to be a part of the larger ones geared to adults.

High School (ages 15+)

The 14-year-olds I know are using multiple devices at school and home, and most of their time online is unsupervised. Hopefully by now, the values and lessons you’ve tried to instill are taking hold, but there are still ways you can weigh in on your younger teen’s online activity. I recommend:

Continuing to be a casual but vigilant observer of their social profiles online.
Googling your child with your child and talking about how to maintain a respectable “digital footprint.”
Talking to your kids about resisting the urge to swap sensitive photos or information, and avoiding other “digital drama.”
Making sure your kids don’t share their passwords with anyone except their parents, and that they learn how to create strong, hacker-resistant passwords to keep their data safe.
Making sure that their digital lives don’t eclipse their real There is a place for text messaging or multi-player games, but face-to-face communication shouldn’t take a back seat.

The Internet offers our children a wealth of information and connections we couldn’t have even imagined when we were kids. Whether we like it or not, our kids are growing up digitally native. It’s not a question of if they should be online, but when and how well they master the pitfalls of the Internet. So rather than thinking of introducing your kids to the Internet as dropping them onto a freeway, think of it more like teaching them how to drive — slowly building the confidence, experience and skills they need to get behind the wheel and find their way.

Carley Knobloch is a personal tech expert, a regular Today Show contributor, the host and founder of the technology web show Digitwirl, and an L.A. mom of two.

Divorce and The Two-Household Family

Published March 17, 2015

By Deborah Stambler

A few simple strategies can make family time better at both parents’ houses.

Do you still have homework?

What time did you go to bed?

What did you eat this weekend?

What did you do at Daddy’s?

Did Mom take you to get new sneakers?

When you’re divorced or separated and the kids have been with their other parent all week or weekend, it’s tempting to start asking questions the minute they walk in the door.

Missing the kids when they’re gone, feeling unsure about what really goes on at your ex’s house and unresolved issues or feelings around divorce can lead you to push for information. But you could end up pushing your kids away. Transitions, for kids of all ages, can be tricky. Moving between two homes is difficult and can be wearing for children.

Making Transitions Go Smoothly

Therapist Diane Reynolds, director of The Center for Reflective Communities in Los Angeles (www.reflectiveparenting.org), recommends looking at the transition to Mom’s or Dad’s house from the children’s perspective, and slowing things down when they first get home. Imagine having two homes that you move back and forth between. There are likely different rules for each house and different schedules to navigate. You need to bring all of your important things with you each time you transfer to the other house. It’s a lot to think about, and that doesn’t include the emotional side of the story.

“All transitions can be challenging and have an impact on kids,” says Reynolds. “Try to create a two-to-four-hour window for yourself and your children to reconnect when they first come back – without a lot of other stuff going on. If you don’t have to rush off to an activity or get busy with errands, you can make transitioning back home a low-key time, recognizing the texture and tones of the relationship between parent, children and the home.”

With older children, find time to talk about how it feels moving between Mom’s and Dad’s houses. Ask them what would be helpful, and whether there are certain things that seem to get left behind a lot. Take them shopping for favorite shampoo, soap and other items to send along and leave with the other parent if those things aren’t stocked at the other house. You might wish that your ex-spouse had taken care of this, but it’s more important that your children have what they need to feel comfortable. In Reynolds’ practice, she reminds parents that children might not respond immediately to this type of conversation. Kids don’t always want to talk about these feelings, and might not even know the answers right away. Give them time. Invite them to text you when they think of items they need. This helps keep the conversation going without putting them on the spot.

Asking Questions

Typically, divorce lawyers aren’t seen as championing children’s specific needs once the final agreement is hammered out. But Pasadena-based family law attorney Mark Baer has written and thought a lot about just this issue. When the kids come back after a night, weekend or week with one parent, he offers up some specific questions and things for the other parent to share. He recommends telling your kids that you’re glad they’re back and that you missed them, and asking if they had a fun time with Mom or Dad.

These comments and questions sound fairly basic and straightforward – unless you’re dealing with a lot of emotion around your divorce. When you have strong feelings toward your ex and difficult issues to hammer out, these feelings can color even seemingly innocent questions and put the kids in the middle. It’s important to get support for yourself from friends, family and even a mental health professional.

Baer stresses that research shows children benefit most from having a strong relationship with both parents in divorce situations. You and your ex have split, but your children are part of both of you. When you check in with your kids after a visit with their other parent, be genuine and interested in what your children have to say. It’s hard, but leave your feelings to the side and deal with them separately. Frame the transition time as a time to reconnect with the kids, not a time to pump them for information. According to Baer, this serves to reassure them that it’s OK to have fun with their other parent and stay connected with both of you.

Dealing With Your Feelings

The initial separation between you and your spouse is a powerful time with feelings such as anger, sadness, shock and fear coming up regularly. As you move through the divorce process, at times it might seem that you’re walking through a minefield. Holidays, birthdays and other special occasions can bring a rush of unexpected feelings. Handling the daily business of parenting with an ex-spouse can also be loaded at times. It’s not hard to fall into the trap of playing out unresolved marriage issues when dealing with parenting and custody arrangements. Taking time to reflect on where you are in this process and talking through feelings goes a long way toward keeping yourself steady, open and available for your children.

Our legal system encourages a win-lose way of looking at court cases, including divorce. In his practice, Baer has seen cases where one parent will block the other from even taking the child to the doctor as an issue of control in the custody agreement. Repeated back-and-forth agreements are sometimes necessary in fine-tuning a custody schedule, but can also be used to escalate a contentious relationship between ex-spouses.

Different parenting styles can also create conflict. You might be more accustomed to setting the schedule and organizing many facets of your children’s lives, and feel unmoored when your ex does things differently. While these differences can sometimes be maddening, you and your ex-spouse can coordinate, even when parenting styles vary. Experts recommend remembering that different parenting styles can meet different needs that children have.

Creating a Routine

John Matsuda has his daughter Sophie on alternating weeks. Since Monday after school is the start of his week with Sophie, he makes sure that dinner on Monday nights is a relaxed time to catch up. When Sophie walks in the door, John has made sure that their home is a consistent place with a routine they share. After being apart for a week, reviewing what happened over the week with friends, school and at her mom’s house is important. Sophie doesn’t always want to share, but John has let her know that he’s interested, whether she had a great week or needs to complain a bit.

Sophie tends to get cranky about packing and unpacking her things. It seems there’s always something she’s forgotten or misplaced. This is common and understandable for kids moving from house to house. John admits that he doesn’t really know how to fix this situation, but over time he’s realized he doesn’t have much control over things that might get misplaced. What he can control is the stable, consistent environment he provides for Sophie when she’s with him. To that end, he cleans the house, makes sure Sophie’s room is in order and has a plan for dinner.

Making the switch back into active parenting after a week off can be tricky. John’s not convinced this is the best schedule for any of them, but agrees that creating a steady, regular transition after the other parent has time with the children allows you to build a re-entry into parenting. Framing the transition this way acknowledges and gives space for your needs, too. Reynolds recommends that parent and children create this kind of routine together. Whether it’s a movie night, shared meal or reading together, she says that having a routine will allow you to come back into active parenting more easily.

Tips for Co-Parenting

While you and your ex might have different parenting styles and routines at each house, experts recommend setting some rules to provide consistency in key areas and keep the focus on what’s best for the children.

Discuss sleep routines. It’s best if bedtimes are consistent in each house. Young children benefit from a nighttime routine that includes common elements such as a bath and reading time. Older children often insist that they need less sleep than they do. A united parental front helps handle these debates.

Account for different screen-time habits. Setting some basic rules about getting homework done first sends a consistent message, even if practices differ.

Have a special backpack that goes back and forth with each child. Santa Monica therapist Diane Reynolds recommends including a small photo album with pictures of all family members. This serves as a touchstone item, emphasizing that even in a divorce situation there is some integration, and that both parents are still loving and active in the children’s lives. For younger children, a transitional object such as a teddy bear, blanket or pacifier is often important and helps at bedtime. Include practical items such as phone chargers and earbuds for older kids.

From time to time, get everyone together to make big decisions. This helps your children feel held by both parents. School, sports and travel are examples of things to talk over. Parents can use these times to help everyone set goals and lay out clear expectations, especially if behavioral issues are a problem.

Deborah Stambler is an L.A. writer and mom of two teenage daughters.

5 Top Tips for Mom’s Mental Health

Published March 15, 2015

By Ashley B. Hurdle, M.A.

PHOTO COURTESY DAVID CASTILLO DOMINICI/FREEDIGITALPHOTOS.NET

While raising children can be extremely rewarding, it can also be highly stressful. Mothers are caretakers, teachers, chefs, chauffeurs, cleaning ladies, counselors, personal shoppers, stylists and nurses to their children — in addition to any jobs they have outside the home. Moms need to remember that in addition to caring for their children’s well-being, they need to take time to nurture their own mental health and emotions.

As mother to a toddler, I know firsthand how easy it can be to get overwhelmed by the day-to-day tasks of being a mom and juggling outside jobs, while also keeping up my friendships and my relationship with my husband. Regardless of how well you handle your responsibilities to others, it is important for you to feel happy, healthy and in touch with your inner self. Not only is it good for you, but it is good for your household and your children. It is part of positive parenting.

Here are a few tips I give my clients who are having difficulty with the pressures of raising children:

Take a break: While it may seem obvious, one of the best ways to cope with stress is to take a quick break from the situation. This is often hard when you have young children or are balancing a career outside the home. However, it is especially important when you feel your emotions are getting out of control to take a step back and try to remain calm. Whether this means leaving the room for a few minutes, allowing yourself not to clean the house during naptime or skipping running errands while the kids are at school, allowing yourself room to breathe deeply can help reduce anxiety or defuse a heated situation.

Turn off at night: For many moms, attempts to unwind and fall asleep and at the end of the day can be thwarted by persistent thoughts that are hard to turn off – about scheduling, chores, work, etc. Try to give yourself some buffer time by setting aside 30 minutes before your desired bedtime to put aside all tasks and stressors. Make a list of tasks for tomorrow or jot down some thoughts to store for later, so you don’t need to go over them in your head before bed. Take a bath, read a book or play a round of Candy Crush, but try to shelve solving problems, sorting out your schedule and answering emails that might keep you awake and stressing at night.

Find something just for you: Perhaps you want to meditate, join a spin class or take a daily walk. You might need help to pull this off, but even finding a mom friend and taking turns giving each other an hour off while the other watches the kids can be a huge benefit to your mental health. Some indoor play spaces have drop-off hours so moms can have some free time to themselves. Reconnecting with a favorite hobby, getting a manicure, hitting the gym or exploring other non-child-oriented activities helps you stay present with yourself.

Say goodbye to guilt: Motherhood stirs up a lot of guilt. I let my child watch too much TV. We ate mac and cheese for dinner again. I didn’t buy my daughter the toy she wanted. We will always have doubts and times we wish we made different decisions, but beating yourself up and feeling guilty about your choices is a huge drain on your mental health. Try to find a way to channel your feelings into something productive, such as keeping a journal of things you want to do differently in the future. Give yourself a free pass and acknowledge that you are human, rather than dwelling on imperfections or mistakes.

Talk to someone: Whether it is a therapist, your partner or a best friend, find that special someone you can be yourself with and share the things you might feel wrong saying out loud. Whether you crave adult conversation over a glass of wine or have myriad difficult emotions inside you wanting to get out, finding the right person to talk with can be a huge mental relief. It is normal to have ups and downs, to have times when you feel sad and angry, to sometimes feel loss of self when navigating motherhood. We are so strong for our children and families, we might forget to ask for help for ourselves. Mothers deserve a place where they feel safe exploring their full range of emotions.

Ashley B. Hurdle, M.A., is a registered intern working under supervision in private practice. She is earning her Ph.D. in Depth Psychotherapy at Pacifica Graduate Institute, and is in private practice, seeing individuals, couples, families and teenagers at her offices in Woodland Hills. When away from her practice, she enjoys spending time with her 2-year-old daughter and husband.

Unique Health Program Appeals to Digital Kids

Published March 14, 2015

By Christina Elston

Mom Milena Bice, front and center, after a run with her 5-year-old son Diego, at left, husband Jon, 9-year-old son Pablo, center, and 8-year-old son Jackson and dog Charly. The family has been working with a coach via Kurbo to make healthier choices. PHOTO COURTESY MILENA BICE

Milena Bice’s 5-year-old son Diego was at an L.A.-area grocery store with his grandmother recently, and she wasn’t sure whether the breakfast cereal he wanted was a healthy choice. “Read me the first three ingredients,” Diego said. When one of them was sugar, he told his grandma, “Oh, that’s a red-light food. You can put it back.”

The Bice family has been learning healthy-eating and exercise strategies using Kurbo, an online tool designed to help children make good choices and achieve a healthier weight.

The program was created by Joanna Strober, bestselling author of the parenting book “Getting to 50/50” (Bantam, 2009), whose own son was struggling to lose weight. Kurbo is based on strategies used in the well-regarded Pediatric Weight Management Center at Stanford University, and a couple of the staffers work with or have worked with the Stanford program. Two facets make Kurbo unique:

It allows children and their families to work with “coaches” who answer their questions and offer tips and advice about healthy eating and exercise. This relieves parents of the job of being “the food police.”
Children and parents access the program using a tablet or smartphone app (it’s now available for iPhone and Android), and work with their coaches via text message, phone or Skype.

Bice’s oldest son, 9-year-old Pablo, was her reason for seeking out Kurbo. At Pablo’s checkup in July, his pediatrician noticed that he had gained 30 pounds during the previous year and that his weight was putting his health at risk. A friend sent Bice an article about Kurbo, and the family signed up in the fall. “Pablo likes the tracking piece,” she says. “He likes being in charge of putting it into his iPad.”

And what are Kurbo kids tracking? Not calories, says Strober, who recalls her son looking at a calorie-counting app and pointing out that he could lose weight by eating five bags of potato chips a day. The focus instead is on helping kids get into the habit of choosing healthy “green light” foods more often than “yellow light” or “red light” foods, and working more physical activity into each day.

A Kurbo coach might help a child find a healthier breakfast cereal, send videos about healthy portion size or fun exercise ideas, or supply healthy recipes to the child’s parents. Bice has taken pictures of food labels to email to their family’s coach, Thea, for discussion during their weekly call. “Having that mentor there is just so helpful,” she says.

Bice also likes the fact that Kurbo doesn’t place any foods off-limits. “The nice thing is that we can budget every day to have some red-light foods,” she says. “And if we go over, it’s not the end of the world.” The family also walks their dog daily and runs together, and Pablo has started choosing soccer over sitting during recess. And by February he had lost 11 pounds.

Kurbo’s $75/month program includes a weekly phone or Skype call with a coach, while the $25/month plan includes coaching feedback via text message. Learn more at www.kurbo.com.

ACT or SAT? Four Questions To Help Students Choose

Published March 13, 2015

By Stephen A. Johnson

As a private tutor in Los Angeles for more than 15 years, I have noticed a significant increase in the number of families we work with who choose the ACT over the more-traditional SAT exam on their path toward college admission. Scores from at least one of these tests are required for admission to most major colleges and universities, and every year thousands of students from Los Angeles schools have to decide between taking one or both exams in hopes of best positioning themselves for admission to their top schools.

While either test can be used to gain admission to college, it is important to note the differences between the two tests. The objective of the ACT is to measure what a student has learned in school, while the SAT is a logical reasoning test.

Another important difference is the structure of each exam. The ACT has five single sections (English, Math, Reading, Science and Essay), always given in this order. The predictability inherent in this format allows students to mentally prepare for each section on test day. The SAT contains 10 sections, with a single essay and multiple offerings of each of three subjects (Math, Critical Reading and Writing). These sections are shorter in length, but are presented in an unpredictable order.

Recently, parents have been asking how they can determine which test is best for their children, hoping to find any way they can to give their kids a leg up in the admissions process. Although the answer varies based on the specific details of each student’s academic background, personality, capacity for sustained attention and focus, among other factors, there are a few issues every student and parent should consider when making “The Decision.”

Has the student taken a full-length practice exam for both tests (before undertaking any test prep), and was there any significant difference in score?

I typically suggest this as a starting point. Both exams require hours of preparation for most students to master, and most students prefer to climb a shorter mountain toward their score goals when possible.

What are the student’s aspirations?

Knowing the types of schools the student is seeking to gain admission to helps everyone involved clearly understand what it will take to be a competitive applicant with regard to ACT and SAT scores. This information, along with the student’s scores from initial practice exams, grade point average, and extracurricular activities form a more complete picture of what type of work will be necessary to reach the goal of admission into one of the student’s top-choice schools.

Does the student like to read?

This is a question I began to ask after noticing that students who do not enjoy reading have a much harder time improving their scores on the ACT than on the SAT. Time is often in limited supply when scheduling test prep among the student’s other responsibilities.

Does the student have challenges maintaining focus for longer periods of time?

In this day and age, most of us suffer from some type of attention deficit. It is important to be aware of any sustained focus challenges a student may possess. If the student has been diagnosed with ADD, ADHD or another learning difference for which they will receive accommodations on the actual test, this information helps make an informed determination on ACT vs SAT.

Whether a student should sit for the ACT or SAT is just one of many serious decisions to be made during the college application process. Although this time can bring with it a cloud of uncertainty, it is also a great opportunity for families to discuss aspirations and values. Once there is a relatively clear picture of the student’s goals, the excitement and anticipation of accomplishing those goals is typically a great motivator for investing the time and energy into doing whatever it takes to be a competitive applicant.

A Spring Awakening Of Butterflies In San Diego

Published March 12, 2015

By Michael Berick

The San Diego Zoo Safari Park welcomes a world of butterflies. PHOTO COURTESY SAN DIEGO ZOO SAFARI PARK

Have you and the kids run out of things to do in L.A.? Migrate to San Diego this spring when the San Diego Zoo Safari Park (15500 San Pasqual Valley Rd., Escondido; www.sdzsafaripark.org) opens its Butterfly Jungle. More than 30 different species of butterflies from around the globe will populate the zoo’s Hidden Jungle Aviary.

Besides checking out these beautiful creatures, kids can enjoy activities and learn about butterflies through special presentations. As if the splendor of all these winged insects weren’t enough, the aviary also is home to more than a dozen exotic bird species.

Expert tip: To get a butterfly to land on you, dress in bright-colored clothes and move slowly.

The Butterfly Jungle will be open from 8 a.m.-6 p.m. March 14-April 12, and the zoo also will be offering reserved timed tickets during the Jungle’s peak hours of 10 a.m.-2:45 p.m. Admission is $48 adults, $38 ages 3-12.

Navigating Your Child’s IEP

Published March 11, 2015

By Melanie Gaball

An advocate and a lawyer, both moms, offer tips for getting through this gateway to special-education services.

The process of agreeing on an Individual Education Plan (IEP) – a document detailing special-education services your public school district will provide for your child – can be an emotional and overwhelming time for families, especially when their idea of what’s best for their child is in conflict with their school district’s evaluations and findings. Offering up some advice for parents going through the process are two mothers who have been going to IEP meetings and advocating for their children with special needs for years, Dina Kaplan and Nicte Mack.

What is an IEP?

The IEP process begins with the school district conducting a comprehensive assessment of the child in all areas of his or her suspected disability. Once these assessments are completed, the child’s IEP team meets to discuss the results of the assessments and determine the child’s eligibility for special-education services.

To request an evaluation from the school district, write a letter to the district special-education director detailing your concerns about your child’s educational progress, and send a copy to your child’s teacher and principal. The letter should say that you are making a referral for an assessment for special-education services, according to Disability Rights California (www.disabilityrightsca.org), a nonprofit advocacy organization.

All school districts draft their IEP’s a little bit differently. Los Angeles Unified School District, for instance, has its own computerized program for drafting IEP documents, according to Kaplan. Smaller districts often organize themselves into Special Education Local Plan Areas (SELPAs), a group of districts in the same geographic region that pool resources to provide for the special-education service needs of all students residing within the region.

The school district or SELPA evaluates children based on a “mean.” For example, if the child is 3 years old, they should have skill levels that are average for children that age, says mother and advocate Mack, who has two children with IEPs.

The school district will use the evaluation to determine whether it recommends occupational therapy, speech, psychological or other services for the child. All of these recommendations are presented at the IEP meeting. IEP meetings are typically held once a year, but once your child has an IEP, you can request changes before the year is up.

Many parents aren’t emotionally prepared for this part of the process, according to Kaplan, a lawyer who has been representing families of children with special needs in the IEP process for 19 years and attending her 21-year-old son Brandon’s IEP meetings for 18 years.

“At the time of my son’s first IEP meeting, I had been a litigator for many years and I thought I could handle the IEP with ease,” says Kaplan. “I ended up crying through the whole thing! It is a very emotional process when everyone is sitting around a table going over all of the things that are wrong with your child.”

About Due Process

Nicte Mack is a parent and advocate whose daughters Lourdes, left, and Diana, right, both have IEPs. PHOTO COURTESY NICTE MACK

Sometimes a district may try to say that a child is performing at a higher level than he or she actually is, so that they can avoid paying for additional services – especially if the district is having financial trouble, says Mack. “My daughter cannot read or write, but I had a teacher tell me she was doing advanced multiplication,” she says. “But I brought all of her homework [to the meeting] and proved to them what she could and couldn’t do.”

If a child’s parents and school district cannot agree on an IEP, the next step is Due Process.

“The law that provides for IEPs is called The Individuals with Disabilities Education Act or IDEA,” says Kaplan. “California has its own set of laws that mirror what is required by IDEA in the California Education Code.” Due Process is the dispute-resolution part of the process. “It can involve a resolution session, a mediation and a formal hearing with the Office of Administrative Hearings in Sacramento,” Kaplan says.

Kaplan recommends that parents seek the advice of an attorney who specializes in Special Education Due Process if there is a dispute with their school district or SELPA about an IEP. “The process is complicated, and often parents are unfamiliar with what is necessary to be successful in Due Process proceedings,” she says. If a family is successful with their Due Process claims, they are entitled by law to have their attorney fees reimbursed by the district, and sometimes attorneys will represent families without charging fees up-front, Kaplan says.

Mack agrees that parents definitely need an attorney if they get involved in Due Process. “Attorneys know the lingo that often times people don’t understand,” she says.

If, despite having an IEP in place, a child’s needs are still not being met, families can request that the district help pay the cost of private school for the child. Many private schools serve only students with special needs. But Mack recommends researching prospective schools thoroughly before beginning this fight, because the process is not easy and you want to make certain the school you are fighting for is a good fit for your child.

Preparing for the IEP Meeting

Getting ready for the IEP process means knowing as much as possible about your child. “Starting early, parents should observe their child very carefully and notice whether or not they are doing what other kids their age are doing,” says Mack. “My main recommendation is to collect data on your child and to know exactly what they are doing.”

Also, be aware of the data the district and others have collected about your child.

“It is very important for parents to be equal participants in the IEP process,” says Kaplan. “They should ask the district to provide them with copies of all assessment reports prior to the meeting, so that they can review them and be prepared to participate in the discussions.”

Parents also need to know their rights. “Educate yourself,” says Kaplan, who recommends a document called “Special Education Rights and Responsibilities,” available from Disability Rights California at www.disabilityrightsca.org. Another resource Kaplan says parents should check out is www.wrightslaw.com, the website of Peter Wright, a special-education attorney who himself has a learning disability.

At the Meeting

Dina Kaplan is a lawyer who has been representing families of children with special needs in the IEP process for 19 years and attending her 21-year-old son Brandon’s IEP meetings for 18 years. PHOTO COURTESY DINA KAPLAN

One important thing to note about IEP meetings is that you don’t have to go it alone. “Parents can bring whomever they want to an IEP meeting, as long as the person has knowledge of the child,” says Kaplan. “This can be a spouse or other family member, a friend or even an advocate.”

Both Mack and Kaplan highly recommend audio-recording IEP meetings. This allows you to go back later and double-check information that was discussed. It is especially important in helping parents make sure that what is said in the meeting corresponds with all details on IEP paperwork the district will ask them to sign. “Recordings are helpful to remember the actual discussions at the IEP meeting, and can be useful if there is a dispute that leads to Due Process,” says Kaplan.

“It also keeps people on good behavior,” Mack says. “Sometimes things can get ugly and it is really emotionally draining.”

You must give the district written notice 24 hours ahead of time if you want to record the meeting, and the district often also records meetings when a parent does.

It is also important for parents to document everything. “All communications with the district should be in writing,” says Kaplan. “Email is not recommended as the sole means of communication. Letters can be dropped off at the district office and a copy stamped with the date received for the parents to keep in their files.”

During discussions, Mack suggests focusing on small goals, and keeping your expectations for your child’s progress reasonable. “Be realistic about where your child is at,” says Mack. “If you don’t set short, realistic goals, you will always be frustrated that your child isn’t reaching them.”

The end result of the IEP process is an IEP document, signed by district representatives and parents, detailing the special-education services the school district will provide for the child. Kaplan advises taking your time in signing it.

“Parents are not required to sign agreement with the IEP at the IEP meeting,” says Kaplan. “It is recommended that parents take a copy of the document home to review, as there are often mistakes or omissions.”

The IEP process is a lot of work, but when it goes well, it can result in children with special needs getting a public-school education that meets their needs, helping them learn and progress and preparing them for the future.

Melanie Gaball is a freelance writer and frequent contributor to L.A. Parent.

‘Swing Sisters’ Offers Musical Inspiration

Published March 10, 2015

By Julie Kertes

Swing Sisters Positive Parenting Women’s History month celebrates the great accomplishments of women and reminds us that women rock. My daughter and I recently read a book about a group of women who not only rocked, but could also swing.

“SWING SISTERS: The Story of the International Sweethearts of Rhythm” by Karen Deans, illustrated by Joe Cepeda, is an inspiring story that explores racism, perseverance, acceptance, friendship and, most importantly, girl power.

The book tells the story of Laurence Clifton Jones, Ph.D., who in 1909 founded Piney Woods Country Life School for orphaned children in Jackson, Mississippi.

Years later, Jones formed an all-girl swing band of Piney Woods students, called “The Sweethearts.” It was the first all-female band in the U.S. The girls worked tirelessly honing their skills, and soon the band was playing for schools and churches.

When the girls left the school, the band stuck together and eventually grew to include female players of all backgrounds. Despite the racism and sexism prevalent at that time in America, the women continued to tour nationally and internationally and made lifelong friendships that crossed color barriers.

Award-winning Los Angeles illustrator Joe Cepeda captures the spirit of the story, allowing the reader to see every emotion throughout the book. Each page is colorful and bright, with wonderful detail and texture.

Deans does a stellar job focusing on the women’s accomplishments and successes without minimizing the obstacles and adversity they faced. An inspiring read for Women’s History Month.

Enrichment and Beyond

Published March 7, 2015

By Mike Rothschild

Families explore the exhibit “Art for Your Revolution” through the Hammer Museum’s Close Encounters program. PHOTO BY BARBARA KATZ

For children interested in any kind of extracurricular activity – from sports to science to the arts – parent involvement and support are vital. While this often doesn’t go much farther than picking up and dropping kids off, signing a few forms and maybe buying snacks for the team, parents face a world of opportunities for bringing their children’s enrichment experiences home as well.

Decades of research shows how vital it is for parents to play an active role in early education. These studies are increasingly pointing out ways that parents can help not just with school work, but by encouraging their children’s blossoming interests outside of school.

Art Activities

That might even mean parents and children participating in enrichment activities together. “Look for enrichment classes you can take with your child, shared experiences you can continue at home together,” says Jon Lapointe of The Armory Center for the Arts, which has been offering enrichment classes for all ages at its present Pasadena location for more than 25 years and is brimming over with fun ideas for kids. “The Armory’s ‘Art for Two’ classes help parents and toddlers explore all kinds of art materials together under the guidance of trained Armory Teaching Artists,” says Lapointe.

It takes no more than an investment in some art supplies and a little time to reinforce and expand on what you’ve learned together. And this parental reinforcement is key to the success of such programs, giving children a love for learning that transforms activities from an obligation to a treasured time of exploration. “Kudos to the parents that identify what their kids are passionate about and support their endeavors,” says Lapointe. “You can’t force it.”

Museum Visits

A visit to a museum – and there are all sorts in the L.A. area – is another opportunity to make enrichment come alive. “At the Hammer Museum, kids of all ages engage in activities inside and outside of our galleries,” says Theresa Sotto, assistant director of academic programs at the Westwood attraction.

Armory Monster Destruction Class fun ideas for kids

In the culminating performance of Armory Teaching Artist David P. Earle’s “Monster Destruction” class for ages 8-11, children create costumes and sets, then film their own Godzilla-style monster movies. PHOTO COURTESY ARMORY CENTER FOR THE ARTS

Sotto says that enrichment can take place even before kids and their parents get to the museum. “To best prepare kids for a visit to the Hammer or any museum, we recommend activities that encourage kids to look closely, notice and share details, and think creatively,” she says. “One of my favorite quick and easy activities can take place on your commute to the museum. Kids can use the windshield or window to frame the world around them.”

This can lead to a discussion of what children are looking at, and what stands out for them. Parents can ask what details they observe through the window at a stoplight, and talk about the shapes and forms they see and how they all fit together.

Simple conversations about what kids see on the drive can open doors to seeing the exhibits at a museum in a whole new light. “When you get to the museum,” Sotto says, “kids can use their fingers as framing devices to encourage them to keep looking closely at the art and to create new compositions.”

The Hammer also offers a program called “Look Together,” a series of interactive games kids and parents can play to further enrich the learning experience. These simple games involve using adjectives and artwork to describe each other, or carefully observing what you and your companions saw. All of these can easily be continued at home, when parents and kids can discuss together what they learned, how many different works they saw and what their favorite piece was.

Online Explorations

Art and stories can be the earliest expressions of the ideas children have. And they need nurturing. Even a small amount of encouragement can be hugely beneficial for children learning how to express themselves and what they’ve learned.

“The old notion of ‘celebrating’ the work that a child does during a museum visit, like when they create an art project, by displaying it in the home, can help to remind children and their parents of their interest in an activity or content area,” says Jason Porter, assistant director of education at the Skirball Cultural Center. “This can lead to completing similar projects independently, further the conversation about whatever the topic was, or lead to enriching investigation at the library or on the Internet.”

Online exploring can be another way to enhance the experience of a museum trip or other adventure. “So many institutions provide additional materials for families, such as post-visit activity guides or online resources,” Porter says. “Spending time with your child after a museum visit tooling around on the website or looking through the material can help to reinforce what the exhibition or program was meant to teach in the first place.”

The conversations inspired by enrichment activities are easy to carry on at home, and more fulfilling than much of what young children are normally doing on their “off” time. “Our children spend so much time in front of screens, you may as well guide that time to be about the content of your collective experiences rather than games or activities that you have no frame of reference for,” says Porter. “It’s so great to investigate and explore together when you’ve found something that you identify as a common interest.”

Options for Teens and Tweens

Skirball Family Art Studio fun ideas for kids

At the Skirball Cultural Center, kids and parents can create projects together in the Family Art Studio. PHOTO BY ANDREA CIMINI/SKIRBALL CULTURAL CENTER

Enrichment at home isn’t just useful for young children, it can be applied to students as far along in their education as high school. This is a time when a student’s natural skills and interests have often revealed themselves, so parents can focus on areas where their kids have already demonstrated some passion.

Families in Schools, an L.A.-based nonprofit devoted to involving parents and communities in their children’s education, offers a number of ways parents can carry forward what kids are learning during and after school, focusing on exploring further, creating, writing and going to the places kids are learning about.

Oscar Cruz, president and CEO of Families in Schools, suggests helping your child create a Wikipedia article about a topic of interest that they didn’t find well represented online. Families might also explore a museum or historical attraction related to something they’ve read, such as going to the Museum of Tolerance after reading Anne Frank’s “The Diary of a Young Girl.”

If a student has read a book of fiction based on a true story, they can go online to investigate what the real character or characters were like, comparing the factual and fictional information. Parents can then engage their student in conversation about why changes were made to the story, and what the author’s intent might have been. Parents can also encourage students to write and share a blog post about something they’ve learned, or their own review of a classic book.

Whatever your child’s interests may be, follow and support them. You might be helping build a lifelong passion – or a career. “I vividly remember taking a preschool art enrichment class in the early 1970s,” says the Armory’s Lepointe. “We looked at globes and maps, then we painted a rock to make our own ‘globe.’ This was my first art experience. I was 4, and I was hooked. I’ve made my living as an artist and designer for almost 20 years. I can trace everything back to that one workshop at age 4.”

Mike Rothschild is an L.A.-based freelance writer and a dad.

Dawn Barnes Karate Kids: Inspiring Respect, Patience and Focus for 20 Years

Published March 6, 2015

By Elena Epstein

Dawn Barnes Anniversary positive parenting

Dawn Barnes has been using her unique teaching methods to bring martial arts to L.A. kids for two decades. PHOTO COURTESY DAWN BARNES KARATE KIDS

To receive black-belt recognition in karate is a major accomplishment, requiring three to five years of consistent practice. For students enrolled in Dawn Barnes’ Karate Kids studios, earning a black belt also means learning and practicing the following pillars: Try Your Best, Show Good Respect, Focus, Learn from Mistakes, Protect your Circle of Power, Live Honestly, Make Healthy Choices, Act as a Leader, Stand Tall and Share a Smile.

Dawn Barnes opened her first studio in Santa Monica on March 13, 1995. During the past 20 years, she has taught thousands of children in the community to enjoy and excel at martial arts, and to be self-reliant and good members of society.

Barnes’ innovative idea of a child-focused martial arts program was a big draw for parents, and her first 900-square-foot studio quickly expanded to include six locations across the L.A. area.

Barnes has specific expectations of her teachers. “They have to get down on the mat, be positive, uplifting and encouraging,” she says. “They need to work soul-to-soul with each student.” Dawn Barnes Karate Kids, she says, is about learning life skills such as perseverance, etiquette and focus. Studio rules begin with the way students enter. They are taught to make eye contact with the receptionist and instructor, ask how they are, and always say “please” and “thank you.”

Karate Kids is open to students of all abilities, including those with special needs. The Santa Monica studio, in partnership with Kids Kicking Cancer, offers free Sunday classes to kids with cancer and their siblings where students engage in relaxation, mental imagery, breathing and active karate exercises.

Barnes says she is most proud that for 20 years she has stayed true to the original mission and standards for her studios – teaching kids the importance of respect, kindness and patience.

Peddle Power

Published February 27, 2015

By Michael Berick

Cycle up to something interesting at The Fowler Museum. PHOTO COURTESY FOWLER MUSEUM AT UCLA

If you like bikes, March will be your month for fun Los Angeles events. March 1, in fact, offers a tandem of bike-related events. At the Hammer Museum (10899 Wilshire Blvd., L.A.; www.hammer.ucla.edu) you can participate in freewheeling (and free!) fun from 11 a.m.-1 p.m. during “Close Encounters: Build-A-Bike.” Draw inspiration from the Hammer’s exhibition spotlighting the innovative Heatherwick Studio and design your very own model bicycle.

Just a quick bike ride away at the Fowler Museum (308 Charles E. Young Dr. North, L.A.; www.fowler.ucla.edu) will be a free family bike day from 1-4 p.m., in conjunction with the exhibit “Round Trip: Bicycling Asia Minor 1891.” Besides learning about bike safety, kids can create decorations for their helmets and bikes and then display them in a bike procession. If you work up an appetite from all of these bike activities, you can get something sweet at an ice cream social.

Now that you are on a roll, gear up for the next CicLAvia, which will take place from 9 a.m.-4 p.m. March 22. The first CicLAvia of 2015 is also their first to take place in the San Fernando Valley. The car-free route will principally include Lankershim and Ventura boulevards, with stops at the NoHo Arts District, Universal City, the Studio City Farmers Market and the historic Campo de Cahuenga. Find out more at www.ciclavia.org.

UCLA Researchers Hope to Make Earlier Autism Detection Possible

Published February 26, 2015

By Christina Elston

special needs infant EEG Early detection is the key to helping children on the autism spectrum realize their full potential. Experts tend to agree that autism can be reliably diagnosed at age 3, when symptoms are present. Infants’ behavior is much more limited, making earlier detection a challenge, but researchers at UCLA are hoping to learn enough to change that.

By studying behavior along with brain differences that could signal communication delays, they hope to create a model for autism diagnoses as early as age 1, before the core symptoms of autism present themselves.

The UCLA Center for Autism Research and Treatment is looking for 105 infants to participate in this study. Eligible infants are younger than 6 weeks old, exposed to spoken English at least 50 percent of the time, and have:

More than one sibling with autism,
One sibling with autism and an extended family history of the disorder, or
No family history of autism or other developmental disorders.

Participating infants will be evaluated at ages 6 weeks; 3, 6 and 9 months; and 1 and 3 years. Researchers will use several different methods to look at each baby’s brain development. “First, we will take pictures of your sleeping infant’s brain in an MRI machine at the 6-week and 9-month visits,” explains Carolyn Ponting, research associate and project coordinator of the UCLA Infant Sibling Study. “For this visit, we will schedule you to come in around your infant’s typical bedtime, so that we can use your natural bedtime routine to get him to sleep (i.e., we won’t use any sedatives or anesthesia). Your infant will be asleep during the entire scan and for a portion, we will play recordings of different types of human speech. The pictures we take show us which brain areas are important for language and communication, and may show whether, in some infants, these regions are not working in the same way.”

The 3, 6, 9 and 12 month visits will include EEG and eye tracking tests to see how babies’ brains respond to events in their environment. “Your infant’s head will be measured with a tape measure and an EEG net will be selected to fit his or her head,” says Ponting. “This net is completely non-invasive and has small sponge sensors that simply rest on the scalp. It kind of fits like a swim cap. The net will be soaked in warm water before being placed on your baby’s head and your baby will sit on your lap in front of a monitor and an eye-tracker to watch various images and movie clips.

Researchers will also administer developmental assessments of babies’ motor, visual receptive and language skills, and test babies’ behavioral, social and communicative development, and ask parents to complete questionnaires about their child. “We hope to find differences in development patterns between infants who may go on to develop language or communication difficulties and those who don’t,” says Ponting.

If researchers note signs of delay, they will let parents know as soon as possible. Infants who show signs of concern before age 2 will have the option of participating in a free early-intervention program at UCLA.

In addition, researchers will take blood from the child (at age 3) and all immediate family members to look at the possibility of genetic markers for language delay. The genetic information will be added to a national database – without participants’ personal information attached – so that it is available for use in future research.

All evaluations will take place at UCLA, at the Semel Institute (760 Westwood Plaza, L.A.). Families are compensated $30-$50 for each testing visit, to help cover the cost of parking and transportation. Evening and weekend scheduling is available for most visits. Participation in the study is free, and medical insurance is not required.

Participating families will also receive feedback on their babies’ performance on developmental assessments, pictures of their babies’ brains, and access to the developmental psychologists, clinical psychologists and neurologists on the study team for any questions that come up about their children.

All data provided by parents or gathered about infants during the study are kept private, and not disclosed without parents’ written permission. Some data – with children’s names and personal information removed – will be shared with the National Database for Autism Research, and will be available to help investigators worldwide study potential diagnosis and treatment of autism spectrum disorders.

“This is the first infant sibling study that has sought to image babies starting at 6 weeks,” says Ponting, “so the results will be an important contribution to the field of language development in autism.”

Parents who are interested in participating in the study should call 310-825-3478 or email siblings@autism.ucla.edu.

The Parents’ Voice: Key To School Success

Published February 25, 2015

By Elena Epstein

Lanai’s PTA includes (left to right) Bree Pessin, Elham Emrani, Alisa Lippman, Jennifer Wexler (President), Lisa Edley, Amy Winston and Miki Chase. PHOTO BY LESLIE TALLEY PHOTOGRAPHY

When my husband and I bought our house in a quiet, tree-lined neighborhood in the west San Fernando Valley, we assumed our kids would eventually attend the local elementary school just down the street. But our tour a year before our oldest daughter was about to enter kindergarten left us feeling disappointed and panicked. Test scores were below average, enrichment programs such as art and music were not offered, there weren’t many kids from the neighborhood, and parent involvement was minimal.

We talked to our neighbors and it turned out that everyone had a Plan B. Some were investing in private L.A. schools, others were applying to magnet schools, and some were moving out of the area into smaller school districts. We applied for and received a permit to attend a public school three miles north of us that had stellar test scores, a community garden, neighborhood kids and an army of parent volunteers.

At the same time that my neighbors and I chose to leave our neighborhood school to give our kids better options, a group of moms in Encino decided to stay and devote their time to rebuilding their school into the community anchor it had been a generation before. When I attended the Blue Ribbon ceremony at Lanai Road Elementary School last year, I met the group of moms who started it all. It was their drive to create a neighborhood school, their willingness to work long hours, and their shrewd ability to mobilize other moms and tap into the power of local businesses that allowed them to transform not only the enrollment of the school, but its entire culture.

Sixteen years after they began their efforts, the school is thriving with the support of the community, serving as an important reminder of how critical parent involvement is to the success of any school.

How it Began

Students celebrate Lanai’s National Blue Ribbon award. PHOTO BY LESLIE TALLEY PHOTOGRAPHY

Lanai Road had gone the way of many other Los Angeles Unified district schools. Forced busing, massive budget cuts and falling test scores had left the elementary school abandoned by the middle-class families living within walking distance.

“When I first started teaching here, there was no neighborhood support,” recalls second-grade teacher Marisa Ayola, who has worked at Lanai for 18 years. “About 85 percent of the kids were bused in, and we rarely saw the parents. We had to share books and buy a lot of our own supplies. We really had to fend for ourselves.”

As Ayola and other teachers were trying to figure out the best way to give their students the education they deserved with the limited resources they had, Jeannie Kamm, a young mom living just down the street, was starting to worry about her sons’ school options. She and her husband loved their quiet, well-kept San Fernando Valley neighborhood. They believed in public education, but their local school felt deserted.

“The school was barely keeping its doors open,” says Kamm. “There was no art or music, just the bare bones. Even the yard looked abandoned, with weeds growing.”

One morning 16 years ago, Kamm was reading the Los Angeles Times and came across an article about the “Beverlywood Moms,” four mothers in West L.A. who turned Canfield Elementary back into a neighborhood school after years of neglect. Kamm was inspired. She started calling the neighbors she knew.

After several phone calls and one neighbor talking to another, Kamm got in touch with one of the Beverlywood Moms, who shared with her a binder full of ideas and a step-by-step guide to fundraising and mobilizing the community.

Lanai’s teachers celebrate their school’s National Blue Ribbon award. PHOTO BY LESLIE TALLEY PHOTOGRAPHY

Kamm was off and running. She and a handful of other moms became friends and collaborators. They started calling neighbors, going to PTA meetings, talking to the principal. They soon formed Friends of Lanai, a grassroots organization, to raise funds and awareness for the school. At the time, their kids were all babies or toddlers.

“I had a 2-year-old and a baby. I think I was very hormonal,” Kamm says with a laugh. “I took it on not knowing where it would take me.”

Starting the work of rebuilding the school while their kids were too young to attend was one of the main factors that led to the group’s success. “We started early enough that by the time our kids were entering kindergarten, we had already made so much progress,” says Laurie Bahar, one of the founding members of Friends of Lanai. Her oldest son was just 1 when she started her volunteer efforts.

The original Friends of Lanai moms were not former union organizers or Washington lobbyists. They were teachers, accountants and bookkeepers. They had never done anything like this before, but their lack of experience was overshadowed by their unrelenting determination. They were meticulously organized and strategic in their plan to rebuild their school.

“We were very focused – neighborhood families going to a neighborhood school,” says Miki Chase, another original Friends of Lanai mom, who attended Lanai herself and will see her third child graduate from the school this year. “We created a five-year plan with very specific goals.”

The first order of business was building a database of interested families. “We would put our kids to bed and start cold-calling neighbors,” says Kamm, who is now LAUSD’s deputy of school and community affairs. “The more people we talked to, the more we realized there was definitely a desire for a neighborhood school.”

The group started attending any and all events where they could meet more neighbors and spread the news about the changes at Lanai. They went to chamber of commerce meetings and neighborhood association gatherings. They hosted lunches for local realtors. “We created positive ‘hearsay.’ We wanted everyone to know what was happening at Lanai,” says Chase.

Within a few months, they had 1,000 names in their database.

Building Connections

Lanai’s annual Grandparents Game Day brings the community together. PHOTO COURTESY LANAI ROAD ELEMENTARY SCHOOL

The next step was bringing the families together. Friends of Lanai started community-building programs including picnics in the park and wine-and-cheese gatherings for prospective parents at neighborhood homes. They held fun play dates for pre-kindergarten kids and their families.

Every chance they had, they would present their vision for the school and ask families for support – financially and with volunteer hours. “We weren’t afraid to ask for money, and the parents donated significantly,” says Bahar. “But just as important were the volunteer hours. We couldn’t do it without the parents coming in and helping any way they could.”

With a growing network of parent and community supporters and a young, visionary new principal who was just starting at the school, Lanai was poised for change. With the first $1,200 raised, Friends of Lanai began the Art Docent Program, introducing students to famous artists with hands-on studio projects. Chase, a teacher, started volunteering as an art docent two years before her son started kindergarten.

“Once Friends of Lanai started, we noticed changes,” says second-grade teacher Ingrid Colon, who has worked at Lanai for 18 years. “They started asking us, the teachers, what we needed. No one had done that before.”

Each year, the number of parent volunteers grew and so did the fundraising efforts. The original Friends of Lanai moms not only brought back neighborhood kids to Lanai, they created a unique culture and legacy that is evident throughout the school. There is a sense of teamwork and camaraderie among parents, teachers and administrators. And volunteering is woven into the fabric of the school. Parents write grants, water the garden, man the drop-off lane in the morning, work on corporate fundraising, organize the school’s annual gala and Halloween carnival, help set up and clean up during science lab and perform countless other duties throughout the year.

“What’s special about this school is that everyone just steps up,” says Principal Erick Hansen. “Everyone has an impact.”

Guys & Kids Sports Night at Lanai is sponsored by the school’s PTA Community Events. PHOTO COURTESY LANAI ROAD ELEMENTARY SCHOOL

The school continues adding community-building events such as Grandparents Game Day, Dads Walk Your Child to School Day and Harvest of the Month. “These are not costly events, but they are fun and they keep our families engaged and it brings the community together,” says Jennifer Wexler, PTA president. “These wonderful seeds were planted, and now we are seeing the full bloom. One of my main goals is to maintain these enhancements and continue to engage the younger families.”

In the 2013-2014 school year, Friends of Lanai raised close to $600,000. The booster money helps fund classroom aides, a computer lab and instructors, a garden program, music and chorus teachers, an orchestra program, a physical education coach, a health aide, a science lab and instructor, intervention support, a drama and art program and educational support programs and materials.

“To say we have great parental involvement is an understatement,” says Pondra Perkins, president of Friends of Lanai. “In order for us to raise the amount of money we raise, it takes thousands of volunteer hours. There is a lot of effort to make this happen.”

Lessons Learned

Their work on the transformation of Lanai has had a lasting impact on these moms. “Of all the work I have done in my life, what we did at Lanai was the hardest. But it was truly the most rewarding,” says Bahar, echoing the sentiment of all the original Friends of Lanai moms.

This experience has also taught them valuable lessons about parents’ role in their child’s school. They urge young parents to:

Work with teachers and administrators. Start by asking them how you can help.
Bring your expertise to the school. Whether you play the guitar, are super-organized or love the theater, everyone has something to offer.
Set specific goals and specific action plans to reach those goals.
Treat your volunteer work as another job. Show up on time and be ready to work hard.
Look at the process from a larger perspective. You’re not just making the school better for your child, but for all students. And you’re improving your community.

Lanai Road Elementary serves as a terrific example of the importance of the parents’ involvement in the education process. Perkins sums it up best: “This is your neighborhood school – advocate for it, question it, be active, be involved,” she says. “Don’t let anyone change your voice.”

Elena Epstein is Director of Content & Strategic Partnerships at L.A. Parent.

Children’s Health: What Parents Need to Know About Cutting

Published February 23, 2015

By Christina Elston

Non-suicidal self-injury, also known as “cutting” because that is the most popular form it takes, is frighteningly common among kids – though the problem is difficult to study. Some researchers believe that as many as 10 percent of 8-12-year-olds have attempted self-injury.

“The statistics in this particular area are completely unreliable,” says Angela Kahn, founder of the L.A.-based Kahn Institute for Self-Injury. “We have enough anecdotal evidence to say that this is common. We just don’t have the science to back it up.” Both ways of gathering statistics about kids’ self-injury pose problems, according to Kahn. Ask kids about it, and most will either exaggerate or hide their problem. Ask medical institutions, and they often mix those statistics in with suicide attempts – which these are not. Kids who cut often do so on their arms, near the wrists, but these are superficial injuries rather than attempts to take their own lives.

Kids who harm themselves seem to come from all walks of life. “Self-harm seems to transcend demographics,” Kahn says. But these kids fall into two distinct categories.

Rage-based self-harmers: Rage-based self-harm is triggered by conditions within the family. There are two ingredients that precipitate it. The first ingredient is rage. Problems within the family – parents’ preoccupation with other family issues or even problems in their own lives (job loss, terminal illness) – make the teen feel invisible at home. “Invisibility, for all humans, inevitably leads to rage,” Kahn says. The second ingredient is a silencing of the teen’s rage by family “rules.” These rules are rarely spoken aloud, but the teen gets the idea that no matter what they are going through, they don’t inconvenience someone else. “Under no circumstances do we ever burden another human,” Kahn says, “so the only socially acceptable place to vent that is on the body.”

Attention-seeking self-harmers: Attention-seeking self-harm is the normal attention-seeking behavior of identity-forming adolescents gone awry. It is normal for kids to be self-centered and try on different identities and personalities, but some kids seek attention through cutting, and this is often fueled these days by social media. “I worry that social media is teaching our teens that unless you are getting constant eyeballs on you, you are being rejected,” Kahn says. In the world of social media, she calls self-harm is “the new black.” One teen will cut her arm and post it on Instagram, and another will say “I have two more cuts on my arm than you do,” and post a picture of that.

The two types of self-harm require different forms of treatment. Rage-based self-harm is treated through family therapy that helps resolve underlying issues. Attention-seeking self-harm is treated through supportive therapy for the parent, which helps them respond to the practice as they would any other attention-seeking behavior. “If you think this is attention-seeking behavior, treat that the way you would treat any other attention-seeking behavior,” Kahn says. “If your kid shaves his head into a Mohawk, ignore it. If your daughter is wearing a slutty top, tell her go change, we don’t dress like that. If your kid is showing off his self-harm, say, I see you’ve cut yourself. Do you want to use your words next time? Be almost irreverent about it.”

“As parents, we are terrified when our child has a wound,” Kahn continues. “Even the best parents are shaken and rattled by this.” The good news is that, with help, Kahn has found that most kids stop self-injuring in a matter of months, so parents shouldn’t panic. “At the end of the day,” she says, “it’s just blood.”

Learn more about Kahn’s practice at www.selfinjuryinstitute.com.

The “D” Word

Published February 19, 2015

By Andre Panossian, M.D.

As a child growing up in America, life can be difficult when dealing with a disability or birth deformity. These are children who had no choice in their heredity, but now are committed to a lifetime of coping with being “different.” For those whose deformities cannot be concealed, it is an even bigger challenge that they face — a challenge that most people will never understand.

Having a birth deformity might not be as rare as you might think. According to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), approximately 3 percent of people in the U.S. are born with a birth defect or deformity. That’s more than 9 million people. This includes children born with non-survivable conditions such as heart and brain defects. But the vast majority survive and live long lives.

What difficulties do these individuals face? More importantly, what is their quality of life? The answer depends, in part, on the nature and severity of the deformity. Children with facial deformities, for example, will have psychosocial issues that may permeate every aspect of their lives.

As a pediatric plastic surgeon, I come across these individuals every day in my practice. I find myself trying to describe the conditions to patients and parents, but can’t help but feel a bit remorseful every time I use the “D” word: deformity. I am a parent, and would hate to hear “deformity” used in any context to describe my child.

The terms “deformity” and “defect” trace their origins to medieval times. They are synonyms and carry negative connotations. In one particular use of the word, Merriam-Webster describes a defect as “a physical problem” that can make something “less valuable.” Wow! That’s harsh. But both words have been used in the medical lexicon for hundreds of years and are the most effective means of describing a specific condition when doctors talk with each other.

The problem is that “deformity” is a word that has no good substitute, whether it is used in medicine or by the general public. Nonetheless, it means something quite negative when used to describe someone’s physical appearance. During a recent team meeting, my patient liaison stopped me as I discussed a particular patient. “Dr. Panossian, please try not to use the term ‘deformity’ by itself,” she said. “I have a 12-year-old son with several birth deformities, and it still hurts to hear that word.”

She had asked her son once about what he thought of when he heard the word “deformity.” In a simple yet profound moment, his answer was, “A monster.” Unprompted and unexpected, this 12-year-old’s answer was simultaneously heart-wrenching and eye-opening. What is a child to think when he realizes that a word that means “monster” to him is the word his doctor and others use to describe his physical differences?

These days, I try using different words such as “malformation,” “difference” and “abnormality,” but none of those seem to be particularly sensitive.

Our awareness of political correctness has dramatically increased in recent years, which is good. Regardless of the word, it is important to know that people with physical differences, whether from birth or acquired in later years, are subject to greater societal pressure to “fit in” than people who never had these challenges. However, for many of these individuals, their uniqueness is a badge of honor to be worn with pride. They are resilient, optimistic and sensitive people who simply want what everyone else wants—happiness and equal opportunity. They are mavens at problem-solving and finding ways around a particular disability or obstacle. In short, there is much to admire and learn from these individuals.

Andre Panossian, M.D.

I want my daughters to grow up in a world where physical differences are not to be feared or discriminated, but to be seen as what they are—variations of life. In the meantime, I will continue to learn from my patients and strive to convey the same level of sensitivity toward those with physical differences and their parents as I would expect my child to convey.

Dr. Andre Panossian is a craniofacial-trained, board-certified plastic surgeon who has devoted his career to pediatric plastic surgery. His practice is in Beverly Hills. Visit him online at www.drpanossian.com.

5 Tips To Get You More Involved In Your Child’s School

Published February 18, 2015

By Latanya West

When the school year began and you buttoned up your precious ones against the fall chill, kissed their cheeks and sent them off with the latest back-to-school goodies, did you make a silent vow that, this year, you would get more involved in your child’s school?

More than likely, you’re next thought was, “What time is it?” Most days, after rushing to work and then home again, you can barely keep both eyes open for dinner and homework duty. Visit the classroom? Volunteer? How can you possibly find the energy or the time?

Decades of research make it clear that parent involvement makes a huge difference. A recent study by the Michigan Department of Education found that when parents are involved, students have higher grades, test scores, and graduation rates. So how can you be involved in your child’s school if you work full time, are on a tight budget, or are a single parent? Family time is already at a premium. What’s left?

Kia Ellis is a single mom who’s found the right balance. “I have to be realistic about what I can and can’t do,” says Ellis, a curriculum consultant. Ellis’ son Cole is in Pre-K, and she’s learning to navigate the tricky waters of full-time work and conscientious motherhood. What’s worked for her is finding a few weekends a year to volunteer at school fundraisers. She also takes a paid personal day to chaperone at least one school field trip a year.

Getting involved in a sustained and meaningful way takes practice. Like Ellis, you should be realistic about your time and what you can comfortably manage. If you’re wondering how to wrangle a few quality hours out of an already-packed schedule to give to your child’s school, here are some tips to get you started:

Meetings Anyone?

Take your pick: Back-to-School night, parent-teacher conferences or PTA. The list can be endless, especially at the beginning of the year. Meetings are a perfect way to get involved, even when your energy’s flagged after a long work day. Back-To-School night, in particular, is a great opportunity to meet your child’s teacher or teachers. If you missed it, don’t fret. School meetings in general can really maximize your time. They’re a prized place to meet other parents.

Suzanne Edwards has two busy boys in Los Angeles schools, one in high school and the other in fifth grade. When her new job as executive director of a nonprofit maxed out her time, she got strategic. She volunteered to be the “Parent Communicator.” At Back-to-School night, she gathers parent information and later creates a class directory. She says it takes about five hours to compile all the data into booklets that the school sends home to participating parents. “It’s like a phone tree of sorts. I can finish it any day or night that works with my schedule and it’s really easy to keep up after that,” she says.

Joining forces to fundraise or help out with school projects is priceless, even in middle and high school where parents are sometimes less involved. You can decide later what you can and can’t do, but in the meantime, why not just jump in? It’s a step in the right direction.

Volunteer When You Can

You don’t have to sign up to be the official room parent in order to volunteer. It isn’t an all-or-nothing proposition. Simple things including chaperoning a class field trip, tearing out a class set of perforated book sheets, labeling nameplates, stapling papers sent home with your child or sorting materials for science experiments can really help out. Have an hour a month to do drills with the math team before school? Maybe 30 minutes after school to paint sets for the school play? Every bit of help can go a long way with your kids and school personnel.

Donate Classroom Supplies

Many classroom teachers pay for common household items for class projects and room organization out of their own uncompensated pockets. Some teachers have a wish list for the year. If yours doesn’t, simply ask! On trips to the store, consider buying an extra box of tissues, hand sanitizing gel or plastic Ziploc bags and sending one to school every month or so with your child. Sometimes kids’ families can’t pitch in their share for field trips or special events. Can your family kick in a little extra? If so, don’t just ask once a year. Ask every couple of months. Teachers really appreciate it.

Pick Your Cause

At least every quarter, schools have a fundraiser or a national celebration. Be clear about your time limits, and then contact the principal or the PTA volunteer coordinator to see how you can help. Your passion for a cause such as Earth Day, multicultural awareness or the annual science fair will help with follow-through. Visit online resources such as www.ptotoday.com and www.pta.com for fun and practical fundraising tips.

Keep in Touch

Are you on a budget? Is your schedule so squeezed that you can only manage to get your child safely to and from school, help out with homework and collapse into bed after dinner every night? Never underestimate the impact of a brief phone call or email to your child’s teacher. Accept your limits. Then, throughout this school year, keep in touch. Ask how things are going with your child.

The U.S. Department of Education’s Partnership for Family Involvement in Education assures parents that any level of sustained involvement can make a world of difference. You might not be able to spend actual time in your child’s classroom, but your presence will be felt nonetheless. And after all, that’s what matters most to kids, large and small.

Latanya West spent more than 13 years as a teacher in Pasadena, and now works as a freelance writer.

A World of Travel Adventure For Kids

Published February 16, 2015

By Michael Berick

Los Angeles Events Boat and Travel shows

Embark on a fun time at the boat show. PHOTO COURTESY NATIONAL MARINE MANUFACTURERS ASSOCIATION

February brings with it a pair of Los Angeles events designed to get your mind dreaming of family adventures.

The Progressive Insurance Los Angeles Boat Show returns with its unique two-location format. The Boat Show will fill three halls at the L.A. Convention Center (1201 S. Figueroa St.) while also docking at Burton W. Chace Park (13650 Mindanao Way, Marina del Rey). It offers two great ways to see what’s new in watercrafts, and this year includes the new SailFest happening at Chace Park.

Besides its bounty of boats, this aquatic spectacular includes a number of family-friendly activities. At the Convention Center, you can check out scuba diving, kayaking and paddleboarding at “Try It Cove.” Children can visit the Kids Zone, which will have remote-control sailboat races, toy boat building and other water-themed activities.

Show hours at the Convention Center are noon-9 p.m. Feb. 19-20, 10 a.m.-9 p.m. Feb. 21 and 10 a.m.-6 p.m. Feb. 22. Activities at Chace Park take place from noon-5 p.m. Feb. 19-20 and 10 a.m.-5 p.m. Feb. 21-22. Tickets are $12 for adults, while children 15 and younger get in free with an accompanying adult. For more information, visit www.laboatshow.com.

If you’d like to have adventures on land as well, visit the L.A. Travel & Adventure Show at the Long Beach Convention Center (300 E. Ocean Blvd., Long Beach). The nation’s largest travel show, the event will include more than 450 exhibitors representing vacation destinations near and far. It boasts an impressive lineup of scheduled expert speakers, including the Travel Channel’s Samantha Brown and Josh Gates, travel guru Rick Steves and Pauline Frommer of Frommer Guide fame.

Families can explore a number of hands-on activities, learning to operate a Segway, taking a spin in a big Bubble Roller Land Orb or diving into the Scuba Pool.

The L.A. Travel & Adventure Show happens from 10 a.m.-5 p.m. Feb. 21-22. Purchase tickets in advance and pay $11 for one day or $17 for two days (use promo code LAPR). Cost is $16 for one day and $25 for two days (cash only) at the door. Learn more at www.latravelshow.com.

Finding a Private School With the Right Vibe

Published February 15, 2015

By Rina Baraz Nehdar

Chatsworth Hills Academy second-grade students work collaboratively to figure out a mathematical story problem. PHOTO BY JANEE BLANCHARD PHOTOGRAPHY

When I was pregnant with my first child, I was one of those mothers. You know the type, reading all the pregnancy books, taking the birth-education classes, sharing pregnancy symptoms with the other mommies-to-be during prenatal yoga class.

Once my son was born, I continued on that path. I breastfed. I made his baby food. I enrolled us in a well-rounded roster of baby classes because I had read how many neurons were firing in his little head during those first few years of life. I wanted to make sure there were enough pathways in that little skull of his to be able to take him wherever he wanted to go in life … once he was able to walk.

Then people in my new-mommy circles started talking about preschools. I had heard there were waiting lists for some preschools that stretched for years, so I began my search. We went on some tours, but ultimately chose the school I had heard most mommies say was the best one.

This is a common mistake. “Just because a school has a good reputation doesn’t mean it’s right for you,” says Yuri Hronsky, head of Ilan Ramon Day School in Agoura Hills. “What you feel is what you get.”

While the school we chose might have been the best for some, it wasn’t the best for us. Although the teachers at the school were very nice and one was – by far – the best we’d ever had, I never quite felt at home there. I eventually made some friends, but I always felt like an alien walking around that school.

Los Angeles Schools Ilan Ramon Day School

Hayden and Maya Glfand and Zoe Feldman are a few of the very happy kids at Ilan Ramon Day School. PHOTO COURTESY ILAN RAMON DAY SCHOOL

Kerry Maguire, director of admissions at Chatsworth Hills Academy – a school that prides itself on having a tight-knit, caring community – says that when you’re walking around a private-school campus, “If you’re uncomfortable, then that’s not the right environment for you.”

So Many Choices

There are many excellent Los Angeles schools, and lots of practical questions to consider when looking for a school for your child. What are the hours? How far is it from your home? How much does it cost? Is there financial aid? Is there diversity? Does it incorporate religion into its curriculum or does it have a special-needs program? And, of course, you want a school that will provide your child with an excellent education and prepare him or her for college.

There are many great independent and charter schools in the Los Angeles area. “That’s why you shouldn’t panic,” says Los Angeles psychologist Michelle Nitka, Ph.D., author of “Coping With Preschool Panic” (self-published, 2013). Not all parents take her advice.

Some parents worry that their children’s future will be impacted if they don’t start out at the right school. They believe that children’s educational experiences will dictate where they will go to college, and what kind of lives they will lead. “It keeps me up at night,” says mom Rebekah Tolin about finding the right school for her son. “I think, besides parenthood, it’s the biggest gift I could give him.”

After touring many schools, Tolin fell in love with one immediately. She says she walked through the whole tour with tears in her eyes, knowing it would be the perfect place for her son. “There were 600 families applying for 40 spots. I’ve put more effort into where he goes to kindergarten than I put into applying for my college,” she says.

Philosophies and Learning Style

The Archer School for Girls works to inspire girls to discover their passion. PHOTO COURTESY ARCHER SCHOOL FOR GIRLS

Christina Simon, author of “Beyond the Brochure: An Insider’s Guide To Private Elementary Schools in Los Angeles” (BookSurge Publishing, 2013), says families first have to identify which of the many available educational philosophies they want in a school. Those range from traditional to progressive, Waldorf to Montessori and developmental to Regio Emilia. Simon also believes it’s important to think about your child’s learning style when you’re selecting a school. “Even if you love the school, it may not be a good fit for your child’s personality,” she says.

But not everyone agrees about the importance of a school’s philosophy. “Philosophies are mostly artificial because each school is so eclectic,” says Nitka.

This might be especially true during the preschool years. “When they’re six months old, you’re not thinking which educational philosophy you believe in,” says L.A. mom Lauren Janssen Byrne. “But you do want to find a place that will help them transition from a warm and cuddly environment to some structure, and you want them to like school.”

Byrne says she knew she had found the right preschool when she walked into a classroom and saw that the art on the walls was “engaging but organized.” She felt like this school was the right fit for her family.

Paying a Visit

Many heads of schools recommend that prospective students get a feel for the campus by spending a day or a half-day there, maybe guided by a current student. “It’s a value-based decision in every way,” says Hronsky. “The best way to get a sense of the vibe at a school is to spend the day there when the school day is happening.” This will give you more information about the school atmosphere than you’ll get if you only attend open houses or school events. Hronsky also suggests asking if a current school parent can show you around on your initial tour. “A great way to get a sense of a product is to talk to the consumer,” he says.

Los Angeles Schools New Community Jewish High

The varsity boys basketball team at New Community Jewish High School takes to the court. PHOTO COURTESY NEW COMMUNITY JEWISH HIGH SCHOOL

Maguire of Chatsworth Hills suggests taking a good look around while you’re touring the campus. “Do kids look happy? Are people friendly?” she asks.

The preschool tour that ended with a three-year commitment from our family was held on a day that the school was not in session. I got the marketing portion of the story, but didn’t get an actual taste of the community until we had already started.

“Independent schools are family experiences,” says Elizabeth English, head of Archer School for Girls in Los Angeles, which boasts a student population from 92 different ZIP codes and prides itself on diversity. “Everyone is struck by how happy our kids are, how kind they are,” English says. “Diverse communities are kind communities.”

Think about how you will fit into the community you see at schools you are considering. “When you’re looking at a school, can you see yourself there?” asks Michelle November, associate director of admissions at New Community Jewish High School in West Hills.

“As an adult, are you going to enjoy the teachers and parents?” English says to ask yourself.

Eventually, our family moved on from that first school. We found another school that immediately felt right, and the friendships we’ve formed there are exactly what all the experts say you will find if you’re in the right place.

Rina Baraz Nehdar is an L.A. mom of three who writes frequently for L.A. Parent.

What to Expect When You’re Expecting a Preschooler

Published February 13, 2015

By Sarika Chawla

Students at The Boulevard School enjoy sunshine on the playground. PHOTO COURTESY THE BOULEVARD SCHOOL

I still kick myself for taking a rock away from my 2-year-old.

“You can’t carry a rock around other kids,” I explained, prying the flat, round object out of his hand. It was shellacked bright blue with a big “R” painted on it, a trinket we had once found on the ground. “Rigby rock” wasn’t a particularly special toy, but it was what he happened to choose before we left the house for preschool that morning.

Tears pouring down his pudgy cheeks, he wailed, “Wigby wock!” before collapsing into sobs. I pocketed the rock, kissed him and walked away as another woman picked up my little boy.

I waited until I got into my car before I let myself sob, too. It was his second day of school and I was doubting every decision I had ever made on his behalf.

“He’s going to cry, but that’s OK. You want that transition,” Tazneem Virani, director of Early Years Preschool in Sherman Oaks, had told us when we toured the school. Virani is one of several experts from Los Angeles schools that I spoke with for this story.

She had even warned us, correctly, that while day one would be smooth, the tears would fall on the second day. And the third. And for many days thereafter. On the first day, kids are so caught up in the toys and new faces that they barely notice when you give them a big kiss and a cheerful goodbye. But then it clicks that you, the person they’ve put all their trust in, are leaving. Maybe forever.

Preparing for Departure

“The preparation process needs to start before they even begin school,” explains Virani. “Once you decide to send your child to school, begin to mentally prepare them. Talk to them about it, visit a couple of times and read them books.”

The Boulevard School Los Angeles Schools

Preschools give young children a chance to develop skills together. PHOTO COURTESY THE BOULEVARD SCHOOL

What about that awful goodbye, the one that makes you question everything about formal education and loathe yourself for pushing your tiny creature out of the nest too soon?

“Don’t linger and don’t try to sneak out,” says Virani. “Always have a ritual of saying, ‘Goodbye, I will be back soon, and you’re going to have a good day.’”

Virani also suggests being consistent with the time that you drop off and pick up your child from school. If your child usually arrives during free-play time and, one day, you’re running late and everyone is already sitting quietly in a circle, what seems like just a few minutes delay to you can really throw a child off for the day.

Any life change, even one that seems minute to adults, can trigger a drop-off setback in little ones. I learned this a year after my son started school. He had fully transitioned and loved his friends and teachers. Then I switched jobs, which meant being more rushed in the mornings and getting home a little later at night. For two months straight, my son cried buckets when I dropped him off at school.

“If there has been any change in routine, we encourage the parents to tell us because it really does affect them,” says Rodi Vogel, preschool director at The Boulevard School in Woodland Hills, which has been in operation for more than 40 years. “A new job, if a parent is away, even if people are visiting — change is hard for them, so we’ll give them a lot of TLC.”

At Page Private School, preschoolers develop independence. PHOTO COURTESY PAGE PRIVATE SCHOOL

The reason I still kick myself over that little blue rock is that I know now that familiar items can make goodbyes much easier on insecure preschoolers. A transitional object is a special comfort, a little piece of home that can help them ease from dependence to independence.

“It’s like Linus and his blanket, something to feel secure with,” explains Miguel Brizuela, a clinical psychologist who specializes in working with families and children. His son, Bryce, went through such severe separation anxiety that it took him a year to fully transition.

“It really humbled me, both as a professional and a parent,” says Brizuela. “It’s a difficult process, and you feed off your child’s energy. But anxiety is a part of life and it’s our job to contain that.”

In addition to offering transitional objects, Brizuela showed his son a family photograph when dropping him off and gave reassurances that Mommy or Daddy would be back later. In the evenings, the family would talk about what to expect the next day, referring to other children and teachers by name. Early in the process, Brizuela brought home educational toys to mimic the preschool environment and frequently drove past the school to familiarize his anxious son with the setting.

Even the occasional reward can help. “We’ll give Bryce specific instructions like, ‘Use your words to show how you feel, sit down quietly and follow directions.’ If he’s had a good day, he gets a little treat,” says Brizuela.

Words, Words, Words

Expect your preschooler’s vocabulary to quickly multiply in this new environment. PHOTO COURTESY THE BOULEVARD SCHOOL

OK, so you’ve helped your child weather the change of going to preschool. How will preschool change your child?

“The first thing you can expect to see is that their language skills really blossom,” says Vogel. “Parents may talk and engage with their kids at home, but it’s nothing compared to being surrounded by children.”

A typical 2-year-old vocabulary of 50-80 words can quickly explode into hundreds, along with complete sentences, descriptions, questions and songs. (Many, many songs.)

“As they begin learning letters and songs, it pushes them to go further and they want to learn more and more,” says Vogel, who has worked at The Boulevard School since 1988 (but actually “grew up” at the school, as her mother was also an employee there).

With that grasp of language also comes something crucial: the ability to use words instead of physicality (pushing, hitting or biting) to communicate.

“At any age, we encourage children to have social skills and use their words to handle conflict,” says Tonia Good, preschool director at the Beverly Hills campus of Page Private School. “Instead of fighting over a toy, we want a child to say, ‘I was using that.’ At this age, children are ‘me me me’ and you want them to use their words or know to ask a teacher for help.”

That advice brought me back to a moment when I saw two little girls at school shoo my son away from the game they were playing. While my mama bear instinct was to intervene, I held back and simply hoped the slight didn’t bother my son in the same way.

“No, you don’t have to ignore it,” says Vogel. “As a parent, you can say, ‘Did you hear what your friend just said? What do you think? Let’s go tell your friend that’s not nice.’ You want to empower children to stand up for themselves.”

Building Independence

Los Angeles Schools the Boulevard School

Having formal preschool experience helps prepare 4- and 5-year-olds for kindergarten. PHOTO COURTESY THE BOULEVARD SCHOOL

Along with these basic social graces comes a skill so important — and so wonderful — that it’s practically worth the price of preschool admission on its own: cleaning up after themselves.

As parents, we’re accustomed to catering to the needs of tiny people and, let’s face it, it’s a lot faster to do most things ourselves. But, when encouraged by busy preschool teachers, it turns out that 2- and 3-year-olds love the responsibility of doing things for themselves. Just imagine a child who’s not only jazzed about putting away his or her toys, but who does it while singing the “Clean Up” song.

“Preschool isn’t just baby day care,” says Janice Kim, school director of Page Private School. “We believe even at age 2 or 3, they can achieve being disciplined and independent at the next level.”

Experts suggest reinforcing independent behavior at home (yes, things will take longer) and cementing preschoolers’ abilities by queuing up multi-step tasks. By age 3, children should be able to follow three-step directions and by age 4, four-step directions should be manageable.

That said, every child develops differently, which is where the inevitable comparisons enter the picture. It’s impossible not to do a side-by-side of your child versus his or her peers. Who has a bigger vocabulary? Which ones are jumping around during play time versus quietly stacking blocks? And what’s up with the kid who just dumped a bowl of Cheerios on the table?

“A parent came to me and said, ‘My child is dyslexic,’ and I said, ‘Your child is 3 years old!’” laughs Vogel. “There may be something going on, but it’s way too early, so we tell them to relax and don’t compare with other kids.”

Ready To Take On the World

Every child develops differently, but preschool can give kids a head start. PHOTO COURTESY PAGE PRIVATE SCHOOL

Even as I marvel over my child’s language skills and delight in the fact that he talks so fondly about his friends and teachers, I often wonder whether we are pushing him too hard and too early. What happened to letting young kids enjoy being kids?

What happened is that kindergarten changed, each preschool director agrees.

“Kindergarten programs are much more accelerated,” says Vogel. “When I was in school, it was play based, and now they are expected to sit, listen, write and recognize shapes and letters.”

While preschool isn’t necessarily “required” for kids ages 2 or 3, it’s highly encouraged that 4- and 5-year-olds have formal preschool or pre-kindergarten education to help prepare them academically and behaviorally for kindergarten.

As for Bryce, the little boy who struggled for so long with anxiety, his parents remain consistent and focused in their goals. Part of their motivation is to make sure their son is prepared for kindergarten when the time comes, and it’s also about the bigger picture.

“Preschool is the first baby step toward independence,” says Brizuela. “There’s a whole world out there, and I want him to be secure enough to go out there and explore. Home will always be there for him.”

Sarika Chawla is a local writer, L.A. Parent contributor and mom to a preschooler.

The Life of a Disney Mom

Published February 9, 2015

By Christina Elston

Leigh-Allyn Baker got pregnant, then got her first Disney Channel gig

During a 22-day film shoot, Leigh-Allyn Baker and her husband Keith Kauffman and sons Baker and Griffin took some time for family fun at the Montreal Botanic Gardens. PHOTO COURTESY LEIGH-ALLYN BAKER

Leigh-Allyn Baker is on a film set in Montreal, confronted with a destroyed pair of shoes that just isn’t right.

“They were supposed to be exploded, but someone had just cut them in half,” says Baker, who most recently starred as Amy Duncan in the Emmy-nominated Disney Channel series “Good Luck Charlie.” As an actor in the film – which is called Bad Hair Day and premieres on Disney Channel Feb. 13 – Baker has a scene to shoot. But she’s also the film’s executive producer, which means that, just like a modern-day Disney princess, she’s the one who has to save the day.

“So I step outside with this little blowtorch heat-gun apparatus and pliers and start pulling,” Baker says. “I personally blew those shoes up.”

Blonde Hair, Brown Hair, Bad Hair

In Bad Hair Day, Baker’s hair isn’t blonde (like Amy Duncan’s was), it’s brown. But she isn’t the one with the “bad hair.” That would be co-star Laura Marano (of “Austin & Ally”), playing Monica, a high-school girl who wakes up on prom day to find that her hair, dress and shoes are a wreck. The only salvageable part of her prom outfit is a necklace she bought at a pawn shop.

Enter Baker, playing a down-on-her-luck cop named Liz who is trying to track down the same necklace. A jewel thief played by Christian Campbell also wants the necklace, and Liz and Monica flee his clutches and go on a 24-hour adventure together.

Baker promises the film has something for everyone. “If you ask Laura Marano, it’s about a girl whose day goes awry. And if you ask me, it’s about an adult cop whose life has gone awry,” she says. “It’s a great mother-daughter film, but I think it goes even further than that, because it’s kind of got a lot of testosterone in it. There’s a car chase in our movie. There’s some tasers flying about in our movie. It’s not a pretty movie. We get down and dirty, and it’s funny.”

Co-stars Leigh-Allyn Baker, left, and Laura Marano faced a few fashion challenges in their new film Bad Hair Day. PHOTO COURTESY DISNEY CHANNEL/JAN THIJS

As the mom of two sons, – Griffin, 5, and Baker James, 2 – Baker relishes the action aspects of the film. “In ‘Good Luck Charlie’ everyone got to see my real feminine side,” she says, “and no one got to see how at home I am really one of the boys. This was a way for me to explore my more masculine side in a safe, hysterical space.”

She even got to do some of her own stunts in a car named Brando.

It Started With a Mouse

Even before her first on-stage role as the Dormouse in Alice In Wonderland at age 6, Baker says she knew she wanted to act. She auditioned for her first pilot season at age 21, landed a role and the show was picked up – but didn’t stick. “It took till I was 36 to actually get a series that stuck on the air,” she says.

Baker married Keith Kauffman in 2004 but put off having children because there always seemed to be a project in the works, though nothing that seemed to work out. A writers’ strike led to the demise of a promising HBO series where Baker had landed a role, and within days, she tested for and lost another part.

Disney Channel’s “Good Luck Charlie” starred Mia Talerico as Charlie Duncan, Bradley Steven Perry as Gabe Duncan, Bridgit Mendler as Teddy Duncan, Leigh-Allyn Baker as Amy Duncan, Jason Dolley as PJ Duncan, Eric Allan Kramer as Bob Duncan and Logan Moreau as Toby Duncan. PHOTO COURTESY DISNEY CHANNEL/BOB D’AMICO

Then, at an audition for the Disney Channel series “Hannah Montana,” a woman came up to her and said, “You should have a baby. I always see you auditioning with me for parts, and you just need to get pregnant and have a baby. It’s the best luck ever. You’ll work nonstop.”

Baker decided to throw caution to the wind. “I thought, you know what, I’m going to take the power back. I’m going to cancel HBO and I’m going to create life,” she says. “And I’m not kidding you, I worked nonstop after that.”

During the fourth month of her first pregnancy, Disney offered her the role of talk show host Mickey in several episodes of “Hannah Montana,” and Baker has been a Disney mom ever since. That same month, talks began for her role in “Good Luck Charlie,” which began in 2009, ran for four seasons and gave her a chance to direct.

Good Luck For Leigh-Allyn

“No bones about it,” Baker says, “I went through my child-bearing years on the Disney Channel. I was nine months pregnant with Griffin when I first tested for ‘Good Luck Charlie,’ I had him and helped raise him even on that set. I worked through my entire second pregnancy, working for Disney Channel. It’s been a great place for me to camp out and have a blast while I raise a family.”

While raising her kids at home, Baker was playing Amy Duncan, mother of four, on TV. Mia Talerico, who played Charlie on the series, became Baker’s TV daughter at the age of 9 months, and Baker found it helpful having a child the same age at home – like when Mia peed on her shirt during a live taping. “To another actor that may have been frustrating, but I’d been peed on so many times, it didn’t matter to me,” she says.

Baker says that she loved helping and nurturing the kids on the show. But when Mia started calling her “Mama,” she taught her to say “Mama Leigh” instead. “And then all the kids on the show just started calling me that. And now all those kids and all of Disney Channel call me that whenever I visit sets.”

“Good Luck Charlie” ended after four seasons, but new opportunities came along quickly. Disney Channels Worldwide EVP of Original Programming Adam Bennett came to Baker with the script for Bad Hair Day and asked her to help develop it. “The script sounded really funny, and I love working for Disney Channel, so I decided to jump on board,” Baker says.

Executive Producering

Laura Marano and Leigh-Allyn Baker found creative ways to get around Montreal in their film Bad Hair Day. PHOTO COURTESY DISNEY CHANNEL/JAN THIJS

This film marks her first time as executive producer, which in television movies means dabbling in everything from developing the script to designing the wardrobe, developing the look, hiring the director and crew and selecting the music. But she felt confident from the start. “The creative things came very easily to me,” Baker says. “My husband even said to me, ‘Oh, they’re finally paying you to do what you’ve always done, which is meddle in everybody else’s business.’”

The film was shot in Montreal during 22 days over the summer, and Baker brought her family along. They left L.A. the day after Griffin had his preschool graduation, and stayed in a great little house with a grocery store, a Starbucks, parks and everything else they needed within walking distance. But that doesn’t mean mixing motherhood and the movie was always easy. “When you’re making a movie and you bring your family with you, it is no joke,” says Baker. “It’s 150 percent every day.”

On some nights, Baker would get home from shooting at 3 a.m., then find her sons standing next to her bed at 7 a.m. saying, “Mommy, get up.” “Well, yeah, I’ve only had three hours sleep,” she says. “But, guess what. You get up, and you play with your kids until you have to go to work the next night again. And you just suck it up, Buttercup.”

One of those all-nighter shoots was in a concrete quarry with “a lack of oxygen and abundance of concrete dust,” but Baker says that wasn’t the toughest day. “The harder shoot day was the day we shot the prom scene where we were both fixed up,” she says. To avoid wrinkling her dress, Baker had to stand for the entire shoot. “Believe it or not, I would actually prefer the concrete quarry to being in the fancy dress for 12 ½ hours,” she says.

Leigh-Allyn Baker and her family leave the set of Bad Hair Day after their last day of shooting. PHOTO COURTESY LEIGH-ALLYN BAKER

Shooting ended and the family returned home two days before Griffin started kindergarten. “So, believe it or not, when we came home, it was hustle and bustle, because now I’ve got a kid in kindergarten, and there’s a lot of paperwork to fill out, and there’s a lot of calendars and things to buy and it’s just very busy,” Baker says. “You don’t want to be that parent who let something fall through the cracks.”

Baker also had to juggle more of what she calls “executive producering,” which means tasks that seemed to pop up out of nowhere – like approving music for the finished film. “So I’m sitting here with a 2-year-old at 7 in the morning, and I’ve got to review this movie for the 50^th time and take notes on the sound,” Baker says. “So, it’s a lot of scrambling to find someone to help play with your child while you do this for two hours, or beg your husband to help you while you do it.”

Advice From Mama Leigh

Baker says husband Kauffman, who is Senior Vice President of Business Affairs at iHeart Media, has a huge role in making her mom-career mix work. “We say that our marriage isn’t 50-50, it’s 100-100, because our lives simply couldn’t work if each of us wasn’t putting in 100 percent,” she says.

And here’s her number-one rule about being a working mom: “When you’re at work you’re at work, and when you’re at home you’re at home.”

She figured this out after just a few weeks as a working mom, missing baby Griffin while she was on set. “I would be sad, and I would miss the fun going on around me at work. And then I would come home and I would be rocking him and holding him and I would be thinking about how I didn’t have that great a time at work because I was focused on him,” she says. “Nobody was getting 100 percent of me.”

She decided to turn things around, and advises fellow working moms to try her approach: “Have a great time at work. Let it creatively fill you up. Come home and be the best mom you can be.”

Christina Elston is Editor of L.A. Parent.

Those Two Warm-Up Guys: Warming Hollywood Hearts

Published February 7, 2015

By Lisa Castillo

Ezra Weisz, left, and partner Darrin Butters warm up the set of “Wizards of Waverly Place” with Selena Gomez in the background. PHOTO COURTESY THOSE TWO WARMUP GUYS

If your kids have talked you into being part of a studio audience for one of their favorite TV shows, one of those common Los Angeles attractions, you might have spent time with hilarious, high-energy local dads Darrin Butters and Ezra Weisz, better known as Those Two Warm-Up Guys. For the past 12 years, Butters and Weisz have warmed up studio audiences for family television shows including “Wizards of Waverly Place,” “Good Luck Charlie,” “Austin & Ally” and “Instant Mom.” Weisz, who also teaches improv and voice, says their main job is to help the audience feel comfortable enough to laugh at the “laughable moments” of the episode. Butters has worked as a character animator for Disney for the past 18 years, and the two are brothers-in-law. He and Weisz want everyone in the audience to feel like they are a part of something special.

What do you do as Those Two Warm-Up Guys?

Ezra Weisz: Our job is to get the party in the audience started and keep it rolling for four hours. We make sure they behave, stay safe, and above all have an amazing and memorable night. Our main goal is to give each cast of actors the best audience ever.

How important is the studio audience in a live taping?

EW: The audience is major. If the writing is good and the audience is loving what they are watching, the entire experience is enhanced. The actors perk up, the timing gets tighter, everything just comes together. You are a part of television history when you sit and watch a show being taped. Your laughter is recorded and often times ends up on the air.

What do you think of the family television scene these days?

Darrin Butters: As the father of a kindergartener, I’m very impressed with children’s programming in general – some highly geared for learning, and others just bent on the ridiculous. My daughter swings wildly from “Bubble Guppies” to “Adventure Time.”

How has your extensive improv training and experience enhanced your parenting role?

DB: Improv is pretending and accepting. When my daughter says “Will you play with me?” the improviser in me answers “of course!” My improv background clicks in and I dive into whatever my daughter brings to the table. I’ve been able to show her the power of positivity and the beauty of the absurd.

Audience warm-up gigs belong primarily to solo stand-up comics. The two of you have a wonderful, unique way of working together as a team. Tell us about that.

EW: From early on, Darrin and I have had great performance chemistry. We started doing improv together and have a blast when we play. When I was offered the opportunity to warm up the audience for “Greetings From Tucson” (my first sitcom job), I wanted to make sure the evening would be a success. I knew that Darrin and I could successfully entertain an audience if we did it together. It worked from the start, and it keeps on working.

DB: I think it works because our fun is contagious. We work off of each other, conveying information about the show conversationally. I can ask a question that most people are wondering, and Ezra can answer my question, giving everyone the information. When you work alone, you can’t play “good cop/bad cop” or “comic/straight man” You’d think that with two of us, we’d be able to work half as hard. But I think we end up playing twice as hard. I love being able to do something that only a handful of people do. And being able to do that side-by-side with my brother-in-law and best friend. It doesn’t get much better.

Watch out for Those Two Warm Up Guys at a live studio taping near you!

Theater Improv Games are Fun Ideas For Kids

Published February 6, 2015

Justin Huff, at left, and Maja Miletich, at right, lead kids in fun theater games that build communication and social skills. PHOTO COURTESY ZIP ZAP ZOP KIDS

Some kids are naturally gregarious and social, and have no trouble making friends or speaking up in class. Others are shy, struggle to make connections with others, and dread being called on by the teacher – even when they know the answer. Theater improv games can help shy kids and those who need help with social skills, and are fun for all. Parents looking for fun ideas for kids will enjoy these games suggested by the founders of Zip Zap Zop Kids, a local program offering after-school classes in five L.A.-area schools, programs at We Rock The Spectrum inclusive children’s gym in Santa Monica, and private party entertainment.

Build A Machine: One child makes a movement and sound, another child adds their own movement and sound, and so on, until the leader pauses the “machine.” The children then get to decide what the machine was creating, keeping in mind their individual movements and sounds. Build A Machine is a great problem-solving game that helps children loosen up.

Emotional Symphony: Four children are “on stage,” and the audience picks an emotion for each of them. Then each child on stage picks a sound and movement that symbolizes their emotion, and someone from the audience directs the symphony.

Dr. Know It All: This game can even be played in the car. All of the children involved team up to become one person named “Dr. Know It All,” who is a genius. Dr. Know It All can answer any question, even if the answers are very silly. The “interviewer” poses the question, and the members of the Dr. Know It All team take turns, each speaking one word at a time, to form a complete sentence that answers the question. This is a great listening game and a chance to practice collaborating.

Presents: An imaginary present appears in front of the players. They all first get to describe the wrapping paper in detail. They then open up the present and use what is inside without telling the audience! Audience members then take turns trying to guess what the players are pantomiming. This is a fun game for birthday parties as well!

Zip Zap Zop Kids CEO Maja Miletich has a degree in child development, with an additional focus on working with children on the autism spectrum. She has worked as a children’s behavioral therapist and preschool teacher, and teaches a weekly toddler class at Palisades Presbyterian Nursery School in Pacific Palisades.

COO Justin Huff has been involved in theater since he was a child. He has a degree in theater, and has worked as a mentor underprivileged children in New York, and spent more than 12 years as a camp counselor.

Learn more at www.zipzapzopkids.com.

Plan a Tropical Family Spring Break

Published February 5, 2015

By Mimi Slawoff

Three Fun Island Destinations Offer Fun Ideas for Kids

With spring break around the corner, a tropical family getaway might sound like just the ticket. There are plenty of excellent options fun of fun ideas for kids, but the Hawaiian islands, Puerto Rico and Nassau, Bahamas, are especially great for parents with kids in tow.

San Juan, Puerto Rico

Spoon Food Tours in San Juan, Puerto Rico offers custom kid-friendly tours of local sites and culinary treats. PHOTO COURTESY SPOON FOOD TOURS

Puerto Rico has miles of white-sand beaches near a lush Caribbean rainforest, but you don’t need a passport to enjoy this exotic tropical playground, which is a U.S. territory. With good public transportation and pedestrian-friendly streets, San Juan is fun and easy to navigate.

Wear good walking shoes to explore Old San Juan’s forts, plazas and museums. Kids will go wild scrambling through the tunnels, dungeons, barracks and outposts of the massive 16th-century El Morro and 18^th-century Castillo de San Cristobal forts, built to protect Puerto Rico from invading armies.

Sample traditional Puerto Rican cuisine on a culinary tour with Spoon Food Tours (www.SpoonFoodTours.com). Morning, lunch and dinner tours start at $69 for adults and $49 for ages 3-12, but the best bet for families is likely a customized kid-friendly tour, available for $99 on foot or $139 driving. Open up a world of new tastes for the kids with traditional bacalaitos (fried codfish fritters), tostones (fried plantain slices) and fried pork.

Less than an hour from San Juan is the El Yunque Rainforest (www.fs.usda.gov/elyunque), part of the Caribbean National Forest. Hike with the kids among 1,000-year-old trees and bamboo groves where you’ll hear tiny coqui tree frogs sing and – if you’re lucky – see the endangered Amazona vittata parrot. Take in the view from 1,575 feet atop Yokahu Lookout Tower, and splash in the swimming hole below lovely La Mina Falls.

For accommodations, consider the San Juan Marriott Resort & Stellaris Casino, located on pristine Condado Beach in a residential neighborhood within walking distance of stores, restaurants and a nearby park. Splash in the gentle surf and in the two-level pool. There’s a waterslide and shallow area for kids. Bike rentals are free for two hours ($7.50 per hour thereafter). The Marriott’s Escape Family Time Package offers rooms with a city view starting at $284 per night for families with up to three kids, and kids 12 and younger eat free at the hotel’s La Vista Latin Grill.

Hawaii

Kids can learn the art of bamboo stamping in Hawaii Volcanoes National Park. PHOTO BY JAY ROBINSON/NATIONAL PARK SERVICE

Ready for adventure here in the U.S.? Your family will be wowed by the force of nature on the Big Island (the one actually named Hawaii), home to the world’s tallest mountain and the still-erupting Kilauea volcano. Snorkeling in the morning and hiking in a crater in the afternoon will get kids talking instead of texting.

Visit Hawaii Volcanoes National Park (www.nps.gov/havo) to learn about Kilauea volcano. While you won’t see molten red surface flows, the entire park is made of lava. Walk through the Thurston Lava Tube and to the Halemaumau crater, pocked with steam vents. At sunset, gather at the Jagger Museum to see the crater’s flume glowing red from the lava lake beneath. The park also hosts hula, feather work and other free year-round cultural activities and events, such as the Biodiversity & Cultural Festival May 15 and 16.

Measured from its base on the ocean floor, Mauna Kea is the world’s tallest mountain, rising more than 32,000 feet. Due to the hazards of mountain sickness, no one under age 16 is allowed to visit the 13,803-foot summit, but the visitor center (www.ifa.hawaii.edu/info/vis), the highest point children can visit, offers free stargazing programs nightly. From there, visitors of all ages can hike 15 to 20 minutes to the top of Pu’u Kalepeamoa for a view of the sunset.

In the town of Hilo, shop at Hilo Farmers Market for a picnic at the beach. Or visit the ‘Imiloa Astronomy Center (www.imiloahawaii.org), where more than 100 exhibits intertwine astronomy and Hawaiian culture.

Eat at Ken’s House of Pancakes (www.kenshouseofpancakes.com) to try Loco Moco (a local dish featuring rice, meat and egg), or at Tex Drive-in in Honoka (www.texdriveinhawaii.com) for fresh malasadas (similar to sugar donuts). Best accommodations for families are likely the Hilo Hawaiian Hotel (www.HiloHawaiian.com), which overlooks Hilo Bay and Mauna Kea.

Jurassic Falls on the island of Kauai gets its nickname from the dinosaur movie that was filmed there. PHOTO COURTESY ISLAND HELICOPTERS

Over on the laid-back island of Kauai, quiet beaches, fragrant blooms and natural scenic sights in every direction make it easy to enjoy nature and relax together as a family. But that doesn’t mean the island offers no excitement.

And what kid doesn’t want to ride in a helicopter? Swoop between valley walls and soar over cliffs on a 90-minute, narrated tour with synchronized music with Island Helicopters ($183 and up, www.islandhelicopters.com). Land in a remote valley at the base of the 400-foot Manawaiopuna Falls, named Jurassic Falls for the movie filmed there. A stream-side jungle path leads to the falls.

Sea-worthy families can see waterfalls, sea caves and dolphins along the stunning Napali Coast with Capt. Andy’s Sailing Adventures (www.napali.com), or paddle along the Hanalei River on a kayak and snorkel tour with Kayak Kauai (www.kayakkauai.com).

Head to Princeville Ranch Adventures (www.princevilleranch.com) for a guided hike through lowland rainforest to Kalihiwai Falls, picnic included. You can rappel down a 10-foot rock wall and cool off in the remote 80-foot waterfall.

If you’re ready to chill, The Na Aina Kai Botanical Gardens (www.naainakai.com) is the place for you. Feed koi in the lagoon and play in a children’s garden featuring a treehouse, a gecko maze and teak-wood log cabins.

Ready for something to eat? Check out Keoki’s Paradise in Koloa (www.keokisparadise.com) for traditional island dishes. The no-frills Hamura Saimin in Lihue (2956 Kress St.) is billed as a great stop for noodle soup and lilikoi chiffon pie on the way to or from the airport. The Hanalei Taro & Juice Company food truck (www.hanaleitaro.com) in Hanalei serves authentic Hawaiian plate lunches and juices.

Accommodations include Kauai Marriott Resort on Kalapaki Beach (www.marriottkauai.com), the beachside condos at Outrigger Kiahuna Plantation (www.outriggerkiahunaplantationcondo.com), and the luxury of Westin Princeville Ocean Resort Villas (www.westinprinceville.com).

Nassau, Bahamas

Dolphin Cay, a dolphin interaction and education center at Atlantis Resort in the Bahamas, is a chance to get an up-close look at local marine life. PHOTO COURTESY NASSSAU PARADISE ISLAND PROMOTION BOARD

Got passports and looking for a resort to entertain your kids? Atlantis Resort in Nassau (www.atlantisbahamas.com) boasts a 141-acre water park and beach, blue ocean water so clear you see fish without snorkel gear, restaurants, shops, a marina and entertainment that make this a G-rated Vegas-style resort.

The Reef Atlantis, one of several vacation towers, is the most family friendly. Situated on Paradise Beach with water views from all rooms, The Reef has kitchens or kitchenettes and spacious living areas. The resort’s Spring Into Savings package offers 50 percent off nightly room rates on select dates in March and April, and includes free water park access and free breakfast and dinner for kids 12 and under with a paying adult. Book before Feb. 3.

Families can explore the park’s exciting water slides, a mile-long river ride with rapids, a life-size replica of a Mayan temple, a seven-acre snorkeling lagoon and several pools. Go on an expedition to The Dig/Ruins Lagoon, home to more than 20,000 marine animals, and sign up in advance for the popular Dolphin Cay, a dolphin interaction and education center. Meet adorable sea lions on a behind-the-scenes tour. Bring your camera!

The Atlantis Kids Adventures program entertains ages 3-12 with activities from morning to evening, and CRUSH, an upscale teen nightclub, has a dance floor, live DJ, cutting-edge gaming, internet lounges and a non-alcoholic bar for ages 13-17.

From casual beach food shacks to an array of family restaurants, there’s no shortage of dining on the property. And at Virgil’s Real Barbecue, the mac & cheese and freshly squeezed lemonade aren’t just for kids.

Off property in downtown Nassau, visit the Graycliff Hotel (www.graycliff.com), where you can take a tour and make your own chocolates at Graycliff Chocolatier, then dine at Graycliff Restaurant. Housed in an elegant colonial mansion, it’s the Caribbean’s first five-star restaurant, but it’s kid-friendly, too.

Whichever direction you choose this spring, putting an island touch on your vacation is a great way to enjoy relaxation and adventure – and make great family memories!

Mimi Slawoff is a SoCal mom of three who writes about travel and family fun.

Harlem Globetrotters Revenge Tour Comes to SoCal

Published February 2, 2015

By Michael Berick

Globetrotter Cheese Chisholm has fun with some young fans. PHOTO COURTESY HARLEM GLOBETROTTERS

Southern California sports fans know about rivalries. There’s the Dodgers vs. the Giants, UCLA vs. USC and the Lakers vs. the Celtics. But few sports rivalries can match that of the Harlem Globetrotters and the Washington Generals. While the Globetrotters are world famous, the Generals are their longtime, downtrodden opponents. For decades, the Generals played against the popular Globetrotters, losing tens of thousands of games and winning an estimated six. This season, the two teams are renewing their rivalry at some great Los Angeles events during the “Washington Generals’ Revenge World Tour.”

Although the Generals get billed in the tour’s name, the Globetrotters remain the stars of the show. The legendary team is known for lively basketball skills and even more lively showmanship, but reveals a more serious side with the “Hometown Hero” program. At each game played in North America, the Globetrotters will honor an active, wounded or retired member of the military who has been nominated by the community.

This month the Globetrotters will play eight games at six Southern California venues. They’ll start off Feb. 6 at Ontario’s Citizen Business Bank Arena and play the next afternoon at USC’s Galen Center. On Feb. 9, they will be at the Saddleback Gym in Mission Viejo. They return Feb. 14 for two games at the Honda Center followed by a pair of games at Staples Center Feb. 15 before wrapping up their visit back at Honda Center Feb. 16.

For time and ticket information visit www.harlemglobetrotters.com.

Rethinking Pizza for Children’s Health

Published February 1, 2015

By Christina Elston

Pizza and Children's Health Move over sugary drinks, there is a new enemy in the war against childhood obesity. Pizza.

Pizza is the second-largest contributor of calories to the diets of U.S. kids ages 2-19, according to a study in the February issue of Pediatrics, and study authors recommend making it a target in obesity-prevention and children’s health counseling. Here are some findings based on dietary information from more than 12,000 kids across the U.S.:

On days when they eat pizza, children take in an extra 84 calories, and adolescents take in an extra 230 calories. Kids eating pizza also consume more saturated fat and sodium than they otherwise would.
Pizza from fast-food restaurants had the biggest negative impact on kids’ “energy intake” (excess calories), and pizza eaten as a snack had more impact than pizza eaten as a meal did.
Pizza eaten in school cafeterias did not significantly add to kids’ total intake of calories, possibly because it isn’t nutritionally different from other school entrees.

Study data came from the National Health and Nutrition Examination Survey.

A Course In Stepmothering

Published January 31, 2015

By Rina Baraz Nehdar

Stepmothering parenting When I became a stepmom eight years ago, there were few resources to guide me over the rough spots in my new life. I read the only thin book I could find on the subject of parenting step children, and its bottom line was: “It’s the hardest job you’ll ever have and no one will ever thank you for it.”

Before step-motherhood, I thought I was a kind and thoughtful person. But based on my troubled relationships with my stepson, my in-laws and – as a result – my husband, I soon began to think there must be something inherently wrong with me. I imagined that someone else with a different background, a different disposition, or even a different hairstyle would have handled things better.

Recently I took Kathy Hammond’s course, How to be a Stepmom: 51 Ways To Save Your Marriage, Your Shirt and Your Sanity, online at Udemy.com and realized that even Mary Poppins wouldn’t have been up to the tough job of stepmothering without at some point thinking she was losing her mind.

Hammond is a business development executive and lifestyle coach living in Yorba Linda, and has mothered two stepsons for 23 years. Her course includes advice on money, legal issues, discipline, extended family and relationships. This is one woman’s experience, but I felt it addressed the most common situations a new stepmother will face.

The first lecture alleviated the guilt that had haunted me from the beginning of my marriage. Hammond said: “You can’t fix a hurt you didn’t cause.”

I went into my relationship with my husband, who was a widower, and his son, trying to soften the pain they had experienced with the untimely death of my husband’s first wife. I was never able to do that, and I wish now that someone had told me it would have been impossible for that to happen.

I wish I had had the benefit of her insight eight years ago. It would have saved a lot of energy and heartache. This 90-minute course was definitely worth the $9 price of admission.

Check out the course yourself at www.udemy.com.

Millennial Parents Explores Modern Parenting, One Click at a Time

Published January 30, 2015

By Mike Rothschild

Laura Eichhorn and Lea Coco, at left, star in the web series Millennial Parents, created by Natalie Irby and Jake Greene. PHOTO BY NICK ROSEN

When L.A.-based writer Jake Greene became a father in 2011, he was faced with the challenge of being a present parent while staying current in popular culture. His realization that previous generations had given no thought to this impossible task became the impetus for his web series Millennial Parents, co-created with writer Natalie Irby. The series, now in its second season, is steadily growing in viewership and exposure.

The two-minute episodes follow the adventures of new parents Kurt and Annie, played by actors Lea Coco and Laura Eichhorn. The stories usually revolve around their flailing attempts to stay ahead of a culture that has no time for sleep-deprived new parents.

Social media sharing, the inability of new parents to keep up with the news, and listening to new music that’s entirely inappropriate for children are among the conflicts that arise and baffle Kurt and Annie. “Most of the material is inspired by, though not always directly based on, something that happened in my life,” Greene says. “The fun part is raising the stakes and then trying to imagine how Kurt and Annie would handle similar situations, because they are a lot more dynamic than I am.”

What makes Kurt and Annie’s generation’s parenting different from that of previous parents? The biggest difference, according to Greene, is technology. Specifically, the sharing (or oversharing) that social media allows. Greene refers to this as “family branding.”

“Social media has given other people greater visibility into your life,” Greene says. “Today, not only do people judge everything you and your spouse and children post on Facebook and Instagram, but they also judge you based on what other people post about you and your family.”

In the end, the series tries to find the balance between the stress of being a new parent and the fun. As Greene puts it, “being a Millennial parent is really overwhelming. It’s really important to admit when you are being ridiculous and laugh in the moment.”

The archive of Millennial Parents episodes can be found at millennialparents.com or on their YouTube channel.

Children’s Hospital Los Angeles Studying Tummy Troubles and Autism

Published January 29, 2015

By Christina Elston

Researchers from Children’s Hospital Los Angeles are conducting a study to see whether treating GI issues in kids with autism improves their behavior.

Research has shown that children on the autism spectrum experience more, and more severe, stomach problems such as constipation and bloating than other children their age do. If your child is one of them, you might be interested in a study being conducted by the special needs researchers at the Boone Fetter Clinic at Children’s Hospital Los Angeles.

Because the discomfort from these gastrointestinal issues can make school and social interactions more difficult for kids, experts at CHLA are interested in finding out whether treating those issues can help kids on the spectrum become more social. The research team is looking for 120 children on the autism spectrum who also experience GI issues to volunteer to participate in the research.

The hospital says that study participants will receive the highest standard of care to treat their constipation, and regular checkups to look at behavioral changes over the course of a year.

The study will be led by neurobiologist Pat Levitt, Ph.D., an international expert in neurodevelopmental disorders, and is funded by Autism Speaks. Levitt’s goal is to set guidelines so that doctors can more effectively treat GI issues and autism symptoms. There is also a possibility that effectively treating constipation in children with autism could reduce the need for behavioral medications.

Parents interested in learning more about the study should contact the research team at tummytroubles@chla.usc.edu.

Baking Tips From L.A. Cookie Con

Published January 27, 2015

By Christina Elston

Stuffed Cookies founder Jennifer Malouf, center, prefers her butter browned. PHOTO BY CHRISTINA ELSTON

If you weren’t among the thousands of people who surged through the Pasadena Convention Center Jan. 25 for the debut of the L.A. Cookie Con & Sweets Show, you haven’t entirely missed out. True, you won’t get to indulge in the hundreds of samples doled out by the dozens and dozens of exhibitors, but we did gather some baking tips to help you stir up something sweet at home. If you’re looking for fun ideas for kids, you can’t do better than baking!

About Butter

Unless you happen to be vegan, who could imagine baking without butter? How you treat your butter is important, and depends on what you’re baking. If it’s cookies, “everything tastes better when you brown the butter,” says Jennifer Malouf, founder of Stuffed Cookies (www.stuffed-cookies.com), an L.A.-based online shop specializing in traditional cookies stuffed with gooey fillings.

Kelly Mathews of Pop Up Pastries says that for pastry baking, you need to keep everything really cold. PHOTO BY CHRISTINA ELSTON

It’s a different story if you’re making pastry. “Keep everything really, really cold,” in that case, advises Kelly Mathews, founder of Pop Up Pastries (www.popuppastires.com), which makes appearances at markets, coffee shops and cafes all over town. Jam for the inside of these homemade pop tarts is made with fruit from the Santa Monica Farmer’s Market.

A Lovely Crust

To make sure your pastry looks as lovely as it tastes, Sarah Stephens, owner of Brady Cakes bakery in Corona (www.bradycakes.com), has this handy tip. “Put an egg wash on top of your pastry so that it will brow properly,” she advises.

Sarah Stephens, left, owner of Brady Cakes bakery, adds sour cream and pudding mix to her cake recipes. PHOTO BY CHRISTINA ELSTON

Secret Ingredients

Daisy, who teaches classes at Bakers Bodega (www.bakersbodega.com), a cake-decorating supply shop in Pico Rivera, offers a trick that she says makes her cakes extra rich. “I always add a cup of sour cream and instant pudding powder,” she says.

Weights and Measures

As you’re measuring out your ingredients (secret or otherwise), try weighing them on a kitchen scale rather than using a measuring cup. Your measurements will be more exact, which means your baked goods will turn out the same way every time. “When I discovered this tip, it changed my life,” says Crystal Nicole Jones, owner of Cream by Crystal (www.creambycrystal.com), which delivers “cream style” and “cheesecake style” cupcakes throughout L.A. County. Jones is winner of “Cupcake Wars,” season 9.

Cupcake Wars winner Crystal Nicole Jones recommends a kitchen scale to make your baking more consistent. PHOTO BY CHRISTINA ELSTON

Don’t Forget the Salt

There’s one ingredient many bakers don’t think of. “Salt is an incredibly important part of sweet baking,” says Jeff Appelbaum, founder of an online cooking school called, appropriately, Salted (www.saltedtv.com). Appelbaum also suggests that bakers keep plenty of extra spoons on hand so they can sample flavors every step of the way. “Taste your food,” he says. “I think it’s something that doesn’t happen nearly enough.”

We hope these tips will inspire you to head into the kitchen, fire up the oven and bake something that tastes like love.

Christina Elston is Editor of L.A. Parent, and a fanatical baker.

Choosing Musical Instruments For Children With Special Needs

Published January 27, 2015

By Sharlene Habermeyer, MA

Sharlene Habermeyer’s son Brandon overcame many challenges with the help of music.

Children experiencing special needs such as physical, emotional or intellectual challenges respond to music and can play music, but one important question remains. What instruments are best for these children and why? A few years ago, I read an article in Music Educators Journal discussing this very topic and giving suggestions. Here is a brief synopsis of that article and which instruments they suggest for children with specific physical and learning challenges, as well as which instruments might be more difficult for them to play.

Physical Disabilities

Strings: The violin, viola, cello, and bass are all good for children with physical challenges and are particularly well suited for children where breathing is difficult, such as with cystic fibrosis.
Woodwinds: The bass clarinet and the saxophone work well for children with various physical disabilities because the neck strap and bass clarinet pin help support the instrument.
Brass: The French horn is a great instrument because the child can partially support the instrument on one leg.
Percussion: These instruments are particularly good for children with cystic fibrosis, nasal irregularities or severe asthma.

Deaf or Hard of Hearing

Strings: The violin or viola work well because the child can feel the vibrations of the instrument through the jawbone.
Woodwinds: Clarinet and saxophone are also great instruments because children can feel the vibrations through their teeth on top of the mouthpiece.
Brass: These instruments are difficult for children who are deaf or hard of hearing because they cannot hear the right overtones.
Percussion: Bass drum is a great instrument for children with hearing impairments. They can feel the vibrations by standing on a wooden floor with shoes removed or playing with their left hand on the drum head. They can also lean against the drum and feel vibrations while watching the director.

Gross Motor Skill Impairments

Strings: The cello or bass is a good choice for children having difficulty with gross motor skills because there is room to maneuver uncoordinated fingers.
Brass: The trombone is a good instrument because children can coordinate the slide on the trombone more easily than valves (such as on wind instruments) and only two working fingers are required.
Percussion: Mallet percussion instruments can be challenging for children with gross motor disabilities. They require shifting back and forth between diatonic and chromatic bars and playing all bars in the center, which can cause frustration.

Fine Motor Skills Impairments

Woodwinds: These instruments are difficult for children with fine motor control problems.

Speech Impairments

Woodwinds: These instruments may be difficult for children with speech problems because they may have difficulty coordinating their tongue.

Learning or Cognitive Impairments

Brass: The brass family of instruments is a good choice for children with learning difficulties because the player does not use as many fingers as when playing wind instruments.
Percussion: Mallets can be difficult for children with visual tracking problems (visual motor) because they need to see the music and look for the correct bar to strike. It is hard for them to read, then look, then hit, then read, and so on. A child with processing delays will have difficulty playing the drums in good time.

Attention Deficit Disorder (ADHD/ADD)

Strings: The string bass is a good choice for children with ADHD/ADD because the child can stand while playing and it allows him or her to move, which helps with his or her ability to focus.
Woodwinds: The saxophone is a good choice because it allows the child to stand up as much as possible.
Percussion: Mallet instruments allow students with ADHD/ADD some freedom to stand and move.

Good Music Brighter Children Despite challenges, children with various disabilities can and do learn to play musical instruments and can be involved in school music programs. Music teacher Stephen Zdzinski, in his article “Instrumental Music for Special Learners,” states, “Instrumental music teachers can successfully teach learners with a variety of disabilities to play band and orchestral instruments by making minor modifications to traditional instrumental teaching techniques and by employing techniques used primarily in special education.”

Sharlene Habermeyer, MA, has spent more than 25 years researching the impact of music on the brain development of young children. She is the mother of five, and her third son, Brandon, struggled with speech and language delays, auditory processing, visual motor, visual perception, sensory motor and attention deficit disorder. The above is excerpted with permission from her book “Good Music Brighter Children, which she re-published in 2014. Visit her online at www.goodmusicbrighterchildren.com.

Parenting Essay: Grocery Shopping with Kids in Tow

Published January 24, 2015

By Carolyn Richardson

Parenting Essay: Groceries I know what you’re thinking. There’s no such thing as grocery shopping with one baby, let alone three. But I have my parenting ways. That is because I ask for help.

A few appointments ran long while the kids were at daycare, so there I was at Albertsons in Reseda after picking up my 6-month-old twins and my very active 3-year-old. I walked into the store, and before I could even get to the first aisle I realized there was no way I could do this on my own.

The Ask

So, I went to the front desk and asked if a bagger could push the cart for me and walk around the store to get things off the shelf. I was sure this was not going to go over smoothly, or that I’d have to wait a long time as the store seemed busy, but, voila, here comes Tariq, a minute later, ready to take me on my grand grocery shopping tour.

Doing My Part

I had a list and he knew where everything was, so I was able to push the kids in my mega-stroller (the Baby Trend Navigator Double Jogger, that is) and just tell him what was next to get. While some outstretched arms and screams did come from the 3-year-old in the ice cream aisle, there was little fuss during our trip and I got to the register in about 35 minutes. This, my friends, was a personal best even without the kids, and I was truly floored by how much of a blessing Tariq and his pushing my grocery cart, picking things off the shelf and helping me to the car was for my schedule and my psyche. What would happen if I could make a grocery-shopping appointment?!

Come On Grocery Stores!

It seems like a no-brainer that a grocery store would offer this kind of help, especially to a mom toting three kids. But far too often we don’t really think we can ask for VIP service for grocery shopping, and grocery stores don’t usually aim to make customers feel special. I do think it’s kind of crazy, though, that they have people available to help you to your car, but not in the store. This has to change. We are the feeders of families, loyal as all get-out and craving some extra time and energy. Grocery shopping can take an hour or more even if you’re alone. You deserve this kind of help.

So, go ahead. Ask your local grocer for your own personal bagger/cart-pusher/shelf-picker, with or without the kids. If they say no, go to another store. Anywhere you spend hundreds of dollars a month should offer you VIP treatment. Seriously.

FYI, I got the same treatment (after asking for it) at Ralphs in Encino, and have called in advance to Whole Foods and Sprouts, Tarzana and Chatsworth respectively, to have them bag and/or cart certain items for me prior to my arrival. Lastly, after begging a Target team member to take some formula to Guest Services for me, I had a manager bring it out to my car – twice. Call me crazy, but I needed the help!

What about you? What could make grocery shopping easier for you and your family?

Carolyn Richardson is an L.A. Parent contributor and mom of three who writes the Family Valet blog. Visit her online at www.familyvalet.blogspot.com.

A Sweet Way To Spend a Day

Published January 23, 2015

By Michael Berick

Bake something great at Cookie Con.

Are you a chocoholic? Is baking one of your favorite fun ideas for kids? Ever wonder how to make a great ganache? If you answered yes to any of these questions, the L.A. Cookie Con and Sweets Show is for you. Even if you only dream about desserts, you’ll find things to enjoy at the West Coast’s biggest baking and pastry convention.

There will be decorating and baking classes, demos and workshops for all skill levels, plus edible crafts including candy-apple making and edible nail polish mini-manicures. For those with dietary restrictions, there will be allergen-friendly exhibitors and vegan and gluten-free offerings. The expo also features celebrity meet-and-greets and baking contests.

What makes this event, where L.A. Parent will host a free face painting area, even sweeter is that a portion of the proceeds will benefit Children’s Hospital Los Angeles.

10 a.m.-5 p.m. Jan. 25, Pasadena Convention Center, 300 E. Green St., Pasadena; www.lacookiecon.com. $21; free for ages 12 and younger (tickets must be purchased in advance).

10 Quick Healthy Tips for Busy Moms

Published January 22, 2015

By Angeline Ong, M.D.

Dr. Angeline Ong-Su, Family Medicine, Panorama City Medical Center and husband Dr. John Su, Sports Medicine/Family Medicine, LAMC along with 4 year old twins Isabella and Matthew.

It may be difficult for moms to set aside time for themselves. They are often more focused on their children’s health, and the thought of sticking to New Year’s Resolutions may add to stress rather than alleviate it. However, eating well and exercising benefits moms and everyone in the family.

As a physician practicing at Kaiser Permanente in Panorama City and a working mom to active preschool twins, I know just how important it is for moms to take care of themselves. Here are quick tips anyone (especially moms) can follow to keep health top-of-mind.

10 Easy Tips Mom Can Follow to Stay Healthy

Get some “me” time. Take a moment for yourself every day to rest and recharge your batteries. This can be by meditating, reading a book, painting or any activity that allows you to de-stress.
Break up your workout. Moms are busy and it might be hard to fit in a long workout all at once, so start with 15 minutes at the start of your day, 15 minutes at lunch, and 15 minutes when you get home.
Experiment with replacing fruits and veggies in your favorite recipes. Some use shredded cauliflower in place of rice, or throw it in a blender with broth as a replacement for mashed potatoes. I add fruit to salads. Try tossing a handful of spinach in your family’s smoothies. (Your kids will never know it’s there!)
Say no to refined carbs. Focus on eating lean protein and healthy fats instead of sugar and processed food when you need a snack.
Re-think what you drink. Instead of coffee with sugar, syrup and whipped cream, try green tea. If you prefer flavor in your water, try lemon or a fruit infuser. Liquid calories add up.
Make a healthy plate with your children. Cook a meal with your family that includes a healthy plate with half vegetables, one quarter lean protein, and one quarter whole grains. This is a great way to teach your kids about portions.
Track your progress for success. Those who track their progress and keep a food diary using tools such as MyFitnessPal are more successful than those who don’t track their calorie intake and fitness progress. Be sure to celebrate your wins in healthy ways. (Buying a new gym accessory is a great way to celebrate.)
Kick it up a notch. High-intensity interval training is a super-fast and very effective way to work out, not to mention a great way to torch calories. Try taking a brisk walk or run with your kids, pet or spouse.
Make fitness a family affair. Exercise can be a great time to bond with your family and cultivate healthy habits early. Start with walking. I host a weekly “Walk with a Doc” program that meets every Wednesday at the Kaiser Permanente Panorama City Medical Center.
Strive for balance. Try to wake up and go to sleep at the same time every day. This will help keep your body regulated and reduces stress. Aim for 7-8 hours of sleep per night.

And most importantly, make healthy living a part of your everyday life. Use the New Year as inspiration to refocus on your health.

You can find more healthy tips, recipes and information at foodforhealth.kaiserpermanente.org.

Brain Training Technique Holds Promise For Kids With Special Needs

Published January 20, 2015

By Christina Elston

Researchers Christine Gall and Gary Lynch found that fragile X model mice trained in three short, repetitious episodes spaced one hour apart performed as well on memory tests as normal mice. PHOTO BY CHRIS NUGENT/UC IRVINE

Using three short learning sessions with hour-long breaks in between could help children with fragile X syndrome remember material as well as typically developing children, according to neurobiologists from UC Irvine. A genetic condition, fragile X causes intellectual and developmental disabilities, and is associated with autism. People with fragile X typically struggle learning new skills and information.

Working with mice bred to display characteristics of fragile X, Christine Gall, Ph.D.; Gary Lynch, Ph.D., and colleagues found that when these mice were trained using multiple short sessions, they performed as well on memory tests as normal mice did. When trained in a single prolonged session, the fragile X mice performed poorly.

Researchers tried varying the number of training sessions and the length of the breaks between sessions, but this combination of three sessions one hour apart “seemed to be almost magic,” says Gall.

Gall says she believes this training method could help humans with fragile X and individuals with other types of special needs, and has a federal grant to study the technique in mice bred to have Down syndrome and other forms of autism. She and Lynch also plan to partner with the university’s Center for Autism Research & Translation to study the technique in children with fragile X.

Meanwhile, Gall sees no reason that parents shouldn’t experiment with the technique at home, as there is no way it could cause any harm. Taking an hour break between short study sessions, she explains, gives the brain a chance to take information “off the desktop” and file it away for later use. “The hard thing is for someone to try and cram,” she says. “Even in a mouse, they have burnout.”

Cedars-Sinai Employs New Technology to Help Preemies Gain Weight, Sleep Better

Published January 17, 2015

By Whitney Levine

Ellen Mack, RNC, neonatal clinical nurse specialist, shows off the Pea Pod, used to measure babies’ body composition. PHOTO COURTESY CEDARS-SINAI

Cedars-Sinai is using new devices to personalize the nutritional supplements of the smallest babies in the hospital’s neonatal intensive care unit, part of the Maxine Dunitz Children’s Health Center. Doctors have begun using a device known as the Pea Pod to measure the body composition of these infants, improving the children’s health. Resembling a mini MRI machine, the Pea Pod uses air displacement to calculate the percentage of each infant’s weight that is fat and the percentage that is lean body mass. Infants are placed inside the heated machine for approximately three minutes.

Ellen Mack, RNC, holds the Lifenest mattress. “We are interested in these mnattresses because with the lower surface tension we expect less risk of head flattening and less risk for pressure sores,” she says.

“The Pea Pod is important in helping the NICU team facilitate a healthy weight gain in the smallest infants by calculating the amount of lean mass and body fat in the infant on a daily or weekly basis,” says Charles Simmons, MD, chair of the Department of Pediatrics and director of the Division of Neonatology. There are only seven Pea Pods in use throughout the world.

Cedars-Sinai is also continuing a study of breast milk composition, using a biochemical device to analyze the percentages of fat, protein and carbohydrate in the milk. Improvements in nutrition should also lead to better neurological outcomes and shorter hospital stays for babies in the NICU.

In addition to improving nutrition, Cedars-Sinai has also begun using specially designed mattresses to help improve sleep patterns and head shape in premature babies. The mattress, known as Lifenest, has netting in the center that is intended to reduce pressure on different areas of a baby’s body, including the head. This could reduce babies’ risk of plagiocephaly, commonly known as flat head, which has become much more common since the 1990s, when experts began recommending that babies be placed on their backs to sleep to reduce the risk of sudden infant death syndrome.

“Together, these new technologies are helping us reduce the babies’ stay in the NICU,” says Simmons, “and sending them home to their families, where they belong.”

Learn more about Cedars-Sinai at www.cedars-sinai.edu.

Free Fun Ideas For Kids: National Parks Day

Published January 15, 2015

By Michael Berick

The National Park Service gives families a gift with fee-free days. PHOTO COURTESY THE NATIONAL PARK SERVICE

The National Park Service is offering you a deal that is hard to refuse if you’re looking for fun ideas for kids – free admission. On nine special days, the NPS will waive its entrance fee.

All are holidays, including Jan. 19 (Martin Luther King Jr. Day), Feb. 14-16 (Presidents Day Weekend), April 18-19 (National Park Week’s opening weekend), Aug. 25 (NPS’s 99^th birthday), Sept. 26 (National Public Lands Day) and Nov. 11 (Veterans Day).

Participating parks in California include Death Valley National Park, Sequoia National Park, Yosemite National Park and Joshua Tree National Park. It might take a little driving to reach them, but the natural splendor that they offer is well worth the trip.

It is also worth noting that while there won’t be admission fees on these days, there will be amenity and user fees for things such as boat launches, camping and special tours. For more information, visit www.nps.gov/findapark/feefreeparks.htm.

Colds vs. Flu: Fever Makes a Difference for Children’s Health

Published January 13, 2015

Cold and flu season is upon us, and that means it’s time to invest in a good thermometer to help protect your children’s health. That’s the advice of pediatrician Tanya Altmann, M.D., Assistant Clinical Professor at Mattel Children’s Hospital UCLA.

Tracking fever can help you tell whether your child has a cold (more common) or the flu (potentially more serious). Colds typically involve mainly what Altmann calls “head symptoms” such as stuffy or runny nose, cough and mild fever. Kids with flu, on the other hand, are just much sicker. “With the flu, you’re definitely going to have a high fever and a cough,” Altmann says, but also pretty severe body aches. As of Jan. 9, the L.A. County Department of Public health was reporting steadily increasing flu activity, and seven total deaths for the season.

Your thermometer (Altmann is a fan of a no-touch forehead thermometer made by Braun) will also tell you when your child is most contagious. “If they have a fever, you really want to stay at home,” Altmann says. Except for a visit to the pediatrician. Go within 48 hours of the onset of fever, and your doctor can prescribe a medication called Tamiflu, which could mean milder symptoms and a shorter illness.

Also be on the lookout for fever that goes away for a few days, but then returns. This could be a sign of a secondary infection, such as pneumonia, which could be life-threatening.

Altmann says there could be quite a bit of flu around this year, because the H3N2 flu strain mutated and this year’s injectable flu vaccine isn’t a good match. But she stresses that the vaccine is still worth getting. “The kids that I’m seeing who get the flu after getting the flu vaccine aren’t getting as sick,” Altmann says.

Another disappointment with this year’s vaccine is that the flu mist version isn’t protecting as well against H1N1, a strain that caused a well-publicized pandemic in 2009. However, Altmann says doctors aren’t seeing much H1N1 this season.

There’s still time to get the shot or the mist (Altmann says either is fine), as the flu could be with us until March. Learn more about flu.

From Parenting to Entrepreneur: Not Such a Stretch!

Published January 12, 2015

Judy Santos, second from right, leads a workshop for aspiring entrepreneurs.

Today, you formulated a carpool plan, found a math tutor and baked two dozen muffins for the classroom party, and it’s not even 8 a.m. yet! Without realizing it, you are behaving like an entrepreneur.

Parenting means creating something where nothing before existed. It means learning routines, when to delegate, when to give ourselves time outs, when to let go and how to be more flexible. Let’s delve into seven success strategies that can work for both entrepreneurs and parents. Maybe you’re already using some of these effectively:

Manage your time efficiently.

Once you’ve taken on the title of parent or business owner, time becomes much more important than money. If the day isn’t structured to maximize full potential, then chaos can break loose. Becoming a parent/entrepreneur, we learn quickly how to schedule our day so that every minute is productive, which can sometimes mean making a choice between playing “Words with Friends” or making dinner for the family or that cold sales call. Entrepreneurs and parents realize that routines are important and will lead to fewer tantrums and more success.

Know when to seek an outside consultant.

I didn’t receive an operating manual when I became a parent, did you? Luckily, there are many parents out there who are happy to share their expertise via their blogs, books or magazine articles. Some of the advice may apply to your family, and some won’t. Sometimes we need to employ tutors or guidance counselors to help us through the tough times. The same is true if you’re an entrepreneur. You can read all the books, magazines, blogs and inspirational quotes, but you’ve got to determine when it’s time to seek the guidance of an outside consultant. Just as in parenting, that consultant can look at your challenge with fresh eyes and give you suggestions that will make you, your family or your business stronger and help you continue to thrive.

Maximize scarce resources.

We’ve all heard the term “bootstrapping.” What does that actually mean? When I was a new parent on an outing with my newborn, I once had to fashion a diaper out of a scarf and a plastic bag so I could make it home with minimal impact on my child’s car seat. I didn’t know it at the time, but I was bootstrapping, which means to get oneself into or out of a situation using existing resources. As parents and entrepreneurs, we do this every day without realizing it. We come up against challenges and situations that need our savvy intuition and sometimes just dumb luck to get us out. (Thank goodness I had a scarf with me that day!)

Refine the art of flexibility.

We might be the boss of our company or the head of the household, but as parents and entrepreneurs, we learned the art of flexibility the hard way. Once you’ve been put on the spot by your toddler or your best customer, you know that the only way to stay on top is by being flexible, ceding some ground, and doing a lot of smiling and maybe some coddling. Yoga definitely can help with physical flexibility, but it’s mental yoga that you need as a parent/entrepreneur.

Give yourself a time out.

Prior to becoming a parent/entrepreneur, we had lots of time for time out. Weekends were spent leisurely with dinners, movies or hanging out with friends. Evenings after work were a chance to catch up with our significant other. However, once you become a parent/entrepreneur, those “time outs” disappear quickly. We learn how important down time actually is! Parental time outs are crucial to our well being. We all need a chance to reconnect and regroup, and return to the family ready and refreshed. Entrepreneurs need to be diligent about scheduling schedule time outs. Without them, entrepreneurs burn out, creativity and innovation get muddled and energy to bring to the business can disappear. Time outs can include one day with no email, longer walks during workdays or a real lunch hour where you’re not eating at your desk!

Make learning a daily activity.

Once you’ve embarked down the parent/entrepreneur road, you’ll find that staying open to learning opportunities becomes natural. Staying curious, seeking new ways to accomplish tasks and seeing how technology can assist rather than hinder are all par for the course right now.

Let it go!

Yes, that was a great song from the movie Frozen, but it works in parenting and in business. Sometimes, giving up control is the best thing you can do. See where things are going, make sure everyone is safe, and just let it go and breathe. Everything will work out spectacularly in the end.

Judy Santos is an entrepreneur and the founder of OfficeSlice, the first co-working space in the San Fernando Valley. The mother of two teenagers, she is also a business coach and creator of the Business Builder Program, which helps business owners and entrepreneurs simultaneously build a business and a life they love.

LA Education Advocate Jeannie Kamm: Taking Back Her Neighborhood School

Published January 10, 2015

By Elena Epstein

LAUSD board member Steve Zimmer, left, teacher Jennifer Taylor, Jeannie Kamm, parent volunteer Miki chase and Lanai Principal Erick Hansen at the ceremony honoring Lanai Road Elementary school as a National Blue Ribbon School.

When Jeannie Kamm and her husband, Jason, bought their house in Encino two decades ago, they assumed they would send their kids to the local public school. But the young couple soon learned that Lanai Road Elementary was barely keeping its doors open due to low enrollment. The school, part of the Los Angeles Unified School District, looked neglected, with overgrown weeds and no enrichment programs. Kamm was determined to give her boys, a toddler and an infant at the time, the type of neighborhood school she grew up with. She started rallying the local parents and brought together a handful of dedicated moms interested in LA education to create Friends of Lanai, a grassroots organization credited with bringing neighborhood kids back to the school, which was honored with a National Blue Ribbon Award in 2014. Today, Kamm is the district’s deputy of school and community affairs.

Tell us about those early days of bringing attention to the plight of Lanai Road.

I started by calling my neighbor across the street and then started contacting as many neighbors as we could. We went to PTA meetings, neighborhood council meetings, homeowner association meetings and Board of Education meetings. We did a lot of cold calling and created a database of names of neighborhood families who were interested in sending their kids to Lanai. Within a couple of months, we had 1,000 names.

What inspired you to take on mobilizing parents and challenging the demise of local public schools?

I was sitting in my kitchen, holding my baby, and I started reading a newspaper article on a group of moms who successfully brought back their neighborhood school. It was the Beverlywood moms. They inspired me. I learned so much from them.

Were you involved in community activism prior to Lanai?

No. Before I had kids, I was an accountant working for a CPA firm. I took this on not knowing where it would take me. I didn’t have any experience, but I was very passionate about creating a sense of community for my kids. I also grew up in a family where giving back to the community was very important. That’s the root of my passion.

What type of community events did you organize to share your vision for Lanai?

We wanted to create a buzz. Our first event was “A Day at the Park,” and we brought in a face painter and a bouncy house and invited the families in our database to join us. The only thing we charged for was the magic show. We raised $1,200 that day, and we used that money to buy art supplies to start an art program at the school. We then hosted wine-and-cheese events in neighborhood homes. It was an informal gathering and a great way to capture the parents with newborns and preschoolers. We walked the neighborhood, gave school tours and contacted local businesses asking for their support.

You have come full circle as a mom activist and are now working as a community liaison between families and school-board members. What perspective have you gained?

On a personal level, this has been a huge transformation for me. It has given me the confidence and courage to guide my own life. I used to be so nervous when talking in front of people. I never imagined that I would take on a leadership role like this. But when you follow your gut, the rest will figure itself out.

Watch for our feature article on the evolution of Lanai Road Elementary and advice from the moms who made it happen in our LA Education Guide, coming in February.

8-Year-Old Raises $1 Million for Best Friend’s Rare Disease

Published January 7, 2015

By Whitney Levine

Proceeds From Book Will Benefit Children’s Health By Combating GSD

Author Dylan Siegel holds his book, “Chocolate Bar.”

Los Angeles 8-year-old Dylan Siegal is self-published author of the children’s book “Chocolate Bar.” He wrote and illustrated a vibrant and thoughtful picture book as part of a children’s health campaign to help raise money to find a cure for Glycogen Storage Disease, a rare liver disease that Jonah, his best friend, suffers from. Children born with this illness lack the liver enzyme that turns glycogen into glucose. It can cause their blood sugar to drop dangerously low, resulting in severe hypoglycemia, seizures, and even death.

The campaign started two years ago and since then has reached its goal, officially passing the $1 million mark. Nearly 25,000 copies of “Chocolate Bar” have been sold, with purchases from all 50 states and more than 60 countries. All proceeds are donated to the University of Florida where Jonah’s doctor, David Weinstein, M.D., is director of the Glycogen Storage Disease Program.

“I am so happy that we finally reached my million dollar goal,” says Siegel, who vows to continue to raise money for his friend until his disease is “cured forever.”

Elementary schools nationwide have helped raise donations, including Dylan and Jonah’s own, Wise School in Los Angeles. The funds raised have helped finance the hiring of a new geneticist, paid for studies resulting in new gene therapy treatments and kept the University of Florida GSD research facility open and on track for clinical trials that could one day yield a cure.

For more information or to purchase “Chocolate Bar,” visit www.chocolatebarbook.com.

For more Community News, click here.

Where to Get Children’s Health Care

Published January 6, 2015

By Christina Elston

There are excellent healthcare options for your family in Southern California. Here’s how to access them.

Minute Clinics, found in many CVS pharmacy locations, offer families quick and convenient access to vaccinations, school sports physicals and care for minor health issues. PHOTO COURTESY MINUTE CLINIC

One day in November, a mom and dad brought their 13-year-old son to the Exer urgent-care clinic in Calabasas. They thought he had the stomach flu – just something a doctor should see. They were wrong about the flu, but right to seek medical care. The doctors examined the boy, took blood tests, and determined that he had a serious gastrointestinal problem. They arranged for him to go to Mattel Children’s Hospital UCLA that same day, and doctors performed a CT scan and found he had an infected colon.

As an L.A. parent, you have options in caring for your children’s health – and your choices matter. Not all will be life-and-death, but all can make a difference in the quality of care your child receives and the experience you have.

Pharmacy Clinics

If your child needs care for something minor, a pharmacy clinic might be a good option. “What we do best is the ear infections, the sore throats, the rashes,” says pediatric nurse practitioner Debbie Palaski, who is State Practice Manager of CVS Minute Clinic in Burbank and the mom of three boys. The clinics also administer vaccines, including flu shots.

Minute Clinics don’t take X-rays or see patients under the age of 18 months, and the nurse practitioners who staff them can’t suture a cut or treat head injuries. They can, however, assess your child and refer you to a hospital – with a report about your child’s condition to take with you.

Exer urgent-care centers are staffed with emergency-certified doctors who can treat patients on-site or stabilize them for transfer to a hospital. PHOTO COURTESY EXER

The clinics can also send a record of your child’s visit on to your pediatrician. “We truly don’t believe we work in a bubble,” says Palaski. “For parents who rely on their pediatricians, that’s a relationship that Minute Clinic really needs and wants to maintain.”

In the L.A. area, Minute Clinics also have a relationship with UCLA, which provides doctors for the clinic’s nurse practitioners to turn to for help and advice. “It’s a wonderful augmentation to what we do,” Palasky says.

If you plan to use Minute Clinic:

Check your insurance network status. The Minute Clinic website (www.CVS.com/minuteclinic) lists the PPO, and HMO and MediCal options they accept, but Palasky suggests that parents check with their insurance company as well.
Check the hours of the clinic.
Try the text option. You can sign in at the clinic and receive a text message when you’ll be seen within 30 minutes.
If you’re visiting for a school-sports physical, have the paperwork filled out ahead of time. It can be quite time-consuming, and they can’t begin the exam until the paperwork is complete.

Palasky says the Minute Clinics have proven to be a real draw for busy parents. Three new Minute Clinics opened in the L.A. area in 2014, with three more scheduled to open in 2015.

Urgent Care

Nurses in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit at Cedars-Sinai use an iPad to give a new mom a look at her infant. PHOTO COURTESY CEDARS-SINAI

When the pediatrician’s office is closed, or when health issues come up on short notice, families often find themselves in urgent-care centers. It’s important to know that staffing at these centers can vary, as can the types of issues they can treat.

Some are staffed completely by nurse practitioners and can handle minor issues you’d walk in to your pediatrician’s office for. Others are staffed by a combination of nurse practitioners and doctors, who might or might not be trained in emergency medicine. Some hospitals – including Children’s Hospital Los Angeles, Cedars-Sinai Medical Center and Mattel Children’s Hospital UCLA – offer urgent care centers connected to the hospital.

“Within the category of urgent care, you can really have some variability,” says Cherlin Johnson, M.D., who founded the Exer chain of urgent-care centers in 2012. Exer has clinics in Beverly Hills, Calabasas and Newbury Park, with a Northridge location set to open early in 2015. All of the doctors on staff are board-certified or board-eligible in emergency medicine, and can stitch up cuts, set broken bones, start IVs and handle all but life-threatening emergencies.

Johnson advises investigating an urgent-care center before you go. Ask what kind of practitioners and what types of facilities are on-site. Can they take X-rays, suture cuts or perform lab tests? Find out when they are open, and ask about holiday hours.

Thought it is a smaller community hospital, Huntington Memorial Hospital can treat many common pediatric issues. PHOTO COURTESY HUNTINGTON MEMORIAL HOSPITAL

Also find out about insurance coverage. Johnson says most urgent-care centers accept some form of insurance, but it can be confusing. Check with the clinic itself, or with your insurance provider, so you don’t have surprises about coverage, co-pays, deductibles or out-of-network costs.

If your child is sick or hurt, Johnson advises against a wait-and-see approach. “If you are worried and thinking about going, go,” she urges. “Once that thought has popped into your mind, you’re not going to feel comfortable until you see a doctor.” Just give a quick call to let the clinic know what you’re coming in for and make sure it’s something they can handle.

And try to go at least an hour before the clinic is scheduled to close. “Don’t try to rush in 20 minutes before a place closes,” says Johnson. If you do, you’re likely to be referred to the nearest emergency room, where the wait time will be longer and the cost higher.

Hospitals and the ER

For some issues, nothing but a hospital will do. If your child is seriously injured, having trouble breathing or having a seizure, call 9-1-1. Otherwise, you can visit a hospital emergency department – including the one at your nearest community hospital.

At Huntington Memorial Hospital in Pasadena, about 30 percent of the patients they see in the emergency department are kids, according to Ernie Maldonado, M.D., who chairs the hospital’s department of pediatrics. The hospital also has a 24-hour pediatric consultation service for the ER, which Maldonado says is rare among community hospitals. At most community hospitals, “you’re not going to find a board-certified pediatrician seeing patients down in the emergency room 24 hours a day,” he says.

Children’s Hospital Los Angeles pediatrician Tamiko Jordan, M.D., examines a pair of little patients. PHOTO COURTESY CHILDREN’S HOSPITAL LOS ANGELES

If a child needs to be admitted to the hospital, Huntington has a level-three Neonatal Intensive Care Unit, a pediatric unit and pediatric intensive care. Kids who need highly specialized care – such as oncology or kidney dialysis – are referred to children’s hospitals. But children’s hospitals also sometimes transfer patients back to Huntington. “Say they need to complete five more days of IV antibiotics. They’ll complete the course here,” Maldonado says. “It’s close to the family. It’s much more convenient for them.”

At Cedars-Sinai in L.A. children are treated in the Maxine Dunitz Children’s Health Center. “We provide the spectrum of services that you would see at any children’s center,” says Arthur Cho, M.D., medical director of the hospital’s Pediatric Inpatient Ward. This includes subspecialty and surgical care, as well as a kidney transplant program treating patients from infancy to adolescence and a congenital heart program. The hospital has a fully staffed ER with pediatrics expertise.

Cho says that size is the major difference between Cedars-Sinai and children’s “hospitals within a hospital” – such as Mattel Children’s Hospital UCLA, which is housed inside Ronald Regan UCLA Medical Center in Westwood. “How a parent decides which center to go to depends on a lot of factors,” he says. “We’re a smaller program. We offer a lot more direct care that offers more time with the families.” Some families, according to Cho, find the size and scope of the larger children’s centers overwhelming. “They all provide outstanding care,” he says. “It’s a matter of preference.”

Whichever hospital you choose, if you’re headed to the emergency room, doctors advise that you:

Call your pediatrician first. She or he won’t likely give medical advice over the phone, but might be able to tell you whether you should take your child to an urgent-care center or proceed directly to the emergency room. Hospitals with urgent-care centers often evaluate patients and send them to either urgent-care or the ER as appropriate.
Call the ER before you go. They might be able to estimate your wait time based on your child’s symptoms.
Talk with the triage doctor or nurse. Once someone has given your child an initial evaluation, that person might be able to tell you whether your child needs to be seen in the ER or can wait for a pediatrician’s appointment the next day.

For kids who need to be admitted to the hospital, one big difference with a freestanding children’s hospital or larger dedicated children’s center can be the scope of specialty care they provide. “If a child is sick enough to need to go to a hospital, it almost always is a better bet to go to a children’s hospital,” says Divya Joshi, M.D., chief medical officer at Miller Children’s & Women’s Hospital in Long Beach. While some routine things can be handled at a smaller community hospital, children’s hospitals, she says, are better at complex health issues.

Miller Children’s is one of only eight free-standing children’s hospitals in California, and provides specialized care for children and young adults with conditions ranging from common to complex.

Another advantage to a larger, dedicated children’s facility is that they see a large number of patients, and so have more experience with rare conditions than a smaller facility might. “We see rare things a lot here, whereas in the community [hospital] they don’t,” says Tamiko Jordan, M.D., a pediatrician with Children’s Hospital Los Angeles and an assistant professor of clinical pediatrics at the USC Keck School of Medicine. “I had a child last year with leukemia who went to many adult ERs and was diagnosed with a variety of things.”

Allison Singhi, Child Life Specialist, blows bubbles with patient Jacob De La Cruz and Amanda Termuhlen, M.D., pediatric hematologist/oncologist, medical director, Jonathan Jaques Children’s Cancer Center at Miller Children’s & Women’s Hospital. PHOTO COURTESY MILLER CHILDREN’S & WOMEN’S HOSPITAL

Another of Jordan’s patients was a teen boy who was having back pain and blood in his urine. At his local ER, he was diagnosed with a kidney infection, given antibiotics and sent home. His mother eventually brought him to CHLA, where doctors discovered that the boy had internal bleeding.

CHLA collaborates with USC Keck School of Medicine on a maternal-fetal health program that helps facilitate complex surgeries – including in-vitro heart surgery. Programs such as this, and the fact that all doctors who practice at CHLA are also on the faculty at Keck, means that although “the knowledge is always changing and the standards of practice are always changing,” CHLA doctors are up-to-date, Jordan says.

Dedicated children’s hospitals are also more likely to offer amenities such as art therapy programs, rooming-in for parents and programs for patients’ siblings. And both Joshi and Jordan say the atmosphere at a children’s hospital is unique. “Every single detail has been geared toward our children,” says Jordan of CHLA, including the brightly decorated carts used to transport food and medical equipment. “Our hospital really takes into account the whole experience of being here.”

And that difference extends to the staff. “Every single person you encounter has to have had training in their area of expertise as it relates to children,” says Miller Children’s Joshi, adding this means that the X-ray technician knows how to talk with a 2-year-old who won’t sit still. “We live and breathe children. This is why we all do what we do.”

Part of what parents do is take care of their kids when they are sick or hurt – but sometimes they need help. Taking a moment to find out about your local clinics, urgent-care centers and hospitals can put you in touch with that help so that you can make sure your child gets the best care, as quickly as possible.

Christina Elston is Editor of L.A. Parent.

Making it Their (Family) Business

Published January 5, 2015

These Moms Balance Work and Family By Creating Companies of Their Own

Rosie Pope juggles her maternity business with being a mom of four. PHOTO BY BENTLEY WATERS

For Rosie Pope, star of Bravo’s “Pregnant in Heels,” and creator and designer of Rosie Pope Maternity, the decision to start her own business was based on a lifestyle goal. “I knew I wanted to be a mom and have lots of kids,” says the London-born entrepreneur and author. “Being my own boss was the only way I knew that I could work full time and be a full-time mom.”

With four kids under the age of 6, boutiques on opposite coasts and numerous speaking engagements, Pope’s days are jam-packed. She begins each morning at 5 a.m. with a run, and by 6 a.m. the mad rush begins with breakfasts to make, lunches to pack and kids to drop off at school, followed by a race to get everything done at the office so she can be back home for dinner, bath time and bedtime stories. She loves to unwind with a quiet conversation with her husband after the kids are in bed, and she is typically back on her laptop before her day ends around midnight.

Pope’s daily juggling act is what most mom entrepreneurs face as they grow their businesses and their families. Motherhood is terrific on-the-job training for entrepreneurship. Business owners, like moms, need to focus on the big picture while taking care of numerous specific, daily tasks. They also need to have a clear plan while staying flexible to adapt to unexpected changes. Running a business, much like parenting, requires creativity, resilience, innovation, determination and a sense of humor. Multitasking is a must.

Kids As Inspiration

There is no single path that leads to entrepreneurship for moms. Some want to break away from the corporate grind, others are following a life-long passion, and many are inspired by motherhood and their kids.

Jennifer Gunn with her kids Emma, Henry and Juliet. PHOTO COURTESY JENNIFER GUNN

For Jennifer Gunn of Altadena, watching her three kids put on plays with friends and impromptu musical performances in the living room led to the idea of a children’s karaoke café. “What kid doesn’t love to sing and dance?” says Gunn. In 2014, she co-founded Chirp Kids Karaoke Cafe in Pasadena with Carole Fleischman, a fellow mom she met at her son’s school. While Gunn handles day-to-day operations, Fleischman takes care of the business side.

Chirp was an idea that had been percolating for a while, but to make it a reality, Gunn and Fleischman embarked on hours of research on the viability of the business, analyzing startup costs, building a client base, finding a location and building it out to match the specifics of their vision.

Ayda Avedisian of Glendale started thinking about her company soon after her twin boys were born 11 years ago. With double the baby gear, Avedisian searched for a stylish, quality belt bag that could handle her essentials and keep her hands free for her twins. “There was nothing out there that was beautiful and functional,” she says. So she designed a bag herself and had a local artisan make it for her using soft Italian leather. Soon moms were stopping her at the grocery store, the park and school, asking her where she bought her belt bag.

Avedisian launched Ayda & Co three years ago, turning out luxury handbags featuring fine Italian leather and her signature red suede linings, all handcrafted by Avedisian’s L.A.-based team of artisans. “The world is my focus group,” says Avedisian, who designs all her bags, including belt bags with built-in wallets that can be worn three different hands-free ways. “I see moms struggling with their purse and running after toddlers all the time.”

Samantha Ettus with her kids Ella, Bown and Ruby. PHOTO BY KATIE BOITEL

While Gunn and Avedisian are at the start-up phase of their businesses, Tami Pardee is managing a burgeoning business she began in 2005 – plus four kids under the age of 12. Pardee, who had worked in the entertainment industry, planned to be a stay-at-home mom when her first daughter was born. She loved being a mom, but also found herself needing a break from the daily routine. Raised by a family of developers, she got her realtor’s license and started working part time, building her client base from her mommy-and-me group.

Pardee Properties, with offices in Venice and Santa Monica, now has 35 agents and employees and did $410 million in sales in 2014. Customer service is the hallmark of the company. “Buying a house is not only a financial decision, it’s an emotional decision,” Pardee says. “Our goal has always been to help our clients, many of them families, avoid some of the common pitfalls of buying a house.”

Pardee credits her success to meticulous planning, organization and staying focused on her goals. On her desk, she keeps a printed copy of her annual goals – a detailed list that includes everything from increasing social media promotion for her business to finding a more conveniently located dance studio for her daughter and taking a girlfriend trip.

Your Version of Balance

Tami Pardee with husband, Michael, and kids Taylor, Bailey, Jack and Tanner. PHOTO BY LOUIS LEAL

Because owning a business is not a 9-to-5 job, mom entrepreneurs have to evaluate their definition of work-life balance.

“Owning your own business is game changer,” says Gunn. “Trying to keep a balance is a daily struggle.”

While being the boss allows moms to set their schedules and pick up kids from school, take client calls at soccer practice and work at night when their kids are in bed, those living the entrepreneurial life caution moms to do a thorough self-analysis to ensure they are equipped for the daily challenges inherit in business ownership.

“Starting a business sounds dreamy, but the reality is that successful businesses are built because the owners worked very hard and often very long hours,” says Samantha Ettus, work-lifestyle expert, author and radio host of “Working Moms Lifestyle.” “It’s important to check in on yourself.”

Ettus suggests that every aspiring mom entrepreneur ask herself the following questions.

Am I:

Self-motivated?
Self-disciplined?
Comfortable working independently?
Good at setting boundaries?
Able to keep going and not lose focus when faced with rejection?

Michelle Patterson with husband, Eric, and son Chase. PHOTO COURTESY MICHELLE PATTERSON

Pope, who began her business sewing custom clothing, advises moms with a business idea to not quit their regular jobs right away. “It takes time, and there will be successes and there will failures,” says Pope, who currently lives in New York, but is in Los Angeles often visiting her Santa Monica Rosie Pope Maternity and Baby boutique.

Michelle Patterson, president and CEO of the Women Network, which organizes the annual California Women’s Conference, was enjoying great success in the corporate world before having kids. Ambitious and focused, she found herself in her office finishing projects and breathing through contractions as she was going into labor with her daughter 16 years ago. “My husband got to the hospital before me,” says Patterson with a laugh.

The mom of two teens is now self-employed as an author, international speaker and consultant, and organizes one of the largest annual gatherings of women in the nation. Her advice is to stay focused on the most important pillars in your life – family, health, career, friends and community.

There will be times when one pillar will get more attention than another, but aim for overall balance over a period of time. Patterson also advises not to lose focus on your most important client – your family. “Make sure you spend quality time together, that when you’re home, you are focused on them and not distracted by work,” she says.

Ditch the Mom Guilt

Ayda Avedisian with sons Jonathan and Anthony. PHOTO BY BIANCA ZAKARIAN

The feeling of “Am I doing it right?” is common for moms, but it wastes emotional energy and creates unnecessary hurdles.

“We simply don’t have time for it,” says Ettus. “You have to have passion for your career and your business. You have to talk about it with pride, so your kids are proud, too. You shouldn’t apologize for working.”

A good way to share the business with the kids is to include them. Pope says she usually travels with at least one child. Patterson has traveled all over the world with her kids. Pardee has created a Friday morning ritual with her 3-year-old twin boys, where the three of them visit one of the city’s many family-friendly attractions. Gunn’s kids are often helping out and playing at Chirp.

Mom entrepreneurs also need to include themselves on their to-do lists. Moms have a tendency to take care of everyone else before themselves, but to stay focused and energized, they need to take time to do something just for their own enjoyment. Go for a walk, read a book, meditate, cook or grab lunch with a friend.

“I’m a yes person,” says Patterson. “I have always had a hard time saying no to projects or commitments, but you have to be the director of your life or others will be pushing their goals and plans on you.”

Being a mom entrepreneur can be an incredible opportunity to create a product or service that is unique and beneficial. Take the challenge knowing that there will be mistakes along the way and people who will tell you it can’t be done. But also take some advice from Avedisian: “Believe in your dream and stay focused on why you wanted to start this business.”

Elena Epstein is Director of Content & Strategic Partnerships at L.A. Parent.

Helping Children Succeed By Allowing Them to Fail

Published January 4, 2015

By Lori Baker-Schena, Ed. D.

PHOTO BY DAVID CASTILLO DOMINICI courtesy FreeStockImages.net.

Nothing is stronger than the parental urge to protect our children. It’s deep in our DNA.

Yet this instinct, taken to the extreme, actually makes our children vulnerable as they grow into adulthood. As a university professor, I had a front-row seat for the coming of age of several young millennials, who often were afraid to step outside their comfort zones. Their fear turned into paralysis and, after college, they simply became stuck … and miserable.

Post-college career and lifestyle choices are not usually on the radar of parents with young children. But they should be, because the successes and failures children experience growing up give them the tools to cope with the real world. When you are over protective in your parenting, you aren’t doing them any good.

If children do not experience failure, they do not learn the coping skills necessary to turn that failure into opportunity. If every player on every team receives a trophy, where is your child’s motivation to excel? If you argue with your child’s elementary school teacher because your son or daughter “unfairly” received a B rather than an A, where is your child’s motivation to work harder?

This parental fear of failure prevents children from achieving authentic success. We are stealing their confidence. We are stealing their futures.

Instead of shielding your children from failure, I encourage you to prepare them for life’s inevitable bumps in the road through these five tips:

Encourage your children. Encouragement is the foundation that fosters success. Encouragement builds self-esteem, confidence and a “can-do” attitude. As your children begin to explore their passions – from dance to drama, basketball to bicycling – avoid negative phrases that might plant doubt in their minds. If your child wants to join a choir, but can’t hold a tune, let him or her figure that out. Your child just might surprise you. If an activity does not pan out, give your child kudos for trying.

Don’t be an enabler. It is easier to do something yourself than to take the time to teach your child a new skill. But if you don’t teach your children to tie their own shoes, complete their own homework, make their own lunches, do their own laundry, cook their own meals or write their own college essays, you are sending them off to adulthood without the skills they need to become responsible, successful grown-ups.

Engender trust. When you don’t allow your children to take risks, you send the subtle message that you don’t trust them. Obviously, you need to protect your children from physical harm. But if you don’t let them learn to ice skate, work at a pizza restaurant or drive a car on the freeway, you are demonstrating your lack of trust that they can accomplish these milestones. Trust breeds confidence.

Empower your children. Give them the chance to fail, and help them learn from their mistakes. It is the greatest gift you can give them. If your child receives a low grade and you think it should be higher, and then take up the matter directly with the teacher, you are not helping your child learn to deal with constructive criticism. Children will be evaluated all of their lives – from school test scores to job reviews. They need the experience of being evaluated and critiqued. By stepping in to “defend” them, you are robbing them of a chance to learn to cope with the real world. Instead of rushing in to rescue them when situations become rough, teach them to speak up on their own behalf.

Model the way. I think it is interesting that so many parents are afraid to try something new. Whether it is moving on from a dead-end job, finding new ways to achieve work-life balance or re-entering the workforce, this fear of failure – and fear of the unknown – keeps us stuck. As you look for ways to empower your child to become a strong, confident adult, I encourage you to look inward and start working on your own confidence level. Model to your children what a confident, strong, satisfied adult looks like. It will set the entire family on a positive course.

Lori Baker-Schena, Ed. D., a Los Angeles native, a mother, step-mother and grandmother. She nurtured and encouraged thousands of college students in her two decades as a journalism professor at Cal State Northridge. She is also the founder and CEO of Baker Schena Communications, a firm that specializes in motivational speaking and leadership consulting. Follow her motivational blog at www.loribakerschena.com.

10-Minute Ways to Put Yourself on Your To-Do List

Published January 3, 2015

By Laura Brady Saade

Where did the day go?

I was busy all day, but I can’t remember what I did.

I’ll get to that when my schedule frees up a bit.

Who hasn’t had one of these thoughts at least once a week, if not every day? With kids, perpetual activity is the default state. Gone are the days of predictable schedules and even a little downtime. Throw in work, community involvement and various other calls on our time, and it’s no wonder our personal goals never make the to-do list. But part of positive parenting is taking time for ourselves as adults.

For the short term, our only option is to fit “me time” into the nooks and crannies of the day. We’re not getting a free evening to figure out a college-savings plan or an unscheduled weekend to get a handle on the photos.

How big is a nook and cranny? For a parent’s purposes, let’s say 10 minutes. It would be nice to spend longer, but even 10 minutes can provide a welcome break from the have-to’s of the day while letting you take a small step toward a larger goal. Often, that goal that’s been hanging over your head for weeks (or months or years) can be reached in just a few short spurts.

Try this 10-minute plan:

Pick a goal you’ve been putting off. It can be anything from cleaning out the closet to planning a girls’ weekend away or saving for retirement.

Clarify your goal. Write a statement, such as: “Make my closet a thing of beauty so that nothing is on the floor and everything in it is wearable and makes me feel great.”

Identify 10-minute gaps in the day’s schedule. Where do you have a few minutes to yourself? As soon as the baby goes down for a nap? During the kids’ afternoon homework time? While your partner reads bedtime stories?

Identify 10-minute steps that get you toward your goal. These might include emptying the shopping bag that’s sitting on the closet floor, searching online for closet organization tips, filling a bag with clothes to give away or ordering a shoe organizer.

Do just one 10-minute step each day. Repeat until your goal is complete.

Take 10 minutes for yourself today, then bask in the feeling of doing something just for you. Odds are, you’ll feel just a little more balanced, nourished and peaceful.

Laura Brady Saade lives in Los Angeles and is the founder of Give Me 10, a goal-setting and time-management consulting practice. Visit her online at www.giveme10.info.

Pregnant Moms Can Help Catch Preeclampsia Early

Published January 2, 2015

By Mark Zakowski, M.D.

Preventing Preeclampsia Parenting For most women, being pregnant is a wonderful experience. Getting prenatal care, eating healthy and exercising regularly are all important to help maternal health and delivery of a healthy baby. While physicians are always checking to make sure that mother and baby are healthy, expectant mothers can help be on the lookout for signs that they may need medical attention.

High blood pressure disorders are among the most common medical disorders of pregnancy, occurring in 12 to 22 percent of pregnancies. Preeclampsia is a form of a high blood pressure disorder that typically manifests in the third trimester of pregnancy. It is one of the leading contributors to premature birth and maternal complications, and can cause serious short- and long-term problems for both mother and baby.

In cases of preeclampsia, the placenta attaches to the uterus in a way that decreases blood flow to both the placenta and the baby. This reduced blood flow can limit the developing baby’s supply of oxygen and nutrients, which can cause a number of problems.

A study published in December in JAMA Pediatrics found that children born to mothers who had preeclampsia during pregnancy were more then twice as likely to develop autism spectrum disorder as those whose mothers had normal blood pressure during pregnancy. Preeclampsia also increases a baby’s risk for low birth weight and premature birth, which have also been found to increase a child’s risk for autism. Very reduced placental blood flow to the baby was associated with a five-fold risk for developmental delay.

In the mother, preeclampsia can cause seizures, stroke or organ damage if left untreated. It is also one of the leading causes of maternal death. Long-term effects for mothers include an increased risk of cardiovascular disease later in life.

If you are pregnant, watch for the signs of high blood pressure and preeclampsia, which include:

Swelling,
Sudden weight gain,
Stomach pain,
Lower-back pain,
Nausea or vomiting,
Headaches and
Changes in vision.

Pregnant moms with vague symptoms such as a headache, abdominal pain, shortness of breath, generalized swelling or “I just don’t feel right” should contact their obstetrician or midwife.

The best way to manage preeclampsia is to catch it early. Typically, preeclampsia affects mothers as they get closer to delivering their baby and can be managed effectively. Early-onset preeclampsia, prior to 34 weeks of pregnancy, is often more severe. Postpartum preeclampsia can even first develop four to six weeks after giving birth.

Current recommendations call for close follow-up of women with elevated blood pressures or preeclampsia – even after delivery. Women who have experienced preeclampsia need to see their OB GYN within one week. Women should monitor their blood pressure at home and call their physician if their pressure reaches or exceeds 140/90.

New moms should not disregard symptoms, and family members are key partners in preventing maternal complications and deaths by intervening when their spouse or partner complains of shortness of breath, relentless headache and other concerning symptoms.

The Preeclampsia Foundation has additional patient education materials on its website. When detected promptly, preeclampsia is a manageable condition. The key is to be able to identify the signs early on.

Mark Zakowski, M.D., is a Chief of Obstetric Anesthesiology at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center and serves on the Board of Directors for the California Society of Anesthesiologists, the national Society of Obstetric Anesthesiology and Perinatology and the Task Force on Preeclampsia CMQCC, developing guidelines for preeclampsia recognition and management. Visit him online at www.DrMarkZakowski.com.

Eat, Sleep, Move: Parenting For Good Health

Published January 1, 2015

By Christina Elston

healthy eating, healthy parenting Health is complicated, but simple basics can make a big difference. How and what we eat, how well we sleep and how much we move are important. Use these healthy parenting tips to help your family be well in 2015.

Eat

Forget gluten free, paleo and cutting carbs. Eating right means slowing down. “I would like to see families take more time to prepare meals at home,” says Amy Childress, RD, director of nutrition services at Huntington Memorial Hospital in Pasadena. Families that cook at home are more likely to make better food choices, according to Childress, and there are other benefits as well.

“With technology, many parents and kids are eating in their rooms, their desks, while surfing the net, or in front of the TV,” says Melissa Halas-Liang, MA, RD, founder of SuperKids Nutrition Inc. But great family discussions often take place during cooking and mealtime.

Get inspired by taking time to hunt for fun recipes together and making a weekly menu plan. Childress suggests dedicating an hour you would otherwise spend watching TV, and recommends FoodNetwork.com, which has a section of recipes kids can make, kid-friendly meals and weeknight meals; and The Meal Makeover Moms (www.mealmakeovermoms.com) podcast, app and website created by two dietician moms who do “makeovers” of “kid food” including fish sticks, burgers and chicken nuggets. SuperKids Nutrition (www.superkidsnutrition.com), founded by Halas-Liang, includes meal tips and other information from more than 200 nutrition experts.

But good eating is about more than just dinner. Halas-Liang’s go-to healthy breakfast is fresh or frozen fruit with plain, nonfat yogurt, walnuts and cinnamon. Childress likes oatmeal with almond milk and fruit, or protein smoothies.

For lunches, both Childress and Halas-Liang suggest packing up leftovers from dinner. “An important tip for busy parents is to choose dishwasher-safe containers for easy cleaning,” says Halas-Liang. Keep whole fruit such as apples and oranges on hand to add, or take time on the weekend to cut veggies such as celery and carrots into serving-size pieces.

Sleep

healthy sleep healthy parenting Jennifer Waldburger, founder of the Sleepy Planet sleep consultation service in Santa Monica, says there is more than one kind of nutrition. “Sleep nutrition” is what she calls a person’s daily dose, because she says sleep is as important as food.

Good sleep starts with a consistent, soothing bedtime routine and a room that is cool and quiet with the proper lighting. “Artificial light is an activating signal to your child’s circadian rhythm,” says Heather Turgeon, an L.A.-based psychotherapist, mom of two and co-author of “The Happy Sleeper” (Tarcher/Penguin, 2014). Turgeon recommends dimming the lights about an hour before bedtime, and paying attention to the type of lightbulbs you purchase. Many newer bulbs produce a cooler, bluer light that is too stimulating. Warmer bulbs, labeled “2700 Kelvins” or “warm white,” create soothing light closer to old-fashioned incandescent bulbs.

If your child wakes often at night, work to build their independence. “If they’re having bad dreams or nightmares, you need to comfort them,” says Ashish Patel, M.D., medical director of the sleep center at Huntington Hospital, but transition them back to their own bed rather than letting them climb into yours. Turgeon also suggests daytime “rehearsals” so younger kids are able to find their glass of water or pull up the covers on their own. “We all wake up at night,” she says. “The question is, can we put ourselves back into a deep sleep.”

To make sure you’re well-rested as well, think about what time you need to get up (or what time the kids will wake you) in the morning, then plan your bedtime. And try not to think of sleep as something you have to do, but as something you get to do – like a free spa treatment. “You’ starting from a better point,” Turgeon says, “to handle anything that comes up the next day.”

Move

healthy exercise healthy parenting Making play a habit is the key to getting your well-nourished, well-rested family moving. Get your start by asking your kids what they would like to do. “The biggest thing with kids is finding something they enjoy,” says John Skoryna, owner and CEO of Lionheart Fitness Kids, which brings fun kids’ sports programs to schools, parks and community organizations across L.A. And parent participation is essential.

Start with something that doesn’t require special skills or equipment. Get outside and take a walk together, ride bikes or shoot hoops in the driveway. Having a good time is key, but following the rules isn’t. “Don’t get hung up on whether they’re doing the activity right,” says Skoryna. “Just get out there and have fun.”

To keep the fun going, though, you need a plan – especially if your family has a busy schedule. Skoryna recommends setting aside 30 minutes a day for active time, or even just 20 minutes if 30 seems like too much. This shows your kids that fitness is important to you, and Skoryna says that initial 20 or 30 minutes will likely grow. “I really think that kids and families will start to enjoy it, and naturally want to do it more. The most important thing is making it a part of your everyday activity.”

Another essential: The right attitude. “It’s all about the excitement. The parent needs to bring that excitement,” Skoryna says. The kids will enjoy the time and attention, and everyone will be one step (or hop or jump) closer to good health.

Visually Impaired Preschoolers Learn From All Senses at TLC Preschool

Published December 31, 2014

By Elena Epstein

PHOTO COURTESY TLC INCLUSIVE CHILDREN’S CENTER AND PRESCHOOL

It has taken 10 years of planning and fundraising, but the Therapeutic Living Centers for the Blind (TLC) Inclusive Children’s Center and Preschool is now open with a brand-new building offering innovative programs to children ages 3-6 with visual impairment and special needs – as well as their typically developing peers.

The preschool, opened in October, is designed for experiential learning and sensory integration. It incorporates the “High Scope Preschool Curriculum” and the “Active Learning” approach designed by renowned Danish psychologist Lilli Nielsen, Ph.D., for children who are blind or visually impaired with multiple disabilities. The approach calls for educators and parents to create environments or situations that encourage exploration, without interference from adults.

The goal of the TLC school, located in the San Fernando Valley, is to offer programs where children explore learning in a stimulating, interactive environment, says Diana Dennis, director of children’s programs. “We want the kids to learn from all their senses to maximize their full potential,” Dennis says. “For example, if we’re talking about apples, we are going to bring real apples to the classroom, cut them, smell them, taste them, make apple pie or apple sauce.”

Because 85 percent of early-childhood learning is visual, sensory integration is critical for kids with visual impairment, explains Dennis.

The curriculum is based on several guiding principles:

Relationships are central.
Play is a primary context for learning.
Learning is integrated.
Intentional teaching enhances children’s learning experiences.
Individualization of learning includes all children.

Inside each of the school’s four sun-filled classrooms are objects and materials that are interesting and safe for the kids to explore. “The Little Room” in each of the classrooms is a cozy space designed for visually impaired children. Students can independently sit inside the box-like room and explore toys and objects suspended from the ceiling with elastic cords. The idea is for kids to pull an object, feel it and hear a bang or a rattle. Each object then returns to its original spot, allowing the child to locate it again to repeat the activity and create a memory.

The school is also open to typically developing preschoolers whose parents are seeking a unique learning opportunity.

“Kids relate best to other kids, and we want our visually impaired and typical kids to play together and share a snack together,” explains Gail Peters, director of development at Therapeutic Living Centers for the Blind. “They will teach each other so much.”

Depending on the individual needs of each student, TLC offers a range of services, including a child development specialist; vision impairment specialist; occupational, physical and speech therapists; an orientation and mobility instructor and a music and art therapy consultant. The school also works to educate families on the best ways to advocate for their children, and offer referrals to counseling and social services in the community.

For more information, contact Diana Dennis, director of Children’s Services, at 818-708-4948, or visit www.tlc4blind.org.

Our 2014 Dad Hero On Vacation

Published December 30, 2014

2014 Dad Heroes winner Joe Stoop, at left with daughter Alicia, son JoeJoe, son Dominik and wife Jessica.

At L.A. Parent, we get to hear about a lot of great dads, and admire their positive parenting skills. In 2014, we decided to shine a spotlight on one terrific father – and do something special for him and his family.

We were delighted at the flood of submissions in our Dad Heroes essay contest, and even more delighted to find Joe Stoop, a father of three who fits our definition of “hero” perfectly. With the help of some wonderful partners, we sent the Stoop family on a San Diego getaway, and they were kind enough to share some of their vacation pictures. Joe’s wife, Jessica, writes:

I wanted to send you some of the pics from our San Diego Getaway courtesy of your awesome magazine. We truly had a wonderful time and were able to do everything despite the rain. Thank you so much for gifting this to our family/my husband. It was a great time to spend together as a family and create memories. I think my husband’s favorite part was either the Corvette Diner, the fun cats (part of the Loews voucher), meeting CoCo the Dolphin or the Shamu show (we were able to watch the last show of the night while it was raining….it was magical). Thank you again and Happy New Year!!!!! God Bless you and your staff.

To read Joe’s story and learn about some of our other favorite 2014 entries, click here.

Three Ways to Help Kids With Test Anxiety

Published December 28, 2014

By Steve Dorfman

Test anxiety The second half of the school year will soon begin, and for many parents that means a return to tests and the fear they instill in our children.

Often times test anxiety stems from one of two areas: fear of embarrassment and fear of failure. The main idea is to look to the root of the problem. Use positive parenting and these three tips to help your child lower their testing anxiety.

Prepare! The best way to overcome anxiety in any situation is to be prepared for it. This is as true of a test as it is of a musical performance. If we have a solid game plan and have considered what we will do in any situation that might pop up, we have a recipe for success.

Start early! The most difficult – but most helpful – way to alleviate testing anxiety is to start preparing really early. If, at the end of every week, our children simply review that week’s material and the previous weeks’ material, they will find that they are “magically” not stressed during testing. As long as students look over their work week-to-week, when tests roll around, there will be nothing to cram for – they will have already been reviewing for months!

Keep the results to yourself! All too often, our students share their results with everyone they know. The problem is that one of the major sources of anxiety is the fear that they will be embarrassed! That means that we need to make sure that our children learn to stop “over-sharing” personal information with everyone around them. When they get back test results, good or bad, they should make a point to only share their scores with their closest friends, assuming that child would not feel embarrassed by those friends’ knowledge of their test results.

Steve Dorfman is the founder of Tier One Tutors, a test preparation and private tutoring company serving students across Southern California. Learn more at www.tieronetutors.com.

What Does Stay-at-Home Parenting Cost You?

Published December 25, 2014

By Michael Liersch

Staying Home Most working parents can relate to the desire to be with their children at every milestone. On the other hand, careers often provide satisfaction and a dual income that is important to the family. Mothers and, to an increasing degree, fathers must consider whether or not to stay at home with their children—a choice that can be difficult and very personal.

One of the most immediate and pressing concerns in making the stay-at-home parenting decision is whether the family can afford to live on just one income. However, there are longer-term factors to consider. How would a career break affect the family’s long-term financial security? What about the ability to save for the children’s education—or parents’ retirement? Will the parent taking a break lose career momentum?

The reality is that there are pros, cons and tradeoffs in every situation, but there are ways to alleviate some of the stressors and prepare.

Will taking time off to stay home hurt my earning power later? Seventy-three percent of women seeking to resume their careers after spending several years at home had trouble finding a comparable job, according to a study conducted by the Center for Talent Innovation in 2010. The study found those who were hired lost 16 percent of their earning power. Both men and women should consider what the job market will look like when they are ready to return to work. The good news is that more and more employers are creating programs to smooth the return to work for stay-at-home parents. It also helps to continue networking and potentially even doing some work from home so that you have a foot in the door when you’re ready to return.

Are there any financial advantages to having one parent at home? Short answer is yes. You’ll save on commuting costs, and your clothing budget will probably go down. The huge advantage is that you won’t be on the hook for childcare expenses. In 2012 the average annual cost of having an infant in center-based care exceeded annual tuition and fees at a four-year public college in 31 states and the District of Columbia, according to the advocacy group Child Care Aware of America.

Could my career break affect our retirement savings plans? If you’re not able to contribute to a 401(k) or an IRA, your spouse should consider maximizing his or her contributions if possible, to save for both of you. Once you each turns 50, you can take advantage of a catch-up provision that allows you to contribute greater amounts to your 401(k)s or IRAs. Your spouse can also contribute to a spousal IRA for you. Note: if you do some work while at home, you may be entitled to contribute to a SEP IRA for small-business owners.

What about Social Security? Will my benefits be reduced if I don’t work for a few years? Social Security benefits are calculated based on your 35 highest earning years, so leaving the workforce for a few years will have a limited impact on your benefits. You could potentially feel some impact if you lose earning power on your return to work and don’t catch up over time.

With only one income, can we still save for our kids’ college education? Yes, in most cases, you can catch up when you go back to work. Keep in mind that college should be a second priority after saving for retirement, because your child can get help paying for school, but you’re on your own when it comes to retirement.

In the end, your heart is going to have a big say in these decisions, but understanding how each choice can affect you financially will help you make a more clear decision. Regardless of your decision, make sure you have a plan for your short-term and long-term finances.

Michael Liersch is Director of Behavioral Finance at Merrill Lynch.

Jack Black To Ride Rose Parade Float Honoring Teachers

Published December 24, 2014

By Whitney Levine

Jack Black with his former teacher, Debbie Devine.

On Jan. 1, actor Jack Black will join his former teacher, Debbie Devine, atop the Farmers Insurance float in that favorite among New Years Los Angeles events, The Rose Parade.

The “Dream Big: World of Possibility” float is designed to honor teachers nationwide for their hard work. Black and Devine will be joined by five winners of the Farmers’ Thank A Million Teachers Dream Big Teacher Challenge. Launched by the insurance company in 2014, Thank A Million Teachers invited America to say thank you to teachers across the country for their dedication in inspiring students. Teachers nationwide submitted proposals, and the five winning teachers will also receive grants of $100,000 each to help them turn their educational dreams into reality. In helping Farmers launch the program, Black offered the first thank you to Devine, sharing the profound impact she had on his life.

Farmers Insurance and Jack Black are supporters of 24th STreet Theatre, where Devine is now artistic director. More than 90 schools in the Burbank, Compton, Culver City, and Los Angeles school districts participate in 24^th STreet programs. 24th STreet also offers free daily after-school theater classes (“After Cool”), assisting neighborhood kids with language development, effective communication skills and building self-confidence.

Located at 1117 West 24th St., Los Angeles, 24th STreet Theatre serves more than 15,000 people annually with a mission to engage, educate, and provoke its community with an array of artistic programming. For more information, call 213-745-6516, or visit www.24thstreet.org.

Walking in Their Shoes – A Special Needs Sensory Simulation Event

Published December 23, 2014

By Ronna Mandel

Exercises that simulate challenges faced by students with dyslexia help parents understand their frustration, but also give the chance to share a laugh or two.

I recently attended a parent workshop at the Frostig School in Pasadena, designed to give parents hands-on insight into what it’s like for students with special needs who struggle to read and write. Educational therapist Barbara Langeloh, M.A.,facilitated Experience Dyslexia – A Learning Disabilities Simulation. The goal was for participants to feel the frustrations our children experience daily, helping us deal more compassionately with them.

The six simulation activities, created by the International Dyslexia Association, are designed to educate anyone interested in the difficulties students with language learning disabilities face. The simulation was a helpful tool for any parent whose child is having a tough time academically.

Parents were split into six groups and given 10 minutes per station. My first task, “Write With Mirrors,” made me dizzy. I had to cover my writing hand, then look only at a mirror to trace and then write. My tracing of a star shape was pathetic and my number-writing skills (writing numbers that fit between two lines) were better, though still lacking. I spent too much time checking out what other members of my group members were doing – just like students do, only I was under no pressure to perform.

The exercise was followed by a debriefing where we compared notes and learned what challenges the exercise recreated. This station simulated visual and motor writing problems. We discussed our negative self-talk and how easily our self-esteem was quashed after being unable to successfully complete the exercise.

It often takes all the concentration parents can muster just to complete the exercises.

At “Write or Left,” we had to complete tasks neatly and quickly with our non-dominant hand. Despite being ambidextrous, I found this activity tiring. My left hand cramped and was unstable compared to my right hand, which has the proper muscle tone. One woman in my group rushed through this skill, certain she couldn’t do it. Another, feeling daunted, didn’t try. This station reproduced dysgraphia, which affects handwriting and fine motor skills.

Since my son has sensory processing disorder, I was fascinated by “Listen To Me,” a station mimicking what it’s like for children with auditory issues. Participants listened to a recording of a field trip and were asked to filter out irrelevant noise to hone in on what the teacher said. I was distracted by numerous sounds deliberately included. It seemed as though I heard the teacher speaking in a fog, and caught only every other word. That task helped me understand how much energy listening and concentrating take. No wonder kids often tune out and shut down or pretend they’re “getting it” and glide along. It’s hard!

Other stations provided invaluable insight into what students experience at school or in social settings when things become overwhelming, making seemingly simple tasks feel complex. At the “Learn to Read” station, which simulates ways that beginning readers struggle, even with my decoding skills, I still gave up. I could barely follow!

Maybe you’ve felt that your child with learning differences is just not trying hard enough at school. This simulation promises attendees an eye-opening exploration of what it’s like to walk in your children’s shoes. Find out how parents, parent support groups, schools and local organizations can organize an IDA simulation workshop by contacting the Los Angeles branch of IDA at www.dyslexiala.org or calling 818-506-8866.

Los Angeles Attractions Offer A Pint-Size Start To 2015

Published December 21, 2014

By Michael Berick

Kidspace is one place where kids can enjoy an early New Year’s Eve.

Staying up until midnight on New Year’s Eve can be challenging for a child. When I was 9, I tried to wake up to ring in the new year, but set my alarm clock wrong and slept straight through till morning. Fortunately, Southern California kids now have several ways to celebrate New Year’s Eve on their own time, thanks to a number of Los Angeles attractions.

The Children’s Museum at La Habra (301 S. Euclid St.) hosts a merry morning from 10 a.m.-noon Dec. 31 with face painting, hat making and a noontime balloon drop. The museum is requesting that you RSVP ahead of time. Tickets: $8 ages 2 and older; www.lhcm.org.

Clint Perry and the Boohoo Crew will be performing at Noon Year’s Eve from 10 a.m.-3 p.m. Dec. 31 at Kidspace Children’s Museum (480 N. Arroyo Blvd., Pasadena), where children can also enjoy sparkling cider, noisemaker-making, streamers and a big balloon drop. Tickets: $11; www.kidspacemuseum.org.

Balloons will be dropping on an hourly basis at the Zimmer Children’s Museum’s New Year’s Party Dec. 31. Countdowns will take place every hour from 11:15 a.m.-3:15 p.m. Children can make their own party favors to use at the Zimmer (6505 Wilshire Blvd., Suite 100, L.A.), then take them with them to get the party happening at home. Tickets: $7 ages 1 and older; www.zimmermuseum.org.

If your youngsters can party into the early evening, then the annual New Year’s Eve Musical Revue at the Santa Monica Playhouse (1211 4th St., Santa Monica) might be a fun party to attend. This family-friendly affair beginning at 6 p.m. Dec. 31 is geared for ages 6 and older, and includes a hearty buffet supper, party accessories and an all-new musical/comedy show aimed to entertain audiences old and young. Tickets: $49.50 adults, $29.50 children 12 and younger; www.santamonicaplayhouse.com.

Helping Kids Conquer Fear of the Dentist

Published December 20, 2014

By Kenneth Mak, DDS

Most dental visits are easy and painless nowadays, but scary stereotypes about the dentist persist. For kids who pick up on these stereotypes, fear of dental visits could lead to poor oral health well into adulthood.

Talking with your child about their fears and hesitations about visiting the dentist and working to address their concerns is an important part of parenting. Here are some tips that will help you get your kids accustomed to visiting the dentist for their regular checkup.

Start Early: It’s absolutely essential for your kids to get their teeth checked by a dentist at least once a year. To get them used to the routine of the dentist’s office, start when they’re very young. Dental experts advise bringing in your 1-year old as soon as their first teeth become visible. This helps kids feel at home when visiting the dentist, and make them associate the visits with good dental care throughout their lives.

Simplify: Keep it simple when explaining to your child where you’re about to take them and why. Don’t bother with too many details, as they will only lead to more questions and trepidation. Try to stick to the essentials and gradually ease them into the visit. Also, make sure you don’t promise them there won’t be any pain, since they may lose faith in both you and the dentist if this turns out to not be the case and they need a procedure.

Be Positive: Never use words such as “pain,” “shot” or “hurt” when describing what the dentist visit is about. It’s best to let the staff pick the most appropriate words to explain to the kids what’s happening and what they’re doing. Good pediatric dentists and hygienists are well equipped to put your child at ease about having these instruments check their mouths and scratch out so called “sugar-bugs,” or count their teeth to make sure their smiles are OK.

Prepare Through Play: Help your child get used to the initial visit by arranging a pretend visit with them before the actual day. A toothbrush is the only tool you’ll need so that you and your child can pretend to be the dentist. Don’t make any drilling sounds or painful expressions during these pretend visits. Let the kids feel relaxed about the whole thing. Make the game enjoyable for them and they’ll be more willing to follow you for their first visit.

There are also plenty of books and videos that teach kids about dental visits in a positive and appropriate way. Basically, the idea is to get kids as familiar as possible with the idea of the dentist so that they know exactly what to expect and nothing is a scary surprise.

Don’t Take Them Along to Your Visit: Taking your child along with you for your own dental appointment might seem like a good way to help them relate, but it’s not. Adult dentist offices are different from pediatric ones. And if you have any anxiety or fear about going to the dentist, they may pick up on this.

Avoid Bribing: A lot of parents bribe their kids with treats or candy after an appointment if they promise not to create a fuss, but this might backfire, making your child wonder what makes a visit so terrible that you must resort to this sort of bribery.

Explain the Need: It’s crucial that you thoroughly explain the need to visit the dentist regularly and teach your kids to take care of their teeth, so that their dental checkups are straightforward and they don’t have cavities to fill. Encourage your kids to adopt great oral care habits and they’ll be spared the suffering a lot of their less-careful friends may be recounting at school.

Dental technology has advanced a great deal since you were a kid, so there’s no need for your children to be afraid of a dental visit. Use these tips and find a great dentist who works well with kids and you’ll be on the right path to instilling good dental habits in your kids for a lifetime.

Kenneth Mak, DDS, practices general and cosmetic dentistry at MKD Dentistry in Downtown Los Angeles. To learn more, visit www.MkdDentistry.com.

Parenting, Self-Control and the Marshmallow Test

Published December 17, 2014

By Jennifer Predolin

Welcome to the time of year when we all focus on self-discipline (or at least we try). Recently, psychologist Walter Mischel has returned to both the popular and academic press with research regarding his famous marshmallow test, an experiment involving 4-year-olds and their ability to resist eating a marshmallow placed in front of them in the hopes of receiving a larger reward later. Mischel found that children who were better able to resist the marshmallow had higher rates of income and academic success, as well as lower levels of obesity, as adults.

We have all struggled with parenting our children as we try to convince them to eat their vegetables while the dessert tray glides by, or to do their homework before picking up the iPad, and during a season of indulgence this can be particularly difficult. As an added challenge, we parents, too, are enjoying a little relaxed self-restraint during the holidays. The human brain only has one reservoir of willpower to devote to controlling both our own and our children’s behavior (previously it was thought that we had one “bucket” for work behavior, one “bucket for family, and so on). This means that trying to reign everyone in at once can lead to family arguments and challenges.

How can we use this as teaching time instead of a time of separation? Fortunately, self-regulation is readily learned. Adults can increase it via posture modification. If you have chronic neck tension, for example, try setting a silent timer on your computer and rolling your shoulders gently down your back or opening and closing your mouth to release your jaw.

While it’s always easier to learn early that first we do the less-pleasant task (such as putting shoes and coat away) and then we have fun (like coloring), it’s never too late to increase self-control in children. We can teach children to learn to delay gratification by not handing them the iPad/iPhone during dinners out, and instead talking, counting or encouraging them to read the menus. We can help them complete larger art or school projects over time versus all at once, use sticker/reward charts, and playing games with highly reinforcing items such as their favorite desserts.

Another idea is to try a version of the actual marshmallow test: Can you wait 5 minutes before you dive into that cupcake? Maybe by pretending it’s a pair of dirty socks or a picture of a cupcake?

Jennifer Predolin, Psy.D. is a California-licensed clinical psychologist who has conducted research on resilience, leadership, and trauma. She is an adjunct professor at the Graduate School of Education and Psychology at Pepperdine University, and is a mom to a mostly self-controlled 5 year-old daughter.

Brain Balance of Brentwood Now Open

Published December 16, 2014

Nothing is more painful than to watch your child struggle. Difficulties in school, trouble making friends, tantrums and meltdowns are tough to observe, especially when you know that, underneath it all, you have a great kid.

At the new Brain Balance Achievement Center of Brentwood, professionals work to address these challenges facing kids with special needs with a program that combines physical and sensory-motor exercises with cognitive skill training and healthy nutrition. The Brain Balance program is designed for children ages 4-17 with issues such as lack of focus, impulsivity, meltdowns, trouble making friends and difficult family interactions and relationships.

The Brain Balance assessment process works to pinpoint what is happening in your child’s brain so that their specific behavioral or academic challenges can be addressed. This coordinated program balances and synchronizes left brain/right brain interaction, resulting in newly strengthened connections that trigger advancements in behavior and social and academic performance.

The new center is located at 11740 San Vicente Blvd.; 800-877-5500. It is one of more than 58 centers across the country where thousands of children have found help.

For more Community News, click here.

Brooklyn Abbott: Blogging For Colitis Awareness

Published December 11, 2014

By Melanie Gaball

Brooklyn Abbott, shown here with son Jaxon Lee Coltrane Honeycutt, 5, is the creator of a popular blog about living with colitis and Crohn’s Disease. PHOTO COURTESY BROOKLYN ABBOTT

Not many people fully understand what it means to struggle with Crohn’s Disease or colitis (forms of Inflammatory Bowel Disease) on a daily basis. Symptoms can range from pain to anemia, severe fatigue, weight loss, loss of appetite and joint pain. December is Crohn’s and Colitis Awareness Month, so we talked with Brooklyn Abbott, a former L.A. television producer, patient with colitis, single mom, advocate and popular blogger who gave us some insight into the disease and her goals to help make it a household name. She says understanding the potential symptoms and the gravity of the disease early on can prevent a lot of pain and suffering.

Tell us why you started your blog, The Crazy Creole Mommy Chronicles.

I was extremely sick and I had just moved to Texas [with my son and son’s father]. I went from being a working woman to being a stay-at-home mom in a new city. I was searching the Internet for more moms like me who had autoimmune diseases and how they got through [different daily tasks] like cooking meals. I couldn’t find anything. So when I had my colon removed, my mom told me, “You have to tell your story, because if you had known about all of the different symptoms of colitis, then it wouldn’t have gotten this bad.” After I started blogging, I got an email from a woman who said she went through the exact same thing, and the emails just kept coming and I connected with people. It really helped me get through my post-surgery life, and especially while being a new mom.

How important has nutrition become?

It’s everything. Eating is going to change the way you feel, it’s going to change the way you react to your medication, it’s going to change how you are able to function. If I eat raw nuts right now and I have a blockage, I am not going to be able to walk. If you have colitis, it’s also important to know that [what you can and cannot eat] is going to constantly change. I suggest keeping a food journal. I make a list of things that work for me during certain times, and what is easy to make or pick up during a flare-up.

What does it mean when you have a flare-up? And how long do they last?

It’s basically just when your disease starts doing what it does. Sometimes it starts subtle and sometimes it goes right into colitis symptoms. Sometimes it triggers other autoimmune symptoms, so I get a migraine or I have an asthma attack or severe back pain and then my arthritis acts up. It really can be a wide range of symptoms, which is what makes it so frustrating. A flare-up will last anywhere from a couple days to months.

What are your goals for the future?

I am working on a dinner-party series for my blog. I am showing moms how to make side dishes and infant food that is organic with no added sugar, but that they can also use for the rest of the family. It’s geared toward families and people with colitis, cancer and lupus. If I had some of these recipes early on when I was sick, it would have made life a lot easier. I want to change some legislation. We have had some great support from Harry Reid. I would love to make Crohn’s and colitis a household name. It affects one in every 200 people, and that number is going to rise.

If you could offer advice to someone who just got diagnosed with colitis, what would you tell them?

The best thing I did was connecting with the Crohn’s & Colitis Foundation because trying to figure it out on your own isn’t going to cut it. Also, find one person in your life who is calm and collected and resourceful and make that your person to talk to. They may not be someone in your family, or a friend you already have, but you need to find that person. And don’t panic.

To learn more about Crohn’s and colitis go to www.ccfa.org.

Visit Brooke’s blog at www.crazycreolemommy.com.

Find New Snow Options For Families On Local Slopes

Published December 10, 2014

By Mimi Slawoff

Mammoth Mountain Ski Area, owners of Mammoth Mountain and June Mountain resorts, now owns Bear Mountain and Snow Summit as well – and offers a pass valid at all four resorts. PHOTO BY PETER MORNING/MMSA

An increase in families skiing, women skiers and the use of technology on the slopes has prompted mountain resorts to breathe fresh air into snow sports lessons and slope-side activities.

Mammoth Mountain, Eastern Sierras (10001 Minaret Road; 800-626-6684; www.mammothmountain.com; App: Mammoth Mountain)

Heard the big news? The Mammoth Mountain Ski Area – owner of Mammoth Mountain and June Mountain – recently acquired Big Bear Mountain Resorts (Bear Mountain and Snow Summit). They’ve created a new Cali4nia Pass valid at all four mountains, but no other changes are taking place yet.

With more families visiting the past two years, Mammoth stepped up its ski and snowboard lessons and snow play activities. The Unbound Terrain Park Playground has instructional signs for newbies and lessons limited to four or fewer skiers and snowboarders (grouped by ability). Wooley’s Tube Park has groomed lanes and a separate area with surf sledding for ages 12 and younger. The Kids Stay & Ski Free deal (12 and younger) is valid at any Mammoth Lodging Collection Property from Feb. 22-March 15. Book by Dec. 20.

June Mountain (3819 Hwy. 158; 800-586-3686; www.junemountain.com)

This picturesque ski area with awesome lake views might not have the bells and whistles of Mammoth Mountain, but kids ages 12 and younger ski or ride free there all season with no blackout dates. The resort is ideal for young families and people who prefer a more intimate ski experience.

Big Bear Mountain Resorts (880 Summit Blvd.; 909-866-5766; www.bigbearmountainresorts.com; Apps: Snow Summit Mtn. and Bear Mtn.)

Kids ages 6 and younger ski/ride free at both Snow Summit and Bear Mountain. Generally skiers gravitate toward family-friendly Snow Summit (check out the Family Park) and snowboarders to hip Bear Mountain’s terrain parks. Lessons for all ages are available. To rent a cabin or house, visit www.bigbearvacations.com.

Northstar and other resorts also offer sledding, skating and other cold-weather fun. PHOTO BY MIMI SLAWOFF

Snow Valley (35100 California 18, Running Springs; 909-867-2751; www.snow-valley.com)

For a quick trip to the slopes, head to Snow Valley, situated at a lower elevation than Big Bear. Although it usually gets less snow and has fewer trails, it’s ideal for beginners and young families. Short lift lines are another bonus. Kids ages 6 and under ski free with a paying adult. Save with the Family Fun Pack, which includes four lift tickets (two adults, two kids ages 7-12) for $115.

Mountain High, Wrightwood (24510 California 2; 888-754-7878; www.mthigh.com; App: Mountain High)

This resort attracts mostly snowboarders, but its close proximity to L.A. makes it a fun place to ski with kids, too. The Children’s Academy gets ages 4-9 up on skis and snowboards (from $79 per half-day, rentals and lunch included). Kids ages 6 and under ski free. SoCal fifth graders (from San Diego to Santa Barbara and extending to Las Vegas) get a free ski pass.

Northstar California Resort, Tahoe (5001 Northstar Drive, Truckee; 800-466-6784; www.northstarcalifornia.com)

A part of Vail Resorts, this laid-back luxury resort features a self-contained village complete with lodging, restaurants, shops, a movie theater and skating arena. The Ultimate 4 Lessons, for kids and adults, limit the number of students per group to four so you get lots of one-on-one time with your instructor. Private and group lessons are also available. Vail Resorts surveyed visitors and found that women would like customized lessons and more time with their children, and so is offering new programs through the Women in Skiing initiative this winter. In the Women’s Ultimate 4 lesson offered on Mondays, female skiers and riders learn or brush up on skills with a female coach. Mommy and Me lessons (offered at select Vail Resorts) enable an instructor to spend time with a mom and child, and provide tips for developing the child’s skills. Family Après Snow Play includes interactive snow sculptures, sleds, music, s’mores, bungee trampoline, skating and featured wine selections for Mom and Dad. Sign up for EpicMix, a free online and mobile application, to share photos and skills you’ve learned in ski school, and track where you’ve skied.

Volunteer Opportunities for Kids

Published December 8, 2014

By Erin Mahoney Harris

Kids can learn about California wetlands and native people, and help remove invasive plants, at Friends of Ballona Wetlands events. PHOTO BY ERIN MAHONEY HARRIS

We want to teach our children about the joys of volunteering, but not all volunteer opportunities are open to kids. The following organizations allow people of all ages to get involved, whether it’s in cleaning up the environment or donating books to children who can’t afford them.

Just about anyone can pick up trash, so kids will be a big help at Heal the Bay’s “Nothin’ But Sand” beach cleanups. PHOTO COURTESY HEAL THE BAY

Friends of Ballona Wetlands is devoted to restoring and protecting the Ballona wetlands, a refreshingly open space that stretches from Lincoln Boulevard down to Playa del Rey and includes both saltwater and freshwater marsh. The organization hosts a volunteer restoration program from 9:30 a.m. to noon on the fourth Saturday of every month. The program starts with a brief but enlightening discussion of the wetlands, and the history of the area’s native Tongva people, and instructions on how to remove invasive plants. This task is best suited to slightly older kids (6 and up), as it requires some focus and attention to detail to remove only the correct species of plants. Visit www.ballonafriends.org to learn more.

Heal the Bay hosts “Nothin’ But Sand” beach cleanups on the third Saturday of every month. These popular events are great for kids of all ages, as just about anyone can pick up trash. And while the task may seem as infinite as the sand itself, kids will no doubt get a sense of satisfaction as their bags start to fill up. Everyone must sign a waiver to participate, and receives instructions before getting started. Gloves are provided and, though it may seem counterintuitive on the beach, closed-toe shoes are required for safety. Water, hats and sunscreen are recommended as well. Visit www.healthebay.org to see where upcoming cleanups will be held.

Kids can learn about the joys of reading and giving by gathering books for Milk + Bookies. PHOTO COURTESY MILK + BOOKIES

Milk + Bookies works to foster a love of reading and giving in children. Kids can get involved with the nonprofit by hosting their very own “book-raisers.” These fundraisers can be incorporated into a birthday party, classroom project or scout-troop meeting. Participants are asked to donate new or used books (in good condition), which are then customized with personal inscriptions and donated to a group or organization in need, such as a homeless shelter or YMCA. Visit www.milkandbookies.org to find out how you and your kids can host your own event.

Hospital Play Rooms À La Cart

Published December 6, 2014

By Christina Elston

Mobil play carts from the Oscar Litwak Foundation give kids in hospitals a chance to be kids. PHOTO COURTESY THE OSCAR LITWAK FOUNDATION

Oscar Litwak had already made it through one hospitalization for the cancer in his kidneys that was diagnosed when he was 4 months old. As an 18-month-old toddler, he was back in a hospital in Washington, D.C., for inpatient treatment. His sessions took 10 hours to complete, so sometimes he wanted to play.

“In the outpatient center, the only thing they had were chairs with TVs,” says Oscar’s mom, Sharon. The hospital had a play room, but it was open only during limited hours, and only for in-patients of the hospital.

Oscar continued to fight his cancer, and celebrated his 4th birthday at Children’s Hospital Los Angeles. But he died just a month later. In the process, he gave his heartbroken parents a mission. “Doctors are miracle workers who help repair the body,” says Oscar’s father, Roberto, “but sometimes the emotional part is left a little bit behind.”

To help give all children in hospitals the chance to be kids, Roberto and Sharon founded the Oscar Litwak Foundation, which for the past 11 years has been providing hospitals with mobile play rooms that can be wheeled directly into children’s hospital rooms or outpatient centers at all hours of the day and night. The carts bring kids what Roberto calls “a bit of normalcy through play.”

The carts fit easily through hospital doorways and into elevators, and can be cleaned to prevent the spread of infection. They are stocked with toys, books and games, and can be customized based on a hospital’s needs – for babies or teens, or for children who speak languages other than English.

There are now 91 Oscar Litwak Foundation mobile playrooms in 75 different hospitals across the country – including Children’s Hospital Los Angeles, Miller Children’s Hospital, and Providence Tarzana Medical Center – with more on the waiting list. The carts are a hit with kids, and nurses and parents have expressed gratitude, with parents telling Sharon, “You are reminding my kid of what it means to be a kid.”

All of this happens through donations. Bigger donors can sponsor a cart for $2,000, but individuals can help, too. The foundation accepts donations of toys and cash, and invites volunteers to come to their Santa Monica warehouse to help stock carts. Children can collect toys to donate at their birthday parties, then visit the warehouse to donate them. “They get to put the toys inside of the mobile playroom, so it’s like a full circle for them,” says Sharon.

Those toys will be in the hands of a child in a hospital within a month. “We have such a simple program,” Sharon says, “and it makes such a big impact, and it’s immediate.”

Learn more at www.oscarlitwakfoundation.org.

Have Yourself An Old-Fashioned Christmas

Published December 5, 2014

By Michael Berick

The Banning Museum offers a horse-drawn trolley, not a reindeer-led sleigh. PHOTO BY GARY FLORIN

While it is easy to get caught up in Christmas present (gifts), we should not forget Christmas past (its heritage). Christmas is a holiday wrapped up in traditions, from jolly St. Nick to mistletoe kisses and those tree ornaments that have been handed down from generation to generation. Soak up the historic side of Christmas at holiday events all around Southern California.

Heritage Square (3800 Homer Ave., L.A.) will offer its Holiday Lamplight Celebration at 4 p.m. Dec. 6-7, when you can take guided evening tours of these historic Victorian-style houses. Advance reservations are required, and the tour is recommended for ages 6 and up. Tickets: $30 adults, $15 ages 6 and older; www.heritagesquare.org.

The Grier Musser Museum (403 S. Bonnie Brae St., L.A.) also offers a glimpse into Victorian Christmas celebrations at its annual holiday party from 1-5 p.m. Dec. 7. You can take guided tours of this lovingly restored Queen Anne house at 1 and 3 p.m. and enjoy refreshments. Advance reservations are requested for these tours as well. Tickets: $12 adults; $6 children; www.griermussermuseum.org.

You also can experience a Victorian Christmas at the Banning Museum (401 E. M St., Wilmington). There will be period-inspired storytelling, ornament making, carolers, crafts, museum tours Santa visits from 11 a.m.-4 p.m. Dec. 6-7. The museum also hopes to unveil a replica of Phineas Banning’s first stagecoach. Free; www.thebanningmuseum.org.

A horse-drawn trolley will trek visitors between the Banning Museum and the nearby Drum Barracks Civil War Museum (1052 Banning Blvd., Wilmington), which offers a Civil War-era yuletide event from 11 a.m.-4 p.m. Dec. 6-7. Check out the vintage holiday artifacts and listen to seasonal songs that will be performed on a restored 1864 Steinway piano. Free; www.drumbarracks.org.

Find out what Christmas was like when California was young at A Rancho Christmas, 1-4 p.m. Dec. 14 at the Autry National Center (4700 Western Heritage Way, L.A). Learn about work at a ranch, go on a themed scavenger hunt, and dance the fandango. Tickets: $10 adults, $4 ages 3-12; www.theautry.org.

At Rancho Los Cerritos Historic Site (4600 N. Virginia Rd. Long Beach) visitors can experience how Christmas was celebrated in Southern California circa 1878. Theatrical vignettes will reveal what daily life was like on a local sheep farm in the late 19th century, and there will be holiday snacks and songs to enjoy from 1-4 p.m. Dec. 7. Tickets: $3 per person; $10 per family; www.rancholoscerritos.org.

Down around Olvera Street’s Paseo de la Plaza, the Christmas celebrations trace back to an even older era. The Virgen de Guadalupe Celebration Dec. 11-12 has its roots in the 16th century, while the traditional Las Posadas Dec. 16-24 represents the nine-day trek that Mary and Joseph made to Bethlehem and includes a candlelight procession filled with music and the breaking of a piñata. Free; www.calleolvera.com.

Finding Great Educational Apps for Your Kids

Published December 5, 2014

By AnnMarie Hurtado

Kyle Knight gets “appy” at one of the Pasadena Central Library’s iPad stations. PHOTO BY ANNMARIE HURTADO

It’s amazing to see how education and information are changing, and how that rapid change is largely being driven by handheld devices. Children today have access to so many opportunities, largely because of the plethora of mobile apps. But are children spending their screen time learning, or just being entertained?

A national survey of parents of kids ages 2 to 10 released early this year by the Joan Ganz Cooney Center at Sesame Workshop – the creators of the “Sesame Street” television show – found that the amount of time children spend with educational apps dwindles as they get older, while their overall app use increases. And this is not surprising, since out of the 1.2 million apps in Apple’s App Store, the majority are games.

Even among educational apps, not all are created equal. Many book apps actually detract from reading comprehension with flashy animations that lead the child’s attention away from the purpose and meaning of the text, according to a study presented at this year’s annual conference of the American Educational Research Association. Still, iPads can be a valuable tool for children with learning disabilities, giving them communication tools and access to information through larger text and spoken audio, and for other children as well.

The tablet is clearly here to stay, so how do parents make good decisions about which apps to let their children use?

You can find reviews of educational apps online, but keep in mind that the reviewers are often paid or otherwise courted by app developers to give their apps exposure. Instead of putting your faith in websites with a commercial interest, why not ask your local children’s librarian for suggestions?

Libraries can offer guidance about apps and new media, as well as about the best books for your child. I work at the Pasadena Public Library, where I select not only books for children, but also DVDs and apps. I read reviews of apps in professional sources such as Library Journal, School Library Journal and Kirkus. I look at websites developed by librarians, including as Digital-Storytime.com and LittleeLit.com, to help me stay aware of the best new apps for kids. I am excited about the potential for apps to teach children in a whole new way. I just want to see parents taking advantage of the tablet as a tool for learning, instead of letting the app stores take advantage of their wallets.

Sylvia Burgess and her mom Sabrina Drift check out educational apps together at Pasadena Central Library. PHOTO BY ANNMARIE HURTADO

For the past five years, libraries across the country have offered iPad story times or “eStorytimes,” and we recently started this at the Pasadena Public Library. The purpose of our eStorytime is to highlight great early literacy apps for preschoolers, and to model using these apps with children in an interactive way. Both our Central and Lamanda Park libraries hold an eStorytime once a month, using apps that incorporate the five skills every child should practice daily before kindergarten: talking, singing, playing, reading and writing.

For older children, the Pasadena Central Library has a pilot program called “Appy Hour,” to give kids and their parents some free, hands-on experience with high-quality educational apps. At Appy Hour, parents can try out a new app before deciding whether to purchase it. We showcase apps covering a wide variety of educational subjects, and discuss how each one uses the powerful touch, video, audio and sensory capabilities of the tablet to teach children in a new way.

Since many families do not have tablets or smartphones, we provide four iPad stations for children to use in the Children’s Room at the Central Library. They are extremely popular, and give children access to high-quality educational apps whenever the library is open. We curate this collection with the same love we give to our book collections. We also make our app recommendations available 24/7 on our Pinterest page at www.pinterest.com/pasadenalibrary.

Here are a few of the apps you’ll find there, on the library’s board of recommendations for kids 6 and up:

SkyView: You point the iPad in any direction, at any time of day, and see the galaxies and constellations that surround us. Children get a better sense of the roundness of our planet and its place in the universe, as well as the different constellations people see in different parts of the world. FREE.
My Incredible Body: The first bodily system kids will want to explore in this app will be the digestive system. It’s like a roller coaster ride through the intestines! But they’ll also get lots of information about anatomy, as well as an amazing visual and interactive experience, learning about the body’s various systems and understanding how everything fits together. 99 cents.
Chicken Coop Fractions: A ridiculous premise of catching the eggs popping from hens, plus a fast-paced thinking game, equals a fun way to reinforce important concepts about fractions and decimal values. FREE.
The Opposites: This game will expand the vocabulary of any child in grades 2 to 12 with a Tetris-like battle to identify antonyms quickly and accurately. 99 cents.
MoMA Art Lab: This series of fun, easy art lessons, all based on the techniques of modern abstract artists, can be done together as a family or on your own within the app’s own interface. FREE.
LEGO Friends Story Maker: Create your own eBooks, record your own narration and save them in a format that can be read, listened to and enjoyed any time in your iBooks app. FREE.

AnnMarie Hurtado, a children’s librarian in Pasadena, conducts monthly programs to help introduce kids and their parents to the best educational apps around. PHOTO COURTESY ANNMARIE HURTADO

If you are lucky enough to have a tablet or smartphone that your child plays with, help them to spend their time learning something or developing their creativity. Make sure the apps you buy have text that is large enough to read easily at your child’s reading level. Ask yourself whether the animated features enhance the message or distract from it. Look for book apps that are well written and expose children to new vocabulary. Keep price in perspective. A $5 book app is a steal compared with a $20 hardcover. Look for apps that expand what you thought your child could learn about the world.

Smart, informed parents will push the industry toward ever more creative and innovative applications, simply by making choices about what to buy. But if you’re ever overwhelmed by the sheer number of things to choose from, your local librarians can help.

AnnMarie Hurtado is a youth services librarian with the Pasadena Public Library at the Central branch on Walnut Street, where she will host her an Appy Hour program at 3:30 p.m. Dec. 8. You can find her on twitter @annmariehurtado or email her at anhurtado@cityofpasadena.net.

Light Up Your Hanukkah

Published November 30, 2014

By Michael Berick

Make Hanukkah memories at the Skirball Dec. 14. PHOTO BY BEBE JACOBS

This year, Hanukkah (or, if you prefer, Chanukah) commences on the evening of Dec. 16. There are a number of events in Southern California that commemorate this eight-day celebration.

Popular children’s musician Doda Mollie, the woman behind the popular Chanukah Pajamikah CD, visits Children’s Book World (10580½ Pico Blvd., L.A.; www.childrensbookworld.com) at 4 p.m. Dec. 2 for a free “mini-pajamikah” party that includes holiday songs and stories for the whole family.

The Hanukkah Family Festival at The Skirball (2701 N. Sepulveda Blvd., L.A.; www.skirball.org) is entitled “Luz y Libertad.” The celebration brings looks at two important Hanukkah themes – light and freedom – through a Latin American lens. Activities from 10 a.m.-4 p.m. Dec. 14 will include storytelling and live performances from Moshav, Mariachi Guadalajara and Pasatono Orquesta. $10 adults, $5 ages 2-12.

The Zimmer Children’s Museum (6505 Wilshire Blvd., Ste. 100, L.A.; www.zimmermuseum.org) also hosts its Hanukkah Festival Dec. 14, at 12:30 p.m. Musician Addie Lupert will perform, and families can brighten up their holiday season with some light-themed activities. $7, free for children under 1.

Third and Fairfax will be lit up for Hanukkah on Dec. 21 when the Farmers Market (www.farmersmarketla.com) throws its annual Hanukkah celebration from 2:30-5 p.m. Families can enjoy latkes, dreidels, music and a ceremonial candle lighting, and help construct a giant menorah out of balloons. Free.

On Dec. 22, Klezmatics-mania takes over Disney Hall (111 S Grand Ave., L.A.; www.laphil.org). The Grammy-winning group The Klezmatics will celebrate Hanukkah with an 8 p.m. performance serving up spirited holiday music that draws on a rich array of influences. $42-$105 adults, $21-$57.50 children.

Enjoying a Special Day In the Kitchen

Published November 29, 2014

By Christina Elston

The holiday season sends most families into the kitchen, and we’ve got a fantastic way to make sure kids with special needs are included. “Special Day Cooking: A Life Skills Cookbook” by Beverly Worth Palomba includes more than 60 recipes designed especially for these special kids.

The book covers breakfast, lunch and dinner, plus vegetables, soups and salads, drinks and snacks and dessert. The recipes are in large type, with a consistent format and easy-to-follow instructions. No sharp-knife handling or heating of the oven is required. All of the recipes can be made with a microwave, toaster, blender and plastic knife and a few other kitchen utensils. And all can be finished in under an hour.

Here is one example we thought would make a fun holiday treat:

Chocolate Mug Cake. PHOTO AND RECIPE COURTESY BEVERLY WORTH PALOMBA

Chocolate Mug Cake

Makes 1 Mug Cake

Gather Ingredients:

4 Tablespoons flour
4 Tablespoons sugar
2 Tablespoons cocoa
1 egg
3 Tablespoons milk
3 Tablespoons vegetable oil
3 Tablespoons chocolate chips
1/8 teaspoon vanilla extract
Your choice of topping – whipped cream or ice cream

Gather Equipment:

Special Day Cooking cover Put a paper towel over your work area to catch spills.

Microwave
1 (16-ounce) microwave-safe mug
Measuring spoons
2 small bowls (Catch spills: measure over bowl. Catch shells: crack egg into bowl first.)
1 plastic knife (Use knife to level ingredients.)
1 kitchen fork
2 pot holders

Make Cake:

Measure and level 4 Tablespoons flour. Add to mug.
Measure and level 4 Tablespoons sugar. Add to mug.
Measure and level 2 Tablespoons cocoa. Add to mug.
Mix with kitchen fork.
Crack egg into small bowl. Remove any egg shell pieces. Add to mug.
Mix with kitchen fork.
Measure 3 Tablespoons milk. Add to mug. (Catch spills: measure milk over small bowl, then add to mug.)
Measure 3 Tablespoons vegetable oil. Add to mug. (Catch spills: measure vegetable oil over small bowl, then add to mug.)
Mix with kitchen fork.
Measure 3 Tablespoons chocolate chips. Add to mug.
Measure 1/8 teaspoon vanilla extract. Add to mug. (Catch spills: measure vanilla extract over small bowl, then add to mug.)
Mix with kitchen fork.
Microwave 3 minutes. Remove from microwave with pot holders.
Let cake cool 5 minutes.

Add Topping:

Add your choice of toppings – 1 scoop whipped cream or 1 scoop ice cream.

Palomba Palomba, the California-based creator of the book, has been a teacher for more than 20 years, and for the past 11 she has worked exclusively in special education. She wrote “Special Day Cooking” after creating a life skills cooking class for high school students and discovering there wasn’t a cookbook suited to her students.

Her book focuses on everyday recipes that will build independence, self-confidence and self-esteem – and help kids learn to create tasty meals. From Easy Scrambled Eggs to Sweet and Sour Chicken, Cranberry Walnut Salad and Holiday Blueberry Tarts, it’s a tasty mix. Sections at the front include hints on cutting food safely, measuring ingredients and nutrition basics.

The book is available for $19.95 at www.specialdaycooking.com.

Young Artists Pitch In On Vintage Mural

Published November 28, 2014

Whitsettt Mural_V4 Once upon a time, driving down Whitsett Avenue in North Hollywood meant a trip through orchards filled with orange trees, with the occasional billboard adding color and excitement. The orange groves are long gone, and for years the stretch of Whitsett between Sherman Way and Saticoy became an area of blight.

A lengthy community clean-up and planting effort that began in 2013 transformed the area into a clean and green space, and now the orange groves have returned – in a way.

The North Hollywood West Neighborhood Council, the North Hollywood Northeast Neighborhood Council and State assemblyman and L.A. City councilmember Paul Krekorian commissioned muralists Ernie Merlan and Levi Ponce to create a 9,000-square-foot mural depicting the area in days gone by. Merlan – Program Director at Exceptional Minds, a nonprofit vocational school that helps prepare young adults with autism for careers in visual effects and post-production – got some of his students to help out.

Ernie Merlan, Program Director for Exceptional Minds digital arts school for young adults with autism, dedicated the new NoHo mural after weeks of hard work by his students at Exceptional Minds, who spent their weekends and spare time prepping and painting to bring his design to life.

The students helped prep and paint during weekends and in their spare time, and the “Vintage North Hollywood” mural was dedicated Nov. 16. Krekorian was there for the ribbon cutting, as were friends and family of Exceptional Minds students.

Since opening its doors in 2011, Exceptional Minds has received interest and support from all walks of Hollywood and related industries, including Paramount Pictures, DreamWorks Animation, 20th Century Fox, StereoD, Method Studios, Annapurna Pictures, Stargate Studios, Pixel Magic, Film Roman and United Front — as well as Adobe Systems, Autodesk and The Foundry.

The school’s close working relationship with the movie industry has provided its students with industry experience – and, in many cases, movie credit. Exceptional Minds students have worked on several high-profile projects, including post-production for “Dawn of the Planet of the Apes,” Oscar-nominated movie “American Hustle,” and the end-credit screen crawl for the 2012 motion picture “Lawless.”

They are usually involved with the latest visual technology, but the students’ work on the mural has helped bring back a bit of “old Hollywood” to L.A., offering local drivers a glimpse into the past.

Toxic Stress and Children’s Health

Published November 27, 2014

By Christina Elston

Dr. Nadine Burke Harris closes out the Children Can Thrive Summit for the Center For Youth Wellness.

Nadine Burke Harris, M.D., shows her audience of healthcare workers, therapists and community activists a photo of a bear on the screen behind her to make her point. Encountering a bear in the woods – or other serious threat – makes the human brain pump powerful stress hormones and divert blood to the large muscles of the arms and legs so we can either fight or run away.

It’s supposed to be a one-time, sometimes thing. “The problem is when the bear comes home every night,” says Burke Harris, switching to a photo of a child cowering from an abusive parent.

Physical, emotional or sexual abuse; neglect; untreated mental illness, substance abuse or domestic violence in the home; divorce or having a relative in prison are examples of childhood trauma. Burke Harris and her colleagues at the Center for Youth Wellness in San Francisco call them Adverse Childhood Experiences, or ACEs, and released a statewide report in November detailing how these ACEs lead to a host of health and emotional problems.

The report, based on four years of surveys of more than 27,000 adults conducted between 2008 and 2013 by the California Department of Public Health, found that almost 62 percent of Californians had experienced one or more traumatic events during childhood. In L.A. County, that number is more than 60 percent, with 13 percent having experienced four or more. The data were made public at the first statewide summit on the issue, held in San Francisco.

“Children are especially sensitive to toxic stress because their brains and bodies are still developing,” explains Burke Harris. ACEs cause changes to the brains cells, and to the synapses that allow those cells to signal each other. Synapses change throughout a person’s lifetime, but 90 percent of the brain’s cellular development happens before age 6. The report found that people who experienced four or more ACEs as children are:

4 times as likely to have chronic obstructive pulmonary disease,
4 times as likely to have a stroke,
1 times as likely to suffer from depression,
12 times as likely to attempt suicide, and
2 times as likely to be diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease or dementia as those without childhood trauma.

Summit attendees brainstormed ways to tackle this public health crisis. One clear message was that children with high ACEs scores – and their parents – need to be identified early for the best chance at healing. Pediatrician Elisa Nicholas, M.D., CEO of The Children’s Clinic in Long Beach, has created a program to identify and address toxic stress in pregnant women and families of young children, and says parental resilience, support in time of need, social connections and knowledge of parenting can help protect children against ACEs. “Parents need mentors,” she says, “so that they can mentor their child.”

Building a Communication Foundation

Published November 22, 2014

By Hilya Delband Tehrani, Psy.D.

Building your child’s communication skills is the single most effective way to improve behavior, play and socialization. Children who can communicate their needs, wants, likes and dislikes are much less likely to cry, scream or protest.

While most parents recognize the value of good communication skills, many are unaware that there are lots of ways to shape these skills long before children begin to use verbal speech. Communication is so much more than the sounds and words we use. Eye contact, facial expressions, gestures and postures are all important parts of communication, and lay the foundation for the vocal parts of communication that follow. Long before the use of words, children learn that they can influence others, share in experiences and meet their needs through the use of sounds, expressions and gestures.

To improve communication skills, begin by shaping the natural gestures that kids use. Start by offering your child a desired object, but holding it slightly out of reach so that your child has to extend his or her hand to grab for it. Or hold out one favorite object and one that your child isn’t interested in, and wait for your child to reach for the one they want, or push away the one they don’t want.

It is important to wait for the child to initiate communication in some way – such as reaching, vocalizing, smiling or making eye contact with you – and to avoid guessing what the child wants and rushing to give it to them. As soon as you seen a communicative gesture, such as a smile along with eye contact, treat it as if your child just told you exactly what they wanted, and give it to them along with enthusiastic words of encouragement.

When my daughter was 8 months old, she would flap her arms up and down when she was excited, just as I have seen so many other babies do. We used to play a game where I would stand her in front of me on the bed, holding her under her arms. I would bounce her up and down twice and then wait. If she flapped her arms and looked at me with a smile, I cheerfully said, “You want more!” and gave her a few more bounces. I would stop and wait for another communication from her and then excitedly verbalize “more” while giving her additional bounces.

This game could go on long after my arms were tired from bouncing her. What she seemed to enjoy most about it was not the bouncing itself, but the power of being able to communicate something to me that I subsequently responded to. I noticed that the laughter and excited flailing of her arms only occurred when we played the game of “communicating,” but not when I simply sat behind her and bounced her up and down with no feedback from her. Over time, the game shifted from her flailing her arms to my teaching her to bring her hands together, and eventually to signing “more.” Before long, she verbalized “more” as one of her first sets of words.

As we offer reinforcement each time a child initiates communication, we are strengthening their understanding of the power of this communication to meet their needs. Waiting for a child to communicate a need, and suppressing the desire to rush in and give them exactly what we know they want, teaches them the fundamentals of getting their needs met, no matter where or with whom they are interacting.

Hilya Delband Tehrani, Psy.D., BCBA-D, has been dedicated to working with children and adolescents with ASD since 1999. As a Psychologist and a Director of Clinical Development at Working With Autism, Inc., she recognizes that the best way to maximize a child’s potential is through developmentally informed, empirically supported, multi-disciplinary practice tailored to the child’s unique profile. Learn more at www.workingwithautism.com.

2014 Hollywood Christmas Parade Is Full Of “Wonder”

Published November 21, 2014

By Michael Berick

Santa Claus Goes Hollywood on Nov. 30. PHOTO BY WILLIAM KIDSTON

One sign the yuletide season is approaching Southern California is the annual Hollywood Christmas Parade. Celebrating its 83rd year, this longtime local holiday favorite has been described as the largest Christmas celebration in the country. It will include marching bands from across the country, equestrian acts, colorful floats and a number of celebrities, including Santa Claus. This year’s parade also salutes the 50th anniversary of the Civil Rights Act, and the legendary Stevie Wonder will serve as Grand Marshal. Proceeds from the parade, which will be hosted by Dean Cain, Laura McKenzie, Erik Estrada and Montel Williams, will benefit the Marines’ Toys For Tots campaign.

The parade steps off at 5 p.m., Nov. 30 and will proceed up Hollywood Boulevard from Highland Avenue to Vine Avenue, then down Vine and west along Sunset as far as Orange. You can view the parade curbside for free, or purchase grandstand seats for $25-$85. Learn more at www.thehollywoodchristmasparade.org.

Contact Lenses Vs. Glasses for Active Kids

Published November 20, 2014

By Kambiz Silani, O.D.

Is your child a student of karate? A competitive young swimmer? A baseball player for the local little league team? If your child has an active lifestyle and needs vision correction, contact lenses might be a better choice than glasses. Let’s look at some of the advantages of contact use for your pediatric champion.

More stable vision. A child wearing eyeglasses can feel the frames move slightly on his or her face with each roundhouse kick or swing of the baseball bat. With contact lenses, there is no need to worry about glasses sliding down the nose or falling off.

Less chance of injury. Eyeglasses can be knocked off the face, break, or cause an eye injury if an athlete takes a hard hit, but contact lenses don’t have that shortcoming.

Less likelihood of lenses becoming foggy or blurred. Regardless of environmental or weather condition, contact lenses remain clear, whereas eyeglasses can fog up on the field or on the court.

Better peripheral vision. Karate students can react more quickly to an opponent’s side kick with contact lenses. Contacts allow for a wider, unobstructed field of view, whereas eyeglasses might significantly limit peripheral vision because the eyeglass frames block or distort surroundings.

Better stability with safety equipment. Whether your child is a catcher behind home plate or sparring for an upcoming boxing match, headgear can be a problem for those who wear glasses. Contact lenses don’t get in the way of protective equipment.

And contact lens wearers now have the healthy and convenient option of daily disposables or single-use contacts. Daily disposable lenses offer freedom from solution care systems and storage, as well as reduced chance of eye irritation or eye allergies. Your child can wear the lenses for the big competition or for a day of practice and then simply throw them away.

Your optometrist can help you explore various options for your child athlete, and find the best possible fit for her or his “game face.”

Optometrist Kambiz Silani, O.D., is board certified in the detection and treatment of eye diseases. Dr. Silani owns and operates Beverly Hills Optometry, which uses integrated medicine and the latest in diagnostic testing equipment to ensure their patients receive the unsurpassed level of eye care they deserve. Learn more at www.bheyeguy.com.

Quiet As An Orange Rhino

Published November 15, 2014

By Julie Kertes

Author Sheila McCraith created The Orange Rhino after her handyman caught her yelling at her sons.

After an embarrassing incident when her handyman heard her screaming at her boys, Sheila McCraith, mother of four, pledged to refrain from yelling for 365 days. She began blogging as The Orange Rhino, and chronicled her yearlong, yell-free journey. Her post “10 Things I Learned When I Stopped Yelling at My Kids” was named one of the top parenting posts in January 2014 by The Huffington Post and has garnered more than 1.5 million views. To share her parenting know-how with other parents who seem to “lose it,” she turned her experiences into a book, “Yell Less, Love More: How The Orange Rhino Mom Stopped Yelling at Her Kids—and How You Can Too!” (Fair Winds Press, 2014, $21.99).

You don’t have to be a yeller to get a wealth of valuable take-aways from this 30-day guide to self-control. The book has a beautiful, easy-to-read layout and is packed with daily tips on how to keep your cool, keen parenting insight, motivational quotes and heart-warming stories from McCraith’s own household.

And the book doesn’t just speak to the “yellers.” It speaks to all of us. I’m not a yeller, but as a working mom who’s always in a hurry, strapped for time and overextended, I do get frustrated and occasionally blurt out a hurtful remark to my daughter. Not a yell, a blurt – but just as damaging. This helpful handbook changed my perspective, and now instead of becoming annoyed at her countless questions, I celebrate her curiosity. Instead of losing my patience as she slowly completes a task, I embrace her natural desire to live in the moment.

Those take-aways alone are worth the read.

Learn more at www.theorangerhino.com.

6 Essentials For Kids’ Music Lessons

Published November 14, 2014

By Olesya MacNeil

Why do children lose interest in music lessons within the first six months? After listening to many parents’ stories, I wondered. In my experience teaching and running a music school, I saw only a few dropouts after six months of studying.

I asked several students’ parents and found some common factors that kept kids engaged in music:

In-person experiences with a music teacher: There are lots of online music lessons available, but they aren’t the best way to get a young child interested in playing an instrument. Students taking online lessons lose the chance to have a teacher’s guidance, modeling, correcting technical and rhythmical mistakes, helping them physically work with hands and enjoying the excitement of playing as a duet.
The teacher’s passion and creativity: The majority of new music students today are 3-5 years old. They have lots of imagination and natural curiosity. Some children this age have pretend friends, love making silly faces, singing unintelligible songs and being funny. They learn best when they are active – dancing, moving, stomping feet, snapping fingers and clapping hands. Teachers must be creative and fill young children’s lessons with music-related activities that boost their imaginations and creativity. Once a student falls in love with music, they will be ready for the next, more advanced and difficult level of playing.
The teacher’s music education credentials: Teachers who have earned a university degree in music education have spent years studying how to teach, and learning the psychology of children and adults. Many have also invested in additional training in methods such as Suzuki, Kodaly, or Orff, which enables them to better understand intricate ways of connecting with students as young as 2.
The teacher’s teaching talent: Performing music and teaching music are two different sets of skills, and not all great musicians make great music teachers. To become a great teacher a musician should have the teaching skills required to explain, elaborate and demonstrate, besides being creative and visionary. Knowledge of the instrument is crucial, but knowing how to teach and explain is paramount to becoming a good instructor.
The removal of distractions: Many children’s homes are filled with TV, computers, cell phones and video games. Another distraction can be the parents – interrupting a student in the middle of the lesson to ask a child if he understood the teacher, if he needs something to drink or other unnecessary requests. Such parenting not only distracts a student, but gets in the way of his emotional connection with the teacher, which in turn leads to lack of respect for the teacher or loss of interest.
The parent’s support in practice: Parents do, however, need to be involved outside of lessons. When a very young child begins taking music lessons, he or she is usually not accustomed to routine practice, homework and learning responsibilities. Many parents place all responsibility for building these skills on the teacher. However, the only way for a student to progress, retain information, and build self-esteem and character is to practice outside of lessons. It is important that parents become inspiring and enthusiastic team members, who are teaching their children how to arrange and stick to the practice schedule, and who use their own imaginations to make practice fun, consistent and engaging for their little ones.

Olesya MacNeil is the owner of MusicTeacherLA, and has Master’s degrees in music, psychology and pedagogy and more than 20 years of teacher experience. Visit her online at www.musicteacherla.com.

There’s Now More To Explore At Descanso Gardens

Published November 13, 2014

By Michael Berick

Volunteers helped to bring The Oak Woodland to life. PHOTO BY MARTHA BENEDICT

On Nov. 15, Descanso Gardens celebrates the opening of its first major garden addition in three decades. The Oak Woodland represents something old and something new. This lakeside green space is located near historic Boddy Lodge, but it boasts around 30,000 new plants that have been added in the last year.

Most of the planting was done in March by a group of volunteers. The greenery features a mix of meadow, woodland and chaparral plants that suggests the landscape native to the San Gabriel foothills. Visitors can stroll the Woodland’s paths and along the lake to view bird activity or just enjoy some bucolic peace and quiet. A wildlife camera has been installed to observe animal guests of the Woodlands.

The Opening Day celebration will include a craft time from 10 a.m.-2 p.m., a family walk at 10:30 a.m., guided tours at 11:30 a.m. and 2 p.m., and viewing of a model of the Mars Rover courtesy of Jet Propulsion Laboratory from 9-10:30 a.m.

The gardens are located at 1418 Descanso Dr., La Cañada-Flintridge. Admission is $9 adults, $4 ages 5-12. Learn more at www.descansogardens.org.

When Kids Enter Puberty Early

Published November 12, 2014

By Bianca Salvetti, MSN, CNS, CPNP, nurse blogger at Children’s Hospital Los Angeles

Recently, a friend asked me, “How do you talk to younger kids who are developing earlier than other children?” His 7-year-old niece started her period and the family wasn’t sure how to talk to her about it. Working in the Division of Adolescent and Young Adult Medicine at Children’s Hospital Los Angeles, I discuss puberty with teens, young adults and their families quite often. What is normal? What is abnormal? These questions are often the most concerning for families. We will look at the causes and symptoms of early puberty or “precocious puberty,” and share some ways to talk to your child about puberty and managing the feelings that can come with it.

What is early (precocious) puberty?

Precocious puberty is when boys who are younger than 9 and girls who are younger than age 7 or 8 show signs of secondary sex characteristics. These secondary sex characteristics are the same for normal puberty as they are for those with precocious puberty, they just occur younger than expected. “Precocious puberty affects 1 in 5,000 children and is more common in girls,” says Mitchell Geffner, MD, division chief, Division of Endocrinology at Children’s Hospital Los Angeles.

There are two types of precocious puberty. Gonadotropin-dependent precocious puberty (also known as central precocious puberty) is the most common. Central precocious puberty is triggered by an early release of gonadotropins, which are the hormones responsible for puberty. This could be caused by a tumor, but for most children, no medical cause can be found.

Gonadotropin-independent precocious puberty (also known as peripheral precocious puberty) is caused by over-production of sex hormones due to problems with testicles, ovaries or adrenal glands. It could also be caused by external exposure to estrogen or testosterone (e.g. using estrogen cream or taking testosterone shots).

Puberty Symptoms

Girls

Breast development
Menstruation
Pubic and/or underarm hair growth
Ovulation

Boys

Penis and testicle growth
Pubic, underarm and/or facial hair growth
Spontaneous erections and/or production of sperm
Voice changes

If you notice secondary sexual characteristics in a child who is younger than 8 or 9, speak with your medical provider to discuss diagnosis and treatment, if needed.

Talking to your child about puberty

One of the hardest parts of puberty for your child will be feeling different than their peers. However, for parents, the moodiness brought on by hormonal changes is the most difficult to manage.

Precocious puberty can trigger the same feelings and physical changes as normal puberty. However, for a younger child it can be more distressing as they learn to cope with these changes. Parents can find it difficult to speak with their young child about puberty due to the child’s development and understanding of their bodies. “If your child is ages 8-10 years old, you can explain to your child that their body is starting to grow up like Mommy’s or Daddy’s,” suggests Dr. Geffner.

Establish an open, non-judgmental line of communication with your child. If you’re not sure where to begin, use books or online resources to help start the conversation (The American Academy of Pediatrics is a great online resource). Allow your child to ask questions, and provide them with honest answers.

Use language that is appropriate for your child’s developmental age, but still use correct terminology (e.g. “penis” instead of “pee pee,” “vulva” rather than “down there”). It may seem like it is easier to use more “kid-friendly” words but this may actually confuse your child as they get older and learn the appropriate terms. Using proper anatomical terms will help your child learn that this is a normal part of human development and it is OK to talk about it.

Try not to “tell” your child how they are feeling or thinking; instead, ask. And listen. You do not have to know everything or have all the answers. Children want to know that you heard what they said and can empathize with their feelings. If there are questions that you can’t answer, simply say, “I’m not sure, but we can look into it together.”

Keep the conversation going. This shouldn’t be a one-time conversation. If the line of communication is kept open, your child is more likely to keep talking to you about other changes they’re experiencing as they become teenagers and young adults. Check in with your child a few days later to see what they remember from your conversation. You can use this time to reinforce information or ask more questions.

The best advice for any parent is to provide your child a space to voice their frustrations, fears and feelings. Remember what puberty was like for you and empathize with your child as they begin their transformation into adolescence. If you’re having trouble talking to your child about puberty, ask your healthcare provider for suggestions.

Bianca discusses ways you can promote good self-esteem when it comes to talking to your child about puberty. Click here to read on CHLA’s blog, WeTreatKidsBetter.org.

Discover The Valley’s New Children’s Museum

Published November 11, 2014

By Michael Berick

Very soon, real children will be visiting The Discovery Cube Los Angeles. PHOTO COURTESY DISCOVERY SCIENCE FOUNDATION

The story of Southern California’s newest children’s museum is something like a fairy tale. Once upon a time, back when your parents were kids, the Children’s Museum of Los Angeles gave kids a place to play in downtown L.A. It was closed so that a bigger children’s museum could be built at the Hansen Dam Recreational Area in the San Fernando Valley. But the Big Bad Economy held the project hostage for years until a gallant knight from the south (The Santa Ana-based Discovery Science Center) rescued the museum.

This month, the new children’s museum – named The Discovery Cube Los Angeles – will open. The 71,000-square-foot facility will offer an engaging array of hands-on exhibits and learning spaces. Visitors can view Southern California like never before on the one-of-a-kind Helicopter Adventure or explore the Earth at the Planetary Research Station. The L.A. Bureau of Sanitation and the Department of Water & Power will co-sponsor educational exhibits. Other areas of the museum feature fun ways for kids to learn about ecology, nutrition and other scientific matters.

Fans of the original Discovery Science Center can rest assured that this Orange County museum (now called The Discovery Cube OC) is still going strong, and will even recognize some of their favorite exhibits re-imagined at the new Cube.

The Discovery Cube Los Angeles, located at 11800 Foothill Blvd., will open Nov. 13, and will be open daily (except for Thanksgiving and Christmas) from 10 a.m.-5 p.m. Discover more details at www.discoverycube.org/la.

Navigating Video Game Ratings

Published November 10, 2014

By Stephanie Haibloom, Psy.D.

Video Game Ratings You are at the multiplex with your family and your 13 year old wants to see an ?R-rated movie because “All the kids in my class have seen it and are talking about it. I’ll be left out if I don’t see it!” Do you buy your child a ticket and let them see it without you there to see it with them? Probably not.

Now take this scenario and substitute any of the “Call of Duty” or ‘Grand Theft Auto” video games. These games are rated “M,” for players ages 17 and older, yet many parents, grandparents and well-meaning friends buy these games for 13-year-olds and then are surprised at the games’ content.

A little information about the ratings will help you can make an informed choice for your child. And a bit of preparation will help you say “no” to M-rated games when they’re not appropriate, and suggest alternatives.

The ESRB Ratings and You

The Entertainment Software Ratings Board (ESRB) is a not-for-profit body that assigns ratings for video games and apps. It is not a government entity, but a voluntary entity formed by the video game industry.

Here are the rating categories from the ESRB site:

EARLY CHILDHOOD: Content is intended for young children.

EVERYONE: Content is generally suitable for all ages. May contain minimal cartoon, fantasy or mild violence and/or infrequent use of mild language.

EVERYONE 10+: Content is generally suitable for ages 10 and up. May contain more cartoon, fantasy or mild violence, mild language and/or minimally suggestive themes.

TEEN: Content is generally suitable for ages 13 and up. May contain violence, suggestive themes, crude humor, minimal blood, simulated gambling and/or infrequent use of strong language.

MATURE: Content is generally suitable for ages 17 and up. May contain intense violence, blood and gore, sexual content and/or strong language.

ADULTS ONLY: Content suitable only for adults ages 18 and up. May include prolonged scenes of intense violence, graphic sexual content and/or gambling with real currency.

RATING PENDING: Not yet assigned a final ESRB rating. Appears only in advertising, marketing and promotional materials related to a game that is expected to carry an ESRB rating, and should be replaced by a game’s rating once it has been assigned.

These ratings are on every game that is published, and they are there for your benefit. If you need or want more information on a particular game, you might want to consider getting a subscription to a gaming magazine such as Game Informer, Play Gamer, Video Gamer or Game Pro. There are also magazines specifically for gaming systems such as Xbox, Xbox 360 and Playstation. Websites that review games include www.ign.com, www.gameinformer.com, and www.gamesradar.com.

Decisions, Decisions

Now that you have done some research, you are ready to decide whether the game your child wants is one you want to buy for them. Remember, you are the expert when it comes to your child. If, after reading about the game and looking at the rating for it, you decide that your child can handle it, go ahead and give it a try. If, however, you feel your child is not mature enough to handle the game they want, you need to be able to say “no” – and offer alternatives.

An open dialogue with your child will be much more productive than, “No, because I said so.” Ask your child what they find entertaining about the game. If it is the story, look for appropriate games with a strong story. You should be able knowledgeably discuss the game and any objections to it, and offer alternatives and have an open dialogue with your child about the game and video games in general.

Or consider playing the game your child wants with them, so that you can discuss the game play. This could open up an interesting dialogue and be an opportunity to impress upon your child how you see the world, and what is or is not moral in your point of view. This could be an excellent teaching and learning experience for you and your child to share.

Good luck and happy gaming!

Stephanie Haibloom, Psy.D., is a registered psychological assistant under the supervision of Charlyne Gelt, Ph.D. Dr. Haibloom specializes in adolescents, video games, and technology, in private practice in Encino. You can reach her at info@drgelt.com.

Healthy Holiday: Santa’s Cookie Pops

Published November 9, 2014

Santa's Cookie Here in sunny SoCal, hot cocoa is still a favorite, but it’s also ice pop weather almost all year. Health-conscious families can get the skinny on a real treat with this recipe from Mom and Pop Shop, a local, family-owned business that brings all-natural popsicles to events of all sorts. Learn more about them at www.momandpopshoptruck.com.

Santa’s Cookie Pops

Yield 6-8 pops

INGREDIENTS

1 can (13-14oz) Unsweetened Coconut Milk (if you’re feeling really ambitious make your milk from scratch!)
1/3 cup Date Syrup (there are a few ways to do this, but I soak one part pitted dates in one part hot water and let dissolve over night or blend for faster results)
1½ tbsp. Vanilla Extract (Sugar free preferred. We like this double-strength brand)
1 tbsp Cinnamon
¼ cup Dark Chocolate Chips (I prefer Lily or SunSpire sugar-free brands, or make your own!)
Pinch of salt
Crushed Peppermint Candies or Candy Cane (optional garnish)

DIRECTIONS

Add coconut milk, date syrup, vanilla extract, cinnamon and salt to a blender and pulse till all ingredients are well blended and smooth.

Sprinkle peppermint pieces into the bottom of the popsicle mold (optional).

Pour “batter” mixture into each mold, leaving room at the top. Add about a teaspoon of dark chocolate chips to each mold. Insert sticks and freeze. (If you want the chocolate chips to not all sink to the bottom, stir the semi frozen mixture after about an hour).

You will definitely avoid Santa’s naughty list after you offer him this treat!

Make a Point of Visiting Dana Point

Published November 8, 2014

By Mimi Slawoff

Debuting this year is Dana Point IlluminOcean, an extravagant holiday lights festival. PHOTO COURTESY THE RESORTS OF DANA POINT

Dana Point was a popular port for trading in the1800s. Today, the harbor is the hub for recreational activities, marine research and festivals. Family-friendly luxury resorts and close proximity to L.A. make Dana Point a relaxing weekend getaway.

Eat

Laguna Cliffs’ Splash Zone features fountains, a water cannon and heated outdoor pool. PHOTO COURTESY LAGUNA CLIFFS MARRIOTT RESORT & SPA

The harbor-side Coffee Importers Scoop Deck & Deli (34531 Golden Lantern St.; 949-493-7773; www.coffeeimporters.com) has an extensive breakfast, lunch, snacks and smoothie menu for less than $10 per person. House-made granola, panini, and hummus are on the menu, plus grilled cheese and hot dogs for the kids.

Catch a sunset at the Raya (One Ritz-Carlton Drive; 949-240-2000; www.ritzcarlton.com), located inside the Ritz Carlton. Elegant but not stuffy, the oceanfront restaurant features an assortment of small and large plates, plus house-made chicken noodle soup, steak fajitas and fish.

Stay

The Laguna Cliffs Marriott Resort & Spa (25135 Park Lantern; 949-661-5000; www.lagunacliffs.com) is an intimate, laid-back luxury resort that’s a short walk or bike ride from the beach. While parents lap up pool time or spa treatments, children can mingle in the seasonal Kahuna Laguna Kid’s Club or at the outdoor Splash Zone (watch out for the overhead water soak bucket!).

The Ritz-Carlton, Laguna Niguel (One Ritz-Carlton Drive; 800-241-3333; www.ritzcarlton.com) offers beach toys, games, movies and beach butlers. At the onsite Eco-Adventure Center, families can join naturalists on excursions to learn about whale migration, native fish and more. Ritz Kids offers numerous activities for babies, kids and teens. In Creative Kitchen ($90 per child), kids learn about the resort’s organic garden and how to cook a meal.

Family amenities at the sprawling, oceanfront St. Regis Monarch Beach Resort (1 Monarch Beach Resort; 949-234-2000; www.monarchbeachresort.com) include the Sandcastle Kids Club (ages 5-12), babysitting, butler service and Father/Son Tee Time at the 18-hole golf course.

Play

Budding marine biologists get hands-on experience weekends at the Ocean Institute, a prominent research facility. PHOTO COURTESY THE OCEAN INSTITUTE

Dana Point celebrates its nautical history with the annual Tall Ships Festivals in September, and Dana Point IlluminOcean (www.mydanapoint.com), making its debut Nov. 26. The free, innovative festival features 18 oversized sea sculptures, 40 nights of lights, moving light tunnels, carolers, crafts and photos with Santa through Jan. 4 at Dana Point Harbor.

The calm, pretty marina is also conducive to kayaking and standup paddling. Westwind Sailing (www.westwindsailing.com) offers youth programs and family lessons. Adjacent Baby Beach’s flat water is popular with young families.

Dana Point’s deep underwater coastal canyons within one mile of shore are home to thousands of dolphins. On a cruise with Capt. Dave’s Dolphin and Whale Safari (24440 Dana Point Harbor Dr.; 949-488-2828; www.dolphinsafari.com), you’ll most likely see pods of dolphins and even whales.

Tour the brig Pilgrim and experience life as a 19^th century sailor at the Ocean Institute (24200 Dana Point Harbor; 949-496-2274; www.ocean-institute.org), a marine research facility that opens its doors to the public on weekends. Move cargo, raise a staysail and tie a knot on the tall ship. Don’t miss the institute’s fascinating teaching stations, which include marine life tanks and wet-tables with video-microscopes.

Let’s Go columnist Mimi Slawoff is a mother of three who writes about family fun.

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